How can "normal" people handle so much responsibilities in their life?

This post is meant as a question more than anything, but how can a "normal" person handle a lot of responsibility in their life at once? I am talking about those who work full time jobs and go to college or work over 40 hours a week and have a spouse and children at home.

I struggle to manage working part time and going to school as a single adult male without getting overwhelmed. How can people manage so much more? It almost seems superhuman to me.

I know that I could never manage what some of these other people do. If I ever had to work more than 40-50 hours a week and take care of a family, I would crumble under that amount of pressure and run for the hills. I am just not wired to be that way.

How to people do it?

I probably shouldn't reply to this thread because I have no idea. I wish I was more functional, more "normal"

I'm a sick puppy, a bear cub ... grrrr me. Sorry for wasting your time, it's a rough night

The answer to this question has eluded me my entire adult life.

So far I have only come up with the conclusion that the "full monty" equals alot of stress, stress I am allergic to, and the "normals" are not.

I mean I have a child, plus a sick mom, and a freeloading brother, so there is responsibility... But once again I'm out of a job because my MH took a nose dive, so have to start from scratch. Again

Which is a different kind of stress.

Idk I'm just rambling at this point, its my first day home.

I found when I had a full time job my mental health was probably at its best. I think it was because I was so busy! However it was only me that I had to worry about as I had no SO and have no kids. But still have to find time to go shopping for food and things like that !

Now I don't know! My SO copes really well with having a full time job, spending time with me, exercising, shopping, laundry, eating healthy etc. I also have friends who do the same. I admire them all so much.

I'm doing a masters and working over a full time week at the moment and I literallycan't cope. I'm finding it so hard to balance it with making sure I take breaks, hygiene stuff, making sure I eat healthy meals etc. If my mum wasn't here to help I don't even think I'd eat anything of substance as I'd beat myself up too much about taking the time to make it.

I dunno... i think it's finding a balance and some of us struggle more I suppose. I think it's easier if you like your work!

This kind of reminds me of my life about 4-5 years ago. Only replace the child with a mother that has abused and manipulated you your whole life who now has a terminal cancer diagnosis and expects you to be her primary care giver and add in an uncle who is a recovering alcoholic who's been in and out of jail his entire life who freeloads and lives off disability (this isn't meant to be offensive to people who actually need disability) who spends half of his disability money on weed and the rest on whatever for himself, and a step father who works 60 hours a week, yet can't budget his money properly and power or water is shut off every other month and there isn't enough food in the house despite him making $19 an hour. That was probably the most pressure that I had to deal with in my life and it got so bad that I had to admit myself in psychiatric lockup after 4-6 months of dealing with it because I lost my mind and couldn't cope at all.

So yeah, I feel ya there. I only wish that I had a better solution for your problems. I wish you the best though!

You know I am not "normal". I have worked in some places where my supervisor was so caring that I found I was getting my emotional needs met at work. Or I was motivated by the competitive nature of the job (For example--in one assignment, I consistently was rated 6th out of about 120 people--in many work environments, the top 10% can do no wrong and the bottom 10% are treated like crap). So when you find the right boss or a job that is a good fit it can actually sooth your mental health issues. Unfortunately, when your boss is toxic and/or you are in a job that you are not suited for--it can make your mental health worse.

I was never normal but did nearly keep up with a house full of kids, more than 4, and go to school or work or just try to care for the kids. Everyone in that house had some diagnosis or other. I feel like I failed, but somehow they turned out good overall. Stress was always beyond max and I did wind up being hospitalized more than once and needed it more than that. I don't know how norms do it, but I've yet to find one

As you stated, you're not wired to be that way. Some people are wired to be able to do it, just like some people are wired to be movie stars, or a body builder, or a rock star playing in front of thousands of fans. Some people just have that ability (I certainly don't), but if you look at it as an ability that some people have, perhaps it will help you to understand it. We're all unique, with our own strengths and weaknesses. Someone who can function well while juggling a lot of projects, to do lists and balls in the air. It's a natural skill.... for me, I would crumble and feel overwhelmed. Also, you never know what they are experiencing on the inside. They could be extremely stressed and breaking down, but not showing it and are still able to maintain a high level of functioning.

