[tokiwartooth]

Another aggravating start to my day! The guys were supposed to turn the sampling machines on yesterday so I could do my sampling today. Do you think the machines had been turned on? NO. So I had to ask someone what buttons to push to start the cycle and now I have to wait until tomorrow. That is not my job to turn those machines on!

[Webgoji]

Just really was getting to where I was starting to build some self-esteem and feel good about myself. Had been getting exercise without being prodded into it, shaving every day, wearing body spray and generally feeling okay about myself.

So today I asked my wife for a dime so I could get a soda. She grabs a big blob of change out of her wallet and dumps it in my hand, "I don't think you need a Dr. Pepper, but if you need one every day ... here."

Hard to care about anything when your own wife calls you fat, complains that you don't make enough money, etc.

[tigersassy]

Down down down

UPS
All I am is up right now...world is a great place...all that crap.
DOWNS
They have faded away momentarily...follow a few posts and you will see how soon they return LOL

[angryworld]

Got into an argument at work. Someone started whining - literally >whining< - about "not having enough time" and I blew up at them. So much of what we do here is such a circus - running around in an endless circle pointlessly jumping through ridiculous flaming hoops. No one has time - if you don't make the time you won't have the time. I suggested using the revision tools so we could track the changes as the are made but it was too late, now it's all just drama and finger-pointing.
We're never getting this project out the door.

[bluedolphin92]

Sorry I haven't posted here in forever (if anyone's even noticed my absence...) Just haven't felt much like posting here lately =/.

Anyway...updates. I'm moving to my apartment this Saturday, starting the new school year on Monday! I'm excited, but also kind of nervous. Hoping this transferring schools thing works out okay. I've had some contact with my new roommates (I'm going to have 3), but not much. They seem nice enough, though. Hopefully they'll be okay and I can have more of a relationship with them than I had with roommates in the past, who were more or less ghosts to me.

Parents continue to cling pretty tightly, though -_-. I get that they'll miss me. I'll miss them, too. But they make me feel like I'm going to be grieved into coming home more often than I really want to. I want to have more of a social life with people my own age, want to do things other than sit around at home all weekend (Which is really all I'd be doing were I to visit home). I don't know how to tell them that I feel smothered without hurting their feelings, though. They already seem to interpret my wanting to transfer to a school further away from home as a sign that I don't like them. Telling them that I simply DON'T WANT to come home that often will just confirm what they think. I do love them, but home is just so incredibly boring and lonely. I need to break away from here, from them. Need to start my own, independent life. We never really do anything fun as a family. Maybe go to a movie once in awhile, but that's it. When we go out to dinner they'll often just stare at their cell phones and not really make much conversation. It drives me insane and makes the desire to get away from home that much stronger.

[shortandcute]

Had my disability hearing today. I was so nervous that I was stammerimg and stumblng over my own words. The vocational expert says there is no job that would suit me, and the psychologist I recently visited sent a statement to my attorney that he felt I shouldnt be working also. There are just a couple more documents that the judge needs to look at, then she'll let me know her decision.

[tigerlily84]

I'm still waiting to hear if I got the leadership position at my company, and two other people got promoted who haven't worked there as long as I have. There are actually several positions available, so there's still hope. One of my friends at work got promoted, and while I am happy for her, I feel really jealous. I'm so ashamed of myself. I really am happy for her, truly.

I just have been pushing myself so hard lately, working hard at doing the best job I can, applying for several other outside positions, etc. I just want something to come of this. I know my feelings will really be hurt if I am not promoted at the place that I have worked at for 4 years. I'm trying to think positive, but I'm feeling pretty low atm. And then I have the negative thoughts: "Why did you expect for something good to happen? You don't deserve anything good in your life." All I know is that if I don't get promoted I'm definitely out of there.

[Perfectly Broken]

It was another empty day until my cat escaped. She has a history of escaping whenever she is in heat. I was finally going to get her fixed next week but she couldn't wait 8 days. It takes a week to get her back (this is when she does not leave my property), and I have to tackle her in order to bring her back. It just reminds me of how desperate I am for companionship, I don't have human friends and now my cat friend obviously doesn't like me either. I chased her two streets away and fell whilst in my pajamas. I never leave my house so I am further humiliated. As always, I immediately began crying once I went back into my room.

I don't have anyone to talk to and with my birthday coming up on Friday, I am reminded of how pathetically lonely I am. It's also horrible to think that the money saved up to get my cat spayed is wasted; I'm on an extremely tight budget as is. I promised myself on my last birthday that I would wait a year to see if I was still suicidal, and nothing has really changed since. I don't feel like working on my hobby which is the only thing that gives me meaning in my life. I just feel like watching Dexter, since he's the only one who understands me. I just feel so guilty since me watching Dexter instead of my cat is the reason why my cat escaped. Ugh.

