[NJBlues]

Feeling really down. Prozac doesn't seem to be work

[NJBlues]

ng. Seeing pdoc today, being assessed tomorrow for an outpatient therapy program. Have to cancel vacation planned for next week, my son will be devastated. Have to take a leave from work. God, I hope this works & one day I can post good news on this forum.

[themonster7]

This morning I woke up and could frown about 1/10th of the way on the left side of my face. This should have made me happy because it means that my facial paralysis is finally starting to wear off, but it will take at least 18 months for it to be gone. Then I started thinking again, always a bad idea, and now I'm wondering when anything will change in my life. I'm still single, still lonely all day everyday, still feel like a freak when I try to smile at people and only half my face moves. I'm not as hopeless today as yesterday though, so that's a positive thing to dwell on.

[Grey Matter]

Low. I don't know how I am getting up from this one.

[tigerlily84]

Check engine light on my car started flashing!!! At the mechanic now. I'm scared of what he'll say.

As if I needed this!!! Yup I'm hitting the p button now.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

Check engine light on my car started flashing!!! At the mechanic now. I'm scared of what he'll say.

As if I needed this!!! Yup I'm hitting the p button now.

I have come to an love/hate relationship w/ cars. They are necessities where I live. But when you are living in poverty and in apt complex it is so hard to do everything that needs to be kept up. I hope your flashing light is a small easy fix.

Not a bad day overall.
I was able to spend some time at the pool by myself and later with my daughter.
I got a good amount of sun.
Now she is eating up my iphone bandwidth watching My Little Pony.

[lindammarie]

Always trying to fix myself. Always failing. I need to quit caring and just be me...

[FeelingOpaque]

Feel like an asshole and a bad friend. Frustrated I have nobody to talk to.

Life is seriously pointless.

I took the day off from work. I had not had one in about six months. I thought I would take one because I will not be able to take a day off for the next couple of months.

The morning was OK, but I woke up earlier than I wanted to because of yapping dogs at a house across the street from me. It didn't last long and I went back to sleep after that. The morning was alright, but the afternoon and evening sucked.

The afternoon was pretty bad because I got together with a friend. He's an elderly man of 77 years old. We had lunch at a Japanese place that I had been to many years ago. The food was terrible. And then we went to my place to talk for a while. He told me that he thinks that I am asexual because I resist his advances at me. He's gay and I am not interested in him that way! I thought that I had made that clear to him! That really upset me. I really want to get rid of him but he's the only friend I have. He's a great guy, except for that.

And then I went to a group meeting tonight for depression and anxiety. A few people were there. I didn't say a word at the meeting the whole time! I wanted to talk, but it seemed like the people dominated the conversations. They talked mostly about depression, medications, and sleeping all day. I couldn't relate to those things. I could relate to the depression part, but they were talking mostly about the staying in bed all day. And then there was a woman that seemed nice that I would have been interested in. She sat next to me. But she said that she was taken. She told the group that. I was really disappointed.

[PinesofRome]

Hello all,

It can be a real pain trying to post from my cellphone - I had a list of ups & downs that I was going to post, but I did not make an in-progress copy, & I held the backspace key for just a second too long & bam! There went my post - erased in a flash!

Anyhow, I will just list 2 downs for tonight & be done with it!

Down -( lost the post I was working on.

Down -( found out the battery in the truck is dead; I have the solution, but it will take time, & if the truck attracts attention sitting on the street - well, I already owe about 5 parking tickets (total about $1000), so I certainly do not need anymore fines. Of course, towing & impound is even more expensive.

Up -) finishing my post here tonite!

Thanks all; have a good night, Pines of Rome

[BPinCali]

Awful day. Ran some errands yesterday and did some laundry. Just that amount of activity caused a fibro response. I feel like hit by a truck. I feel alone and lonely most of the time. I don't get out much and have no support system. That is hard to deal with on a normal day. Today it feels overwhelming. I sit here in all this pain, alone, wondering what the heck is the deal. This is not what my life is supposed to be. Sigh....

