I hate existing

So much crap to deal with, nothing to counter it with, no escape. Leaving my family to deal with my suicide would be too much, so just keep existing, praying for something else to kill me.
It's pointless.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Taonuviel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Believe it or not we all have a reason for are existants. Murdering yourself won't help anything. You are truely great maybe in the eyes of your family. What has happend to make you post this today...?

I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

Jan

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Taonuviel}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
just wanted you to know your NOT alone. I just came out of the hospital for this very same reason....I did not want to do the suicide thing and leave my family with that....so I checked myself in to remain alive....but now I am like you wishing something else would do me in....but I am fighting it BIG TIME.....doesnt help when my T is on vacation this week....the week after I get out of the hospital....makes me not want to hold on period....but I am trying to stay busy which in turns keeps my mind off my pain and sorrow by posting and reading other posts here on PC.........it just helps sometimes to know I am NOT alone in my feelings....
so hang in there okay?? others here feel your pain and we are here to listen and help you but you have to talk to us..........post on why your feeling like you want it to end right now.........get your feelings out.........
take care dear friend.........we love you

Just spiraling down after the car accident... a reality check - here's my reality. Start doing better, lose my car, lose my chance to look for a job (not that I'd have found one anyway with my job record...), get more bills, get more broke, get more in debt, get really sore, get scared to drive, get more tired, get bogged down again, get another reminder that my parents are struggling to pay their bills with my mother's disability that the government won't recognize for SSI and is probably killing her but certainly making her life a depressing hell. Remember what I have to look forward to - a lonely life of constantly battling depression and high risk for obtaining diabetes, heart disease, obesity, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, arthritis, and possibly my mother's ailments.
"You're so young, you have so much to look forward to, to live for!" Uh-huh.

I sense your pain and the struggle you hold with you. But trying to fight it off is hard work when your all alone, you need to get someone to help you fight this battle. Could try to save up much money as you can, get a part time job maybe babysitter if your good at looking after kids. Don't give up.... I believe in you!

Hi Tao, I have been with you since last summer or fall when you came. I can't help but wonder if you need a large amount of structure and routine in your life right now. Do I remember you are from Utah? Are there summer camps there where you can work and give to children, or better yet, children with special needs? You almost seem to need you day carved out for you. That is not a bad thing, nor is it permanent. Think about it. Kids need good older roll models and you certainly could be one. You could live in and have the feeling of routine to hold you safe. Just a thought.

Thanks you guys, but those really aren't options. I get highly anxious working with kids, anyway. I would have considered working with teens, maybe, but summer camps hire much earlier than now. There's really no good solution.

(I'm from Michigan, but that's ok.)

oops. Sorry Tao. I hope you find things that are helpful to you. I am sorry you are in so much pain.

((((TAO))) depression tells us things will never get better. Depression is a liar. It causes brain chemicals to change... our thinking changes... I know right now you cannot believe me... time to continue on existance... that things will not be so dark forever... if you can not believe anything then at least begin thinking this sometimes? It will help... it will honest.

I know where you are... I'm surprised we have not bumped into each other in this darkness...I just can't see you.... get some support IRL if you can, ok? TC

I can relate. Sometimes I'm able to do art and that helps a bit for me. Do you have a hobby?

:-\
I just hate life. It doesn't get better, I look back for as long as I can remember and it's like this. I just can't believe it'll get better. I can't find any more support - I have a T and go to a support group, but it's so limited. I can't trust anyone enough to expect anything from them. And I can't bother to hope, that hurts too much.

I'm not interested in anything anymore... I've had many interests when I've felt better, but nothing now. It's all so meaningless to me.

(((((Taonuviel)))))

I'm just so sorry you feel this way.

I wish I could take all your pain away.

Know that I care and that I hear you.



Petunia

(((((Taonuviel)))))

there is HOPE.........at least my T tells me there is......and I am trying my hardest to believe him..........I wear a bracelet that says HOPE on it and he says he carries it in his heart for us both.
I too cannot see the HOPE but he can and he says that is all that matters..........so let us here at PC carry the HOPE for you since you cannot see it right now...........we care for you and we are here for you......keep posting and get your feelings out that way
take care
{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

(((TAO)))) you are caught up in distorted thinking. . . (me too, often) There are 10 common cognitive distortions, and they can ruin us!
<font color="blue"> 1 All or nothing thinking 2 over-generalization 3 mental filter 4 disqualifying the positive 5 jumping to conclusions 6 magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization 7 emotional reasoning 8 should statements 9 labeling and mislabeling 10 personalization.

These are from Cognitive Behavior Therapy, if you wish to research them further. Things CAN be better... honest.