I used to go to 12 step meetings and one of they things that they drilled in my head is "don't judge you insides by other peoples outside." People who you think are normal could be struggling on the inside as hard as you are. They are just be pretending to be ok. They will pay for it in some way, via ulcers, stress related illness, emotional break down etc.

What you are trying to do, work and go to school is HARD to do for anyone. I salute you for doing what you are doing. Hang in there

You have a point. Thanks.

What made me want to ask this was a conversation that I had with a relative over the phone. He was going on about how I should switch to night classes and work full time to save up more money. When I mentioned that it would be hard for me because of my mental health, he was all like "well if I can do it you can too".

I'm not upset about this, I was simply trying to understand further how some people can work that hard while others can't. Some people don't seem to realize that no two people are the same, I guess.

And for the record, I'm not weak by any means. I just have trouble taking on a lot of things at once. I have poor multitasking skills and get overwhelmed when faced with a large number of tasks, yet give me 1 or 2 big hard tasks that many people would struggle with, and I would thrive in finishing them.

Mental health issues are hard enough to contend with, but add school and work on top of it, and that's a mountain to climb. I commend you for your achievements and for what you're doing. You should be proud of yourself. Your relative probably doesn't understand how mental health issues can interfere with normal, everyday functioning. He is different and feels you should be the same, but you're not and that's perfectly OK!

And multi tasking is a still that can be developed and worked on, but for some, it may come more naturally than for others. That's just how our natural skills work. I am sure you have other skills that come more easily - we all do.

I am more similar to you in that I get overwhelmed by too many tasks, I am more methodical and need just 1-2 on my plate. Then I can tackle the rest. So, jobs where tons of tasks are thrown at me at once don't work well for me and are much harder for me. It's just the way I function, and that is OK. Same for you, too. Nothing to feel bad about. It's just the way you are. Your strength is being able to tackle the bigger, more challenging tasks that may be harder for others, so kudos to you!

We are all different, and some people falsely believe we can function the same way as they do. That's a failure (or rather a misconception on their part).

Just do what feels right and most manageable for YOU. That's what matters the most. (((((Hugs)))))

Thanks.

Since starting school, one thing about myself that I've learned is that I am slow when it comes to doing things mentally. As such, I get overloaded when I have to study for a lot of things at once or take on a lot of smaller responsibilities. As such, I have been having to learn how to prioritize tasks based on criteria, such as importance and difficulty. For example, I am enrolled in 3 classes right now; math, government, and my web development major. I consider my government course the easiest, but the least important so I delegate less time to it. My web development to me is my most important, so it takes priority right after my job. Math is my second priority right after my major because I'm behind in my math knowledge due to my poor experiences in high school and math is important to a computer science major, therefore, I prioritize it. Also in doing this, I avoid spending too much time on smaller assignments that are worth a smaller amount of my final grade (for example, a test that is worth 30 points out of 1100). Yes, I dedicate time to my smaller assignments but if I spend more than a certain amount of time on them, I stop doing it in favor of what I deem more important, even if I get a lesser grade on it.

Oh and I'm not stupid by any means, I have more of an accurate type of learning, meaning that I learn more slowly than some people early on, but I can retain how to do a more complex task faster than an average person, which helps me when I'm learning to write computer code.

I am sorry for rambling, I have been having allergy attacks all night and haven't been able to sleep so my mind is in another world right now lol. I hope I made sense.

I'm just rambling at this point so

The people you are talking about are people that take things on "gradually" instead of trying to do too much all at once. And anyone can struggle with stress if they take on too much. This is what contributed to the crash in the economy. Not only that but it's important to look at the fact sheet rather than just what people "look like" they have too. A lot of Americans are living from paycheck to paycheck and have a lot of debt and not very much saved. Then there are a lot of individuals who have accumulated a lot of college loan debt, graduated and can't find work. What is "normal" is that it is a challenge to stay afloat period.

Your prioritization of tasks and classes is very SMART!!! So again, even more kudos to you!!!! Keep up the great work! I think you're doing fantastic!

ps: I learn slowly too, but can handle large, complex tasks that some could not.

