Nowhere To Go, No-one To Turn To...

Because it gives me something to concentrate other than myself and my problems I guess... I guess I just want to know her and what she's like so that I can sort things out with her eventually.

Do you want to stay focused like this?

You could work on you first and then sort out with her later????? It will be easier for you to sort out relationships if you have yourself sorted out a little first?????

No, I don't want to stay focused liike that.

I don't know, I'm not thinking rationally and I know I'm not. Ugh. Tonight is really not gonna be good. I'm in so much pain it's unbearable and everyone at the moment is just being awful and I can't stand it and would rather die than be here with this sometimes. Gaaaahh!

Calm healing hugs (((((ThePainNeverDies))))) Calm healing hugs

It is okay TPND. We have all been there. Working through the unhelpful thoughts behaviors is how we get better..........

What are they doing, and what (besides dying ) would get you through it (or away from it) fastest?

Trying to make out that I set up Richard getting beaten up by a friend of mine for sexual harrassment with intent. They keep trying to put words in my mouth and now act like I'm nothing to them,so I feel like putting two fingersup to them all over again and just saying "well f--k everyone at the ymca. I do a hell of a lot for you and you're making me out to be some vengeful ***** who gets a hit man to beat the guy up that tried to rape her,so that she can feel justice has been served" Pfft.

What would get me through it? Takingmyself away from the situation, which I am now doing. Screw them.

Good for you, (((((TPND))))) - what they're doing just is not right or fair, and you don't deserve to be treated that way.

TPND, some troublemaking people just need to be overlooked...............

Taking yourself away sounds more effective and more satisfactory all around than arguing with them or flipping them off. Here's a Zen story for you: 3. Is That So?

By the way, I'm not familiar with the gesture that you're describing...
...but I imagine it might carry a somewhat similar meaning to one that we do with one finger over here.

Yes, it would. I could use one finger instead, but two fingers sounds better :P

I'm taking myself away now. Can't be arsed with the fighting and arguments. It gets me nowhere and just makes me feel a million times worse.. Like OD'ing or something again, which I was very close to last night. But I knew I was seeing counsellor today and I could talk about it.

So, I spoke to her about it and told her how much weight I've lost and stuff and how my eating's been. She asked me to do another food diary and see her every month to see how I'm getting on.

Blahhh. Don't feel good at all. Have eaten half a sandwich and a bit of salad today.. I couldn't face anything else.

for everyone

Thanks Sannah. Not feeling much better today tbh, I had to go have an assessment (again) and got some info on After Adoption support, which I'm kinda scared about, but I guess it's a step forward, being able to get to know others who have been adopted and their experiences. I have to go to some housing meeting or something on the 25th, which I don't really want to do, but I guess I need to...

I'm still feeling really ill today, wish I could've just stayed in bed, but I needed to get up for the damned assessment and now have a huge lump at the back of my mouth near my right wisdom tooth, even though that came through aaaaages ago. It's on the side and means I can't bite down properly, which makes eating even more difficult, so I'm trying to stick to liquids which I know isn't good, but it's better than nothing I guess.

My whole body aches, especially my jaw and I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take! It's so irritating because I can't even lie on my right side in bed which is how I'm most comfortable when trying to sleep! Didn't sleep until about 4am this morning, so woke up feeling awful. Tried drinking a cup of tea to help me feel better, but it just hurt my mouth. Gaaaahhhh!

Ugh. It's such a beautiful day outside and yet I don't even feel like going outside... I feel like hiding away, but the sun's so bright and warm and glorious that I just feel the need to go out. I know I ought to go out.

Bleh. I feel icky today

Are you going to get that lump checked out? Did you make it outside to enjoy the weather?

I made it outside. I was outside most of today and wore a skirt for the first time in years... I felt very self conscious and anxious, but I made it outside with a friend and stayed outside for quite a while.

I haven't yet had the lump checked, but I can't go to my dr today or tomorrow, so it'll have to wait until Monday I guess. It hurts so much. I can't do anything with the right side of my mouth. Even talking hurts

Blah.

TPND, I do not recommend trying to wait it out! If it's a tooth abscess or other infection, it's likely to get worse before it gets better. The dentists I know treat such things as emergencies and will try to fit in patients on the same day, if only to examine them and get them started on antibiotics. If what you have turns out to require a tooth extraction or other surgery, you might have to live with it for a week or so anyway while the antibiotics take hold.

In case you haven't guessed I've been there and done that, though mine weren't as bad as yours sounds. Other friends, though, have had it even worse. Take care of yourself!!!

Hmmm. I'm thinking on it. I just don't want to make a fuss out of it. It's on my right gum, not on, behind or in front of my wisdom tooth, but just by the side of it at the back of my cheek. It's quite hard and very painful to even talk. I now have a bit of a lisp because of it, which is extremely annoying.

It's not like I even have a dentist to go and see. You can hardly see it, it's not huge, but it's big enough to get in the way of my teeth. Heh. Strange how that's happened when I've been told to avoid practically all foods apart from fruit, veg and chicken and considering the fact that I hardly eat as it is..

