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#326
Sep 08, 2013, 11:49 PM
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Really tired of fighting. Tired of putting on a smile. Tired of having to face this monster everyday. The people i've told this to does not understand at all. Some of it are professionals.. they think theres a cause. There is a cause of it: i just dont want to fight on anymore. Throwing in the towel seems like a good idea...
Sent from my phone using Tapatalk 2
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"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
 Anonymous53876, Bark, davmid, Grey Matter, lindammarie, Nammu, tigersassy
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#327
Sep 09, 2013, 12:45 AM
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Today was... okay I guess. I don't have any major ups, or any majors downs. It just was.
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“You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.”. |
| lindammarie
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 Bark
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#328
Sep 09, 2013, 01:07 AM
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It has been a wretched week. Simple wretched. Problems keep piling on top of one another. People have noticed certain ones. I've even noticed one but I cannot stop it. I don't have the willpower. I don't have the energy.
I've felt weak physically. I've felt weak mentally. I've felt empty emotionally. I feel like I just am. I think this is probably the worst depressive stage I've been in to date. I've been self destructive and I can't stop. I have, officially, decided to put mental health before dental and as soon as I get that money later this month I'm getting help. Meanwhile. I just am.
__________________
Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
| Anonymous53876, Bark, lindammarie, tigerlily84, tigersassy
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#329
Sep 09, 2013, 01:30 AM
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Not sure if its an up, but I have moved on. No longer. Looking for something that I never really felt was there anyway.
Only down is not enough time with my daughter. I wish it were possible for her to live with me. I would enjoy that so very much. |
| Bark, bronzeowl, davmid, lindammarie, tigersassy
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#330
Sep 09, 2013, 09:20 AM
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Quote:
Depression DOES suck; mine - as debilitating as it is - is somewhat just the tip of the iceberg on a wild and hugely unpredictable sea of BPD. I do get the hopelessness and the withdrawal. I myself rarely experience much hope but I somehow feel that suicide is NOT the way to go. For one thing; there is no proof that it would end the pain. Also... I might as well just get a backpack, a tent and walk out of it all. Better than killing myself. Well... I don't always feel this way. I struggle too. I really do. Thanks again for your kind words. Hugs and all the best. |
| Bark, lindammarie
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#331
Sep 09, 2013, 07:05 PM
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Ups- Everyone I saw today that knows me was really surprised by the awesome, extra short haircut I gave myself at some point over the weekend!
Downs- This afternoon I found out a judge signed my divorce agreement. That one hurts pretty bad. I haven't felt this way in a while- if ever.
__________________
"Bad things happen to us all the time. But we must keep living. We're just people. It's what we must do." - My Friend Pedro “Be who you are and say how you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ― Dr. Seuss |
| Bark, lindammarie, tigersassy
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| Bark
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#332
Sep 09, 2013, 07:07 PM
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I am beginning to think my current depression is anger. Anger at a system that denies me help and has zero Pdoc's on their provider list, and no T's that are accepting patients. I feel that it is just hopeless, why am I here if I am not worth any help? What is the universe trying to tell me? A butterfly flapped somewhere and I'm at the center of the perfect storm.
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Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Bark, lindammarie, tigerlily84, tigersassy
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#333
Sep 09, 2013, 07:20 PM
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Up: your encouraging PMs made my morning. Im half tearing now :') thank you so much. Also i was so down and sui thoughts were so strong during work ystd that i wanted to leave halfway. Didnt and managed to survive the day
 Appetite still gone but snacking has so far been okay so yay! Down: ... Still stuck with sui thoughts  still pretty much tired. Just hoping ill get out of this soon.
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, Nammu, tigersassy
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| Bark
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#334
Sep 09, 2013, 07:30 PM
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Another difficult day.
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| Bark, gracez, tigerlily84
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#335
Sep 09, 2013, 08:04 PM
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Made a therapy appt for Saturday. It was unplanned but after all the crap I'm dealing with I need it. I just don't understand why some people treat others the way they do. Am so confused and upset. Gotta go sleep night all.
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PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin  |
| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, Nammu
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#336
Sep 10, 2013, 10:40 AM
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Well I might get to see him tonight so that makes me feel somewhat better.
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| lindammarie
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#338
Sep 10, 2013, 12:18 PM
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More medicine. Still no answers.
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| Bark, tigerlily84
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#340
Sep 10, 2013, 04:11 PM
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Feeling like there is something severely wrong with my head. I have taken over the role of feeding the depression. But thats better off in survivors thread.
__________________
PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
| Bark, lindammarie, Nammu, tigerlily84
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#341
Sep 10, 2013, 04:41 PM
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so ****ing bored. i don't feel anymore.
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Dear heavenly Father, please forgive us, for we know not what we do. |
| Anonymous37807, lindammarie
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#343
Sep 10, 2013, 11:29 PM
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I don't know. Trying to look up.
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| Bark, lindammarie
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#344
Sep 11, 2013, 01:28 AM
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So lonely. Why do I always feel so lonely lately?
__________________
Love is.. OSFED|MDD/PPD|GAD|gender dysphoria|AvPD a baby smiling at you for the first time a dog curling up by your side... and your soulmate kissing your forehead when he thinks you're sound asleep |
| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, Nammu
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#345
Sep 11, 2013, 05:04 AM
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Pretty good so far...that can always change...but I am up and doin well.
Thank you effexor! |
| lindammarie
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| Bark
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#346
Sep 11, 2013, 07:16 AM
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I'm more tired today then yesterday, and I'm not in a great mood. He's going on a month long trip to California this coming Monday
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| Bark, gracez, lindammarie, tigersassy
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#349
Sep 11, 2013, 01:21 PM
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I am determined to think about "something else" today...
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| tokiwartooth
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| Bark
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#350
Sep 11, 2013, 01:29 PM
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Not sure
Up Down No, Up DOWN Down Up I dunno Bandz A Make Her Dance |
| Bark, lindammarie, Nammu, tokiwartooth
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| Closed Thread |
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