No Energy, Ever :(

Hello, all - I've been battling depression for almost my entire life (I'm 37 and I think the depression started when I was 8 or 9...maybe younger). It seems like no matter how much I sleep, I don't have any energy...and, I can't get up in the morning. It's affecting my relationship with my husband. Here's what happened this morning:

My husband woke me up and asked me if I wanted to work out. I said, "no, you go ahead". "I'll do mine later." Then, he poured cold water on me. I got mad at that point and went upstairs to change clothes (and lay down and cry). This angered him because I'm impossible to get up - and I had promised to work out with him from now on (I need to lose some weight). But, we didn't agree on a time. Anyway, he told me to be there in 5 minutes or our relationship is over. I wasn't there in 5 minutes. So, he yelled at me to pack one minute after his 5 minutes were up. And, he told me that I'm fat and he can do better than me. I do need to lose some weight, but he needs to lose the same amount. That really hurt my feelings...but, I know that I need more energy to do the things I need to do and live a full life.

I know I need to have more energy and get up in the morning...I was wondering if maybe I should start drinking coffee to wake up in the morning. He's never experienced clincal depression, so he really doesn't understand what I'm going through and he's not supportive. Sometimes I think he's abusive, but sometimes I think it's me. I wonder if I should leave this relationship? I'm scared. He's a good guy most of the time, but he's also very controlling sometimes (not always). It's hard for me because of the depression...it just complicates it when he does things like that...

I got up and did my work out to save my marriage, but I've felt even more depressed and had zero energy all day.

Welcome to PsychCentral!

Couple of things:

- Do you have a therapist, or a doctor you can discuss your depression with? If you don't I really recommend it since you can't just pull yourself out of depression without some sort of help. Many people who have depression find that a med and therapy combo works best, but do whatever you think might work.

- Your husband does sound kinda abusive, but it could also be that he doesn't know how to help. But telling you that the relationship is over if you don't do things with/for him is manipulative, which is abusive.

- To get better energy: Get a proper sleep schedule, waking up at the same time, going to bed at the same time for at least 3-4 weeks. Eat proper meals, get some amount of exercise and definitely get outside and get some sun (Vitamin D is good for mood and energy).

- Coffee won't wake you up necessarily. Most of coffee's effects are completely psychological and not actually physiological. I don't know the exact stat, but it takes at least an hour for caffeine to work in your system but people falsely claim that they feel better after the first sip - it's a lot in your head, expecting that it will work. Your body can also fight against the caffeine, and if you're chronically exhausted caffeine can also work in the exact opposite way - making you more tired.

I hope that may help some, welcome again and keep posting!

greatestdogmom, have you talked to someone about your relationship with your husband? He was saying and doing some pretty hurtful and yes, abusive things in your story. Does he often make you feel bad about yourself or do you feel unsafe at times?

I'm not assuming anything, I just think it would be a great idea to talk to a therapist about it.

I'm glad you're here and let us know how things are going, k?

Cyran0

Hi ~ Bless your heart ~ Depression is awful, and like you I've had it since I was a child. With the right medication, you CAN feel great. I'm on Cymbalta 60mg twice a day and Abilify 2mg once a day and I feel wonderful. I imagine I feel normal -- I don't know what normal is supposed to feel like, but I think this is it ! LOL

Your husband is an abusive jerk. Calling you fat, and threatening you is nothing short of abuse. I wonder what would happen if YOU had said the same thing to HIM?? He probably would have just walked out the door. I feel sorry for him because he has NO compassion or caring. He's just not a nice guy. You'd be better off with getting a dog.

First I think you need to get your depression under control -- see your medical doc and get some medication started. The meds usually take anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks to take affect, so you have to be patient. They WILL work -- just hold on. Secondly, I do agree that you need to speak to a therapist -- about your husband AND about the depression and possible causes. Sometimes it goes deeper than we could possibly imagine. So please make both those appointments.

Best of luck to you dearheart. My prayers are with you. God bless and keep us posted on your progress. Hugs, Lee

i'm sorry that he doesn't understand you... do you have a therapist? maybe you could bring him sometime so maybe he can get some kind of advice and a different perspective on your depression. i know exactly what you're feeling, i'm only 16 and i've cried because i didnt want to go to school. its crazy what depression can do for you. maybe make a deal that you can have a few days off to just stay in bed that you can use when you want. and maybe suggest that he doesnt dump cold water on you...that doesnt seem like a good reason to get out of bed...you need motivation, that's all. maybe he can provide that. Best of luck, message me if you need anything.

greatestdogmom,

Sometimes I want my partner to work out with me too.
But pour water on her? Never.
What a really mean thing to do. It sounds like he is really putting you down and saying some hurtful things. He is not the boss of you, only you are responsbile for you and he should respect that. If he wants to work out, that is his thing. I would really begin to reevaluate this relationship. You have enough to struggle with with your depression. I don't know about you but I already have those voices that I have to battle that tell me I'm no good. You don't need someone else telling you this when they are full of it for saying it. You are a good and important person and you deserve respect, the same respect you would show anyone else.
Elana

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for all of your replies and support. First of all, I am on medication. I take 20mg of Lexapro on a daily basis. It usually works pretty well....but, I have no energy lately . I have wondered if I should try to get my doctor to prescribe abilify on top of it after I've seen some of the commercials.