I can hardly lift my head anymore because it takes so much energy. It's really odd, but at the same time... I know why it's happening and a part of me really feels like I just don't care. :/

Anything like this?

You don't have to have one (though, I hate to tell you, that might even have something to do with how you came to have this problem in the first place). In emergencies it's "any port in a storm" and if it's really an abscess, it's an emergency. Call whomever you'd call if you had any other medical emergency, say a broken leg, and ask them to suggest some likely dentists. They probably already keep a list for just such occasions.

That's not how you go about taking good care of yourself. You're not doing SI by dental abscess, are you?

You don't want an infection in your head. Your brain is very close by.......

It kinda does sound like what you linked me to, but I went to my dr yesterday and she poked and prodded and made me scream in pain and said "I think it's just trauma from where you've hit your face or your wisdom teeth have trapped the skin" ...But I know for a fact it is NOT that.

I rang a few dentists yesterday and have to sign up. Ughhhh. I'm going to see if it's gone down by Monday and if it hasn't, that's it. I'm not taking the pain any longer. I'll go to a dentist or the hospital and demand it gets treated because it's causing me to have an embarrassing lisp and it's very frustrating when I can't say specific words because it hurts! I've had to wait for drinks to cool down for an hour before I can drink them, I've had to only eat soft foods like boiled vegetables or just have soup, I can't even have bread. It took me an hour to eat my dinner last night and Connor sat watching me which made it even worse.. It was boiling hot too and i just had to suck on it to break it down

No, I'm not doing SI by dental abscess. I couldn't do that. This kind of pain is something I cannot stand! I have to keep my jaw open allllll the time and all my teeth feel horrible because they're not being used

((((((((((((((((((TPND))))))))))))

you are certainly going through the mill

just letting you know i am still here thinking of you - take care

P7

((((TPND)))), please stop messing around with that abscess. I get frequent abscesses now because of my immune-system disorder; since I'm allergic to antibiotics, I can't have my teeth cleaned even. I use warm salt-water rinses and a warm, wet washcloth on the outside of the cheek to help draw out the infection and to soothe the pain. The last really bad abscess I had, the tooth had to be pulled without anesthetic (allergic), and it was really risky because of no antibiotics. Like everyone else has said, this is nothing to play around with. There are plenty of archeological finds of skulls clearly showing that the individual died from an abscessed tooth - it can go right through the bone, into your sinus cavities, and can even abscess into the brain. All a dentist needs to do is examine it, x-ray it, start antibiotics, and get you in to see an oral surgeon ASAP!!! This is a real emergency situation and needs to be treated as such immediately.

ok while im focused....

first - congrat on festival yay!!!!!!!

second - it sounds like an abscess - even breathing through your mouth iwll hurt - on monday go in to a dentists surgery and tell them and imm sure they will fit you in as an emergency - chosse a practice if you can -
it can infect other teeth so needs to be taken care of ok.

Please take care of you.
couldnt get into your pic - said unavailable? even joined facebook to see pic

ok my dear friend - as to your twin - she has her talents and you have yours - two seperate individuals - i dont know her but i do know you from here only but i still feel i know you = and i am proud to have you as a friend - so make sure you get that tooth fixed and let us know ok



p.s., if money is a factor go to a dental hospital - southampton - basingstoke? both should have one - not sure if basingstoke is near you

(((((TPND))))) I can't even begin to say how much I have admired your spirit. These have been things that put a lot of people out of commission just one at a time, and you get them in bunches!

The tooth::: this might be from an extra wisdom tooth trying to get in. My poor husband had all four of his in and suddenly got something like what you described. Turned out it was wisdom tooth #5. Right. Obviously. Anyway, it abcessed and they warned him that it should bet removed as soon as possible because the infection can play havouc with the bone.

As to the reaching the set point you have for your weight: don't believe it. When you do, the glitch in your head will move the point lower and insist you reach that weight instead. Been there, done that, saw the movie, wasn't worth the ticket.

Your rage: sounds to me that you are used to telling yourself you have to deserve to be angry, and when someone gave you a VERY VERY good reason to be so, the dam broke and everything you were saving up came out. I wouldn't say it is just depression. It sounds like you finally reacted to a horrible situation where your boundaries were grossly violated with the anger that was appropriate. No one has the right to insist that you put up with that so that they can feel comfy with their actions or their choice of friends. You have a right to all your emotions, even if you aren't (or are) depressed.

I hope you are feeling better. Congrats on the festival. I've been watching the thread for a while but haven't had an open slot to comment till now. Keep taking care of yourself.

Thank you P7, Lynn and Lonegael.


I am not going to mess about with this tooth and cheek stuff. I have been taking painkillers and doing saltwashes and warm cloths etc. I am going to get to a dentist tomorrow. I have had a hectic day today because I had a meeting about this new flat and got given the keys, didn't know I was going to be given the keys or be moving in today, so nothing's packed and gahhhh! It's all over the place. But yeah. I'm going to a dentist tomorrow as soon as I can to get this tooth sorted.

