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  #1  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 11:54 AM
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Muser Muser is offline
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Triggers are a pain in the but!!

Some co-workers of someone that caused me....or better put was "accomplice to" the difficulties I had... (the problems that caused my meltdown at the beginning of this year....the problems I am still struggling to recover from) came into my work today and one in particular reminded me so much of the horrible debilitating feelings I had when this all started.

10 months....trying to stop my head and the emotions racing around in there...all back in a flash. My heart is pounding....my hands are shaking. I feel like I am back in that place.....I don't want the be there. I know better. My life is good....crap....*&$@%^#!!!

And I'm at work. I don't want to cry. If anyone asks me how I am...I will loose my composure. I need to be strong....my eyes are filling up.....now what????
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  #2  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 12:21 PM
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I have no idea how you can prevent relapsing when seeing someone. The first thing you should probably do is treat the interaction as if it is the first time you see them, or force your conscious mind to create a new emotion. But that isn't easy and I don't know if it will work. In any which way I hope things work out and that you'll get through it.
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Thanks for this!
Muser
  #3  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 12:26 PM
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(((((((((((((Muser))))))))))))

Breathe! You can get through this! I am thinking of you with warm, accepting thoughts. You are strong, and no matter what happens you will be fine.

It's been a while since you posted--did they leave? Are you able to get away to the bathroom to try to calm down? Can you be alone and away at lunch?

Maybe try some of the things in the "grounding techniques" thread. Would writing down what you feel help you so you don't have to let your feelings out by crying?

Even if you do show some of your feelings at work, it doesn't mean you are back where you were. You are aware there's a trigger and you came here for help. Good job! Do what you can to take care of you. You will be ok no matter what happens.
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #4  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 12:42 PM
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I popped back on because I desperately needed your replies...

I am grateful....very
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

Thanks for this!
OrangeMoira
  #5  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 12:46 PM
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Let us know how you are later! Only a little while longer.
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #6  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 01:22 PM
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muser, it sounds almost like PTSD. when mine is triggered i have the same symptoms as you are having.
a very good friend once told me, whatever someone says about me is none of my business!!! i said WHAT???? what that means is you know the struggle you had, got help, and now ok until they triggered you. you know the real truth so their malicious gossip(shame on them! may it never happen to them!) is all that's important. i'm so glad u have been feeling better. hope you remember how far u've come rather than paying attention to their unkindness.
glad u posted. i hope we help in some way.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #7  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 08:47 PM
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((((Muser))))

Thank you for reaching out. Breath. I agree with madisgram, it sounds like PTSD. I have those too and I know they are really hard and feel as though it is happening again. Just know that you are not alone and that we are listening and care.

I am glad you came here. Please take care of you. Maybe take a break if you can and step out for a minute. Ground yourself to the present and know it is not happening now. I know this is hard sometimes to do when it is happening. But you can do it.

I am sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Keep posting and reaching. We are here and listening. I care. Always.

dps
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #8  
Old Dec 03, 2010, 10:04 PM
TheByzantine
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Hello, Muser. May this too pass.
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #9  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 06:11 AM
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Belle1979 Belle1979 is offline
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Sweetheart!!! (((muser))) Oh I feel for you right now.

I know that the feelings are still there, they were hidden but not gone - don't think they ever really go, they will fade (as they have until today).

Remember that what you have with your partner now is stronger, healthier emotionally and more satisfying for you than it has ever been.... so yeah the B***h did you a favour...

Stop and think about the past few months, the progress and the happiness you have spoken of.

Love you and care for you, anytime you need me I am here xxx
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Thanks for this!
Muser
  #10  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 10:55 AM
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Muser Muser is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nachtschatten View Post
create a new emotion.
This is a VERY good idea. I hid at the time (in my office) which is so cowardly but like I said I felt very out of control. I feared the encounter more than anything. I feared the one would say something I would have to respond to. I just prayed that I wouldn't be called out in the open for any reason. I need to create that image in my mind so I will be prepared.

I wish I had been strong and marched right through and put the encounter in it's proper perspective...."inconsequential"
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #11  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 11:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeMoira View Post
Let us know how you are later! Only a little while longer.
I got a call for lunch from a friend....that helped. I had a pleasant weekend to look forward to...that helped.

