How do you know if someone is depressed

Going to start basic here. Because I can't gather my thoughts to write anything more than basic. so here goes....

Ok.. if you think someone in your family or a friend is depressed, then what are some of the things about them that makes you think they are depressed? What is that person doing or how are they acting to make you think they are depressed? Just what exactly about them gives you the impression they could be depressed? How does a person "feel" when they are depressed?

I am asking these questions because I am concerned about my son. I think I may also have depression issues. Someone once told me that I can't take care of anyone else, if I don't take care of myself first. So to be brave am asking these questions for my son and for myself. Time for me to get real! Just am confused

I don't know if this is possible. But here goes.. I am wondering if he is mirroring my "issues" back to me. Kind of like transference. Ok, I have tons of issues I put on the back burner. I am not living a fulfilled life. But then is anyone? I am kind of existing. But then I am doing things to keep myself busy as to not feel my feelings or deal with my issues. I am prob the problem here too. Maybe because I am "inside" a mess, he somehow reads those vibes, and thinking he has unresolved issues, that we are somehow feeding each other's depression>? Could this be possible? Just thinking out loud and searching.

hi radio flyer,

If you and/or your son are depressed, chances are you'll be showing some of these symptoms:

Depression is often characterized by a lack of energy. A lot of people with depression have problems with sleep, either getting too much or too little (for example, when my depression's at its worst I will sleep for up to 22 hours a day). They may eat too much or hardly at all. They may gain or lose weight. It causes low self-esteem and lack of motivation/interest in previously enjoyed activities. It's more obvious in some people than in others that they're depressed. It can cause crying a lot/very easily, irritability, or restlessness. Depressives are very good at "faking it" -- smiling and pretending everything is fine. We wear a mask in public and around the people we love. I am told by my counsellor (as I have a hard time noticing these things about myself) that when my depression takes hold of me she can see an instant change in the way I carry myself. I have a hard time making eye contact, I don't stand up straight, I almost shuffle when I walk. There's no spring in my step and when I smile it doesn't reach my eyes. My voice gets quiet and there's less expression in my tone. She told me once that it looks a lot like I'm sleepwalking. Depression also includes thoughts of death/dying, thoughts of/attempted suicide or self-harm.

I don't know about your transference theory. It's possible both you and your son are depressed because depression has been shown to run in families (for instance my mother, aunt and grandmother have all suffered from depression). I do know that children pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for, so your son may very well know that you're not feeling right. I can instinctively tell when something is wrong with my parents, especially my mother just by the tone of her voice, and I do adjust my behaviour accordingly. Children tend to take a lot of their cues from their parents as well, so your son may very well be mimicking some of your behaviour, but more importantly your mindsets -- if you're a pessimist, for example, it's likely your son will learn pessimism from you. I'm not sure if you can "transfer" depression as an illness itself, but it seems reasonable to me that your son might be taking on some of the mindsets or behaviours depression causes. (That's just a theory, I'm no expert by any means! It might be something you'd consider asking a psychologist?)

You're right that you won't be able to take care of him properly without also taking care of yourself. Have you talked to your son about any of your issues? What about some of his? Have you discussed the way you and he are feeling with one another and does he think he's depressed? Have either of you been to counselling? I would suggest you get checked out by a doctor, first to clear you of other physical causes for your depressed feelings (thyroid problems, also inherited, for example) and then to get a diagnosis and possibly medication if that's something you'd be open to.

Let us know how you and your son are doing. Good luck

There are plenty of sites that discribe depression you may want google depression symptoms DMV and see what you get.....

basicly if feel like your no longer able to cope the way you use to its time to talk a Dr.....as far as you son go's he could be coping you if he's doing exactly the same behaviours then I'm sure that whats happening but that does not mean he wont need help for him self it just means that will proberly be easier to help him. I have been told my kids must have copied me but they dont have the same behaviours as me NOW they have simular behaviour thay I had when I was young and they were not even born.

Its often said that it never hurts to ask so talk to your Dr please

Hi justfloating

You hit a note with when you said "Depressives are very good at "faking it" -- smiling and pretending everything is fine. We wear a mask in public and around the people we love." Actually your description of depression pretty much fits me. Most of the time I seem to have things under control. Then there are times when I am "vulnerable" and admit to "myself" things are not all that ok...But then I seem to always pull out of it. Guess just admitting I am depressed is the first step......right?

