How can I control my emotions around toxic coworkers?

I see your point. My point however is simple, she will probably continue to make nasty remarks towards fat people & get away with it too unless someone does something about it.

It’s as bad as someone using the N word.. If she made a joke about black people, would you brush it off if she just apologized for things? Probably not.

Also, someone said that a customer could possibly sue the company or maybe her for harassment or discrimination, so in a way, I’m doing the company a favor by educating them to NOT tolerate that crap!

She said that in front of a few customers btw. The company could easily loose customers who would be offended by that statement. Joke or not.

Do you now see what I mean? It’s not just about me. It’s NOT OK to fat shame people & discrimnate against fat people & act like being thin makes you automatically better than a fat person!

I thought you’d know better than that! How would YOU feel if a woman rude insensitive person like her made a comment about how cheap Jewish or Indian people are in front of you, even as a joke? Would you be OK with everything if she merely apologized for her mistake?

I don’t think that’s enough as I doubt she was sincere forone. It was clear she was making fun of me for being fat. Two, she needs to be told it’s inappropriate by H.R as an incentive to not do it again or risk loosing her job. As I said, the company could be sued over this. Get my point now?

Or maybe insulting fat people is just OK? Am I supposed to act like I wasn’t being laughed at & discrimnated to my face? I don’t think so.

I bet you’d have a lot more compassion & empathy for someone who was the victim of a racial joke sadly. Most people don’t care about the feelings of overweight people.

You obviously weren’t there. You didn’t see or hear her go on & on about how small & petite she was. The way she looked at me made me feel as if she wanted or was expecting me to compliment her on how small & skinny she is, lol. Not kidding!

She stopped trying to train me immediately after that as if she was upset that I didn’t treat her like she was above me for being thin, lol. Not jealous btw. That is an observation & a fact.

We might as well be subhuman. I don’t expect you to get that as you seem to think I don’t deserve any respect from anyone whatsoever.

It’s like I have to suck up to everyone no matter how badly they treat me & how dare I speak up & stick up for myself period. I should be grateful that I have a job, seriously?

She apologized and thanked you correcting her by pointing out to her that the term to use instead of Big Momma is plus-sized. Why do you think that she will continue using Big Momma after she expressed her gratitude to you for showing her the way?

And no, fat shaming and racial jokes aren't the same. Race is a protected category under federal and state law. You cannot discriminated based on race. Race is a long-standing protected category. Size, as of yet, is not a protected category. There is a big divide. You might feel the sting of being fat shamed, but it is not, yet, the kind of grievance that translates into a discrimination-based complaint under the current law. It might one day (but how do you define fat and fat shaming? a slippery slope) but currently it is not. San Fransisco is an exception but you are not in SF. "Only a few jurisdictions in California, including San Francisco, have a prohibition against height, weight, or size discrimination. In places where there are no such specific laws, you may be able to rely on general disability discrimination and harassment laws." But you are not disabled based on your size and I doubt that what you are describing rose to the level of harassment. By the way, you are saying that men would be sued for harassment based upon mere looks they give women. I do not think that the scope of harassment is as broad or as nebulous as to include mere looks.

So you do want to get her in trouble, but you are delaying doing so until you no longer need this job.

I never said it’s ok to be rude or discriminate anyone.

You can’t sue for harassment based on how one looked at you. Men can’t be sued for looking at someone. You perceived it as they looked at you certain way because you think they don’t like that you are heavy. But that’s your perception. Plus you yourself said that you “made a face” at a woman. You’d not like to be reported or sued for that. It’s not a grievable offense

When you report this woman and she’s being asked what happened, she’ll tell them that she used rude term but when it was pointed out to her she apologized, corrected herself and thanked a person for pointing it out. Obviously she won’t be in trouble for any of that as she already corrected her actions.

So what exactly is your goal here? Also what type of punishment you want for her? To get her fired? It won’t happen. What are you trying to accomplish?

