[leomama]

This is a spin off another thread where a person was discussing the end of a friendship so I decided to start an independent thread on no contact.

As people with BPD or BPD traits I believe we are especially vulnerable to narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic abuse. Even though we may also possess some NPD traits ourselves it doesn't mean we can't be hurt by others with NPD or NPD traits.

No contact is tricky especially when its within the family of origin or a child is involved.

In my case no contact is an on and off button I use as needed. Going no contact with my ex is not an option at this point as I have an open child support case and I allow him visitation. I have custody.

With my family of origin its a little more complicated as my brother and I currently have an inheritance lawsuit and my father is involved, although not as a client.

My brother has been very abusive to me in the past and I am weary of him however I have to deal with him on a "light, bright and polite" level due to the inheritance lawsuit.

The only person I can really go NC with is my mother, but she sent me some money and presents for my birthday so I still have to thank her for those.

In my case I don't initiate contact with my ex or my FOO. I learned the hard way not to try to see my parents as they are very self centered and self absorbed and I always end up getting hurt and disappointed.

Since I can't count NC time I have to go low contact.

I'm working on grey rock, which is being nonreactive, but as a person with BPD traits, that is especially hard.

Can anyone relate?

[TishaBuv]

I navigate a relationship with my mother. I have learned the trick- to not tell her anything upsetting, only say good things, do not criticize her, and keep it brief. She hasn't been diagnosed with anything, would never think there's anything wrong with her, nor does she even believe psychology is valid (they're all quacks!). So we speculate she is Narcissistic, Histrionic, Borderline Traits (so do I) and goes so off the deep end that we think she even gets psychotic (or she is the best manipulator in the world!)

Isn't that strange? I am still not sure if she fakes it!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I navigate a relationship with my mother. I have learned the trick- to not tell her anything upsetting, only say good things, do not criticize her, and keep it brief. She hasn't been diagnosed with anything, would never think there's anything wrong with her, nor does she even believe psychology is valid (they're all quacks!). So we speculate she is Narcissistic, Histrionic, Borderline Traits (so do I) and goes so off the deep end that we think she even gets psychotic (or she is the best manipulator in the world!)

Isn't that strange? I am still not sure if she fakes it!

Thank you, that's pretty much the same advice my partner gave me regarding my mother. My mother has the same belief system as your mother, and I believe she has borderline and narcissistic traits too. I've read Understanding the borderline mother, started reading mean mothers, have will I ever be good enough, and mothers who can't love. Unfortunately I'm already starting to see my mother in psychopath free, and finally I got an explanation for my perfectionism. I tried working an ACA program around my mother but it didn't work because it didn't get at the root of the problem.

I wouldn't say my mother is psychotic, but she's definitely manipulative.

I appreciate the reply.

[TishaBuv]

There's a huge dynamic between my mother and the reasons I have similar issues. Don't girls eventually grow up to be their mothers?

There is so much good in her and as long as I did everything she demanded, she was my best friend. So I tried to do everything she wanted and didn't do what she didn't approve of. Unfortunately, living the life she wanted for me has not made me happy and this is 99% of my problem.

I'm really angry to finally see her for the user that she really is, and she is coming to a very bad end. My heart breaks for her, but not at the cost of my own life. She is going to try to suck the life out of me for her own security and I am not going to let her. Sadly, the NC is inevitable here, too.

Thanks for creating this thread leomama. I'm currently in NC with a former female friend I met online over 3 years ago. I have traits of BPD but have not been diagnosed. She displayed traits of BPD along with narcissistic traits. Things were pretty good in the beginning. Major changes in both of our personal lives took a turn for the worse. We both showed each other our bad sides. She would be emotionally abusive by giving me the silent treatment and it made me angry all the time. Not a only did we have a few arguments but alot of trust issues as well. I was also indecisive to stay or leave her. She had enough and decided to end the friendship. I tried to reach out twice to mend our friendship, seek answers/closure but she never responded. I realized the relationship was unhealthy for me so I decided to go NC and try to move on. Since then I've been in NC for 10 days now and I'm starting to heal and be my normal self again.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

There's a huge dynamic between my mother and the reasons I have similar issues. Don't girls eventually grow up to be their mothers?

There is so much good in her and as long as I did everything she demanded, she was my best friend. So I tried to do everything she wanted and didn't do what she didn't approve of. Unfortunately, living the life she wanted for me has not made me happy and this is 99% of my problem.

I'm really angry to finally see her for the user that she really is, and she is coming to a very bad end. My heart breaks for her, but not at the cost of my own life. She is going to try to suck the life out of me for her own security and I am not going to let her. Sadly, the NC is inevitable here, too.

I've been angry at my mother since I was a teenager, so in my case there was no danger of me becoming her, even my daughter is now seeing how narcissistic her grandmother is.

[Unrigged64072835]

I've had NC with most of my FOO up until my mother died. She was the one who asked what presents my daughter wanted and that was about it until she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. My father is also dead. I'm Facebook friends with his sister but that's about it. My brother may contact me with stuff about the estate but that's been done for a while now. I just didn't want to be sucked into the family drama anymore, and I didn't want my daughter in it either.

[leomama]

Thanks for that, when I didn't want to get involved with my grandmother's estate my mother and my brother bullied me. My mother sends cards and money and presents, but never comes over to visit and never invites us over to visit. Meanwhile my father sends me pictures of he and my mom, or my brother and his girlfriend and their son when they come to visit. I've asked him not send me pictures anymore. The last time I was supposed to see my dad I had a limited time window because he only wanted to see me after my daughter's medical appointment. When I called him after the appointment to tell him what happened he didn't answer so I didn't leave a message. That's the last contact I've had.

