scared to open doors

I know that I have a problem with depression, and have for decades. Part of me says I should seek help, but a couple things stop me. First is the fear of being put on antidepressants. I don't respond well to those medications. I've been given small doses of many of the new ones for their side effect of helping some people's migraines. Even small doses floor me, dropping my blood pressure so low that I'm too weak to get to my feet.

The second is a mixture of a lack of trust, (all my experiences with shrinks were bad), and the fear of opening doors that should stay closed. I'm afraid if one of those doors is opened, i'll either shut down or do something drastic.

Every now and then, I think of trying to find a therapist to help, but fear holds me back.

Sam2

Hi, I'm new here. I can relate to your post. I was very anti meds for a long time until I got to the point where I was sure I was going to kill myself. So I got help. I was on meds for a year with pretty good results but ran out of money so I split up my last bottle and slow got off of them. I pretty quickly went back into severe depression and as a result my long term relationship broke apart.

My girl didnt think depression was real. I am back on my meds thanks to my dad and already I'm feeling so much better. She now can see the difference which is good.

Just so you know I tried two kinds until I found one that hand the least side effects and levels me out. Take care bro.

Hi ! Personally, I like psychologists, as opposed to psychiatrists. My experience has been that psychiatrists just sit there and grunt, while psychologists give feedback, which I like. So, I went to psychologists.

I know what you mean by opening the doors.. But my psychologist was so gentle, that it wasn't that hard to open those scary doors which I'd kept closed for many many years. And believe me, once you DO open them, the relief that you feel is mind-boggling! Yes, at first it's scary, but at the same time you're GLAD you finally opened it because you finally let someone else see what you'd kept hidden for so long - you let someone else take a look and determine if it's as awful as you thought it was all those years. And if they think it is, then they begin you on a plan of treatment to be able to cope with it and finally rid yourself of whatever it is.

Nothing is so horrible that the door SHOULD remain closed forever. NOTHING. Everything CAN be handled and coped with thru therapy.

Please don't be afraid of therapy. I was in therapy off and on all my adult life, and I'm now 63 yrs old and OFF therapy for the time being. Believe me, I've open some doors that had some pretty horrible things behind them. And I was scared too. Plus there were some doors that were closed and I didn't know WHAT was behind them -- we had to find out, and that was pretty darn scary too!

Give it a try. The therapist will go at your speed. Please call for an appt. It's really the best thing you can do for yourself. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

i have been in depression for over a decade now. anti-depressant doesnt help me too, it makes me even weak. but i never had a therapy before cause something always stops me. Shame, fear, hopeless, angry, consider everything is my fate and just go with it, a lot of you might think its wrong and i know i cant help myself with those feelings inside me, but i just couldn't help it.

I understand your reluctance. Although I am not a therapist, it sounds to me like you have a trauma history. Have you ever considered EMDR? I had never heard of it until my therapist suggested it a year ago. It definitely helped me. It's very simple, no electrodes or invasive stuff. They basically stimulate both sides of your brain while talking you through stuff in order to release trauma that you have blocked up in your brain. My description is very unscientific, so you may want to do some research (Sorry, I'm new, so they won't let me post links). It's just a thought, but it might help. Good luck!!!

Hi, Sam2!

I think Lee's response was right on target, but if you're really scared of those doors opening, you can start off with a therapist who focuses on short-term therapy to get you going in your daily life.

I met with counselors in college who were mostly interested in checking in on my activity level and holding me accountable for "small" (ha! nothing feels small when you're depressed) changes like exercising more, sleeping regularly, and keeping a journal. Maybe a therapist like that would help you to regain your trust in the profession? For me, it wasn't a substitute for more intensive treatment, but it helped me get positive momentum.

If you decide to give someone a try, I encourage you to visit the Psychotherapy forum, too. Hope you keep posting!

Had my earlier experiences with therapist not been so bad, I might not be as resistant to therapy. Sometimes I wish I had started with a good one before the four I did see messed up my trust.

Going to a therapist is like putting something on the internet. Once its out there, you can never take it back. Here I'm a faceless person and don't have to worry about that.

keepfighting, I'm not sure what EMDR is, though by the sound of it, I'm guess its electro shock therapy of some sort. I have a peripheral nerve stimulator in place for chronic migraines, and any sort of electrical or magnetic therapies are a no no. (I can't go through metal detectors either. The battery will short out).

I'm not ready to pack it in, and I don't believe in suicide because it causes more pain than it cures. What kills me is that back when this could have been dealt with, there were people who knew there was a problem, and said nothing. In high school I was in big trouble, suicidal, lost almost thirty pounds, grades dropped etc. A few years ago, I went back to the school for transcripts and spoke to my old guidance counsellor. She told me that they all knew there was a problem but didn't know what it was. All my teachers and counsellors knew and never even asked. I know that part of it is up to the person suffering, but it blew my mind that they all knew. It was the counsellors job to spot problems. Sometimes kids can't come forward. All it would have taken at that point would have been for someone to ask. They even had a crisis center at school, and they knew as well. It makes me wonder how many kids are struggling, unable to come forward and just ignored.

Sam

It hurts to have the memory of adults who looked the other way when you were a helpless kid in trouble. I'm so sorry that happened to you. It can affect your trust in authority figures and other people in general.

It sounds like it's too late to stop the problems you faced then, but it's not too late to change the way those problems impact your life now. I'm glad it helps to post here anonymously. I hope you keep posting and reading here!

EMDR is a type of therapy that uses eye movements similar to those that happen during REM sleep or other body movements. The patient does the movements under a therapist's guidance while remembering a trauma. The theory is that the painful/scary trauma memories are stored differently in the brain; the therapy lets the event be stored as a regular memory that doesn't cause extreme pain. I haven't done it; that's just my understanding. There are articles in the non-forum part of PC if you want to read more about it.

Hope you're feeling okay today!

Hi.

I share your apprehension in regard to medications. I've been put on antipsychotics and antiepileptics and the side-effects have only worsened my state. It feels as though I have a clot in my brain and my eyes keep moving back and forth and my vision is blurred. Not to mention I'm even crazier than before.
We Romanians have a saying: "Nu ma ajuta. Stiu sa gresesc si singur." - Don't help me- I can make mistakes on my own.
It's hard to find a good professional here and the quacks I've seen have only made things worse for me. Now I can't pluck up the courage to talk to my mother about my changing my shrink because we've seen every "professional" in town and it's a small, vicious circle of incompetent psychiatrists I've been having to deal with.
I think the solutions to our issues come from within- we are our own shrinks and a cocktail of mind-muddling drugs is not an option for me anymore.

Gosh Sam , are you putting into words what is in my head or what . I totally understand where you are coming from . I think we must learn to trust again before we can begin to open the doors we are so afraid of . Baby steps