You asked what I would do. I would do exactly what you did. Tell the person it’s a wrong term and it shouldn’t be used. At no point I said you should suck it up. You should correct the person and you did.

I don’t know what you mean by looking at you “inappropriately”. Like how? It’s subjective. You assumed it’s because they didn’t like your looks. But there’s no way to know

If you said hi and no one answered, it’s certainly rude and you’ll encounter rude people everywhere you go. It’s not something you can sue for or get people fired for not saying hi to you. It’s unpleasant but courses of actions you want to take are extreme.

Of course you can also quit your job because someone didn’t say hi to you or looked at you the way you didn’t like.

Bragging how skinny one is is extremely obnoxious. But again not reportable or grievance worthy offense. No I wasn’t there but I meet dumb people on a regular basis. The fact that she “made you feel” some type of way or wanted your compliments is subjective and arbitrary.

Yes. Idc what anyone thinks. She deserves it. I hate fat shamers.

She was bullying me. It’s obvious that she was calling ME the ‘fat momma’ indirectly. Then she rubbed it in my face how skinny she is by repeatedly telling me how small, petite & skinny she is in the petite section.

She needs to be taught a lesson. She is a nasty rude bully. Bullying people is against H.R policy. They will probably discipline her for that, lol. A fake apology isn’t enough.

I despise bullies.

If someone called you the B word at work, would you just let it go if they apologized for it?

I’m not going to quit my job just yet. I need the money unfortunately. I would if it were easy to get another job, but it’s not.

I doubt I’ll stay there for long. I can’t deal with working with THAT many rude & insensitive people at work. Dealing with one or two is somewhat tolerable depending on things, but that many? I can’t do it.

She deserves what exactly?

I’m not trying to sue anyone. I just want her to ne properly disciplined so she is less likely to use that offensive term again.

I’m still going to do it. I hate fat shamers. She needs to be told that it’s wrong by H.R so that she never repeats those words at work again for fear of loosing her job.

I don’t care if you think I’m being unreasonable or whatever. I intend to make her pay for fat shaming me.

It sure is. She pissed me off so much that I intend to get back at her before I leave. I hate fat shamers & women who act like they’re better then me for being skinny. I’m not jealous, they just disgust & annoy me.

Maybe she will get written up, who knows? I will tell them she was bullying me. I’m obviously the ‘big momma’.

Bullying is against H.R policy, so she will get in trouble for that, lol.

What do you mean it’s not easy? It’s easy to get job in retail. They are always desperate. These are low pay transient jobs, they always hire. Try tjx company ( tjmax, Marshall, Homegoods, Sierra etc). They have jobs working strictly in the back. You won’t be around people.

Go to a big shopping plaza and apply to each store. See what happens.

Or are you talking about other jobs? Yes something that requires qualifications is harder to find. Or if you are talking about full time with benefits? Yes it’s harder. Not part time retail

She won’t be written up for something you plan on reporting long time after it happened and after you left the company and what she apologized for and corrected her actions for. At this point it would look like “hear say” and a personal vendetta for whatever reason.

If you truly believe that what she did isn’t forgivable, then report her now. You can’t be fired for reporting people. But keep in mind you’ll be looked at as a drama stirring person as she already corrected her doings. Yet you feel the need to pursue punishment after apology was given

"What Would Jesus Do?"

Remember the WWJD bracelets? To remind us to treat others with compassion. Justice is not ours, it is his.

You are just adding to the prickliness in the room, don't you see that? Kindness is a much better defense than a punishing offense. TRUE kindness, not just an act covering up planned hostilities. Other's actions shouldnt change who you really are.

"An eye for an eye" makes the whole world blind.

It’s not considered bullying. She didn’t refer to you as fat. And she apologized for calling that section offensive name.

Bullying would be if she called you fat and not stopping after you asked her to. Her thinking that she’s better than you or making fun of you is your perception. You can’t be written up for what someone assumes you might be thinking. Yes calling section big momma isn’t acceptable. But it cannot be grieved as personal bullying.

Your assumption that she thinks she’s better than you might be incorrect.

