How are you coping today? #4

I had a productive day, but was also somewhat isolated. I have made the decision to try harder to show up to social things. I often feel glad when I do.

I'm coping today by taking the day off. I just want to truly relax and take it easy.

I've been reading & I just had a good breakfast.

I’m about to completely freak out but my family thinks I’m totally fine since I’m holding it together so well in front of them. I mean is a double life that’s only shown online considered dissociative personality disorder… not looking for an answer I’m just wondering why I’m one way online and one way in real life. One of my therapists mentioned possible selective mutism.

Edit: I just had some popcorn and a pack of Quest protein peanut butter cups. Which were the first things I’ve eaten since 6PM last night. So I feel somewhat more stable now.

Hope you don't mind my replying but a young relation had selective mutism, in their case it was a response to a traumatic episode. They wouldn't speak in school at all but as soon as they were collected would talk.

I don't see why it couldn't be the same online. At the same time I know myself I find it much easier to write something down than vocalise it

My mom has also spoken for me my whole life. When I am asked a question she jumps in and answers it for me. She still does it. So I wonder if that is part of my issue. I also didn’t start talking until I was 4 and then after I started talking I was really shy and I’d often ignore teachers and my aunts and uncles but I’d be comfortable around my mom, dad, sister, and brother and a few friends and my some of my cousins. I’d often be quite silly and goofy and energetic around safe people. Now I just ignore everyone except my mom and whatever therapist I’m working with at the time. Even my brother who lives with me I don’t talk to. If someone asks me something I’m ok answering. But I can’t hold up a conversation at all in real life. I often wonder if there’s something neurologically wrong with me since it’s gotten so much worse. I think the only things I said to family at our vacation was “good.” And “I’m fine” I did talk to the 3 and 5 year old a bit when no one was around and they were asking me stuff. I also asked my aunt where the water was. People think I come off as being rude when I am often physically (at least it feels that way) unable to talk.

It my birthday today it could have been better. But something tells me I should stay home today anyway had my niece didn’t get Covid.

Happy Birthday, Buffy! Sorry to be so late. I hope your niece will be ok.

I took a Klonopin and I'm drinking iced coffee. That's how I'm coping. Later I will do a meditation.

I coped well. I wasn’t productive but I wasn’t moody either and I kept my anxiety to myself. I didn’t worry too much about anything. I didn’t even think about that weird spot on me. I’ve had socks on for 2 days. So it’s been kinda out of sight out of mind. Although I guess I should check on it.

I have been coping pretty good.

I'm trying to tame the anger I have felt towards life and certain people in it.

You say this so beautifully. You are a poet. Thank you! I hope all that you are looking for comes true!

I am happy overall.

So far this morning I have been listening to beautiful music & playing games.

I am feeling depressed.

today, in the UK, is freedom day (basically a lifting of any lockdown restrictions that still remain)
so now: not only can I no longer use lockdown as a safety net, but I'm sat here thinking.. where the **** is my freedom?. everyone has some, but what about
mine?

my life really does suck- specially when you get to days like today and realise how little you had before as well as now..

I’m trying today but it’s hard. I got a therapy session set up for tomorrow morning. I plan on telling her everything. I’m not sure how she’ll react since this is only our second session. I keep getting these intrusive bad memories and I’m not sure why. I thought I was ok with my past. But lately I’ve been having these starring spells because I’m remembering something that happened in 2007 or something and then I have to claw myself back to the right now. It’s been happening a lot. But today I’m just trying to survive. I haven’t watched the news in several days because I don’t want to know how bad things are in the world.

I have my slider open and it's cool out. So I am trying to relax. I had a back procedure done today. I have some discomfort so it's important that I relax. I may watch Hulu for a while.

I am coping better than I was before, but still feeling like I'm having to make everything go back to normal after the chaos I have been through recently.

I messaged three of my friends this morning. So that feels good. And I posted in my online therapy room. I feel like I'm getting good socialization.

Freedom day was some stupid name made up (by either government or right wing press) honestly it's such a load of nonsense and you aren't alone. Many people are feeling more imprisoned than ever.

Take care of you and do something nice for yourself, a favourite tv show or film maybe. Hang on in there.

I been feet really down again.

Today it’s been more physical then mental health. Although there were a lot of mental health things to be anxious about. I thought I was getting a cold this morning. But then it was ok after I woke up. Now I’m just tired and a bit washed out but it looks like I have another UTI. So that’s probably why I feel crappy physically. I just can’t seem to get these under control. I’m trying to keep it hidden from my mom so I hope she doesn’t notice the frequent bathroom trips I’ve been making all day. She’s in the bathroom now and I hope she doesn’t see the positive test I just did thats in the garbage.

My therapist just says I have Health anxiety. Yeah I know I do. Although I’m also worried I have some kind of treatment resistance UTI. But I see two doctors on Wednesday and Thursday who I hope will do exams and lab work.

Felt just fine this morning, but after a chat about blame with my therapist I felt extremely triggered. It's so good to talk about but I just am so not used to dealing with my hard emotions.

I'm coping by playing games and drinking iced coffee.