I have been through years of therapy (I grew up with an alcoholic father who also struggled with major depression and agoraphobia). I'm not agoraphobic...

Anyway, yes, I have, at times, tried treating my husband the way he treats me. If I do or say some of the things he does, well, "it sounds different when you say/do it".

And, yes, I do seriously need to re-evaluate this relationship. Perhaps I should go back to see my therapist. And, yes, my husband does seem to want to control me. I had enough controlling when I was a child. I don't need that in my adult life, too. He often tells me that I act like a child, but I really don't think so. It's exhausting trying to please him all of the time.

Some days are great, others suck. I just never know what he's going to do. I posted about that because it really hurt...but, he does, surprisingly, have a lot of great qualities. I just don't know how much longer the good can outweigh the bad, and that saddens me. I am going to still try to make this work, so it's definitely good to have the support here.

I feel like I'm rambling. But, yes, I do have those voices in my head that tell me I'm no good, don't measure up, etc. Isn't your partner supposed to love you and treat you better than anyone else? He tells me I treat him bad...but, I really don't think so. He only says that after I've gotten angry and yelled at him after I couldn't take it anymore.

I'm probably not making any sense. .

Another thing that he did...I once posted the picture that I posted on my profile here to my profile on Facebook and he told me to take it down. Said it makes me look fat and makes him look like he married a fat slob. If he doesn't like the pictures that I post on FB, he tells me that I need to lose weight and that he doesn't want to look like he's married to someone that looks like that. So, he removed the link that says he's married to me on FB. That hurt my feelings, too . It's hard because we've been together since I was 21...and, I do love him. He also has some great qualities that I'm not listing. I don't know what will happen if we split up.

Sweetie, I was married to a controlling creep. He would do things like that too. He called me names, and browbeat me into thinking I was stupid for 26 years - until I too believed I was an idiot -- and not worth anything. Finally I'd had enough and divorced him -- I thought he'd kill me - but I moved out of town after he stalked me, called at all hours, etc.

You don't have to be treated like that. You don't DESERVE to be treated like that. You are a vital, pretty, intelligent person ~ it sounds to me like his bad qualities outweigh his good. You should be treated with RESPECT.

I told my husband that all I wanted was respect - I expect nothing more but I'll accept nothing less. He laughed at me.

If there's any way you can get him into marriage counseling, do it. He sure needs it - but if I'm right, he'll flat out refuse to go because he doesn't think there's anything wrong with HIM. I hope you're talking to YOUR therapist about your husband.

Best of luck dearheart & God bless. Hugs, Lee

I had this problem with my partner, thought depression didn't exist, something which was only in my head, Like you, I had no energy, didn't want to do anything even if I could get out of bed. Had to take 5 and a half months off work, couldn't go out, just wanted to cry. Difference is Ive got a ten year old and I can honestly say she pulled me through (along with the medication and a great doctor), Im still up and down like a yoyo. As for my partner, he is slowly becoming more understanding and willing to LISTEN to me. There in is the key, your husband may not understand but if he could show willingness to listen without butting in, Im sure it would help you. Good Luck x

Definitely talk to your doctor. Some antidepressants don't do much for energy.

I think that going back to your therapist would be a good idea, at the very least it would help to have someone IRL to talk to about stuff.

You make a LOT of sense.

If you split up, you'll deal with it when and if the time comes. You'll get through it, talking to a therapist or someone about how to cope would be a good step. I'm sorry he was so insensitive to you, you don't deserve that at all.

yes, you should really consider telling you T about this!!! re-evaluate the relationship. you don't wanna be with someone that discourages the person that you are and does not want to support you. maybe bring him to therapy with you too.

You may want to see a sleep specialist if you've had problems with sleeping for an extended amount of time.

Have you seen an endocrinologist? Or someone who can do a test to check your thyroid? I think that a physical would help you as much as a mental check for the depression. Remember that physical and mental pain are expressed the same way in the body. If you can isolate symptoms you're experiencing, and write them down, it could benefit you greatly because the doctors will have a better idea of what you're experiencing.

Sometimes physical ailments can mask themselves as symptoms of depression or become depression. I'm sorry about your husband, too.