I was with a Psychopath and you must remain No Contact, That is the only way you can move on and heal

So far 12 days of NC. Was about to relapse and contact my ex friend. So hard but I'm trying to fight it.

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[hazn]

Remember it's an addiction that you're fighting, and your future health and happiness depends on you getting over it. Any contact will be detrimental to your progress, and you'll be left feeling like crap all over again.

Originally Posted by hazn

Remember it's an addiction that you're fighting, and your future health and happiness depends on you getting over it. Any contact will be detrimental to your progress, and you'll be left feeling like crap all over again.

True. Its like a drug and I'm trying to fight this.

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[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Lil Rocky

True. Its like a drug and I'm trying to fight this.

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It definitely is like a drug. I can completely relate to this whole topic. I've been spending a lot of time watching self-help videos on recovering from being in a relationship with a narcissist. No Contact is so difficult, and I feel narcissists give us little "bread crumbs" that suck us back into a cycle....especially those of us with Borderline traits or BPD.

The narcissist I recently had a break up with still has a strong hold on me, although I try to fight it, but I definitely feel No Contact and gray rock are great methods. I failed at that the last time, and I was doing so well. I feel my progress went out the window! This is going to take time for those of us recovering from narcissistic abuse though, and it's a process that is not overnight. I do find reading and watching videos on this helps empower me though. Here's one about setting boundaries with a Narcissist that I find helpful:

[HD7970GHZ]

As people with BPD or BPD traits I believe we are especially vulnerable to narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic abuse.

Absolutely agree. I have realized this over the past two years. I realized that a lot of my relationships have been abusive. They took advantage of me and I put up with their abuse because I didn't want to be alone... Narcissists are quick to see the cracks in someones character. Given that we Borderline sufferers have a tough time hiding emotions, we wear our heart on our sleeves and Narcissists see this as a wide open door to an easy target. A narcissist is brilliant at crossing boundaries and discovering a targets vulnerabilities. This way they can get under our skin to get what they want.

I have gone no contact with some family and lots of friends. They were toxic relationships and in order to heal we need a safe environment with people who can understand and appreciate us and not harm us further.

Avoid narcissists. Since I educated myself I have been able to heal.

Thanks,
HD

Thank you for the youttube vid, Raven. I just got done watching and it did help alot. I'm sorry you went through that. It just blows my mind on how some people can be this way. NC is difficult. I've relapsed a couple of times. Mine does have a definite hold on me too but no bread crumbs. Just the silent treatment, emotional abuse and probably wanting me to beg for them to come back which I did so much in the past.

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

I have gone no contact with some family and lots of friends. They were toxic relationships and in order to heal we need a safe environment with people who can understand and appreciate us and not harm us further.

This ^^ Had to disengage with 2 friends this week because I was about to fall into the same trap and be in a further uphill battle with my recovery.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Lil Rocky

Thank you for the youttube vid, Raven. I just got done watching and it did help alot. I'm sorry you went through that. It just blows my mind on how some people can be this way. NC is difficult. I've relapsed a couple of times. Mine does have a definite hold on me too but no bread crumbs. Just the silent treatment, emotional abuse and probably wanting me to beg for them to come back which I did so much in the past.

You're welcome. I'm sorry about what you have gone through and everyone here who's endured the abuse of a narcissist. Her whole youtube channel has helped me a lot (Beverly Banov Brown). I recommend all her videos, along with the many other self-help videos out there. It gives a little bit of motivation daily to attempt to regain strength, although it's a rollercoaster of emotions.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by HD7970GHZ

Absolutely agree. I have realized this over the past two years. I realized that a lot of my relationships have been abusive. They took advantage of me and I put up with their abuse because I didn't want to be alone... Narcissists are quick to see the cracks in someones character. Given that we Borderline sufferers have a tough time hiding emotions, we wear our heart on our sleeves and Narcissists see this as a wide open door to an easy target. A narcissist is brilliant at crossing boundaries and discovering a targets vulnerabilities. This way they can get under our skin to get what they want.

I have gone no contact with some family and lots of friends. They were toxic relationships and in order to heal we need a safe environment with people who can understand and appreciate us and not harm us further.

Avoid narcissists. Since I educated myself I have been able to heal.

Thanks,
HD

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by leomama

This is a spin off another thread where a person was discussing the end of a friendship so I decided to start an independent thread on no contact.

As people with BPD or BPD traits I believe we are especially vulnerable to narcissistic, sociopathic or psychopathic abuse. Even though we may also possess some NPD traits ourselves it doesn't mean we can't be hurt by others with NPD or NPD traits.

No contact is tricky especially when its within the family of origin or a child is involved.

In my case no contact is an on and off button I use as needed. Going no contact with my ex is not an option at this point as I have an open child support case and I allow him visitation. I have custody.

With my family of origin its a little more complicated as my brother and I currently have an inheritance lawsuit and my father is involved, although not as a client.

My brother has been very abusive to me in the past and I am weary of him however I have to deal with him on a "light, bright and polite" level due to the inheritance lawsuit.

The only person I can really go NC with is my mother, but she sent me some money and presents for my birthday so I still have to thank her for those.

In my case I don't initiate contact with my ex or my FOO. I learned the hard way not to try to see my parents as they are very self centered and self absorbed and I always end up getting hurt and disappointed.

Since I can't count NC time I have to go low contact.

I'm working on grey rock, which is being nonreactive, but as a person with BPD traits, that is especially hard.

Can anyone relate?

Could you put the mother bashing in another forum. This is for BPD suffered not daughters bashing their mothers. I think there is a complete other section for this negativity.

[leomama]

Hi this is the 5th time something I've said has been misread.

I struggle with my own "borderline " traits, that's why I'm here.

Mother bashing?

...