I found great solace and comfort in the remarks of you folks here. Having those to read slowed my heart and filled it with gratitude...thus replacing one emotion with another
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Noun1.muser - a reflective thinker
"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

Thanks for this!
Belle1979
  #12  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madisgram View Post
you know the struggle you had, got help, and now ok until they triggered you.
Madi...we've talked about it before....I guess we can't control that initial out of control feeling. I knew to come here for help and thanks to you all...I fell better now.

My goal is to prevent emotional overload in the first place. Is that possible?? I had the urge to confront the situation head on....but didn't. I think that is the only way to conquer the fear.

I'm torn between avoidance and aggression....
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #13  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 11:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OrangeMoira View Post
Maybe try some of the things in the "grounding techniques" thread.

You will be ok no matter what happens.
I went to the threads you suggested straight away and found it very very helpful!!!

Thank you so very much!!!! Both for directing me to the techniques and your reassurances.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #14  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 11:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by darkpurplesecrets View Post
((((Muser))))

Ground yourself to the present and know it is not happening now. I know this is hard sometimes to do when it is happening. But you can do it.

I am sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Keep posting and reaching. We are here and listening. I care. Always.

dps
For a moment I went right back to that place....I was in the moment and I don't like it there. But I came here and was directed, hugged, and reassured right back to the present. I am so thankful....and not in a small way...I have PC to come to for guidance....so thankful.

When I feel better I slide right back into my comfort zone. I need to prepare...strengthen...teach myself how to handle uncomfortable situations.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"


Last edited by Muser; Dec 04, 2010 at 12:23 PM.
Thanks for this!
darkpurplesecrets
  #15  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by TheByzantine View Post
Hello, Muser. May this too pass.
Thanks Byz. It does pass.

I just want to get in that place where it doesn't throw me for such a loop. I was once a confident strong person. I want her back!!

I talk a tough talk but I don't always do my homework. I get ....comforted ...comfortable and don't follow through. Building my self-esteem sounds like a good New Year's resolution or should I say resolution period.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #16  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Belle1979 View Post
I know that the feelings are still there, they were hidden but not gone - don't think they ever really go, they will fade (as they have until today).

Love you and care for you, anytime you need me I am here xxx
Belle....you and I both know that 99.9% of the problems I had from before were in my head....exaggerated and blown out of proportion. Yes...the feelings were very real and I got a wake up call. I take responsibility for my own role in the situation. I just don't want to go down that road again....my mental overload...as self inflicted as it was.

You have been my rock and my confidant. I value that very much. I gained a lot by my troubles...some perspective and some very dear friends.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #17  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 02:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Muser View Post
Madi...we've talked about it before....I guess we can't control that initial out of control feeling. I knew to come here for help and thanks to you all...I fell better now.

My goal is to prevent emotional overload in the first place. Is that possible?? I had the urge to confront the situation head on....but didn't. I think that is the only way to conquer the fear.

I'm torn between avoidance and aggression....
muser you can be assertive rather than aggressive. sometimes i find also that not responding at all is powerful. but the key is to let "it" go. once you've not responded don't ruminate in your mind. get busy, go out to lunch away from the office, etc. and SMILE. that will confuse them.....and lift your spirits too.
and you can start your day over anytime you please.
this experience can help you grow. i know it's very painful but you can learn new coping skills to minimize your reaction to triggers. i have had to do the same as you know.
keep us posted on how u are doing, k?
__________________
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Thanks for this!
Belle1979, Muser
  #18  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 08:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by madisgram View Post
muser you can be assertive rather than aggressive. sometimes i find also that not responding at all is powerful. but the key is to let "it" go. once you've not responded don't ruminate in your mind. get busy, go out to lunch away from the office, etc. and SMILE. that will confuse them.....and lift your spirits too.
and you can start your day over anytime you please.
this experience can help you grow. i know it's very painful but you can learn new coping skills to minimize your reaction to triggers. i have had to do the same as you know.
keep us posted on how u are doing, k?
Thanks Madi. I have to work on those coping skills. I know one thing and that's that I don't have to explain my life to anyone.....least of all them. I'm happy with it and that's all that matters.

Without going into detail...I have never in my life had anything bother me and stay with me like this has. I don't understand it. If I had a T maybe I could get to the root of it.

