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#576
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My mom asked me today if I though I'd be able to come home for the 4th of July. I said that I'd likely spend it with friends who are still in the town my school is in. That seemed to upset her. Why does she always make me feel like wanting to have my own life is such a bad thing?
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"The rain keeps crawling down the glass. The good times never seem to last. Close your eyes and let the thought pass."
'Prodigal' by Porcupine Tree ![]() |
![]() TheOriginalMe
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#577
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I'm so sick of this.
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#578
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Ever had a store clerk Demand you tie your kids shoes, right now?
Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
![]() Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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#579
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Today was one of those so-so days, thankfully I've been killing some time playing video games, so that distracts me from this stifling mist of depression surrounding me.
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Diagnosis: Bipolar Type I w\ psychotic features, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin ![]() |
![]() Nammu
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#580
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Today was okay. I got to see my friend today. She used to work with me but now she is on medical leave. I really miss seeing her at work, and I've noticed that I've become more anxious since she's left. It was nice to get some coffee and talk. I miss that.
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![]() TheOriginalMe
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#581
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I can feel it in the pit of my stomach...it's coming. Creeping up slowly until I am unable to hide it anymore. I will stay active and try to stem the tide, but I know I can't beat it. ****.
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I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
![]() herethennow, Momentofclarity, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, tigerlily84
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#582
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Was miserable. Thoughts were racing.. saying that im worthless etc and it seemed like there was no end to it.
Kept reaffirming myself that i can do this, i have done this before. Not to say that its gone completely now.. Im just glad it lessened. Hanging on to the rope tightly now.. I hope i can do this.
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"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
![]() Nammu, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#583
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Had a very bad day yesterday but today is so much better. This crisis unit was what I needed at this time. It's hard to be away from home but both the staff and patients are really nice, that makes it easier.
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
![]() herethennow, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#584
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Having a rough one today... Electric was out last night for about 5 hours. It's a bad trigger for my anxiety. I was shaking in bed and couldn't sleep well so am so so tired today. Still feel some anxiety now and am sad and lonely... Wish this would all go away.
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![]() Nammu, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe
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#585
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() After 7 months of terrible horrible suicidal depression, it was lovely today ~ to sit in the garden and feel the sun on my face. I never ever thought I'd come out of that dark dank place. My heart go's out to anyone who's still there. Tho it won't last for me, it never does, frightens me to know that. HUGS, LOVES. ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() herethennow, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, tigerlily84, waterknob1234
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![]() herethennow, lizzyjb, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84, waterknob1234
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#586
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Well, I am managing to keep busy, and the horrible feelings seem to be leaving me alone lately, so I am fine right now.
__________________
Diagnosis: Bipolar Type I w\ psychotic features, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Medications: 0mg Prozac (Thank God), 10mg Zyprexa, 100mg Lamictal XR (for now may adjust as needed), 2mg Klonopin ![]() |
![]() herethennow, Perfectly Broken
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#587
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Had a good day. I went to church and helped with the ministry we have for special needs adults. I love everyone in this ministry and this is one of the few things that keeps me going. When I have felt my worst, and pondered self-harm I would think of my people in this ministry, knowing they look forward to seeing me on Sunday and it would make me know I have things to live for. I have to go back to work and all the stress it entails tomorrow and I am already somewhat anxious about it.
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![]() Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe
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![]() TheOriginalMe
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#588
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For two days THAT voice left me alone, not today. There is so much noise in my head and yet despite all the din, I can still hear it goading me. I heard screaming too, lost souls, drowning like me, I feel that I am responsible for their terror, that I am guilty of I know not what. It makes no sense, I want to unlock the mystery, I want to face what I've done and yet I hear myself saying this is your imagination, it isn't real, this is all just the depression. I am such a coward I can't bring myself to face the truth.
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![]() herethennow, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, tigerlily84
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#589
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I've come to a horrible realization about someone close to me. It hurts. I just feel this yawning emptiness that will swallow me whole. I don't even know that I mind it all that much. Why not?
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![]() herethennow, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe
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#590
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Quote:
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![]() herethennow, Nammu
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![]() herethennow, Nammu
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#591
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Not so good. I can't seem to get all the depressive thoughts to stop and it's a huge let down coming home after seeing my fiancé for a few days.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
![]() Bark, nakitakunai, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, tigerlily84, waterknob1234
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#592
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An OK weekend but not that great. On Saturday morning I had breakfast with a friend. I rarely ever go out for breakfast, but thought to do it because I just wanted to do something different. Nothing much happened after that when we had just met for an hour.
Today was a pretty dull day. My friend was going to be alone for the afternoon because his wife was going to a play with some friends of her's. I was going to go on a long bike ride, but decided to join him instead. It was an OK time to talk. Tonight is really dull and I have a whole week ahead of me for work. I have to be thankful for my job, in which I am. But lately at my job the people's dispositions have changed and they are becoming more demanding. So it's not as enjoyable as it used to be. Also I still feel bad about the place I live at. I'm not crazy about the place and I want to move, but I feel that it's to my advantage to stay where I am. I am getting up there in age and I would rather live at a place where older people live. I feel like I'm having to put up with a lot of kids that I'm not crazy about. Plus I have nothing in common with anyone at where I live. |
![]() Bark, nakitakunai, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, smmath, tigerlily84
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#593
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My new meds seem to want me to wake up about 7.30am. Once awake I stay awake, they don't work so well at the other end of the day, I lie awake craving the release that only sleep can bring.
Yesterday I stared at my meds for about half an hour wondering whether to take them. Not because they have bad side effects or any of the usual reasons, I just kept thinking drugs are for sick people they can't make me better cos I'm not sick. I feel so certain that this depression is not an illness, that there will be no recovery. |
![]() Bark, lizzyjb, nakitakunai, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, tigerlily84, waterknob1234
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#594
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Forgot my password, lost access to my account... but now I'm back. Finally. I've missed you guys.
I've been doing okay. Good days, bad days, a funeral yesterday. But in general pretty well. |
![]() Anonymous445852, herethennow, nakitakunai, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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![]() herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#595
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Tired of being so tired and having migraines. Anxiety coming on because I have to go to work today. I don't know what this day will bring.
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![]() Bark, nakitakunai, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#596
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![]() ![]()
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
![]() Bark
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#597
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Had a bad weekend, been really depressed, family didn't make it any better, machine at work is still broke.
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![]() Anonymous445852, Bark, nakitakunai, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe
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#598
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Forcing myself to move and do a catering job; in the hopes of it improving my mood...at least for a while
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I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
![]() Anonymous445852, Bark, nakitakunai, Perfectly Broken, regretful, TheOriginalMe
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#599
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Blah...meh...terrible...depressed...bored...angry...just rotten in general...
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![]() Anonymous445852, Bark, dandylin, nakitakunai, Nammu, Perfectly Broken, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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#600
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Every day it's the same thing. No matter what I try to do, I never have any energy. I just feel miserable all the time and I don't see the point in being alive (though I wouldn't actively try to end it). I'm such a useless shell of a human; I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror because I'm so ashamed of how pathetic I've become.
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![]() Anonymous445852, Bark, herethennow, Perfectly Broken, regretful, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84
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Closed Thread |
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