alone

I have been dignoised for a number of years now with depression, Im 42 female,MN and i have isolated myself according to my husband and i guess he's right, He gets upset because i dont want to go anywhere or see anybody, i pretty much stay to myself its easier that way, i dont work right now, i dont get hurt this way, i have tried to talk with people we know but they seem to ignore me and my husband tells me to go out but we dont have extra money to do that and i would have no idea where to go and he's angry with me because thats why we are never invited anywhere because i dont go even though i tell him to go. I have no girlfriends for years and I'm lonely to have one. I just dont know how to make myself get out there and except people dont like me. Im having a difficult time right now.I work hard every day fighting to keep myself from falling further in to a depressed state, i have been off meds for 2yrs now, the docs just didnt seem to be helping,listening,maybe its time to try again with the Docs. Thanks for letting me express.

I understand the self-isolating behavior and your lack of confidence in meeting people. It's really a jungle out there and we're the type of people that wear our heart on our sleeve! You definitely need to feel as if you belong. To take care of yourself consider joining a gym (is there a planet fitness in MN?), visit the local library, or if you don't mind a really radical idea, visit www.meetup.com and see if there are any groups in your area. I'm about to try a walking group next sunday.

If you do go see a doctor/therapist, ask if there is a social clubhouse in your state for mental illness. The last time I went to see someone for my depression they referred me to the social clubhouse when I said I had a problem coping. It really has been a good fallback for me as I don't have any emotional support either. Hope what I wrote makes sense. Please post soon and let me know your situation.

Hello, trying to. You may be able to find some help here: http://www.dhs.state.mn.us/main/idcp...Name=id_000085

thanks-lost inthe crowd-sometimes its just gald to hear that your not the only one that has the same feelings/problems and a has some view points and help, i will ask next time i see a doc if there is a social club. I live in a small town about 800/900 so there isnt alot to do here unless your a drinker and im not, and there is a lot of clicks here in town if you didnt grow up here well your kinda out, and i didnt grow up here.
thanks for taking the time to write me

trying to - can you try a new doc? Maybe meds would help you feel more confident about being around people again?

I know how you feel - I do the same thing. Why even attempt to make friends - they just hurt you. BUT, that's not always true. There are some really great, loving people in the world...but it's hard to find each other if we are all hiding in our bedrooms.

englishteacher-i hated being on meds they always seem to zap any engery out, i was in a fog most of the time, i couldnt concentrate on anything and i'm an artist need the brain not to be foggy and it didnt seem to help meeting people anyways or help with trusting them. I do have friends but no one close i hang out with. I did look up the meetup.com and ran my zip through it, just like i thought not much unless i like UFO's or pugs lol. But like i telling someone else i may need to go back to see a doc and if i dont like that doc change doc's until i feel comfortable i guess. But i do wish my hubby would understand and listen its not just a thing i can get up and go,or "just get over it" like he tells me. He is avery outgoing person and has no problem meeting and making friends.

Maybe the meds were not the right ones for you. I write - I know on meds I lose a little of the creativity - it's stopped me from taking them many times. I guess it's a trade-off.

I'm so with you about your hubby -mine is the same way. He wants to help (I think) but he doesn't really understand and he was raised in that mindset that mental health issues are just weakness...so pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with life. I wish it was that easy.

I hope you find some relief.

thanks again englishteacher, i thinking i will see if i can get in within the next week to see a doc and see what happens, maybe i should try and bring my hubby along too, do you think that would help him too understand or wait till the 2nd time to see the doc with me.

Be cautious about taking hubby. Maybe first visit just for you and then you could re-evaluate if you want to take him later???

why do you think i shouldnt take hubby

I took hubby with me to MHMR for intake. He wouldn't shut up and let me talk for myself. He wanted to "fix" it and be sure that the caseworker got the full picture, untainted by my crazy (I know, seems silly, I'm there FOR the crazy). Your situation might be totally different.

englishT-i can see that my hubby speaks for me sometime, i never thought of that, thanks for the info.
I think on Monday i will be calling for an appointment

Is there anyone from Southern MN maybe we can get together and talk and help each other out on bad days.

hi trying to and english teacher

i guess it is good to be doing something about the situation...online is a start.

living with depression for years, been on meds for a while and i know i can never go off. getting lonelier and lonelier though. can't decide if my body is overcoming the meds or if all my friends have just moved away or gotten married. i don't feel close to anyone, i don't live near family, i never meet anyone.

i'm indifferent. i'm not suicidal. i couldn't and wouldn't do that to my parents and i want to take care of my pet. but i feel like i am just waiting...and maybe when i don't have those responsibilities anymore, well really, i wouldn't mind be hit by a proverbial bus...as long as it doesn't hurt and i don't see it coming. i just exist. is that just the way it is for some people, i wish i could just learn to accept...and not get upset about it.