Today I had a visit from a friend I've had since grade school. She has known me forever. We talked about it a bit but I always get emotional. I was trying to explain what happened at work in regards to what happened before and I get all tongue tied and twisted. Never...even when I was married have I ever been so blown away by such a stupid thing. I just don't get it.

My desire is to just put it behind me and forget it.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #19  
Old Dec 04, 2010, 11:43 PM
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Andie1962 Andie1962 is offline
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Flashbacks of feelings are hell to go through. You can be as overcome as when you first had the feelings. I believe too it's a form of PTSD. Do you have a therapist? I would suggest probing this issue and trying to heal from it.
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #20  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 07:24 AM
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hi u nice lady, i do think having a T would help even if you see one for a short time. but i'm glad you reached out to your friend. there is an excellent form of therapy, CBT, and that is the therapy i receive. i believe this situation tapped/triggered a false belief you have about yourself. in your case the false belief might be, "i'm not worthy because other people think i am defective," to put it directly regarding your having to get help and it being revealed at your workplace. i used to say to my T "i just want to be normal. i'm defective." both meaning feeling less than others. does this make sense? a T could help you toss out the false belief and replace it with a true belief. such as i am worthy because....
if you want to really get beyond this so it won't rear it's ugly head again it would help to see a T. otherwise later it will get triggered again and you will have the same upsetting reaction.
at any rate hugsto you. i hope you will feel better soon. i'm just making a suggestion based on my own circumstances where i found a solution. even now i can get triggered but my response to it is improved.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #21  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 09:02 AM
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Muser Muser is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andie1962 View Post
Flashbacks of feelings are hell to go through. You can be as overcome as when you first had the feelings. I believe too it's a form of PTSD. Do you have a therapist? I would suggest probing this issue and trying to heal from it.
Thanks Andie. It feels like PSTD from what I've read. I don't have a T. The few times I've had what I call an "event" I started the process but never followed through. The only time I saw a therapist was briefly when I was divorcing and it was more for him than me. If I had given it more time it may have been helpful but I found her to be not much more than a cheerleader. When I had a sit down with the one he was seeing she had a lot more on the ball and actually supported my decision to leave.

I know therapy would be beneficial. There are issues there that are always just below the surface that manage to stick their ugly heads out when they (I) get riled up. I seem to keep it tampered down but if someone takes an interest I get too emotional. It's like if there is a crack in the dam I wind up with a flood of emotion. It becomes totally inappropriate. The smart thing to do is start the process when I'm in a good frame of mind.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #22  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 09:28 AM
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Originally Posted by madisgram View Post
if you want to really get beyond this so it won't rear it's ugly head again it would help to see a T.
Funny how we think alike Madi...I used almost the same wording with my previous reply

I think I am more concerned how my partner will view my need for T than my co-workers. I don't keep secrets at home and maybe if I did I would complete the process instead of stopping short of actually keeping an appointment. He somehow feels that if he can't fix it he's not doing his job which is a lovely thought but my problems go back a lot further than our time together. Even with him I keep up the facade that I am strong. I know....not a smart thing to do. It's a protection mechanism.

We'll see Madi....in the meantime I am comforted by my dear friends......
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

  #23  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 12:17 PM
TheByzantine
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Hello, Muser. What are you protecting yourself from?
Thanks for this!
Muser
  #24  
Old Dec 05, 2010, 08:10 PM
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Muser Muser is offline
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Originally Posted by TheByzantine View Post
Hello, Muser. What are you protecting yourself from?
Deep deep question, my friend.

Protecting myself from pain, hurt....fear of being hurt.....fear of more pain. Fear of gving it my all...all over again and coming up short....again. I know fearing that doesn't prevent it but.....

I think of a sieve....pouring and pouring into the sieve and having it all run out the bottom. I know we can't "hang on" to things but I haven't felt completely safe in a long time. It's exhausting. I always have the contingency plan in the back of my head.

Fear is a funny thing....how much is unfounded and how much is justified?? I just wish I knew which was real.

I start to reach a point where I think I am where I am supposed to be, then ooops....not so sure.

Byz...I'm just at a loss for words.
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"A true friend will keep your secrets and love you without judgment or conditions"

Thanks for this!
Belle1979
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