Why am I so alone?

I figured out the cause of most of my depression. I'm pretty ****ing lonely. I can't really talk to my friends because we're really not very close. I'm 26, had one relationship my entire life, 5 years ago. Haven't come close to anything resembling a relationship since then. Had maybe 2-3 women I've gone on second dates or third dates with. I get swept into these waves of depression when I see people in relationships. Anyone else feel like this?

EDIT: Also, I'm starting to feel just a general disdain for alot of people. I don't really respect many people nowadays. Is there a term for this? I feel like everyone is kinda dumb and focused on dumb things in life. It makes me a little depressed that I have to live with all these idiots

Hi ArrMCee --- Well, first you need therapy for your depression and if you can't afford that, then at least see your medical doctor about it. He can help you. You've been suffering from this for quite some time now. It's about time you did something about it, don't you think? Why keep suffering? You deserve to feel better!!! I hate to see you feel so horribly.

Secondly, you say that you don't respect many people nowadays. Do you think perhaps you give off an air of disdain for everyone? Do you think that people can TELL that you feel that they're stupid or dumb? Sometimes we give off "airs" of superiority and people can feel that. I'm just suggesting that at times we have to be careful how we act, as how we feel can many times be felt by others.

But really, see your doc or therapist about your depression, ok? You don't need to feel this bad and I HATE to see you suffering like this! Will you do it please? I hope so. Take care & keep us posted, God bless. Hugs, Lee

Yes, its called jealousy. A common human experience. And it is probably because you are alone. Even when with others we are all alone. We will never understand each other.

Wow....After seeing a few of your posts recently I can't believe your negativity and selfishness. I'm sorry if you're miserable, but is your goal to take away hope from all those around you?? Very sad indeed. (And by the way, that question was strictly rhetorical, as I'm sure you would just say something nasty back to me.)

I hope you find help soon. Best Wishes to you.....

Hello ArrMCee,

I have often wondered which comes first, the depression or the loneliness? For me, one of the first symptoms that I am getting depressed is that I start to feel lonely. Eventually, as the illness progresses, I lose interest in life. I watch other people doing stuff and couldn't be bothered. I also think that people are into meaningless stuff. So, my point is, the underlying depression may be the very reason for your loneliness and disdain for people. I agree with Leeds that you need to seek help for the depression, from a doc or therapist. I am sorry you are struggling and I hope that things change for you real soon.

I feel lost now in the dating world. I'm 28 and just got out of a relationship. The girl was so coy and complicated, it intrigued me so much and I wanted to help her so much. Plus it was werid I accepted her completely. From what I told my friends, they said I was giving way too much. With my therapist I realized prehaps, grativitate toward those types and end up having to do everything...and then I am not happy at the end. It has to do with internal rejection and low self esteem I discovered, and real loneiness. I don't feel strong enough myself to be accepting of myself alone. And MAN she was so Hot and intriguing...haha so now I'm lost and I feel no one can compare or I don't feel I'll be into or interest to the next girl. Its seems bland and disheartening. I am still not over her, but she also was so cold to me at times. I hate this feeling of confusion and sadness. Can I be okay with myself alone before reaching out to a better mate?

Can you connect with anything I'm saying ArrMcee?

Definitely can relate Trees... I was with a girl that I think was so good, she ruined my perception on how relationships should be =P Haven't had the slightest interest in more than a handful of women since her.

As for everyone else, thank you. I don't have any medical insurance, and am currently unemployed and flat broke (paying bills and rent is all i can afford) I want to seek help very badly, but until I get a job, I'll have to find another way to cope.

Yeah, this girl has ruined or uncovered a rock on my perception of relationships and people I am attracted too. I wish we could have stayed friends, it was a bad breakup. I miss her and she hurt me so bad, its a double edge sword, unlike any experience I ever had. I cannot imagine how tough it has been for you...5 years in gloom, and uncertainty, no WOW factor to attract you. Please share more, prehaps I can help with some feedback or I can be one of those people you can talk to.

Life is a sad, sick joke. I'm sorry I can't be more pleasing to you, but I have a very unstable mind, and I am very negative. My original goal was to actually be pleasing to people, it is my nature, of course you can't see that now as I've been depressed for most of my life. I usually don't say anything because it always ends up this way. *Sigh*... you wouldn't understand. No one does. But I am just stating my observations. You may find me selfish, I don't deny it, I am unfortunately human.

In reply to CgRgSm last comment,

I can say I use to please others, without exploring myself. There was and is too much pain inside and fear of rejection from others especially from the opposite sex. I am working on this through therapy and talking more to friends and writing here. I have poor coping methods, many of them isolating and they make me irritable, and hidden. Porn is the worst, I use it to numble the pain away. So bad. I don't know if you have coping methods that are troublesome like me or have trouble being selfish for the greater good of putting yourself first. I am struggling with this along with a breakup. I'm glad I can express it here and I hope to get some feedback or support from others. I hate being negative, but its part of who I am, and I've grown up with so much of it in the past, or better to say a mind that focused and absorbed more of the sadness and pain than the positive.

For me the fear of rejection is a lot less than the fear of myself. I don't want to be put in situations I was in with my ex. The last 5 years has been very lonesome. I've seen friends enter and exit multiple relationships... meanwhile I've been by myself. I think I know what's stopping me..

I'm really good at picking up a girl. I am the one that goes out and talks to a girl, and gets her number, calls her up for a date... and then that's it. I don't feel ready to date yet.. Certainly not ready to have a relationship. I need therapy first. I need to fix myself first before I can expect someone else to stay attracted to me.

Why do you fear yourself ArrMCee? And what kind of situations related to with your ex do you not want to be in? Just wondering...

I used to lose control. I would get angry for no reason and just lose it, completely. Sometimes physical (never striking, more grabbing and shoving), sometimes just verbally abusive. It was ugly. The ugliest and most disgusting **** I've ever been a part of... It's been about 3 years since anything like that has happened, but because I haven't been with anyone since her. I have been regretting every second of it since. I don't ever want to put somebody else through that again. I want to make sure that I'm never going to do that again to anyone ever.. So until then, I'll just keep everyone at a distance.