very triggering...

Do not read if you are easily triggered.

I am in suiciadal mode. I feel like my life is nothing. my father just told me that I am the screw and I cause all the problems. It's bad enough that the holiday's are coming and it's very hard to just enjoy the reason. My T is out of town. I know I can always call him though. I just feel completly dead inside. I know know who to trune too. Some one please help me!!!!!

Hey trying..

sorry to hear you are in such a difficult place. Whatever your father said, he is WRONG!! Do call your T if you need to, or even if you just want to. I am sure he will understand and be there for you. Thinking of you...

Breathe, and seek real-world help. You are far more important than what your father thinks or says of you.

If others are constantly blaming you "for everything," it could be a sign that you are the one most obviously reacting to and reflecting those others' dysfunctions. That's a bad place to be in, taking the blame and believing you're to blame for others' problems.

((((((( Tryingtobeme! )))))))

Your life is very valuable!! Reach out to your T for support or even go to the ER if that is what it takes. I know that it is a dark and terrible place to be and I'm sorry that you are there right now. I will be thinking of you.

Tons of to you!!

The others gave awesome advice in getting some real world help as soon as you can by calling your T or another form of support Tryingtobeme.

It's hard when the ones that are supposed to love us the most are the ones that hurt us the most with hurtful words. I was always told it was my fault and I should never have been born. I was even told once it was ultimately my fault my mother died. People are cruel in their own mental illness sometimes I think....I have yet to figure out to this day why some of us seek help and support and others just don't seem to even realise they have their own issues that need to be dealt with.

It's hard to get past those hurtful words...but you CAN do it!!! You ARE not to blame for anyone else's problems OR issues. You can control your thought process, not theirs. I learned a long time ago that when someone tells me something like that, I go into my mind and say to myself, " I'm sorry you feel that way". I then turn around and leave. I have, however, noticed as I get older I actually SAY them to some people now!!! It's rather comical to see the reaction, as they aren't getting the usual reaction from you.

Try to stay strong.... We are here for you when your ready to chat or vent and just let off some steam.

NO ONE who is aware of themselves or other's emotions says such a thing to a person with problems. NO ONE causes all the problems. I would say that anyone who comes out with such a stupid%&& comment like that is begging to have that comment disregarded. TTBM, honey, get to an emergency room. NOW. Or call a friend or realitive to take you there. If you have to , call an ambulance. Do not believe this man. You are worth far too much to lose, and his problems will absolutely not even diminish if you are not there, he will simply find someone else to blame.
HUUUGGGGGGSSSSS; and my arms, I hope will stay there until you are safe.

Remember: Just because someone says something DOES NOT mean it is true. I know it hurts though. It hurts really, really bad. You don’t deserve the way you are treated!! You are a great person, I would miss you if you weren’t in the world. I am worried about you and want you to get help right away. CALL YOUR T, PLEASE!!!
Sending lots of hugs and wishing you peace and strength

Just a follow up and I need to talk to someone. Thought maybe just writing here would make me feel better. I feel dead inside, alone, so close to the edge...I sit and just stare off into space...wishing I wasn't here anymore...not even caring about my job, my life, anyone and everything....i don't know what else to say...

Nor do I know what to say. Writing may not make you feel better, yet writing is not doing other things. Write long enough and maybe some deep feeling, a feeling needing the shape words can give, will make its way to the top of your mind.

Talkative or silent, we're here.

Tryingtobeme

There was a time just a few short months ago when I felt the very same way. I had no point to going on and was angry at anyone close to me as they just didn't seem to understand at all what I was dealing with and/or going thru.

BUT...and I hate that word somethimes, you have got to reach down deep deep inside of YOU and find that one little thing that makes you want to crawl out of where you are. Anger at your parents is okay...but don't let that anger control YOU! Try to channel that anger productively.

I found when I was very young and hated my parents and what they had done and continued to do was eating me alive as I let it consume me. I had an Aunt tell me that instead of wishing them hurt, and pain, get my revenge by becoming BETTER than THEY ARE!!!!! I had to be the one to break that cycle....

Please...look deep..there are many that care about you in the world..here on PC..and even those you have yet to meet. Become that person that is better than the name calling, the emotional abuse and the mental abuse. If you can...go stay with a friend or favorite family member if only for a couple of days. Get away from them for the moment and regroup and rethink.

Please...call a crisis line...or PM me. I'd be happy to talk you thru this time...I'm sitting in front of my computer for the rest of the night, so I'll be here.

You are sooooo much better then they think your are....Let's prove them wrong shall we?? Let's see what can be done to address what you can do first to get away from an explosive situation. Then slow down a bit...We might be able to help a bit more if we had a tad more info on what was going on? We are here to help however we can...

Let us know how...

I don't usually advise crisis lines, because I'd probably never call one, so it feels hypocritical. Still, I agree with IrishMe if you don't have anyone else to turn to, because you ARE valuable and loved for who you are. I cannot comment on what your father said for fear of what I might say. Suffice it so say that I would shelter you from ever again hearing such words if I could. I wish, too, that I could mend the hurt. A hug right now seems superficial, not enough. But I'm here. Feel free to PM me any time.

Parents are suposed to support you, love and protect you. It seems like we both have defective fathers, but just know that it is their loss not yours, or mine, though that thought doens't seem to help ease my pain, I hope that you can let go of some of yours.

Trying to be me, honey, you sound like you hurt so much that you've stopped registering it. Can you get to an emergency room? Please, please, please consider it! You are far too valuable to leave so close to any edge. If I gcould just get my arms into the disk drive I would wrap them around you and take you to the hospital myself.
Please don't let this disease tell you that you aren't worth fighting for. Hang in there, hon. Come on, get in and let someone else take some of the punches for you. Like the song says, sometimes you can't make it on your own. HUUUUUUGGGGGGSSSSS and no I won't let go!!!

I just can't stop.... I'm that I don't help anyone else. I know I just put all my problems on to everyone here. No one on here should have to deal with me.

At least this helps to dull the emotional pain temporaly. Maybe if I do this enough, it will effect the lump in my head and take care of everything. It's only a matter of time any ways.

As much as I hate my father and mother, I feel they are my parents and I should respect them........just so gone....don't care to see T, now that he is back. what's the use....I am such a gross, disgusting, freak of nature that needs to be hurt...emotionally and physically. Just take it all away.

((((((( Tryingtobeme! )))))))
Perfect! Tell that to your therapist, don't hold back, tell him directly, tell him as soon as possible.

No, this is not true. What does hurting and being disgusting have to do with each other? You do not deserve to be hurt for being ill, TTBM. You deserve to be picked up gently, wrapped up securely and taken someplace warm and safe where you can get better. Nor is it disrespectfull to see where your father is wrong, as he is no less human than the rest of us, dear. Showing respect should not mean being walked all over! Please, dear, do not let dperssion lie to you and say you do not deserve care and help. every person born in this world deserves that in your position. Like Rohag says, talk directly to your T, or go to the emergency room and ask them for help, dear, please. Huggs.

You never have to be concerned about seeking help. Post as often as you want or need to. Your thought processes right now are distorted. Get the help you need now.

You are a valuable, lovable person. I look forward to the day you understand that. Good luck.

(((((TTBM)))))

How are you doing today?

Thank you all for supporting me. I am doing much better with many visits to my T and me opening up to him. Thank you all.

Good for you, tryingtobeme!

I see you are doing better, but even if late, I wanted to remark that fathers typically say that when they have been crappy fathers and are desperately trying to remove the blame from themselves.

Thank you, dear I'm so glad something finally started working ! Huggs.