Years ago I was very long term sick and due to that unable to eat, I lost a ton of weight and was barely getting through the day. It would be horrid to assume I thought I was better than anyone because I was skinny. I wished I was heavy, that would be a significant sign that I could eat. My aunt has incurable cancer. She’s thin like a stick.

You don’t know why she is thin or what she thinks. Don’t assume things about people. She made a mistake and apologized. Why such hatred towards strangers. Only after a few days on the job.

I think you feel bad about yourself and you project that other people feel bad about you. That’s a vicious cycle.

You got a new job. Focus on learning skills and procedures and focus on being a good employee and getting the pay check. Stop focusing on what people might think of you. Most people are so busy on the job they don’t have time to worry about who looks at them. Focus on learning the job skills, memorizing the steps and rules and gaining experience, not on punishing people you don’t even know.

You asked how can I control my emotions around toxic coworkers.

First these coworkers are not toxic. Nothing you’ve written says that they rise to that level.

You need insight into your thinking ing process to control your emotions. You seem to hate yourself so you ascribe bad qualities to normal behavior.

The woman who said big mama. Was likely brought up to think skinny is good. And was insecure and wanted you to affirm that. Instead you were insulted and told her off. She did apologize. So this is over with. Let it go. But no you are determined to “punish” her for your feeling bad. That bad feeling comes from your thought not hers.

Separate incident, three people did not respond to your good morning. That’s not toxic. It’s not an attack. There can be many reasons and none of them have to do with you. You need to change your thoughts from negative to positive to control you negative emotion. Instead of saying they are rude, they hate me, say they are self preoccupied and are not even thinking about me. And let it go. Then your emotion will not be a hateful one.

To change you emotions you need to change your thoughts, which seem to come from a place of self hate.

To be taught that it’s NOT OK to bully & fat shame me specifically. She targeted me for sure.

It’s obvious that she’s a bully. Bullying IS against H.R policy. In the plus sized department she kept repeating the phrase big momma, big momma to many times to count.

Why else would she go on & on about being petite & skinny & small. She was not referring to the department, but herself specifically.

It was disgusting. I felt like she was expecting me to tell her that she looks great or something with the way she talked & acted.

Anyone would. She was rubbing it in my face that ‘I’m the big fat momma & she’s the perfect petite lady.

I’m livid! I hate bullies. How dare she do that to me.

We already established that calling a department “big momma” was very wrong. She herself acknowledged that it’s wrong.

She didn’t bully you though. You keep saying that you “think” she feels this or that. Your thoughts and feelings are valid but they aren’t facts. You can’t make reports for something you feel other people might be thinking about you.

You think and feel all kind of negative thoughts about many people. You can’t be punished for that because those are just your thoughts. But with this woman you don’t even know what she’s thinking. You just assume

She could actually feel insecure about her weight the same way you are insecure about yours. That’s why maybe she talks about it. Same with being petite. Finding petite clothes is hard. Maybe that’s why she’s talking about it.

Of course you could report people for anything and everything but would it make you happy? HR would likely ask why do you think she was talking about you and your weight? Are you going to say “I think she was talking about me”? That’s just not how it works.

Not every retail job is super easy to get. I was rejected for a seasonal stock position at Nordstrom Rack. I was grilled at that interview.

I want a f/t job with benefits. Finding one that doesn’t require heavy lifting or any special computer skills is almost impossible to find.

I’d accept a p/t position too. I’m going to look into per sitting position. I’m not sure if I need experience for that.

I understand that. I’m still going to report her when the time comes. I felt bullied.

I don’t always think negative things about other people. I did mention a few nice coworkers too.

People tend to be mean to me for no good reason. I don’t deserve to be mistreated.

Of course I’m going to complain about people who disrespect me & bully me.

you definately do not deserve to be miss treated

Sorry to hear about you being sick. She definitely insinuated that I’m fat.

You weren’t there obviously. I just got a bad bibe from her. I don’t think that I’m assuming anything.