As for my son, I am not sure. He sleeps way too much. He lacks motivation. But then he seems to do only things he "wants" to do. But then I could be wrong in this thinking. This is why I am concerned about him. Because I see in him things I see in myself that means he may be depressed. Guess he falls in that category as you said "Depressives are very good at "faking it" -- smiling and pretending everything is fine. We wear a mask in public." I just need to find a way to talk to him and encourage him that seeing a therapist could be very beneficial to his well being. And that talking to someone is always helpful. It is hard to find that "moment" that he will be receptive.

We both did "therapy time" for about 5 or 6 years many, many, years ago. Before the divorce and therapy, he could talk to me about anything. Sometimes we would walk the dogs in the evenings and just talk. We actually had a great relationship. Not sure if it was the troubling teen years that divided us, and I can't say that the therapist was "helpful" in keeping our communication/relationship strong during those difficult times.

ANyway...I try talking to him and he always resists. I am not going to give up. I will keep trying. I won't give up on him. He means way too much me. I don't know exactly what is "wrong" or going on with him. I just know something just isn't "ok" with him.

Hi mum2four

I've taken the depression quiz here at Psych Central. Unfortunately I never score a "healthy" score. Which means I scored high in being "depressed". Just I did not want to accept it. Believing that I will be ok.... Unfortunately finances won't permit me to see a therapist at this time. But that doesn't mean that therapy is out of the question for me. Just will have to wait for a bit.

As for my son, I don't think it would be a good idea to "wait". He sleeps way too much. He doesn't have a job. He doesn't want to finish a few classes to get his degree. He would have two degrees if he would just take three classes. He doesn't have any motivation whatsoever. So that is why I am thinking he is depressed.

I just got an idea. I will suggest he take an online depression test. That could be his first step. If he get a high score then that could be the time to suggest a therapist..

There are often free therapy services offered by the city (or other government organizations.) They are often time limited and have long wait lists, but if you have to wait anyway you may want to get on a list. As for your son, if he is in school or university (not sure what age he is,) most offer at least short-term counselling.

My children have lived with a depressed mother and father their whole lives (bipolar depression actually). My husband and I have been in therapy for several years. Our therapist kept asking about how the kids were doing. He says, it is pretty inevitable that children who are exposed long-term to parents with mental illness will have some sort of issues surrounding that experience. He isn't saying its our fault. It just is what it is.

Our oldest son became depressed last spring. His grades slipped. He lost all motivation. Fortunately, he recognized the signs in himself and asked us for help. He ended up hospitalized during the summer while he was stabilized. He's doing well now, but it certainly gave us a scare.

You may just need to insist that he see a therapist. Explain that you are concerned with what you are seeing. That you may be wrong, but it won't hurt to check it out. Don't second guess yourself. We were fortunate to get our son help quickly, and even then we almost lost him. Don't wait.

I wish my T and my kids T's did not always tell me that my kids are the way they are because they must have seem it or felt it .....I been told kids ONLY copy what they see come on children are smart and they experiment with there own thoughts and have imagination that love to play tricks on them so why is when children get a mental illness is it automatic because thay saw it lids grow up really bad(NOT ILL) parent and seem to find there way in life...and if they try to use growing up as excuse for bad behaviour they get told that basicly that had a freedom to chooce. If children come up with good things that are in no way copied they say its due to imagination.....so some thing like genetics has play a HUGE part in why kids get mental illnesses. Children who cant perceive body lanuguage and seem unemotional and respond with failed effort to fit in and seem normal are often diagnoised as autisim and asperger.....I have to wonder if children can be born with there emotional recepter(lack of better word) turn down really low or off then its not a huge stretch to think that children can born with thoes same receptor turn up way to high.....I've always felt that I sence body language to easily and I respond extreamly, the exact oppersite to autisim and aspergers. My daughter has alway been the same even as a baby.......so while children may copy I think children who truly become mentally ill very young at like under 10y are more likly because of genetics....specially when the parants cope really well with there illnesses.....to people out side my family I never seemed to be depressed and or anxious and at home I'm able to cope far better than in public and around family (that dont live with me) and friends. My kids dont have my behaviours that I have now thay have the exact behaviours I had when I was there age......How can this be called coping that just crazy....I have never told my kids what i did as child nor has my mum but the funniest thing when I started telling them in a round about way NOT full details they started to open up and talk to me rather than become agressive.....the more thay talk the more they sound like the have the almost the exact thoughts producing the exact behaviour but far more extreamly.....This has to be genetics there no other explianation unless children are reading thoughts......How do children in 3rd world counties grow up and cope with life they more likly to be exposed to things that could make the depressed ect so there is absulotly another explanation but its SO MUCH easier to say it due to lack of parenting and or because thay coppied the behaviours....

