[mystiev]

im not sure where to start here but i know i need to talk to someone and do not want to burden family or friends and more than they already are.
the past few years have been very hard for me and im not sure how much more i can handle. i'm not sure if i should explain myself here now or just wait and see if anyone is out there. well i'll wait and see.
thanks,
mystie

[dexter]

There are plenty of people out here. Many of the symptoms of depression can be difficult for outsiders to "grasp" so it is good to have a forum like this where people understand. There are also lots of support groups available that meet regularly so you might want to try to find one near you.

Have you seen anyone for treatment? People tend not to talk about depression but the truth is that a lot more is known about causes and treatment nowadays. If you haven't already you should seek a good mental health professional to get an evaluation. It is important to be diagnosed properly by a professional, once they know the root of the problem there is help available. If the cause of the problem is medical, it could be a chemical imbalance in the brain, there are many medicines are available to help. Sometimes it can take a while to find the right medicine that works for you without the problem of side effects. Whether or not medicines are indicated, some sort of therapy would be advised to help you cope with your symptoms, change your lifestyle to reduce its severity, and learn about the causes and "triggers" of your symptoms. The meds don't provide a "cure" they just even out the chemical imbalance so that therapy can be effective.

But sharing your feelings and thoughts is also an important step, so please post more. It is good to share with people who can and will understand.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[mystiev]

thanks for replying dexter. i have discussed it with my doctor and he said he could give me something to help and suggested i see someone to talk about it but i do not feel comfortable talking in person with strangers about my feelings. i used to consider myself a very strong person and now i just feel weak. i have tried taking wellbutrin but it didnt help me any so i stopped. i just feel like its one thing after another and i cant take much more. just fopr a little background, im a 35 year old woman, i have never posted or been on any forum before i was thinking this may help. 5 years ago i found out my husband was gay, well bi sexual. wich was a blow to my ego mostly but i tried to work it out with him. we eventually grew apart and he left. i had 2 childern and he left me in a financial mess. we had just bought a house. 2 weeks later my dog dies and a week after that my father suddely passed away. on top of all that i was having serious medical problems and was ill for 8 months. i had no insurance so my condition worsened rapidly for failing to get treatment. when my father died my family became a mess each retreating into their own little world, when i did ask them for help i was told "i can't" and i felt totally alone. i worked when i could but that was not often enough. i eventually had to go for emergency surgury wich turned in to a lengthy hospital stay my husband did not want to take the children but did ... i had no one else. after my surgery and recovery i was broke so i went back to work and got my children back. i lost my sitter and could not find another i could afford. because i owned a home i could not get assistance. we went without heat (besides the stove) for 4 months. i did my best to hold things together and finally asked my ex to take the kids while i got back on my feet. i worked double shifts for 4 months. only to be told he wasnt going to give them back. i was already so deeply immersed in my depression that i just gave up and kept working, hoping he would change his mind he became abusive whenever i would see him wich was only for visitation with my kids. so i stopped seeing them to save them from seeing that type of interaction between us. we have been seperated for 2 plus years now and now he wont even let me talk to them. in the meantime my mother has been diagnosed with congestive heart failure and small cell lung cancer. she was gravely ill but now i am staying with her in her home and caring for her instead of putting her in a nursing home. this has been the kicker for me. she is depressed as well after the death of my father she went downhill. they were married for 52 years. she isnt cureable but she is getting radiation and cheomotherapy. i feel like i have lost everything and am just existing day to day. i am getting divorced as well to make surei see my children and have some sort of role in their lives but i feel i just cant handle any more pressure. i am in financial and emotional ruin. thank you for reading my post i have never done anything like this before and i feel a little better just talking about it.
mystie

[survivor1]

Mystie,
Wow, you have had more than your fair share of hard times recently it seems! I am so sorry you are going through all that - I can't imagine how difficult that would be.

Anti-depressants work differently for people - perhaps there is another one that will work for you. Keep trying until you find one that works. Also, I know it's difficult to talk with strangers about your feelings, but it really helps a lot! Remember, therapists have been trained to listen and are very understanding of people's apprehension to share their personal stories. It is a vulnerable feeling, yes, but just as you felt relieved after posting and "getting it out"...you would feel the same after talking with a therapist. There is nothing "weak" about asking for help (I only learned this a few years ago myself!) - it's actuallya sign of strength because you are taking steps to resolve things and to get better. Not everyone has the courage to do that!

I am sorry for the loss of your father. I'm sorry for all of your other losses as well (husband and children). That is an awful lot for the heart to handle. My heart goes out to you.

