[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I think people avoid her. I am starting to understand why. I'm afraid I am going to be doing some avoiding, myself.

It's sad if she is in part creating her own loneliness, but bless you for trying.....and for making the decision to take care of yourself by avoiding her negativity Life is challenging enough......

[whimsygirl]

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This is my goal every day......I'm not always successful, but I've got to keep trying.....

[Nammu]

[quote=Rose76;2582822]Kind of low at the moment. Even though you know it will pass, I'm sorry you feel low.

I spent some time yesterday with a neighbor who needed help. She's lonely and I feel for her. She would like for us to do more things together. I get worn out though because she wants someone to listen, which I do attentively. She, in return, is not a good listener, so I don't bother trying to be heard by her. I think people avoid her. I am starting to understand why. I'm afraid I am going to be doing some avoiding, myself. One of the things I realized when I was in the IOP was that I pick the wrong people to be around. I don't feel worthy of good friends. I'm glad you can see and know that this would not be someone that could be a good friend but would be a one sided relationship.

It's good to be compassionate but not at the expense of your own needs. If you need to avoid her I hope you can do so without putting yourself down. Some people need to learn they are their own problems and get help, if people continue avoid her maybe she will see that she needs the help and will get it from a professional. I think that many of us who have been though therapy end up listening to others and became therapy for them just because we have learned to listen and respond in therapy. I've had to tell people I could no longer be their listening and dumping post, and suggest they find a professional. Sometimes the person has gotten angry at me because I wasn't "available" when they needed me. I had to tell them that I wasn't their counselor, if they have relationship problems I'm not the one they should be calling at 3am if they can't or won't be there for me when I need someone. Friendship goes both ways. Take care of you first, Rose.

I hope this is not overbearing or in your face. I'm not sure if my post is too much or not. I just want to support you in doing what ever you need to do for your own wellness.

[Nammu]

My car will be back tomorrow if he gets the part. It was the battery and he will also fix the shimmy that happens when I get to 50 or higher. It would have become a dangerous problem, he said I could drive it like it is for 3 or 4 more months. So it's good that this happened and mom sent enough to cover both problems. It's hard to do car maintenance when you haven't the money. I do as much as I can, I'd love it if I could get along without a car. No gas, insurance, oil, tires and all the rest, I could use the money for so many things, like saving to move someplace where there is mass transit that works and closer to family!
It does sadden me that I can't move in with Mom the way she wants, we would be fighting with in a month. Thats the only affordable possibility right now. We have never been as close as we are now and I don't want to jeopardize that. People don't understand what it used to be like and think I'm projecting. We didn't start communicating until after my father died, and I don't want to lose that by living to close. Yes we have both changed but when children move home no matter what the age it seems the relationships go back to what was.

[agma]

The mood swings continue each and every day . Had an interesting session with my T yesterday, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it and a lot of insecurities. On a positive note, I am starting to get caught up at work.

[Rose76]

Sidestepper - Thanks for understanding so well. I tend not to take the initiative with people whom I admire. I get picked as a friend by people who find I meet some need of theirs. Now I am so depleted, I can't do it anymore. I have been letting go of those who use me - often in ways you describe very well. It is creating more aloneness for me, but it is also kind of feeling better. I find that I don't miss hearing from these people. I really appreciate to be understood on this.

Making decisions to put distance between some others and myself goes very much against what I thought I believed in, but I have to re-think how I believe in living my life. I'm finding that very hard.

I hope your car gets fixed up okay. Oh, and, yes, I almost moved in with a parent some years ago and I think that would have been disastrous. The old dynamics tend to resume.

[alone in the world]

Today I was flying high doing what I needed when all of a sudden i started to fall and the bottom was coming quick. Landed on my feet but the impact is hurting . don't have a place to just be depressed because of life's responsibilities. some days I ask myself is it worth it.

[Turtleboy]

i feel the same i woke up feeling great, now it feels like somebody is sitting on my chest and i cant get my head to feel clear, arrg its so frustrating, doctors appointment tomorrow so hopefully he can do something about the lows i have been feeling the past two week

[whimsygirl]

Kind of a bad morning. Woke up to back pain, a migraine, and one of the cats threw up all over the place. Ugh. And the demon is definitely knocking at my door. Actually I just need to cry, but it would only make my head hurt worse. I know so many of you would understand this, but I just want many days in a row of feeling okay. God these ups and downs are just so discouraging......

[Bark]

Kept waking up last night, lost track of how many times. At least I was able to get back to sleep. If this is a side effect, well, it just had to affect the one thing I already have problems with.... I took a nap in the evening, and even then I'm still tired. Whenever I pick up a textbook it's like taking a tranquilizer. So basically, it's just added waking up at night to my list of things to look forward to. I'm hoping tonight's different.

