Edited Letter

I'm sorry that I was panicking earlier. It didn't help that there was bad thunder outside of my window and I almost had a panic attack come on.

Do you have a difficult time keeping up with your meds? You could go to your GP and tell him/her that you just need a refill until you see your psychiatrist. OR you could call your last psychiatrist and ask him/her if you could have one refill of all of your meds. until you see the new ones. What is happening that you are not happy with other psychiatrists? WHat are they doing wrong?

I have not forced him to be in contact with me at all. He is just always there when I get my prescriptions filled. The problem is not with the pharmacist.

The real problem is that I still love my former psychiatrist and I often cry myself to sleep thinking of the good years we had and then how it ended. I talk to my therapist about him too.

I just haven't clicked with the other psychiatrists. One office had me upset because I had a flat tire (not my fault) and still got charged the fee.

I've already talked to my GP to see if he could give me depression meds until I saw the psych but he said that he couldn't because he wasn't able to address my ADHD and anxiety and he felt that those needed to be addressed at the same time. I talked to my last psychiatrist's office and the office manager said they couldn't give me any prescriptions.

I tried to get them for several days. No one called me back. Too frustrating. So I made an appt. in September with another psychiatrist.

I'm sorry everyone for earlier.

You have nothing to be sorry about, Hope. You are not obligated to respond to every post on your thread, nor do you need to respond to all parts of a particular post or answer questions if it doesn't serve you.

For what it's worth, I also have a very active relationship with my pharmacists. The local pharmacy I use goes above and beyond to provide superior customer service. They promote a personal yet professional relationship. And like you, I always talk to them first (before my doctor or psychiatrist) if I have questions or concerns about medications. Honestly, they know more about side effects, interactions, etc. than my doc's do anyway.

Hope, I "hope" you're okay. After some confusing posts, it sounded like you were going to go and ask him out in person, after the denied FB request and the letter you sent- I was a bit worried about this. Perhaps I was mistaken. It sounds like you understand that this isn't about him at all, which is the first step in doing the work on yourself.
That's great.

What happened when you gave him the letter? Did he read it?

Hope, what is it you are wanting when you post threads liked this? The first post about the letter, a lot of people said it was a bad idea, not to send it, etc, and you did anyway. Then, in this one, the responses were the same. It was suggested to not give it to him, but you did.

Are you wanting honest advice, or are you wanting us to just tell you what you want to hear so that you can justify it?

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I am confused. Like has been said, when someone expresses something in the thread that goes against what you want, you go into self deprecation.

You aren't a bad person, at all. To me, it seems that possibly you didn't learn healthy relationship habits and behaviors because you didn't see it growing up. I know that is how it was for me. Any time anyone showed any interest in me at all, I went all in, even if I could tell that the person was not good for me. I was basically raised to believe that nobody wanted me or to be around me, because of how my mother was. So I felt that if someone showed interest, then that was the only option. It took years to learn what a healthy relationship looks like, and it took years to be able to stand up for myself in relationships. I was always the one that got broken up with, never the other way around.

Healthy relationships need to have a level of equality. This man is your pharmacist, and you are the patient. There is not equality there, right now. He is an authority figure to you, which also makes me concerned, since this pattern has happened with a T and a pdoc as well, for you. Leaving out any legality or ethical concerns, your pharmacist has a level of control ov ER whether or not you have medication until,you see the new pdoc, yet you are still obsessed with expressing your feelings for him. Whether you see it or not, it is unhealthy and somewhat self sabotaging to keep trying to pursue this.

Everyone that has posted in this thread and your other threads is trying to help out of a place of care and concern for you. We want what is best for you. We are not trying to make you feel awful. It seems to me that you cannot see the situation the same way we can, because we are outside of it. I know for me, it is getting frustrating, because I can see so many people trying to help you, but the impulse keeps winning. There has been a lot of good advice, good suggestions, that has been all but ignored.

I just want to make sure that you get what you are looking for when you post. Are you wanting advice or just sympathy and empathy? I'm wondering if part of your reactions may be bvecause you aren't truly wanting advice, unconsciously. If you do just want empathy and sympathy, maybe making that clear in the beginning would help...