P7, thank you for feeling proud to have me as a friend. I do try really hard to cope and to help other people, I think all you people here know I do. I just find it hard sometimes.

Lonegael, thank you. That really gives me a boost of confidence and pride.. If that makes sense.. I am used to telling myself that I deserve to be angry and I used ot hold it in alllllll the time, but now that I've been seeing a decent therapist and working very hard, I'm beginning to realise that I don't deserve half the s--t I get. I'm finding it hard to realise that, but I'm working on it.

Also, someone I know from the YMCA. He has a girlfriend, Kayla. I had never met her before but he always told me how she makes him soooo angry and how she always shouts at him, cries, moans and that nothing he ever does is enough for her.

Ha! Quite the opposite when I finally met her! Wonderful, pretty girl. Only 16, lovely personality, low self esteem, mental health issues, family issues and trust issues. She came to me because I have been through exactly what she is going through now and people told her that I'd be able to help. So, she came to me and I briefly told her my story and as I went along, stopped to let her relate and such and talk about her situation. As time progressed, he was showing his true colours and they were things that I didn't like to see.

He yells at her, pushes her around, screams at her, tells her to f--k off and calls her awful names, acting like she does everything wrong. He knows that she hates loud, sudden noises, that she hates shouting, that she hates people standing really close to her when they're angry. She hangs her head when he talks to her, she covers her ears and curls up in a ball when he shouts, she bawls her eyes out and begs him to stop but no, he just says 'f--k you'. He moves closer to her everytime she backs away and tells her what a useless piece of s--t she is.. Even in front of me. She reminds me of myself when I was abused and she does NOT deserve it at all. She does nothing for him to be like it. I'm fuming! I won't let him in my flat and I've told him if he's going to keep being like this, I'll have her stay at my flat to chill out and to just feel better and loved and cared about, unlike how him and her family make her feel. I've said that she deserves better and she needs support, not his bulls--t. It's not putting pressure on me, it's upsetting me I admit. But that's just because I know exactly how it feels and she just does not deserve it.

I have made a promise to myself that if i see him hit her, that'll be it. I will go to the police and I will tell them. I cannot and will not tolerate a 16 year old girl, or any female, being beaten up by her boyfriend or any male. Especially not in MY flat and in front of ME.

You know, all the times that he's made her cry, or yelled at her or done anything to upset or hurt her, she's run to me. I'll be sat in my bedroom or in the kitchen or somewhere else and she'll run to me, grab my hand and I'll cuddle her and just stroke her hair, her back, give her hands a gentle rub and tell her that I love her, that I care, that he's the one in the wrong and she doesn't deserve it and that I'll always be there for her whenever she needs me, day or night, morning or evening, I'm there. That's all she needs. Just a hug. A gentle hug, a soothing voice, understanding and even just a rub on the back, or someone playing with her hair, or just anything soothing. I know she's not a little kid, but she has problems and she's working on them with a therapist and with me. This is one person that I know I can help and that will accept my help and appreciate it and not use me etc. This is one person that I will NOT give up on. She couldn't speak to her mother when she phoned the other night, so I spoke to her for her and her Mother put on the fake water works to me and begged me to let her talk to her Daughter. I asked Kayla "Kayla. Please talk to your Mum, even just to let her know you're ok. Please?" She said no, she couldn't, she just wanted to chill out and relax, feel happy. So, I relayed that message. Fair enough, right? That's all I want to do. Is just help the poor girl. She deserves it, she deserves love and care. Honesty, a decent guy to look after her and love her with all his heart, do everything that he can to help her. I've said that if she can't have that from a guy, she gets it from me. I've been helping her with her therapy too. She says she can't tell her therapist certain things because they'll get social services or the police involved, but I have reassured her that fom my experiences of talking about abuse, the therapists I have seen have never involved any local authorities. I have told her she is safe. If she can't talk about it, write it. She has promised to try and that's all I ask.

Jeez, I just want this kid to be safe. Unlike I was. She's such a pleasant and wonderful girl and all she needs is some love and attention. She cut herself in my bathroom yesterday and did I yell? No. I guessed it could happen and when she went to the bathroom, I left her for a few minutes to calm down, then knocked on the door and asked was she okay? She said no, so I asked her to let me in. She said no and I told her I just wanted to give her a cuddle and make sure she was okay, so she let me in. Even though I knew what she'd done without seeing it, I still hugged her and comforted her. As soon as he saw her and knew what she'd done, he just yelled at her and treated her like s--t again. Yes, my flat is one place that I tried my hardest not to self harm, it was a new start and she self harmed in my flat, but I didn't care. All I wanted to make sure of was that she was okay.

Anyways, enough about that. I'm tired and my tooth's hurting AGAIN. I'll uhhh talk about this some other time.

Thanks for being here everyone..