Now that I've started classes, the anxiety and the stress and the negativity has returned with greater force. I'm worried I'm going to fail everything. So many things to read and papers to write, and those are my weak points. I used to love reading, and now it feels more like a chore. I can barely remember when I used to pick up a book and just immerse myself in it without reading at a snail's pace and rereading sentences over and over, or reading so fast in an effort to cover what I need to know. It's so tiring. I'm tired. I have an appointment tomorrow with my counsellor, so we'll see how that goes.

Now that I'm carrying a backpack, it's putting more stress on my back and shoulders. I've been neglecting (for a long time now) to do the exercises I'm supposed to and maintain good posture. My shoulders always hurt, but I'm used to it. Usually it's just when they're squeezed, sometimes (like now) it's a vague pain, and thankfully rarely, it can be excruciating. But that was a while ago. I did pull something when I stretched last week, and that hurt quite a bit... I have to watch how I stretch.

I just feel really stressed out right now, and I'm really hoping the medicine will start kicking in.

[Rachel.i]

Bored and down, and still thinking about how my grown daughter and her fiance apparently think I'm a clown. Even though I know I shouldn't be brooding about it.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Bark

I just feel really stressed out right now, and I'm really hoping the medicine will start kicking in.

Good luck Bark. Sending warm thoughts.......

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

Bored and down, and still thinking about how my grown daughter and her fiance apparently think I'm a clown. Even though I know I shouldn't be brooding about it.

Hi Rachel.....You're brooding because it hurts. Just my opinion, but I believe you should respect your right to have your true feelings. Hugs ~whimsy

[Rachel.i]

Thank you, whimsy. You are a wise lady. BTW, I love your username.

[daveUSMC32]

Feeling the grind. 14 hour work days 7 days a week for over 7 months and counting in this godawful part of the planet.

Wife is OCDing from across the ocean. Killing me inside that I can't be there to give her a hug and stroke her hair and tell her it's going to be ok.

Marines aren't supposed to be depressed. wtf is wrong with me.

[agma]

Today was the last day of group, so I am kind of sad about that. I am doing a continuation of group that starts next Friday though, so I am looking foward to that. I am also feeling stressed and angry and overwhelmed today. Today I found out how much of my coworkers work load I am going to have to cover once she leaves until they can get someone else hired. I was off on a medical leave for three weeks and just went back last Monday. I am tring to get caught up with all of my work and now I am going to be getting a bunch more pretty soon. I know it is only temporary, but in the past, it has taken them quite a while to get someone hired when someone left.

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Kind of a bad morning. Woke up to back pain, a migraine, and one of the cats threw up all over the place. Ugh. And the demon is definitely knocking at my door. Actually I just need to cry, but it would only make my head hurt worse. I know so many of you would understand this, but I just want many days in a row of feeling okay. God these ups and downs are just so discouraging......

Hi whimsygirl, I hope your day gets better. Back pain and migraines suck. Never had them, other pains yes, but some people I know have them. Crying makes my head feel worse too, especially if I have a headache or am stressed already. Hoping that you start having more up days in a row than downs. ((Hugs))

[ExiExi]

Exi just wants out, doesn't want to be scared anymore.. and doesn't want to fail.

[alone in the world]

Why can't the good days last longer? feeling extremely lonely, sad, dejected and forgotten. feels like I am the only one on the earth and everyone left purposefully to get away from me. not feeling loved but then again don't think I ever was. The sdaness weighs so heavily in my chest and their is no relief.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by daveUSMC32

Feeling the grind. 14 hour work days 7 days a week for over 7 months and counting in this godawful part of the planet.

Wife is OCDing from across the ocean. Killing me inside that I can't be there to give her a hug and stroke her hair and tell her it's going to be ok.

Marines aren't supposed to be depressed. wtf is wrong with me.

Dave....I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all this. My thoughts and prayers go out to you ~whimsygirl

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

Thank you, whimsy. You are a wise lady. BTW, I love your username.

Thanks

[optimize990h]

trying to wind down. happy was not as anxious as yesterday.

[Nammu]

Down
Down

Dow n

Do w n.................

.

[whimsygirl]

Lay in bed feeling anxious this morning, with some negative thoughts swirling, but feeling somewhat better since getting up. Goal for the day is to search for hope.....no matter how small it may be. Oh that line between hope and no hope is such a fine one.....sigh. Wishing all the best day possible......

[Rachel.i]

Couldn't sleep so I took 50 extra milligrams of Seroquel. That did the trick but I dreamt of an old dear co-worker and friend who was murdered when we were both 30. She was alive again and talking to me. I have had this dream every six months or so since she died and even while I'm dreaming it's lucid and I'm hoping it's true.

Tonight we are going to my favorite restaurant and to see one of my absolute favorite singers of all time, but even that doesn't move me or make me feel happy. I'm just numb and down at the same time. Nothing looks bright. Despair and tears come easily. It wasn't the dream that did it, it's just how I feel and have been feeling.

I don't think any meds or therapy can ever fix this depression and I do both and have tried a lot of different meds and to do it on my own too. At least it makes me feel a little better to write this out and not keep it rattling around in my head.