nowriter- sometime i feel i just exist too, and when i do talk with people they really dont listen i can always tell, just like my hubby who is suposed to be my best friend. When i try talking with him about how im feeling, he makes me feel that i shouldnt be feeling that way or he tells me I'm wrong for those fellings. Today we had a blow out and of course same old comments from him, I'm wrong. But you hang in there find something you enjoy doing and do it, me it's crafting things, it keeps my mind ocupied.

hi trying to,

i am very much like u. i am 43F and have been diagnosed with chronic depression with episodes of severe depression. i tend to isolate as well. i don't like going out to meet anyone. i'm afraid people won't like me so i decline to go out with friends. my partner is always pushing me to spend time with friends but i just feel too bad about myself to do it. i am in therapy and on meds and they seem to help keep me from severe depression. i think u should seek help before it gets any worse. feel free to pm me anytime if u want to chat.

Trying to, You are certainly not alone. I try to make myself go to Church, but that's the extent of it - that and the grocery store. And I have no hubby, just the Cat and TV. Sometimes it seems that antidepressant meds are not helping, but when we get off them, we can often see that they were helping. You might want to try going back to the pdoc. Taking hubby along at some point probably would help him to understand, but I agree with englishteacher - maybe not for awhile. Early sessions are generally for information gathering, and you will feel more free to talk about your circumstances and your past if you are alone. Perhaps you can see from all the above responses, that you actually do have girlfriends, and certainly you have one here. I know what it is like to think that people don't like you, but that is just a symptom of depression. People liking us has almost nothing to do with what we are like, but much to do with the way we make them feel about themselves. You don't have to be outgoing to give someone an honest compliment, and you can see something good about almost everyone. Even if you don't know them, you can compliment a hairstyle or an article of clothing - if you honestly do like it. Try this in the grocery store check out line. Or, if there's a seemingly disabled or elderly person behind you in line, try helping them with putting their items on the counter. Self-consciousness can be overcome to a great extent, by other-centeredness. That is easier to say than to do, I know, and I know how hard it is to get yourself together to even go out. But the grocery store check out line stuff is pretty easy. When you get outside, you can compliment someone on their wonderful, yellow car. Making another smile, makes you smile, at least for awhile! The more often you do it, the more you get to smile. I would attack the problem from as many angles as possible, including a return to the doc. There may have been new meds since you were last treated. Some of the newest meds, for example, work on 3 neurotransmitters, rather than only 2. Sign me Girlfriend! billieJ

I think I'm headed toward the severe dep. But I have started to relieze(sp?) that i do need to go see the docs again. I have tried telling hubby as you too that i have a problem meeting people but he doesnt get it, he just thinks I'm being a b**ch, and that I dont like people. How can i get him to understand this problem.

BilleJ-thanks for being my friend!!! I have been trying to do better with people within the last 2weeks because i do see the problem i have and smiling and saying hi and i have always been considerate towards people helping out when i can. You know even when i was on meds i still felt this way about people, i had never been not able to make friends and keep them up untill about the last 10-13 years, not sure what went wrong. But I do want to try because I'm tired of being alone and hanging out with people,laughing etc

you know on top of feeling lonely, my hubby wants to open the marriage and he feels he's bi too, he says he loves me and i him (married 20 yrs). but i just dont know how to handle this also, i said ok but I have never, and he says he hasnt , i've told him im not comfortable anymore with this and i'd like to stop even before something happens, he says ok but i dont trust when i see he's been on sites. I know I should of never said ok, but thats a little late now. i just wanted to get that off my chest, I've noticed writing on here about my problems has given me some strength and makes me feel better at the moment. Thanks

I have an appt with a Doc on thursday afternoon, by myself no hubby along. Be interesting what the doc says.

Good job, trying to. Hope the doc refers you to a psychiatrist for evaluation and any appropriate treatment.

trying to - good for you! You have friends here. I like you a lot! I hope the doctor's apptment goes well...keep us posted - because we care what happens to you.

Thanks everyone, i have felt better talking with all of you, its been nice talking with others that understand whats going on instead of trying to defend how im feeling or being told "just get over it" or "I'm wrong for those feelings" I havent told my hubby I'm going yet, I thought i would tell him after i went.
I started to talk with him the other day about how i was feeling, about him not being a "best friend" anymore and listening to me,or respect, all he could tell me was I was wrong for having those feelings and walked off. How can i get him to understand whats going on and that i'm not just being a b***h as he says.
Thanks

Wish I had an answer to that one...I'm getting the same thing at home...