[TheDeepGreenSea]

I'm a little bummed out today. Yesterday, I was trying to talk to my parents about actual health issues I'm having which are pretty serious. My Dad was drinking a bit, and he got it into his head that everything was psychosomatic and that more therapy would help. Therapy is great and all, but it's not going to solve immediate unrelated health issues. I feel like I'm kind of alone on an island dealing with them. I know my parents are trying to help and this adds more stress for them, but I really just need support at this point I think. Oh well. Depression and anxiety is not too bad, I'm functioning.

[TheOriginalMe]

I thought I was doing OK, turns out that at the first hurdle I fell flat on my face, and I've spent the day crying in frustration because there is nothing else I can do. I want to give up, just curl up and never surface again.

[tigerlily84]

Lots of changes today at work, which never fails to make me anxious. My hours have been cut for the next 2 weeks and yet they are hiring by the hundreds! (Not an exaggeration) How does this make sense? It was chaotic today. The newest training class started today, it was also the first day for the newest team leaders that were just hired. Also, they have now implemented an open seating plan, so I had to take most of my items home on Saturday. Today I sat at a random desk. All of that anxiety led to me having a migraine, which caused me to make a mistake. My department's rules state that if I make 2 mistakes in 1 month, that I will be written up. Looks like that's what will be happening.

In short: not a good day.

Thanks for letting me whine though... time for a glass of wine instead!

[flours]

so anxious right now.

[Nammu]

Relay was back up today so I called the insurance company as requested. They gave me a lot of run around that the facility I was going to had not called them for authorization, then pops said people had called but not on time or for authorization of what I was going for, PHP and IOP. Huh? Why else would they call?
Then they said all they need to do is call and get "proper" authorization!

Strangely not a bad day.

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

Meet-up with friends yesterday was really nice and a good time. Hope it won't be another 10 years before I see them again. I suppose we're all at that age where our parents are all having various health issues and are worrying about the future. Came home from the meet-up to my husband working on fixing a water leak we had. Terrified now to see our water bill. Don't know how long the leak has been going on. But - thankful he did notice it and find it!! It could be still going on. It always seems whenever something good happens to me, it's countered by something bad. Husband home early today. We're going to go looking for a truck once my dad comes to get my son to take him fishing. Just money worries as usual. How are we even going to afford a new truck payment?? We're barely scraping by every week with anything left. **sigh**

, I hope you can find an affordable truck and things work out for you. Sending positive vibes

[Avatar10]

Originally Posted by tokiwartooth

Mom had a mild stroke this weekend, so I've been really worried and I am exhausted. But there was no brain damage, she's just dizzy.

Hi tokiwartoorth, so sorry to hear about your mom's stroke. Hope she recuperates soon ((hug))

[Rose76]

Doing alright, but busy.

[ChildlikeEmpress]

Had a more productive day than yesterday -- I've been pretty irritable though. Snapped at my family a couple of times and I hate when I do that!! Tried to meditate and could not focus.

[birdpumpkin]

Originally Posted by Avatar10

, I hope you can find an affordable truck and things work out for you. Sending positive vibes

Thanks for the positive vibes - could sure use them!! No luck yet... Everything so expensive - just beyond us. The last car we had (that caused our fire and burned up with the house) my parents had bought for us. He was supposed to make payments to them to pay them back and never did, so I'm sure we're not going to get parental help on this one. Don't blame them, though. Understandable. We bought our "new" car with donation money people had given us after the fire. We came home and looked at some vehicles online. Found one he liked and had some stuff on the computer he needed to print out to take to the place with him - but of course my son had used the printer earlier and something not working right on the printer. **throws up hands** What next?? I don't know what he's planning right now...

[birdpumpkin]

As I said above, still looking for a vehicle. Missing visiting mom in the afternoons. Kind of hard to do in the evenings and just didn't go yesterday. Got an appointment to my second ever therapy session Thursday and have no idea how I'm getting there yet. I'm out in the country - no public transport for miles around here. Feeling really down this morning about everything. My friends the other day seemed pretty well off and doing well. Nice pocket books, clothes, etc. I'm poor as a pauper. The purse I have right now has a melted handle from the fire (sister-in-law found it inside later and got it out for me) so have been carrying around my wallet only, which has rusty latches from getting wet in my purse from firefighter water and is kind of smoky gray in spots. Worrying about our water bill now. If I didn't have money woes, I think everything would feel kind of okay - despite what's happened. Been thinking about finding a part-time job, but right now I wouldn't be able to get to it anyway... Kind of vascillating should I or not. A little extra money would definitely help. But nothing around here but fast food places, grocery and dollar stores... I'd pretty much just end up a cashier somewhere again.

[regretful]

Discouraged, depressed, downtrodden...but I know that there are some things for which I am grateful, so that is where I must place my focus. Gratitude is that word which I will repeat today...over and over...despite this damned depression.

