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#801
Sep 05, 2012, 12:47 AM
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I'm new here. I'm sorry to post in someone else's thread but the one I started isn't up yet and I'm not doing very well right now. I have never been so unhappy in my life and I cannot stop crying.
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 Bark, dazedandonfused, Nammu, optimize990h, RS123, Shadow-world, whimsygirl
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#802
Sep 05, 2012, 07:10 AM
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Went to the doctor's today. My counsellor didn't write up the note, so I ended up talking quite a bit. Went all right. I think he consulted another doctor on the medication, because he was gone a while. Anyway, he diagnosed me with MDD and prescribed an SSRI, Seroxat (Paxil), and a benzodiazepine, Xanax. I forgot to mention that I had been taking St. John's Wort, but I asked the pharmacist, who said I should wait a week before starting the SSRI (I've read you should wait two, so I'm not surprised). My counsellor said he would send an e-mail (and he did, after I hassled him a bit), so we'll see if the doctor replies.
I talked with my counsellor a bit, and he doesn't think I have MDD. (I have had bad episodes in the past, but these days it's generally fine.) He also brought up the benzo, which I figured was addictive. The doctor told me to take one every evening; my counsellor and the pharmacist were under the impression it was take as needed. Personally, I don't think I have a big problem with anxiety, so I'm just going to wait till next week to start the SSRI. Wish me luck! |
| Nammu, optimize990h, RS123, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#804
Sep 05, 2012, 09:10 AM
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Anxiety fading, depression waning...Now, it's the inevitable fatigue associated with all of this recovery. Someone once told me about depression being like one hand holding down the other - when the depression subsides, there is a burst of energy (maybe hypomania)...you get the picture...the hand releases the one being held down and "boom"...well, after that energy is released, there is an inevitable reuptake of the adrenaline...I think that's where I am right now. Thanks for all the support and hugs folks. It means a lot to me.
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| alone in the world, Bark, dazedandonfused, jlmass, optimize990h, RS123, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#805
Sep 05, 2012, 09:55 AM
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Briefly talked to my supervisor yesterday afternoon, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I am really nervous about today though. I have group t and then individual t. While I am in group t, my H is meeting with my individual T to talk about me. I was told that I could be there for it, but I said I didn't want to be. Now I can't stop thinking and worrying about what T and H are going to talk about. T did tell me that she would tell me what she and H talked about. I HATE feeling so insecure and paranoid.
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| Bark, dazedandonfused, optimize990h, RS123, Shadow-world, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#806
Sep 05, 2012, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
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#807
Sep 05, 2012, 10:35 AM
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Quote:
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#808
Sep 05, 2012, 10:42 AM
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Quote:
I saw your comment. Just have to tell you that we all focus on our problems too much. In fact I'm here because I have another bunch of problems. Well, I am anthropologist, and I have to tell you that being overweight is not as bad as you think (however, it you're having also a health problem, go to the physician). there are a lot of cultures that value being chubby. We, as western people, often see that as something bad, but it is not that bad. Some cultures don't like anorexic women (like in ours). In fact, I am a man and I have to tell you that skinny women look awful!! Don't let superficiality hurt you!!! Sorry for my English. I'm in Colombia, latin america. |
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#809
Sep 05, 2012, 11:08 AM
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Doing okay today feel a little nauseated. Not feeling suicidal today I pray to god it stays this way.
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| Bark, Nammu, regretful, RS123, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#810
Sep 05, 2012, 11:29 AM
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This morning I have no wish to keep on with this life.
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| alone in the world, Bark, dazedandonfused, Nammu, optimize990h, regretful, RS123, Shadow-world, TerryL
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#811
Sep 05, 2012, 12:55 PM
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I hate myself for being what I am, for doing things I do and for feeling the way I do. It's like living in hell by choice. I'm an idiot! Everything is my fault. Depression is no excuse.. maybe I just don't like to live.
__________________
Where, where I go - My spirit is free, I'm coming home Where, where I go - Remember me but let me go /Lacuna Coil |
| alone in the world, Bark, Nammu, Rose76, RS123, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#813
Sep 05, 2012, 03:53 PM
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Wish mom was still here
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| Bark, ExiExi, Nammu, Rose76, RS123, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#814
Sep 05, 2012, 04:00 PM
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Quote:
__________________
''Don't ever think you're alone - we all through the same s***. We just have different circumstances.'' - Jared Leto So shout if you’re a freak like me, You were born to burn, This is no disease, you don’t need a cure! - Freak Like Me/Halestorm |
| whimsygirl
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 whimsygirl
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#815
Sep 05, 2012, 04:17 PM
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Quote:
Last edited by whimsygirl; Sep 05, 2012 at 05:50 PM. |
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#816
Sep 05, 2012, 04:21 PM
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Quote:
 But of course I guess any time your Mom dies is too early......