Managing mental health issues is a huge responsibility. Depending on the mental health challenges that an individual has, it could certainly be looked upon as a sixty to eighty hour a week job where you are on call 24/7. 'Normal' folks don't have to add a full time job, school, and family responsibilities to a life that already includes a sixty to eighty hour a week job where you are always on call - they add those things to the blank slate they call 'their life'.

Often, those with mental health issues are already overwhelmed with what is on their plate before they begin adding those things that normal folks consider basic.

DIMF, your prioritizing sounds very good. I'll also add to what others said, don't judge yourself, by the appearance of other people. You never know what's going on in someone else's life. Looks can be deceiving.

I'm just 20 and still a student, I've never had a job yet and I can't hold myself to get a driver's license (in my country you can't get it until you're 18, so I'm 2 years "late"). I feel really worried about the future because I would like the future me to have a job and be successful in it and also becoming a mom, but if my future self happens to be like my present self, then I would be found crying everyday and having breakouts.
I'm so terrified of this happening... My classes already stress me out so imagine having more responsibilies

I don't know how other people do it. But I have to say that my parents look to be really dissatisfied and my father has always gotten angry for anything and my mom always told me "he's just tired after coming from work" and when I say always, I really mean ALWAYS. My parents have been terrible examples yet when I get to my boyfriend's house, everything's clean, they're pretty chill and enthusiastic. These are the types that make you think "how do they do it?"
And if it wasn't because of my bf's parents and even my uncles (also chill people), I would have thought that being an adult= being always sad and stressed. But it all depends in the person!

They don't do it. They burn out and pay the price sooner or later.

I think that is probably right.

I don't know anyone who truly "does it all" they are always sort of robbing peter to pay paul. I work 40 hours a week but I could not imagine dating or having kids. There is just too much work to do all of that and work 40 hours a week. My sister would tell you she works but truth is, she can't really keep up with working. Her husband works 40 hours a week but she usually can only keep a job like 6 months or so followed by 27 weeks or longer unemployment. Also, though they only have one kid BIL's mom takes care of him for a lot of the day.

I find their lives to be unadulterated hell. Pretty sure she hasn't had sex with her husband in years and pretty much just tolerates him for the kid and both have long given up any fun of their own and pretty much just do what the kid wants in their off hours.

I do agree with the poster who said some people are just wired that way and the one who says it can catch up with you. I worked full time and went to school full time while getting my Bachelors and worked full time and went to college at night for my MBA/CPA with a husband and a toddler. My social life was packed, my house and car were spotless, I ate well and worked out daily and was active in church. Yes, I was a perfectionist and overachiever until I slammed into the wall of MI and had a major breakdown. I haven't been the same since. My pdoc will not release me to work even a part time job. I miss that person sometimes.
Ironically, I was an overachiever as a result of an extremely dysfunctional childhood and I was trying to prove my worth.

I think you're doing an awesome job (particularly your persistence with the buses as transportation-I wouldn't have the patience). Kudos to you and best wishes for continued success. Sending big hugs.

That's entirely all too familiar

Hi sis!

(just kidding)

I happen to be male but, yeah

I think it's all very individual. I do much better being very busy because then I plan everything and everything falls into place neatly. When I have too much free time I don't do well because I get too distracted and can't get myself together. So I love too be busy. I like saying "less time you have, more you can get done". Yup. That's me. But other people operate differently. No right or wrong way

And I don't think anyone is truly "normal". Sure I don't have diagnosed MI yet I don't know if I am that normal lol. My DH has MI issues and I don't. Yet I often act obsessively and he doesn't. Yet he is the one with OCD, not me. I can't concentrate either yet don't have ADD. We often laugh about it.

Hang in there. You are doing great!

You end up getting out of touch with yourself, bc you are setting the bar high externally and shutting out your own inner voice in my experience of working huge hours in academia and juggling personal life. People will go along time on fumes, and then crash. You almost don't check in with yourself or be a person anymore. I am sure there are those people with awesome early childhoods brain chemicals no trauma- whatever who thrive, but some people who make it look easy on the outside pay a price on the inside eventually.