I really do hope that this situation works out as best it can. I don't want to see you get hurt, but know that we will be here if that happens.

Chaos

To me, a lot of the OP's post "seem" like she knows what's appropriate and what's not. She has the desire to be appropriate, but then follows her impulses instead. Then she comes back saying something negative about herself. Then the pattern repeats. She moves on to the next relationship to obsess about and posts for advice/support. And so far it's only been about men in an authority role.

I don't think the OP really wants advice though. It's never taken, even advice about coping skills. There's always an excuse. Or even a lot of people suggested that the OP find a female T. Or go to the intensive care facility, or stay away from ex-Pdoc, etc, etc.

Hope, I agree with Chaos. What type of support are you looking for? We can't agree with things we don't agree with, so that usually comes off as advice or alternative suggestions. But we can always listen and empathize. Maybe it would be clear in the beginning of your posts to state how you'd like people to respond.

I know my last comment came out long. I wanted to clarify that I was coming from the mindset that on this forum, we all have different issues, disorders conditions, whatever that we are dealing with. Also, each of us respond to different types of support. I don't deal well with "tough love" for instance, while for some, that's the best approach. So I wanted to ask, because I was seeing reactions from you, Hope, that suggested the approaches you have been getting may not be entirely helpful for you. I was not trying to call you out or make you feel bad at all, and just wanted to say that before I went to bed.

Can someone explain to me how my pharmacist is an authoritative figure over me? I just don't get it. Does that mean that my plumber, lawyer, and contractor on my house are authoritative figures?

Also, when I go into my local pharmacy I just don't see myself as his/her "patient."

I know that I really messed up by giving him the letter. He's not upset but I'm upset at myself. I'm humiliated because I can't believe that I was so determined to give it to him. I'm ashamed of my own behavior. Now I can't undo it and I'm so humiliated right now.

As I read some of the responses I heard my parents voices in my head. For me, that's a YUCK!

Hope, there are so many posters that post in the same manner as you, time and again. In my opinion you do not need to take anyone's advice. You do what you need to do for you. If it's a mistake you may or may not learn from it at that particular time. In my past, I used to have to hit my head against a brick wall several times score I got it right. Many times, I never did. That's where a good therapist came in. Post as you need to. Sometimes just putting it out there allows you to at least make a decision. And some are gooddecisions , some are not so good.

Thank you for that. It really helps me to talk about things. Sometimes I have to make mistakes to learn from them. I've always been like that. My whole family is like that. My dad calls it being stubborn. I can't figure out why I have to actually make mistakes to learn from them. I wish that I could be different.

Hope, I'm sorry you are feeling so bad. I don't think you messed up. It was a learning process. People always have strong emotions involving fondness of the heart and do things they regret in hindsight. I hope you and your therapist can work on your feelings of shame.

My therapist helped me distinguish between the words shame and embarrassment, so now, I may do similar things and I only get embarrassed which for me is easier to get over and becomes laughable at some point. But, the deep feelings of shame and humiliation just don't register.

Good luck to you.

When I woke up this morning and realized that I actually gave him the letter yesterday, I didn't even feel like getting out of bed. Now I'm in my bed crying. Because my brother has a prescription that needs to be picked up soon and I'm embarrassed to face the pharmacist the first time since I gave him the letter. I know this will brush over after I face him again but the thought of it makes me feel ashamed just by thinking of it. Ironically, by giving him the letter and getting my thoughts out there, it has decreased my crush.

I wish that I could laugh about this now. It would make me feel better.

Yes........

Hope remember you always have the option of picking up the prescription without talking to the pharmacist just walk in pick it up and leave don't ask to speak to the pharmacist maybe that will save you a little bit of anxiety in the situation.

You could also go thru the drive-thru if that pharmacy has one

I don't want to be on bad terms with the pharmacist. I just want it to go back to normal like it was.

He may not like me anymore.

You don't know that. Even if he doesn't want to go out with you, doesn't mean he doesn't like you as a person.