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| Nammu, Rose76
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#817
Sep 05, 2012, 04:27 PM
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****************
Last edited by whimsygirl; Sep 05, 2012 at 05:52 PM. |
| Nammu
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#818
Sep 05, 2012, 07:19 PM
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Today I made it through the day without running and hiding in my bed. still feel the blues but seem to be able to deal with them better. have not abused the meds in 6 days. YEAH.
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| Bark, Nammu, Turtleboy
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| Bark, Rose76, whimsygirl
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#820
Sep 05, 2012, 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Since the second day of the medication, I've been more depressed and crying all the time and now no temporary Pdoc to ask about it-so I'm just stopping the meds. All this starts happening after lunch-the nurse lets it slip out that my case was discussed that morning-so didn't they think that someone should sit down with ME and tell me straight to my face what was going on? I really really hate so called therapy places that can't get it together and then out right lie to me. What two more days?? Why not write these things down and talk to me? Why keep talking to me all morning as if you are going to be seeing me the rest of the week? Hypocrites! The back of my mind I don't believe them, that my insurance is behind it all. I think its because I stuck a Disability Rights investigations on to the hospital for their violations and this program is run by the hospital. They don't want me around because of what I said yesterday about the complete lack of real care and supervision for the folks who are out of touch with reality. I said they needed their own program and today none of them were at the program-there were very few people actually and I'm suddenly "let go" Without them having even done the most basic thing-found a pdoc! I called my insurance when I got home and they are confused, they are calling them tomorrow to find out why? I'm not sure I want to go back-just find me a decent pdoc. Every time I think I might be getting somewhere and getting some real help, even if it's hard---I'm hit in the face with just how much reality doesn't want me around, or at least certainly not to be content. I've given up on happy, but I would like to be content.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| alone in the world, Anonymous32894, Bark, ExiExi, Rose76, RS123, Turtleboy, whimsygirl
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#821
Sep 05, 2012, 10:39 PM
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Wow sidestepper.....This latest leaves me speechless, and so sad that you had to endure all this crap. Seriously, I feel terrible for you and only wish I had a magic wand to wave. I think the word "incompetence" does not even begin to explain this. Shame on people who say they're there to help, and then this happens. Otherwise, all I want to say is that regardless of what reality wants, I know I want you around.....and I'm still hoping for "happy" (for you).....hmm, not even sure what I'm aiming for anymore. Hugs ~whimsy
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#823
Sep 06, 2012, 07:28 AM
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That's a great word for today Turtleboy...shaky is just how I'm feeling; there is so much good going on but for some reason I seem to be focusing on what can go wrong, and as I do that, in comes the shakiness...
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| Bark, Turtleboy
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#824
Sep 06, 2012, 11:35 AM
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Sidestepper - I'm disappointed for you that the Partial Program you're in is such a mess. The PHP I went to for a couple of months was just all high-functioning, reality-connected consumers. I've nothing against any consumer. It's just that, in an out-patient setting, mixing up folk with such widely divergent needs becomes counter-productive (IMO.) Still, hanging in there may help you get other issues addressed. (Like: get a pdoc. Also, maybe, a case manager.) I was once invited to join a social rehab program than was kind of like what you're describing. I went for awhile. Everyone there got picked up by a bus, while I drove 30 miles to get to it. I got to thinking it wasn't worth the gas. I'm glad to have gone and seen what was going on there, though.
I hear a lot about DBT, as being a helpful program, if you can get into a good one. Sometimes the best you can do is "jump through hoops" to make connections with motivated mental health providers who might be willing to give you some back up.
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#825
Sep 06, 2012, 11:47 AM
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I'm still doing well. My new thing is picking up the place before I go to bed. I woke up this morning and was so surprised at how clean and tidy the apartment was. I almost can't believe I'm in my own place. People stop by . . . and I'm not embarrassed to open the door. Not being real depressed is pretty cool.
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| ExiExi, Turtleboy
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| Bark, whimsygirl
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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