I don't think they are "copying" our behaviors, and there certainly is a genetic component to it. But living with parents who have depression, anxiety, poor communication skills, etc. does impact kids. My kids learned how to cope with problems from my example. And you know what? I've been inadverdently "teaching" them poor coping skills. I didn't mean to do it. I tried my best, but sure enough, they handle things very much the same way as they saw me handle them. They aren't "copying" what I do; they're just doing things the only way they know how.

What can I do? Learn better coping skills. Communicate those to my kids. Teach them about my own mental illness so they know what is going on. I'm so glad my son and I had talked enough about it that he felt comfortable coming to me for help.

I have heard parents say the most horrable things to children and they dont have a mental illness if it was not mostly genetic thoes children would also get depressed.....but they seem to cope really well if I even came cloes to saying the things I hear parants say to there kids my kids would have to me put in a padded cell I swear.

I dont think saying it's because you have a mental illness is a good way to put it......all parents do the best with what they know and just because it a mental illness making it harder does not mean its because you have the mental illness it just because you have different lesson to learn that would benifit your kids. Saying if my kids did not see my depression issues they would be fine is just not true cause I beleaive children born to people who have a history of depression in the family will proberly become depressed no matter who raises them if the child is not in professional therapy......it like saying Imy child is at risk a known genetic illness but I give him up so he has a better chance of not getting it....it already locked up in his genetics waiting for the right trigger to set it off just because parent with depression are more likly to have the right trigger to set it off does nopt mean you behaviours are bad for them.....if fact I thinks its better cause your are the expert you are more able to see the signs before it get out of control you are more able to convince a therapist that your child needs help and NOW and the child is not going to be triggered later in life and be bowled over in shock wonder why it happened to them......It just that we have not quite reached a place in the medical world where children can be treated with medication as safly a T is more likly to only option which if you ask me is a better option if you child responds well cause the problem was picked up early enought....

If for NO other reason but for my sanity..... I have to beleaive that its not my fault so I have the strenght to help my kids i dont need to asking my self what I could I have dont different......MY new T has basicly agreeed with my theroy on children and mental illness thay would not blame a parent who is not mentally ill for a mental illness in what sence does it seem positive to try to blame mentally ill parent that even remotly there fault when there is a genetic side to there child getting ill......it make more sence to blame the non mentally ill parant cause there is no genetic history saying mental illness might happen.....

Everything I have read and heard suggest that mental illness is a biopsychosocial problem. It has genetic components, it has personal components, such as coping skills etc. and it has social componants, such as peer and familial influence.

But how can this be concidered the fault of a parent or child it like saying a parent of an autistic child could have prevent or given there child better skills or like saying a parent of a down syndrome child should have given the child better skills it takes a lot longer just the way it does for you with your mental illness......you have not given the child the mental illness nor have you not given them the coping skills your child has just got to try harder to cope and try harder to let you help them cope and this is not because of the parent....as an adult in therapy we get told getting over a mental illness takes time so there fore a child would have the same problem and then some as they have not got the knowlage or memorys of what being normal is........they would there fore more like not beable to find positives to over come the illness......its such a vicious circle that has got be hard on a child but it is no way because of the parant not parenting properly...

Its just easier to blame the parent or make the parent feel bad about things when they have a mental illness they assume all mentally ill people act the same with there kids.....I'm sorry while there may be people out there who can be mentall ill and NOT cope with raising kids I beleive there are plenty of people out there with mental illness that with a little help will rasie stronger children for this world. the T have just got to stop blaming and just start start helping parents in healing children.......as a parent with several mental illness I know how easy it is to blame and be convince that your the reason......i also know a lot of T just dont seem to beleaive that a mentally ill parent is telling the truth with out exageration.......i have been several T and I've had to fight threw them trying to convince me I was the problem and that I must be doing some thing wrong or exacgerating the behaviours but over time they have all come to see I was right not 100% right but that I was on the right track and not lieing or exagerating.....I have had my thought defined and tweeked a little but over all my original beleif has not strayed far from the path.......

