[Foolish]

Hi,

I haven't posted in a long time, because I had decided that I would just try to help the people on this site rather than just lay my problems out all the time and not give anyone advice and help in return. But I feel that my dues have been paid so to speak and have made the desicion to try to have an equal balance of helping and getting help.

I feel like absolute garbage. So many things are going wrong, also I don't feel like myself anymore. My attitude and the things I do have changed, I'm confused about things constantly, and I fear that I am running out of friends. Recently I talked to my good friend Jonny and realized that I can't talk to him anymore. I can't talk to other people that I used to because we have moved away from each other in our lives. And well Erin... I am still in deep depression over what happpened that nighta few weeks ago, and haven't spoken to her yet... So its like I have no where to turn to. Also listening to David Grey is not helping that situation.

I just realized that Valbends feels the same way as me, not really wanting to die, but to just be unconscious or hurt myself somehow. I've stopped cutting for over two weeks now and realized that the cause of it was Erin. I now have so pretty deep scars that will most liekly never heal. It should be fun tryin to explain to my future wife or girlfriend (If I ever stop liking girls that I know it won't work out with) what I got them from. Anyway jsut feeling like garbage. Maybe tell me something good about me that I can think about? Cause I can't think of one right about now.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

[Rapunzel]

Okay, I'll start off the list of good things about you:

You are intelligent.
You have a great ability to change when you realize that the situation calls for it.
You really have lots of great potential that you just can't see right now.


<font color=purple>"The real problem of mental life is not why some people become insane, but rather why most avoid insanity." -Erich Fromm</font color=purple>

[Peanut61]

I agree with Wendy/Rapunzel... You are getting thru this very difficult stretch of your life, and that's a big accomplishment because I know you are hurting, but you ARE getting thru!!

I know I can't call you by your real name anymore, but is there something I can call you besides 'Foolish', because you are NOT foolish?!! Your friend, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT </font color=blue>

[Fuzzybear]

OK I'll give you 4 good things about you:

Intelligent
Articulate
Sense of humour
Great potential

These are similar to Rapunzel's list but what the heck, I just felt like posting these ...

[LMo]

Has travelled around the world and seen some cool things
Definitely a good sense of humor
Good listener (to people, and to David Grey)
Has a good supply of scar tissue in case anybody invents something that can be made of scar tissue

Only have a second to type - we'll talk more, Foolish. Hang in there!
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!

[Sam]

(((Foolish)))

Sweetie, I'm glad we met last night in chat. Our meeting told me a lot, and I would have to echo what everyone else here has said.

I think you are a very special person - you showed me last night you are also a caring person as well. I am glad we met, for one can never have too many friends.

I've found that life has a way of changing on us - maybe it is it's way of telling us not to take it for granted? I don't know.

Could I ask you about why you believe you can no longer talk with Jonny? What has changed between you two? And what about Erin? I looked back on your previous posts but didn't see anything about her. Tell us?

I did find something very positive in your post here tonight - You said, "I just realized that Valbends feels the same way as me, not really wanting to die". Just for you, and Valbends ... HUGS ... I mean really BIG HUGS! ((())) ... I want you both to live. I think this world is better because you do.

You are:
Nice ...
Sweet ...
Caring ...
Friendly ...
Lovable ...
Going to stop hurting yourself ...
Alive ...

And that my dear sweet friend - is reason enough to live, don't you think? As for all those things troubling you? Lets take them one at a time, deal with it, ans move on to the next one.

Me, I'm a firm believer in taking baby steps.

Your friend,
Sam

[Foolish]

I want to thank you all, it really helped me out. I wrote them down so that next time I won't forget when I try to think of good things about myself.

Sam, the reason you never hear anything about them is because I deleted the posts because of certain privacy reasons.

With Jonny... things have just got to overwhelming for him, the things I say and the things I do to myself just make him freak out and he doesn't know what to say or do so yea he gets frustrated and I don't know.

Death Calls Us All, How Long We Prolong It Is Our Choice

[heidu]

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion Mason Cooley

Keep searching for answers, they are there.
Heidu


The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

[michellep]

Hello
My name is mIchelle. I am new to the site. I read your post and wanted to reply to you. I don't know what happened with Erin. But I can garentee you that things will look better. I am glad to hear that you don't want to die. I do understand wanting to be unconcious - just not wanting to feel the pain you are in. I feel that way a lot also. I is a shame we can't just become numb to whaever it is that is causing us pain.
You said you feel as though you are running out of friends. I know that feeling. I lost all my friends after high school. we all just grew apart. Anyway I wish I could tell you a million things that are good about you - as I am sure there at least a million if not more - but I don't know you so I can't reach the million - but I can tell you 1 good thing abput you- you are a very caring person. I can tell that from your post. You mentioned that you had stopped posting because you felt as though you should try to help people instead of them helping you. Number 1 just the idea that you wanted to help others makes you a caring person. I have not read any of your old post or any of the advice or anything you have offered- but I am sure that somehow in someway you have helped at least 1 person if not more. That alone says you are a good person. number 2 you said "I haven't posted in a long time, because I had decided that I would just try to help the people on this site rather than just lay my
problems out all the time and not give anyone advice and help in return. But I feel that my dues have been paid so to speak and have made the desicion to try to have an equal balance of helping and getting help."
You may not realize this but although when you are writing in for advice ar help or just to find kind words it is technically to your benifit- it could also be for others benifit also, A person may be just looking around and come to one of your posts. The person may be feeling the same way you were and seeing that someone else feels that way could make them feel better and also maybe one of the replies to your posts helps out another person - you see I don't think it's a give and take thing here. I think it is more like people caring enough to want to help others - I for one am not keeping any scores.
I hope this post finds you in bettter spirits than when you posted.
Michelle

[LadyDragus]

i do not know you very well, but it seems we all are having some of the same feelings rught about now.
losing friends because we can no longer talk to them, is a very hard thing, trust me I do understand that one.
I have lost two good friends just recently that I could no longer turst, or talk to..

Keep your head held high..

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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