[lizardlady]

Good grief! How did I miss Christina's post about being a Gramma?!?!? Congratulations!

I was very stupid and overdid on the weekend. I was going to work in the yard for "a little while". THREE AND A HALF HOURS later I dragged myself in the house. The parts of me that aren't muscle sore from doing W-A-Y too much hurt from the flare all this brought on. Add to the pain I have fibro fog from Hades. God bless sticky notes or I would be lost!

[cakeladie]

What you need Liz is a timer that goes off to let you know when it's time to go in. Without it you do way to much

Feel better

[cakeladie]

We have had really hot weather and no air conditioner which makes life touch and add not feeling well and spare the air days. I have to go out to the doctors at 3:30 so we will see what happens.

I swam last night the pool was cold but I swam for 30 minutes and I slept good

Take care everyone

[LettinG0]

I just found out that I'm going to be Grandma again, too! #9 for me.....I will officially have a baseball team

[January]

Congratulations, LettinGo!

[Kiya]

a quick hello, hugs, congratulations, and thanks. also been a hard week, but like it's been said - what's new. Trying to change that. love to all!

[lizardlady]

After my stupidity last Sunday working in the yard I was sore and exhausted all week. I took a three hour "nap" today! Pain is back to background noise. Still tired though.

[January]

I've had to have my dry socket packed twice in two days. I am not allowed anything but clear soups, ice cream and liquids. I am weak and not myself and my fibro hurts everywhere. I've got to try to make it to the store and a Dr's appt tomorrow but I am very weak. This, too, shall pass, right?

[~Christina]

Ok this will be long, Ill try to condense everything.

I have Bipolar, Fibro, Insomnia , Hx of csa and rapes , big mixed bag of shyt.

Ok my fibro often causes me to be suicidal when I can not get any relief from the pain. which has lead to many IP stays.

Bipolar Fibro and Insomnia all feed into each other and when one gets hit sideways they whole thing goes downhill quickly. I am sick of having to go IP on a psych ward when I have Fibro pain that I cant handle anymore and I think my only solution is suicide.

So my T and Pdoc understand all this stuff and how it puts me a a huge risk.

I tried to talkto my GP about all this, he use to be a T so he understands the mental illness side, But. his hands are tied as for offering a pain med.... he offered to send to me a pain clinic, I asked will they even do anything? he said doubtful.. Meh.... okay so no point in me going and spending more money I don't have.

My T got pretty pissy about my situation . He agrees that I should not have to go IP psych ward when its my pain causing my suicidal thinking NOT a bipolar problem. My T send him a letter

My GP responded well and seemed to understand that all I really want is something PRN , Not even weekly, just for when I am losing it . He said as long as my husband has control of it and I continue to see my T weekly.

Okay YEAH! right? nope

Yesterday I saw my T and he said he contacted my GP about getting this all set up, Now the GP is waffling .. The laws and stuff here in TN and the entire country are really making it impossible for Doctors to really treat pain , even on something as seldom as I would break down to even take/try it.

So my T said well maybe if we can get my GP to put something in writing on file at my hospital , I live in a tiny town mind you. Hospital has only 20 beds. But if i present to the ER due to my pain making me suicidal ,, the ER doctor could try a pain med ( again one freaking pill is all I am wanting) or he/she could just turf me to IP psych hold, once I walk int he hospital door.. I cant just walk back out.

If my local hospital did shove me IP instead of offer pain releif, i would be shipped out to the closest IP which I despise.. the Pdoc that owns it has god complex.. his place is 85 miles away... The last 2 times I went IP I had my husband drive me 110 miles away to Vanderbilt, But if I funnel through local ER they always send people to the Hellish place, and last time I was there The assshat labeled me BPD because I am not one to just blindly swallow whatever pills are in that cute paper cup a nurse hands you.

So I have a dilemma ...If I am in pain , feeling unsafe suicidal and go to the ER and they wont address my pain and just forced me IP I know I will never reach out for help again the next time I get frantic and I will most likely off myself .

The discussion that followed between my T and I went basically like this.. If I get angry or disagree about IP psych ward and stress I just want to try a pain med, 1 freaking pill, Let me sit in the ER on a plastic chair and see if it helps. If I am told nope he or she could assume I am a drug seeker and honesty if sent IP I will be the most pissed off person on the planet until I am released. which might take a while since I am likely to be very very uncooperative.

I told my T I know that by having this discussion it kind of puts him in a bad position. i have always been honest 100% with him, but I would then feel the need to lie to him , Or he by his license and him just caring for me would have to take steps to keep me safe.