My parents were depressed when I was growing up. I believe they did the best job they were able to do. I believe they did many things right, but I also believe they did things wrong. Their parenting directly affected me. Maybe they bear no responsibility for their parenting being imperfect, but that doesn't change the fact that it was and that influenced my upbringing, my view of the world, my coping skills. Do I blame them? It really depends on how you define guilt. In criminal charges there are two things that need to be proven. Actus Reas (guilty act) and mens rea (guilty mind.) There is no way my parents met the second criteria, but that doesn't mean they didn't the first. I have bipolar and I think that it was partially caused by my parents parenting. It was partially caused by how I was treated by my sibling and my peers. It was partially caused by my action or lack of action and my thought patterns. And it was partially caused by genetics. It was a 'perfect storm.' I think it is inappropriate to attribute it all to genetics or all to parenting.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/who...olar-disorder/

Genetics and one’s family history appear to both have some influence over the likelihood of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is more common in those who have a sibling or parent with the illness and in families having several generations affected with mood disorders.

being the perfect storm as you say does not make it you parent fault in any way it makes them a victom of cercumstance bad luck thay did not ask for the genetic code to give you a higher than normal risk of getting bi-polar and with out that higher risk there is nothing to say you would have bi-polar now if you were in a family with absulotly NO history of mental illness and you were the first to become ill with it would be more likly that your family caused it.....I dont know your exact life history per say but if you beleave your parent abused you than then I would say thay are proberly partly the reason YES because thay were neglectfull to be abusive to you but if it was case of bad events that were out of you parants control then in NO way could you say with its was partly your parent fault.....

Example I was raised with a obsessive mum who was controling over me and I beleaive she hah and still has OCD now while I beleaive she has a mental illness I know she has chose to ignore her problems and still raise us the way her OCD told her to raise us...............I on the other hand have gone out of my way to make sure my kids dont see my symtoms I dont control them I dont expect them to follow the rules of my OCD thought thay have never seen my anxiety never seen me rock never seen me have a panic attack yes they have seen my depression but I always got help I went out of my way to insure I got better as fast as I could and never neglected my kids I was even prepared to risk loosing my kids by contacting welfare telling them I did not feel I was able to look after my kids if I did not get extra help right now they deemed me to be a fit parent and gave me in house respite carers............My mum is still bad for my mental statis I had to tell her to back off and stay away from me and my kids if she could not find positive things to say to me..........

I do beleaive to some degree that my mum is partly responicable for my illnesses but not because she has depression and I think OCD but because even now that I'm adult she refuses to accept that her way is harmfull to my mental health and she has never seem to want help nor accept help....I dont hate that my mum was in bed LOTS I dont hate that my mum was unable to do things for me I dont hate that she obsessive what I can not forgive is that she was to stubborn for her childrens welbeing.....My OCD has plenty of control over me but if was to be verbally abusive to my kids I would hope some one would take my kids from me if I did not change my behaviour. I in know way say that mental illness is the reason my mum could not be a nice mum.......it would be a very sad thing if you condemed your parents for giving you a mental illness if there was no intent and no abuse eg alcohole....drugs.....yelling screaming all the time.......name calling.........physical abuse like hitting.......ect ect if it was unforseen circumstance I would hope you could find a way to forgive them and not blame them for it cause it just seem very unfair from my perpective.....

I feel that you refuse to accept any viewpoint other than your own and I'm not going to continue this discussion as a result.

Sorry if you feel that way I do suffer from OCD and things are the way thay are to me black and white.....but I'm also a great beleaiver that you have to find the posatives in life or you'll never get out of depression.....I do my reserch on disorder and I have been known to reserch for months on topics I love medical infomation its calming, soothing to know theres a reason that is not just my mum I use to be like you and blamed my mum but I changed my perpective and it changed the out come I'm now getting a relationship with my mum for the first time in 32 years.....ITs never too late....its not perfect but its way better than it was before and I trying to stand my ground and tell her nicly when she over step the boundries while ignoring the things that have alway hurt so badly with her......I dont feel love for my mum the way I love my kids and partner but maybe one day it will be there......

sorry if my OCD had more to say than I wanted to let it say but I'm trying to fit and it seem like I still cant NOT upset people even online.....which is why I avoide people normally I dont want to leave this site I have left several other site cause my OCD thoughts up set tomany people all I can do is say sorry .... the truth is you have not said you understand my point of view either the truth is I understand your point of view I was there once before I learnt more about mental illness and before I learnt more about a posiative attuide but yes I can be ridgid on my thinking You would not a responce from my OCD 2y ago or even 4 y ago wow you would have hated me with out a doubt.....