[Bark]

I hope you'll all forgive me for not keeping up. My phone being half-broken has made Internet browsing kind of tiresome. I promise I'll go back and read everyone's posts when I'm at a computer. Maybe sooner. It seems like I've missed quite a bit.
I finished my last paper! Sort of. The library was closing and I didn't have enough time to finish, plus my brain was shutting down. I think I should try writing for fun during the summer, work my brain. Read, too.

Mood is still stable, which is great. I want to see if I can wean off one of my meds, because I'm not sure if it's actually doing anything. Then again, that might be playing with fire. I'm going to see my psychiatrist, so I'll ask him. He'll probably say
to stay on them.

And uh, yeah. That's all for now. Sorry again for leaving all abruptly.

[Rachel.i]

J is affecting me badly. I know I have to take my power back, but finding out yesterday that I've been replaced as executor after 15-20 years, without even being TOLD, is an insult. Yes, I have been pretty sick for a while, am having surgery on my throat soon, but for my mother to listen to J's nonsense is crazy. But then she let him steal all their savings! $100,000 - $150,000, around there. We gave my mother $3,000 last year because she was broke and asked. No repayment expected. When J heard, he then asked us for $5,000. Craziness. So much more too to the story. I think I drew the short straw at family of origins. For sure when it comes to my father and J. My son was over last night and says he thinks J broke my spirit several years ago, in one of his nonsensical campaigns. I don't know, but I am wearied of this.

[Bark]

Rachel, that is horrible... and insane! He must have a way with words to get them to listen to him. Maybe you should band together with the siblings that know the truth about J and speak out against him to your parents. Did he just take their savings recently? All I can think is... ridiculous!

[gracez]

wish I didn't exist

[Rachel.i]

Originally Posted by Bark

Rachel, that is horrible... and insane! He must have a way with words to get them to listen to him. Maybe you should band together with the siblings that know the truth about J and speak out against him to your parents. Did he just take their savings recently? All I can think is... ridiculous!

Thanks, Bark. Yes, he is silver-tongued, which is common of people with no conscience/no remorse. He took their savings drip by drip... my mother is a hard-core enabler. He also got a big house and many cars from them. One of my siblings and I are banding against him... the others are afraid, because he will do anything, such as having one of my siblings beat to a pulp. It's crazy, but true. The sibling that was beaten had not only bad physical wounds, but developed PTSD. He won't attempt that on me, because of my sons and husband.

It is stuff that I would never do, and which I do not deserve, nor my siblngs. It all gives me a sick feeling, but if one hasn't been around such evil, it's hard to envision. That's another thing he counts on. Am trying to not let him have any control over my thoughts, and my life.

[don964964]

I finaly took the 140 mile trip to town and back to get my meds today. only took all week to get the motivation to go.
on the way in I suddenly saw people standing in the road I slammed on the brakes knowing I was going to hit them when I stopped there was no one there... my heart was ponding so hard and fast town was terrible I was lost and scared my anxiety was zooming out of control I took 2 mg of alprazolam it didn't help at all I am still all jumpy the dog is looking at me like something is wrong he is very sensitive to the other world also. sometimes when he is acting strange I look out and see nothing then after watching where he is looking I see people walking past a few will look towards me like they see me too . I am so lost and scared

[ScathachWarrior]

My finals are over and I'm off for the summer. I tried to get a job but I waited too long to look, so I have nothing going on, really. Just a large pile of summer work for my honors and AP classes that I'm not looking forward to, but am in a way because it'll keep me busy.
I already managed to trigger a phase by writing an email, which is needless to say beyond frustrating. It's going to be a long summer.

It was an alright kind of day for me. Work was busier than I thought. There was going to be an outdoor picnic at where I work, so it would have been a half-day work day. I decided not to go. So I didn't go and was OK with it. Much to my surprise it seemed like not many people went to it. The place seemed like a regular day.

I got emails from my friend. But lately we have not talked to each other because he has been going out every night. I really miss talking to him. Hopefully we'll get together tomorrow. He said that he would come and see me. I'm very bogged down with housework tomorrow, so I hope he comes.

[LostAngel0616]

Haven't been on much because I started classes this week. And I got really sick with a cold. =/ I hate it.

[ScathachWarrior]

Originally Posted by LostAngel0616

Haven't been on much because I started classes this week. And I got really sick with a cold. =/ I hate it.

Uuuugh I got a cold too last week! JUST before finals. I've been wheezing and blowing my nose all through exams. Spring colds are the absolute worst.

[tigersassy]

Proud of myself right now we'll see how it goes as the weekend and next week progress. This is a good thing. Staying positive.