[Grey Matter]

Down. I messed up after a few weeks of holding it together. None of my friends care. Not too surprising considering they'd all rather be high and drunk then give a damn.

[ErinM]

1st post in this thread!

Doing okay today. I'm on holiday, so I am completely out of my usual routine, which has a bit of a detrimental effect.

[Nammu]

Wow, so many downs here.

Neither up nor down here, just now realizing how many famous people that I can actually recognize are suddenly looking really, really old. My word Hans Solo is 71 and looks 90. Kirk, Spock and the gang all look redwood tree age. so do I, I turned on the camera to take a pic and the selfie camera came on, me redwood aged too. I tend to forget my age.

UPS
Me
Downs
Me

[tigersassy]

Yesterday turned into a very good day. Had a good day with my half brother and his fiance. Was much needed mental health day. So tired though stayed up way to late.

[tokiwartooth]

I am so dizzy, I feel like I'm going to fall over. It's either vertigo or sinus. Or both. And my head hurts so bad that I'm seeing little white jaggedy lines. I think I might have a migraine. And I'm sick to my stomach.

[angryworld]

Sorted some things out at work. Still embarrassed about losing my temper. So tired but less angry.

[ZombieDude]

Definitely a Down kind of day for me..
So, I keep getting passed up for jobs left and right. Got "terminated" from my last job in April, yet nobody bothers with looking at my past good job history.
Temp agencies are nothing but liars and thieves. They lie and promise, but never deliver. Instead they just make up[ excuses and blow you off..
My brothers friend who was teaching me welding the past few months and knows I'm looking for a job, gives my brother a call instead and relays info to him about a possible job. Now he's got an interview for this coming Monday.

Just feeling really hopeless again.. What the hell do I do?

UPS
Started my new AD and UP is about all I have been
DOWNS
I only slept 3 hours...was really tired, fell right off to sleep...woke up wide awake and refreshed.
Wierd.

[Grey Matter]

Up
saw a "friend"

Down
everything.

[ScathachWarrior]

I have had a few good days. That terrible night did end. I go back to school next week, so I'm excited for that.
I feel the depression coming on again. It's so weird, sliding into it. Even more bizarre being essentially perfectly healthy for four days right after having such a difficult episode, and having another one coming on.
I have a physical disability that I've had my entire life that has caused me to be in the hospital a lot (it has never been the source of my depression or been a part of it, surprisingly) and I remember thinking that no matter what happened, it was all physical. I wouldn't have mental problems, that part of me would always be healthy. It's that but-it-won't-be-me mentality that everyone has. It's crazy for me to even remember thinking that way now.

[don964964]

well no sleep last night went to bed dead .. woke up aftger a short nap ... been dead dog tired all day... got stuff done ..made no $ s---s big time ...
but ... what was happing right now in 2012 .. I .................. cant

no matter what at the end of everyday it is just you stuck in your head cryin and laughin an cryin and chuckling an cryin

I miss my life .. as flucked up as so many things were I wish I had them now ... or maybe not ! at least the bad **** !
I hate my self,,, I love so many ! so why
am I stuck here in purgatory?????? are they just waiting for me to totally blow it ?
well I say chuck my sorry *** off the cliff into the pits of hell ...............just get it over !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[themonster7]

I'm just done with all of it now. I'm ready to quit. I finally get back to school just for the purpose of being around people, but it's the same as it's always been. I say nothing to them and they say nothing to me. I've been telling myself this was my out for months now. And it didn't work. There is no way out. I want to quit.

[shortandcute]

I found out today why my present doctor never sent my disability attorney my medical records--they charge 23 dollars for them but, instead of just telling my attorney that, they just didnt reply to him at all, expecting him to just "know" they charged!

[Perfectly Broken]

I didn't see my lost cat, but I could have sworn I heard her. I went outside by myself and walked along the surrounding streets. I saw people there and felt very awkward, I quickly turned around a few times like I was pretending I saw my cat to avoid potential eye contact. I ultimately had contact with my neighbors and I gave an awkward wave. They went up to me and asked about my cat. I began describing her and detailing how she escaped. It started to feel natural talking and I was proud of myself for actually talking to a complete stranger. Then I just listened to them. They gave me a coconut and then I casually darted back into my house after saying, "bye" and, "thank you." As much as I feel stupid and disappointed in myself for losing my cat in the first place, at least I got through my social anxiety fears today.

I made a lost flyer for my cat. I now have to print it and go outside... and put it around the street... and invite more human contact into my life...

My brother finally called me. He's in the army and he explained that he was busy which was why he hasn't called me in two weeks. I am dreading my birthday, I have no expectations as usual. My brother said he'll call me tomorrow (my birthday), the thought of him not calling me just makes me even more depressed.

[Lost in this world]

Today was the one up day ive had all week which is good because i visited family and other people and dont want them to notice.