Things are starting to go a little better for me today. I somehow found the will to get out of bed and do some yoga this morning. Then I got ready for work and sat down to a nutritious breakfast. About to wake up my wife to grab some coffee before heading off to work. It feels like it may be a good day! :-)

[glok]

Today, I got negative news.

[TheOriginalMe]

Eventually my anxiety over having to wait so long for therapy burnt itself out, I'm numb now and using that to build a state of indifference. Not healthy, ignoring stuff doesn't make it go away, but I'd rather feel nothing than the excrutiating frustration and anger of the last few days.

[tigerlily84]

Mounting anxiety. I'm trying to focus on one thing at a time, but it's not really working. An email went out to the whole team that showed exactly how many mistakes I have made in the last week. It's so embarrassing. I know that no one is perfect and that I don't like my job, so I really shouldn't care. But I do care - I want to leave on my own terms. I just want to stay at home and never leave. Not really sure where to turn and no hope that it will get better.

I feel like there is nothing good left in life, and nothing but things to worry about now. I'm feeling so scared to get old and not have someone with me to share anything with.. especially without any friends. If I had a few of them, I don't think it would be so hard to be alone most of the time.
My son starts high school soon, but he is struggling so much to learn and has problems focusing. I had tried meds for add before but the slight improvment was not worth the terrible side effects so I can't do that to him. I'm worried for his future. And when he is grown up in just 4 years, then I really will be all alone.

[notafanofme]

Originally Posted by eggplantlife

Really not doing well. I'm starting to cry. My techniques to cope are not working. Yesterday's s thought set me off. I really hate my life, but have to accept it. Why can't i? Been on the road to think positive and I can't. The advice given is talk about it...so tired of talking about it.

Yes I get you, talking gets boring after while when there is no change after so many attempts of talking through it. But we must be strong change does not happen overnight, if it did we would all be different people now?

[summerblueskies]

Feeling on edge today, probably just nerves! Were going on a road trip and then I ship off to uni. I have so much I need to get done before I go but its exhausting. Will feel better when my guy gets home from work tonight

[summerblueskies]

Originally Posted by notafanofme

Yes I get you, talking gets boring after while when there is no change after so many attempts of talking through it. But we must be strong change does not happen overnight, if it did we would all be different people now?

I actually feel better when I vent about things that upset me. That is, untill i realize im talking my friends ear off lol. I wish change happened more quickly too...

[glok]

New day. Old feelings.

[birdpumpkin]

Originally Posted by needarealitycheck

I feel like there is nothing good left in life, and nothing but things to worry about now. I'm feeling so scared to get old and not have someone with me to share anything with.. especially without any friends. If I had a few of them, I don't think it would be so hard to be alone most of the time.
My son starts high school soon, but he is struggling so much to learn and has problems focusing. I had tried meds for add before but the slight improvment was not worth the terrible side effects so I can't do that to him. I'm worried for his future. And when he is grown up in just 4 years, then I really will be all alone.

(((Hugs))) I'm in the same boat. Constantly worried about money and the future. I see nothing good at all in the future. Just everyone leaving me. Being alone frightens me. My son is also in the same boat as yours but younger. Just started him on ADHD meds almost a month ago and see no change - which I'm glad really, because I don't want his behavior to change. Just needs help learning. But I'll have to be honest when we go back to the doctor and tell him I saw no change in behavior, and he'll probably be switched to something else, which always makes me nervous. Side effects, how will he react... First medicine when I tried this 5 years ago just made him sit and color. Totally not him. He hardly talked, seemed sad, picked at himself, stomach felt sick... I took him off and tried to forget it, but last year took him at the urging of my parents for an official diagnosis, and here we are again.

[birdpumpkin]

Well, yesterday my husband found a vehicle, and we were pretty much held hostage in the dealership til we bought it. The payments at over $400 were impossible, so they came down, still too high. Finally came down to $285 a month - still more than we wanted to do, but they said for this type of vehicle that was the lowest they could go. I would've preferred to have told them sorry and left, shopped around before choosing anything, but my husband took it. Now I'm fretting about how in the world are we going to pay for the thing?? It's more than our mortgage!! Another bill to have to worry about now, and we can hardly pay the ones we have. Woke up in bed worrying about this... Hello new day...

[tigerlily84]

Officially in crisis mode.

I spent the majority of the afternoon crying and talking to a suicide hotline. I'm not in danger of doing anything, but the thoughts are there. And all because of this job. I can't do it anymore. I can't. I called out today, but I'm going to quit. I feel like a failure. I think I was just trying to prove to myself that my depression wasn't that bad, but I need help.

[Rose76]

Tired and a bit down. Rather than slide into depression, I'll try to just accept that I won't get as much done today as I had hoped. So maybe I'll just get a couple of things accomplished. That's better than nothing. Maybe I will spend a few hours on the couch in front of the TV taking in movies. I could get all discouraged, or I could say "Just let me get something done, even a few little things, that I can feel good about at the end of the day."