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by Rachel.i

J is affecting me badly. I know I have to take my power back, but finding out yesterday that I've been replaced as executor after 15-20 years, without even being TOLD, is an insult. Yes, I have been pretty sick for a while, am having surgery on my throat soon, but for my mother to listen to J's nonsense is crazy. But then she let him steal all their savings! $100,000 - $150,000, around there. We gave my mother $3,000 last year because she was broke and asked. No repayment expected. When J heard, he then asked us for $5,000. Craziness. So much more too to the story. I think I drew the short straw at family of origins. For sure when it comes to my father and J. My son was over last night and says he thinks J broke my spirit several years ago, in one of his nonsensical campaigns. I don't know, but I am wearied of this.

I have family drama. It is often soooo painful. Do what you are able to protect yourself...

[lindammarie]

Originally Posted by gracez

wish I didn't exist

I am glad you exist. I am sure there are others who are, too. Try to look for them. But I know it's hard...

Kind of a mixed bag day for me today. My friend did come over this morning as I hoped. But it was not quite as good as I thought it would be. I told him that I wanted to sell my place. He didn't seem positive about it. We talked about other things after that and it was OK but not that great. Also, when he first came in to my place he did something that I didn't like. But I don't want to get into that. Later on in the day he sent me an email stating that I should not sell my place because if I wait longer, I would have more money. But also he implied that it's my fault that I'm not getting along with my neighbors. I didn't agree with him on that.

Other than with him, it was just an ordinary Saturday for me. Housework and shopping. Nothing much else than that. I went to the hot tub tonight and it was lukewarm. The heater must not be working. That really sucked.

There's a full moon tonight. I believe that there's something about it that makes people crazy. I know that! I don't believe it's folklore, I believe it's a biological fact.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by will19

Kind of a mixed bag day for me today. My friend did come over this morning as I hoped. But it was not quite as good as I thought it would be. I told him that I wanted to sell my place. He didn't seem positive about it. We talked about other things after that and it was OK but not that great. Also, when he first came in to my place he did something that I didn't like. But I don't want to get into that. Later on in the day he sent me an email stating that I should not sell my place because if I wait longer, I would have more money. But also he implied that it's my fault that I'm not getting along with my neighbors. I didn't agree with him on that.

Other than with him, it was just an ordinary Saturday for me. Housework and shopping. Nothing much else than that. I went to the hot tub tonight and it was lukewarm. The heater must not be working. That really sucked.

There's a full moon tonight. I believe that there's something about it that makes people crazy. I know that! I don't believe it's folklore, I believe it's a biological fact.

Sorry that things didn't go quite as you hoped with your friend. I find that sometimes when I have high expectations about something that I am usually disappointed. But then I'm a perfectionist, so I'm disappointed quite a lot. It's hard to let go.

My grandma always told stories about the moon and its effect on people. I think there's a reason why those folk stories exist, you know? This weekend, there's supposed to be a "supermoon." It doesn't seem any bigger than it usually is, but it does seem brighter. Kinda interesting, no? Anyway, I hope you have a good evening.

Supermoon will rise in weekend night sky | Fox News

[Nammu]

The positive ME & the negative ME go up & down.

[Sadeyes3533]

I really just want to end it and put myself out of my misery.

[Clara22]

Hi Sadeyes3533,
I have had the same thoughts since the beginning of the year. I feel reflected on you. Just wanted to share with you that this kind of thoughts come and go, hope you give yourself a bit of time. I wish you the best and send my good vibes

[Clara22]

I am in bed with the flu

Still haven't gotten used to the new AD..drowsiness and anxiety alternating with constant headache and unrealness. I want to go outside

Today I am just overwhelmed...my stress and anxiety is thru the roof....I know it will be alright but for now I am off the chart freakin!

[herethennow]

why must this facade continue? i am sick of putting on this smile, yet i can't seem to pull it off; vulnerability emanates should i take it off.

i'm tired. i don't want to go out. i have overdue library books that i have to return but i can't seem to move out of the house. don't even feel like seeing T this coming friday.. heck i don't think she even cares about me. i'm just another client.

[lindammarie]

Feeling out of the mainstream. Alone. Used up. Not needed.

[lindammarie]

This is the only place I post. I know I used to comment on some other threads. Does anyone have any suggestions where I might fit in?

[gracez]

Hi Lindamarie,

I hope this feeling passes. I think that it's not constant for you from what I remember of your other posts - so chances are it will pass again. Hold on, and hang in there...with everyone here. So many of us feel the same way, off and on, or constantly. I know it's a familiar one to me.

I also post pretty much only here. I looked at the Coping With Emotions forum for first time about a month ago, and sometimes I find it applicable / suits me. I also try to post in the New Members to welcome people, but only from time to time now, I don't stay on top of it. It feels nice to welcome people though.

I'm having an icky day as usual, have spent most of weekend in bed reading. But that was my wish. I feel a bit proud of myself because I answered 2 emails that weren't a big deal in the scheme of things, but hard for me to answer because I've been avoiding them so long and they involve some small decision. Now I'll probably have to reply AGAIN, but I'm trying to pat myself on the back that I made the first step.

Feeling very alone and not looking forward to another day of bad feelings.