I have always gone IP voluntary. But this situation could cause me to be sent against my will, which I would truly lose it,

Im tired of having to go IP and rack up a huge bill when one or two moderate pain pills might be enough to allow me to get a moments break and I can get back in front of my pain. My pain is always at a 7 . always... I can manage it mostly but when it hits a 9 I start coming unglued and at a 10 forget it.. No rational thought left other than.This.Must.Stop.Now.

There is not a specific test to prove a mental illness but yet its okay for Doctors to fling people on heavy duty Anti psychotics of all kinds and seizure medications or heres some Lithium that might trash your thyroid and kill a kidney or two....Many causing suicidal thoughts and actions.. Right? So why is that okay??? Why is it okay to dismiss a Chronic pain condition that also has NO specific test to prove it , yet giving someone a well studied pain medication on a PRN basis is so off the wall impossible to try?

I am so beyond frustrated. FML

[Kiya]

hi all - I too have been wiped out. Was down for the count yesterday with crushing fatigue - you know, that kind where fatigue is painful? And even rest brings no sleep?
I am upright today but rather wishing I weren't.
I did manage to procure Imitrex for migraines FINALLY - and barely! I've dealt with them since I was 7 and the doc acted like I didn't even know what they were. Yes, they've changed (which no one has cared about, even when "they" tell you to "see your provider if your headaches change"), but I've had killer headaches since childhood, the knock-down, drag-out kind through high school and college (ice pack on neck, heat pack on feet, in bed for 5 hours, no light or sound), and now the current rendition. She's known me for 3 years and still was waffling on the med (Excedrin Migraine stopped being effective) until I mentioned nausea. THEN she agreed to check me out (%*#&^%!!), tells me my muscles aren't too tight -which any massage therapist would argue with her- and then finds a lump on my neck that concerns her. IT'S BEEN THERE SINCE 2002 and NO ONE but a long ago chiropractor has ever cared about it, including this Dr. NOW suddenly she wants an ultrasound on it even tho she thinks it's just likely a fatty tumor beneath the skin (of which I have several in various limbs). REALLY!?!?! Jeeze Mon.
End rant....

WOW Christina - that is INSANE!!!! But you sure hit it on the head with that paragraph. I don't know what to tell you Other than of course "Don't do it (sui)" but I understand that logic when the pain gets too much. I've been there. And I get to thinking "How long will I live like this? Another year? 5? 10? 30?!?!?" (((((((Christina))))))))))
Christina wrote: "There is not a specific test to prove a mental illness but yet its okay for Doctors to fling people on heavy duty Anti psychotics of all kinds and seizure medications or here's some Lithium that might trash your thyroid and kill a kidney or two....Many causing suicidal thoughts and actions.. Right? So why is that okay??? Why is it okay to dismiss a Chronic pain condition that also has NO specific test to prove it , yet giving someone a well studied pain medication on a PRN basis is so off the wall impossible to try? "

Hugs to you all and courage through all your struggles!!!!
(((((Christina, Jan, Liz, Cake...)))))))

[lizardlady]

{*{*{*{*Christina*}*}*}*}*}

{*{*{*{*Kiya*}*}*}*}

Feel like poo tonight. Don't have the energy to write much, but wanted to acknowledge what you wrote about.

[cakeladie]

Christina please do not hurt yourself. I know how hard it is and I know how unfair it is. The people that do not need the pain meds can get them usually for nothing and they turn around and sale them on the street that's partly why doctors are refusing to give out the pain meds also in the past people could go in and the doctors would give you something for pain.

Now so many people have abused it the people that need it can't get it. My pulmonary doctor is also my GP. He used to give me this cough medicine that when my pulmonary fibrous was real bad and I was coughing up blood it would really calm it down but now it requires a special prescription and he will no longer give it to me.

Christina can you see a rheumatologist ? A rheumatologist usually will give you something for the pain for fibro is that an option for you ?

I am very tired and hurting but I am hanging in there

I will check back in with everyone later.

Take care everyone

[LettinG0]

Hugs Christina.......you are so correct....it is such bull....I'm desperately hoping you can get a viable solution out of your current situation.

And, just a side note....or mixed bag of shyt contains very similar ingredients (I don't have insomnia or hx of rape...) ----- just found it interesting that we are similar cookies...

HUGS.........

[January]

((((( Christina )))))

I hope someone will help you. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Keep fighting.

((((( Kiya )))))

I'm so sorry. Keep fighting, too.

My friends, my heart breaks for you.

I don't understand why people in real pain can't get the medicine they need. I know why, but I don't understand it. I wasn't offered any pain medicine for my dry socket. I know that is very inconsequential compared to what you're all going through, but it hurts like the dickens and I was told to use some advil... Like it does any good.

