Daily Check In - Ups and Downs

Thanks Shadow-world. I used to be quite active socially but when I got depressed I withdrew from the world. Loneliness I can handle. My main priority is to pull out of my depression. I am my own T (no insurance) and there are so many things to think through..my brain is tired...

I am starting to slide down, emotionally. Though I'm sort of okay, and hope I can keep from getting really down.

I will be in real financial trouble soon. I might even not be able to afford my apartment. That scares me. I blame myself for being out of work. I got fired so many times, I just don't see how I can face going back to trying to get a job.

I wish I had someone to talk to. Some one really carded and didn't just get paid to care.

I can relate to this and to the loneliness others have been describing.

I feel like the only person I can share my true feelings and therefore my true self with is my T. Even though I know other people care about me in a sense they don't know the real me so I still feel isolated. I hate feeling lonely. In fact right now, I'm not sure if I can feel lonely without also feeling depressed. I hate feeling like I'm all alone.

lots of anxiety, don't know why, can't sleep, so worried

Not looking forward to today at all. I only got an hour of sleep and now I'm off for a day trip to the states with my mom and grandmother. I'm not looking forward to this at all, my grandmother is an recovering alcoholic who lapsed last night. She forgot that we were going today and got so drunk that she is still stumbling this morning and couldn't remember why my mom and I were here... I can't deal with this all day she's stuttering and rambling, it almost seems like she picked up where she left off last night. Ugh! Its not even 8 am and I just want the day to end!! :'(

((((((((everyone))))))))


...determined to stay positive today

Today I go see my old my old T for probably the last time (a chance for closure we didn't get before). I'm steeling myself for rejection and trying to pretend I don't care.

Also someone said they were really unhappy with one of my posts and were requesting it to be deleted. It kinda hurt my feelings for some reason. All I did was ask a question. sheesh. :-(

I think it's not gonna be a great day to be me.

I saw that; a similar thing happened to me when I first started posting but no one pointed my trigger out publicly. Either the moderators missed it, or didn't think it warranted a trigger. But the main thing is I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, and we all feel this way when we do not get a response that feels good. It will pass. I hope you let us know how your appointments go today. What time in your area? Post when you get back. I'll be checking for it.

Woke up kind of sad this morning, but not as much so as I have been lately so that was nice. Been improving all morning though and hope it continues!

Not good.

not good, feeling lonely when im not alone

Somewhat sad when I saw someone happy even in the simplest ones. Hard to be happy when someone isn't there to support, encourage nor cheer you up.

@TerryL, PlatinumHeart
Thank you very much for the cheers and the encouragement.

(((konrei))) I find you very interesting. Because you don't say much I think makes you intriguing lol. When you do say something it means its really important to you and I for one like to hear it.
Things here are still in the air but getting a little better. My head is in a better place than it was on the weekend. Hope you all have a good evening.

0Hugz
Nams

konrei--I know how hard it is when you don't have the support IRL. as for accepting yourself for who you are, it took me a long time to accept myself for who I am. I think a lot of people have that problem. that's why you hear so often about people finally "feeling comfortable in their own skin". I am still working on it. It took deep depression and much self reflection and just being so darned tired of not feeling good enough to finally get me to show more of who I really am...but it took me a long time to get here. I hope you will accept yourself much sooner than I took.

Love coming in here and reading about everyones day all the struggles but especially the ones for good days. Its a nice reminder that it passes and soon I'll be in here posting in good things and able to post back to other people as well. So thank you to everyone who posts in here it gives me hope and doesn't leave me feeling so alone.

Today I'm a big ball of ..... Well... I don't even know my mind is either racing so fast I think I'm going to pass out or it just goes blank and my whole body goes numb. Have an apt on friday though to see about getting back on my meds so hopefully all goes well *fingers crossed*

Yeah me too. It does help give a sense of community doesn't it? For some of us, it's all we have.

I am doing okay. Saw DBT therapist this morning for 2nd time so I'm starting to learn about that. Am still exhausted from yesterday (very, very bad for me) but I'm at a cosmetology school letting a student practice highlights so that's kinda cool. After this I will go home, sleep and maybe if all goes well check the jobs boards to see if there's anything new that I qualify for.

Feel crap today.

(((((to all))))


strangely calm but worried it won't last past a couple of hours. gonna try tho.

I'm pretty much okay right now. That keeps happening. I get okay for awhile.

After all that has been going on, strangely OK. Calm.

(that worries me)

I think I've decided what school I want to go to. However, the whole idea of going back to school still makes me really anxious.

@Nams
I'm more of a 'girl with a few words' type. Thanks.

@TerryL
Thanks. Still on the road looking for my true self and how I'm going to accept it.

Other than that, it's the same day as the usual.

indifferent

Very tired. My mornings are getting bad again, especially the last two. I have to be careful not to slide back down.
The triggers still get me.
Tonight I'm attending a mindfulness meditation class though no matter how tired I am (I might fall asleep there). It might get me back on track and prevent me from sliding down further.