My thoughts are that you will benefit from medication once you find one that works. I believe you would also benefit from counseling as well. Perhaps posting here for a bit will get you more comfortable sharing your feelings and thoughts until you can get to see a therapist. I am pretty new here, but from what I've seen so far, these are some really wonderful people with great advice.

I hope things get better for you soon!
Survivor1

[mystiev]

thank you survivor. i will seek help from a therapist when i can. i cannot afford it finacially right now and also can't leave my mom alone at this point. but just talking about it makes me feel better. maybe when my mom finishes this course of radiation and chemotherapy and gains some of her strength back i can leave her long enough to make it to an appontment to see a therapist. but i would have to b able to afford it as well. as it is now i have a stack of unpaid medical bills. and not being able to pay im sure they wouldn't take me. just getting it out even in this small way has relieved me. thanks for being there.
mystie

[survivor1]

You are so welcome! I hope I can be helpful in some way to you. I'm not sure if you are aware of this or not, but there are many places that offer counseling on a sliding pay scale. I went to one once at a church and they were very happy to work with me for what I could afford. There are others, you would need to check what is available in your community (it's not just churches).

Do you have a support network of friends or family you talk to, or do you kind of just keep things to yourself?

[dexter]

I am glad to see that you will try again for a therapist. Remember that part of the process is getting trust with your therapist so take it slow in the beginning. He or she should work with you as you gain trust for talking. Personality is very important so find one who you feel comfortable with even if you have to try a few different therapists.

I don't believe that meds alone will help. If your primary doctor prescribed the wellbutrin but there was no therapy involved I believe that is only half of the equation. However it may take several tries to find a medicine that works well for you, which is why it is important to have a psychiatric doctor that you trust working with you as well. Everyone's body reacts differently to the meds so it really is trial and error to find what works and sometimes it takes a combination of drugs. The medicines also do not work quickly, it can take 3 to 6 weeks to build up in your bloodstream enough to take effect, so if you don't feel any relief in two weeks that doesn't mean it is not working. It is important to talk to your doctor about stopping medications as well. Stopping some too quickly can have adverse effects.

I know that money is an issue and I hate that that has such an important influence in our lives. i hope you can find some way to get the help that you need. and keep posting here because just sharing can be a big help.

good luck

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

[mystiev]

i am deeply in debt and caring for my mom i have had to leave my job. i have a very caring boyfreind who is in the next state over. whom i was living with before my mom got sick and was really helping me make progress. he has also experienced depression and has gotten through it ... for the most part. he is really the only person i can talk to who understands. he even came to stay with me as long as he could while i have been caring for my mom. since he has left i feel like i am falling apart. i guess i depended on him far to heavily.

[SeptemberMorn]

Mistie, welcome to the board. You've taken a very good first step in helping yourself to resolve all your problems. You have had a few rough years, haven't you? You'll be amazed at the kindness of the people on this board. There is hardly a post that will go unanswered, so don't be afraid to post.

You'll find many answers and a whole lot of support here, so keep coming back.


<font color=blue>"The winds of change continue rolling and they just carry me away."</font color=blue>

[mystiev]

i will try again. once my divorce is final i think he will be asked to take cvare of some of the medical bills so they may get paid i just have thousands of dollars worth of medical bills, and no income, and thats besides my other bills. i'm no t even sure how to find a therapist evermind a good one that i trust. talking to someone about your feelings is hard enough, even if they are very close to you, and a complete stranger kinds scares me.. ok not kinda. REALLY scares me. and being so depressed, i dont want that to be a factor in my divorce. i want my children back. and am afraid if im seeking treatment for depression that might be bad for my case. i've been reading your posts dexter, i'm sorry you have trouble sleeping, thats an awful feeling especially when you are tired and can not sleep. tossing and turning and watching the clock. seems like all i want to do is sleep lately. wish i could give you some of mine. i know this is going to sound corny but have you tried meditation at all? it helps me to relax or used to. i havent been able to do it for a while. even guided meditaion tapes. you can always talk to me on here thats enough to put anyone to sleep. *smiles*
mystie

[mystiev]

thank you september!

[PlanningtoLive]

Welcome Mystiev.............

You have so much on your shoulders right now........try to prioritize them so that what is important gets done now.

I wish you the best and hopefully, you'll call me if you have any troubles

Marty Alice

[ariel]

I considered myself to be a strong person as well, I didn't share my problems with strangers either, but I finally did see a therapist, and while I found it took a real change in my way of interracting to share these things it helped. Depression damages the brain. The patterns of our behavior in dealing with the stresses and traumas of life cannot be repaired by pills. The anti- depressants can help regenerated the damaged brain cells, so can therapy, but only therapy can teach you to use those brain cells in a more productive and healthy way.

-Ariel

Whatever you can do,
Or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic, in it.
-Goethe