Originally Posted by PinesofRome

Hello all,

It can be a real pain trying to post from my cellphone - I had a list of ups & downs that I was going to post, but I did not make an in-progress copy, & I held the backspace key for just a second too long & bam! There went my post - erased in a flash!

Anyhow, I will just list 2 downs for tonight & be done with it!

Down -( lost the post I was working on.

Down -( found out the battery in the truck is dead; I have the solution, but it will take time, & if the truck attracts attention sitting on the street - well, I already owe about 5 parking tickets (total about $1000), so I certainly do not need anymore fines. Of course, towing & impound is even more expensive.

Up -) finishing my post here tonite!

Thanks all; have a good night, Pines of Rome

OMGosh! Where in the world do 5 parking tickets add up to $1000???

More ups than downs the last day.
I hope this trend contiues as I need more up than down days...
But the most challenging days lie ahead.
I have a VERY messy financial house to clean, and its NOT gonna be pretty. I just hope I can handle it. I have to handle it; it's out of control and there is only one solution left.

[PinesofRome]

Hi Spirit Of A Storm,

You asked, 'Where in the world?' Los Angeles City & County!

Well. I think each of them starts out at about $70, but if you do not pay it by the due date (about a month later), they double it to about $140; then, each month, they tack on a penalty. The oldest one is from about a year ago. Hopefully, the money will come in soon to start paying them down. I asked them if I could do community service, but the lady said 'NO'!

I am not working; I have plenty of time, but no money - I guess the reality is, the decision makers just want more money; lousy, myopic, cusses! Anyhow, thank you for your concern & interest, Pines of Rome

Originally Posted by SpiritOfAStorm

OMGosh! Where in the world do 5 parking tickets add up to $1000???

[herethennow]

feeling really down. hating myself because i can't bring myself to trust this new pdoc.. and i have been with T for awhile and I still don't really trust her. i can't bring myself to do anything. just a big failure. trying to resist si to release the pain..

[don964964]

i am still in so much physical pain , I cant do hardly anything , I tried to work on the truck and cant . I just lost it I am having a break down I cant deal with life this way ,
my depression is getting worse now that I am hurt . so alone so alone , no phone I don't have anyone to call anyway and I wouldn't share this pain with them.... I need money I want to leave here, I have 6 weeks to get this job done and I cant do shi-
if I don't get it done I be stuck here forever in the middle of nowhere.......I only have enough money for gas to get to town one more time.... I do have enogh diesel to haul water for the month. they say in places water comes out of a pipe in the wall you only have to turn a knob !? that would be nice

[Grey Matter]

Too tired, too mute, to try and formulate how I am feeling right now.

[PinesofRome]

Hello all,

Well, I woke up about 3 hours late today (830am instead of my desire for around 5am), so I did my meditation from about 1030 to 11am (I wanted to post this about 7am instead of after 11am). Of course, I do always feel better when I do stick to my routine. I gotta have faith that I will move my start time earlier, at least day by day. Do not mean to bore anyone, but hopefully this plan will help me.

UP -) Finished meditation & prayers for today
Down -( started day later than I want
Up -) posted progress here
Pines of Rome

[PinesofRome]

Hello again all,
BPinCali, Don964964 & definitely others have mentioned the chronic physical pain they are suffering; I am terribly sorry that you not only have mental pain, but long term physical pain as well. For each individual, we cannot possibly understand what their life is like for them personally, but I am thankful that my suffering is mostly mental instead of both physical & mental. For everyone who is suffering, mentally and/or physically, I hope & pray that each of us can find relief somehow & live enjoyable, fulfilling lives.
Have a good day, Pines of Rome

[angryworld]

Strange day today. Mild body aches and chills on a bright, sunny day! Weirdly tired, can't concentrate. Not too bad, but strange.

[lindammarie]

I am thankful I don't have to hide my feelings here.

[themonster7]

After a long conversation with a friend last night I'm feeling content. Contentedness is always better than hopelessness, and I'm hoping this feeling sticks around.

[tokiwartooth]

It was a nice day and I spent it outside sampling and got to enjoy the pretty weather.