[~Christina]

Dry socket hurts like a %$^# !

yeah Pffft @ Advil.. I hope your feeling better

[lizardlady]

Christina, I'm going to ask what might be a dumb question.

Possible trigger:

When the pain gets really bad are you actively suicidal, as in have plan and intent, or is it that the idea of ending it all and escaping the pain has appeal? The reason I ask is that when I hit a 10 and it seems it's never going to end I wish I was dead. I have a gut level understanding of why some folks opt to kill themselves, but I don't have any intent to actually kill myself.

I have a wonderful pdoc. We've talked about this. He lets me talk about without threatening to put me in the hospital.

[lizardlady]

We had an out of town staff meeting today which meant an hour and a half commute each way. Riding in the truck that long sets off both my fibro and arthritis. I literally let loose with a curse when I got out of the truck when I got home. It just sort of popped out of me.

There's been a low pressure area parked in the Gulf all week. It's suppose to move over us tonight and tomorrow. Pressure changes absolutely kill me. I've been sore all week. Add to that I'm either trying to catch a cold or my allergies have gone batshyte and I'm miserable.

PC doesn't have a cheese smilie so I'll have some ice cream with my whine!

[~Christina]

Yes Liz , Thoughts plans and intent. When I am pulling out pen and paper to write letters that is when I practically jump up and tell Hubby, I need Ip and I need to go right now !

But there was a time that I didnt get that last rational thought and reach out for help.... I did OD and lets just say I got very lucky.

I really do not want to die .. but when my pain is so bad I feel like I can't breathe .. rational thoughts are unreachable.

I am just so frustrated with the entire system.

[cakeladie]

I know we have all been in pain and trying to manage but I just noticed we have not heard from bubbles in a while. I hope she is ok

[lizardlady]

Christina, it's just wrong that you have to go IP because you are in pain. Would your doc call in a script for a very limited number of doses when you are in that much pain? Sorry if you've already tried that. Am just trying to come up with ideas for you.

[~Christina]

Liz,

That is exactly what my T, Pdoc and GP have been discussing .. GP was on board, but now is not so much. He is concerned that since its a PRN it is still considered "long term" Pain medication and it can raise too many flags , even if we would have a shyt load of documentation in specifics about the reason the GP would be prescribing.

I live with a constant pain level of a 7 .. Seriously the most I would take of a pain med is 1 pill maybe once a week. It might only be a couple times a month. But seems like that is too much to ask for.

I have been to 5 rheumys they are refuse to do pain meds for " Fibro"

I have no addictions to anything, I have never abused drugs of any kind. I loathe drinking.

IP is not horrible where I go at Vanderbilt.. But its just stupid that I have to go spend time on a psych ward and not even get anything for the pain while there with nurses watching 24/7 , nothing.

They hand out APs like skittles. Which does nothing for pain... but gives me side effects I cant tolerate, After a few days or a week, My pain lowers on its own back to that trusty 7 and I am safe again until the "next time"

I'm sorry I am so rant-y about this but I really am fed up and disgusted with the goverment tying Doctors hands so much that a person like me cant even get a couple pills a month so I can catch my breath and get in front of my pain.

[cakeladie]

Christina can you drive to a bigger hospital or a teaching hospital and see a rhemy there?

I am sorry your in so much pain with no end in site.

I am very weepy today

[~Christina]

I think I am going to try and find some Doctor at Vanderbilt .. I tried a few years ago and Everyone was saying earliest appt for any of the Doctors who deal with Fibro was roughly 6 months. I just gave up.

I think I will just have to start making calls and get pushy I guess. I really don't have the money for a bunch of tests. I'm pretty sure someone will want to ruin a gazillion tests and I will be told its Fibro ( again) .

I am on Disability and Medicare. I dont qualify for Medicaid also because I am married. nice hu? That 20% I have to pay quickly adds up . My T is 20.00 a week and I feel guilty for needing that weekly , But I need it.

I'm sorry I am rambling so much... I am just beat down. I need to get my shyt together and suck it up I think .

Thank you everyone for all the support

[lizardlady]

Christina, I don't think you are being rant-y. It sounds like you are justifiably frustrated with the situation.

I agree 100% that it's absurd to have to go IP - AND STILL NOT GET ANY PAIN MEDS - because you are physically in pain.

Could you check into the medical part of the hospital in order to get pain meds? Still seems a silly reason to be admitted to the hospital, but at least you'd get some relief.

[cakeladie]

Christina there is no test for fibro they just do a physical exam and I think it is worth it. Get an appointment but then tell them you want to be on the cancellation list. A lot of times people cancel and you just may get in earlier.

Please call first thing Monday morning.