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  #326  
Old Dec 04, 2014, 07:50 AM
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My boyfriend makes me feel like absolute ****, he's sleeping next to me right now and I may as well not even be here. He clearly doesn't want to talk to me or f***ing touch me.
And I don't think this is the BPD talking...I wish it was, because he used to be wonderful and make me feel amazing.
Now I'm just laying here crying. I know it's lame but I really just need someone to love me and hold me right now.
Ehh I'm gonna hate this check in tomorrow.
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  #327  
Old Dec 04, 2014, 10:47 AM
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Britneigh Britneigh is offline
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The s word is on my mind today. I'm never going to be good for anything. My boss just yeled at me because 3 every thing is a mess. I work so hard to keep it clean but the other girl who works here doesn't. But I get yelled at for it. I should do better. I should be better. I never will be. I'm so sorry to anyone's life I have ruined.
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  #328  
Old Dec 04, 2014, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
The s word is on my mind today. I'm never going to be good for anything. My boss just yeled at me because 3 every thing is a mess. I work so hard to keep it clean but the other girl who works here doesn't. But I get yelled at for it. I should do better. I should be better. I never will be. I'm so sorry to anyone's life I have ruined.

If your working but the other girl isn't pulling her weight how is that your fault? Why should you be yelled at? In fact yelling at employees is a sign of ineffective management.

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  #329  
Old Dec 04, 2014, 12:16 PM
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Not too bad a day. We did opposite action in group today. Acting opposite to anxiety is a tough one for me but I can't let it control my life anymore!

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  #330  
Old Dec 05, 2014, 04:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
The s word is on my mind today. I'm never going to be good for anything. My boss just yeled at me because 3 every thing is a mess. I work so hard to keep it clean but the other girl who works here doesn't. But I get yelled at for it. I should do better. I should be better. I never will be. I'm so sorry to anyone's life I have ruined.


Britneigh, it is not your fault. You are not responsible for how they act. You deserve better.
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  #331  
Old Dec 05, 2014, 04:16 PM
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Very overwhelmed today. My anxiety is over the top.
Living with my aunt, which I am starting to realize her lack of compassion is triggering to my emotional well - being
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  #332  
Old Dec 05, 2014, 04:46 PM
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triggers by atypical psychology that i am learning in school. its horrible that people in my class have such bad virws of borderline. i snapped.... i feel.....
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  #333  
Old Dec 06, 2014, 07:54 AM
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had my first appointment with the new T... not sure I like her but I'll give it a try. I'm so tired. I heard coyotes howling in the back field so I was up all night worrying about the animals. Hopefully when I go outside everyone is alright and they didn't get anyone
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
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  #334  
Old Dec 06, 2014, 11:53 AM
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Originally Posted by muaythailady88 View Post
triggers by atypical psychology that i am learning in school. its horrible that people in my class have such bad virws of borderline. i snapped.... i feel.....
my professor recently went over personality disorders, and said bad things about borderline. actually the only thing he said about it was "attention seeking" and "crazy". so I understand how you must feel.
  #335  
Old Dec 06, 2014, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
had my first appointment with the new T... not sure I like her but I'll give it a try. I'm so tired. I heard coyotes howling in the back field so I was up all night worrying about the animals. Hopefully when I go outside everyone is alright and they didn't get anyone
Glad to hear that you are able to see a T & give her a try.
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  #336  
Old Dec 07, 2014, 04:37 AM
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I'm hurting so much today.

Trying hard to keep it together in front of the family.
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  #337  
Old Dec 07, 2014, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Hooligan View Post
I'm hurting so much today.

Trying hard to keep it together in front of the family.
I'm sorry for your pain. I know the feeling of trying to keep it together. Try to get out of your head and focus on something else. <<< if it's ok.
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  #338  
Old Dec 09, 2014, 02:22 AM
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Originally Posted by nevergoodenough View Post
my professor recently went over personality disorders, and said bad things about borderline. actually the only thing he said about it was "attention seeking" and "crazy". so I understand how you must feel.

Wow for a professor he sure is ignorant!

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  #339  
Old Dec 09, 2014, 10:12 PM
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It's been a rough day. I made some bad decisions. I feel worthless.
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  #340  
Old Dec 10, 2014, 12:52 AM
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Very rough day...I found one of the dogs dead on the side of the road...someone hit her and just left her, no swerve marks or hint of stopping and it's a dirt road so if they tried you'd be able to tell. Such a bad year. So over everything.
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Life's so dark when every day is a struggle
Why go out and see the world on fire
Don't let your mindset become what controls you
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  #341  
Old Dec 10, 2014, 03:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Britneigh View Post
Very rough day...I found one of the dogs dead on the side of the road...someone hit her and just left her, no swerve marks or hint of stopping and it's a dirt road so if they tried you'd be able to tell. Such a bad year. So over everything.

sorry to hear that. There has been a few animals die this year. I hope and pray things get better for you. At least take some comfort in the fact that you take care of them so well and show them a lot of love. You are making a huge difference in this world to those animals lives.

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  #342  
Old Dec 10, 2014, 03:25 AM
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I'm determined to stay mindful today as I don't want the worries to send me into a tail spin. I catastrophise so much. Repeat after me 'I can't predict the future'

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  #343  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 07:47 AM
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I'm not going okay tonight. I haven't been this bad in a long time. I have no one I can talk to.
One of those nights where I don't feel safe by myself.
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  #344  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 07:58 AM
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Originally Posted by Bubbles&Buttercup View Post
I'm not going okay tonight. I haven't been this bad in a long time. I have no one I can talk to.
One of those nights where I don't feel safe by myself.
Is there anything in particular upsetting you? You can talk to us here. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Hugs.
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  #345  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 08:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Angelique67 View Post
Is there anything in particular upsetting you? You can talk to us here. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Hugs.
A combination of things, I have hardly any friends in the place I've moved to and the ones that I have are too busy or don't want to catch up, my boyfriend is going through his own stuff so I can't talk to him about it and the depression and anxiety have just hit me really badly over the last couple of days.

It all sounds so trivial and dumb, it's just the depression blowing everything out of proportion, but I can't break out of it. Just wishing someone would see that I'm struggling and keep me company until it passes.

Thanks for replying, I didn't really expect anyone to.
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  #346  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 10:47 AM
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Depression really is hard to break out of. When I was young I used to find exercise helped a lot, if I could force myself to do it. Just a nice walk helped a lot. Especially with my old Walkman and singing along to it which probably sounded bad but felt great. I hope you'll feel a lot better soon!
  #347  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 03:49 PM
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I am feeling rather avoidant. I am not looking forward to work, taking a shower, get up (out of bed), etc. I just want to stay in bed forever. Unsure why ~ but I've been struggling with this daily for a few weeks now.
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  #348  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 06:09 PM
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Originally Posted by shezbut View Post
I am feeling rather avoidant. I am not looking forward to work, taking a shower, get up (out of bed), etc. I just want to stay in bed forever. Unsure why ~ but I've been struggling with this daily for a few weeks now.
Me too. I started getting out of it a little three days ago but I'm having another bad day now.
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  #349  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 07:06 PM
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Made it through the night without doing anything stupid. Feeling a lot calmer this morning, but like the depression is sitting just under the surface and waiting for a reason to pop up again. Gonna try distract myself and hopefully I won't have to deal with it again just yet.
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I'm going off the rails on a crazy train"
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  #350  
Old Dec 14, 2014, 09:07 PM
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Sunday night has often been tough cuz Monday's bring therapy!! Sometimes I'm ready for it other times I'm not, I think right now I'm not! ��
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