RIP Dexter (my dog)

My dog died today. He was 11.

I am so sorry. I will refrain from quoting mark twain.

Would it help you to share some stories about him here? If and when you are ready we would love to hear if it would make you feel better to share.

I think everyone here knows how much our pets become "family" to us and how hard it is to lose one of them. My sincere condolences.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

silver_queen,

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. I just lost my cat a couple of weeks ago. Our pets give us so much love, it hurts so much when they pass on. But the memories of all that love will last forever.

*hugs*
mj

He had a tumour and had internal bleeding, he was put down by the vet because she said he would have gone into shock and died anyway.

Maybe I should explain he was not "exactly" my dog. My aunt has always lived locally, now she lives next-door-but-one, and Dexter was actually her dog, but when she got him she said that I could have "half" of him, if you get what I mean, I could share him, and recently, I have been seeing him every day and I have watched him grow up, and I think of him as being mine, and he does - i mean did- definitely love me, and when I was badly depressed he knew I was upset and tried to comfort me, and I used to go to the dog club with him, and I have played with him over the years, and that's the problem it was just so sudden, he was ill yesterday, and he died today. there was no preparation. I knew he would die soon, 11 is old for such a big dog, but he was exercised several times a day, and my best friend, her family has a dog, a mongrel, nothing like dexter, never exercised, and that dog is 13 and still alive and my Dexter who has had such a healthy active life died before it! Why? Why? it is so unfair that such a healthy dog can die before a dog which is far unfitter! it is just not fair!

My cousin (who lives locally) has a Yorkshire Terrier, which is a small dog, and the dog (called Penny) is 9 and was brought up with Dexter until 2 years ago when my cousin moved out of my aunt's house, so Penny obviously knew Dexter well, and admired him, and now she picks up on our gloomy moods and feels upset herself that her beloved Dexter is missing, and doesn't understand what is happening. I just sometimes wish that it was Penny that died, not Dexter. I have always loved Dexter more, even though I do love Penny too. But Dexter is more of an affectionate dog than Penny is and I like affectionate dogs.

It just doesn't seem real that Dex is gone forever, I keep thinking he is alive and it will be all ok, I won't have this situation with him again until he is older. I wanted him to get to 13, since my friend's dog reached that age, and I wanted her dog to die before Dexter. I just want to stroke his head, the top is so soft and silky and feel the thick fur around his neck, protecting it, and I can't, he's not there anymore. I want to stroke his side, and have him offer me his paw to be stroked, and tickle his belly, and have him play tug-o'-war with me, and brush him again. But I can't because he is gone, and he was such a lovely dog, a very gentle temperament. He was so protective around my aunt, my cousin and me, more so when we were together, he wanted to protect us, since we are all female. And he loved running, recently my aunt has taking up jogging and Dex has gone with her and me sometimes too, we were trying to teach him to recognise "Joggie-Joggie" as for when we were to go out for a jog. Those who have dogs know they recognise such terms as "Walk" and saying "Joggie-Joggie" was just a bit of fun, like we said "Going for a joggie-joggie Dexter? Joggie-joggie?" we thought it would be so funny if he learnt to recognise such a stupid term. I just remembered, when he was a pup and hadn't yet learnt his name, I was young, about 7 or 8, and I kept on calling to him names, like "come here, Susan!" and he still came, i thought it was so funny that he wouyld respond to a girl's name, i didn't realise until I was older that he had responded to my tone not to the words I said. And he was such a timid dog sometimes too: a large Alsatian, and he was frightened of: roadsweepers, vacuumcleaners, microwaves, fire, fireworks, water above his shoulders...when he was younger he didn't like hissing either.

So horrible to think I don't have him any more. I counted him as a friend.

{{{{{{{{{{Silverqueen}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry about the loss of your dog. I lost my dog a few years ago (he was a German Shepherd - name Piper) and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. They will always hold a special place in our hearts.

Please remember all the wonderful times you shared. Those good thoughts will help you through this tough time.


Heather

Silver, I am sorry to hear of the loss of your pet, your "friend", I own and always have had dogs, cats and birds, etc.
I know all too well the heartbreak this kind of loss kicks us with.
I also know ther are no words that I can say to make you feel better at this present time, but if you need to cry, grieve, don't let people stop you or say something mean and stupid like, "It was only a dog, or animal", I despise people that feel that way, especially when you lose such a dear friend.
Let things go in your own time, remember this special friend, but also know you were an important part of his life and if it is true that there is a heaven , you just may see him again. If not hold the memories close to your heart and this will keep him in your heart and life forever.
Some of us at this time that we need to make the "decision" it is nature that we may have a sense of guilt, if you do, don't you did everything humanely possible.
You take care now, dear,
and feel free to come back and talk with us whenever you wish

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Dexter was a German Shepherd too. I just don't want to believe he is dead. Is this normal?

I am so sorry for your loss, Silver

I feel your sorrow. It has been a few years I guess 6 since I had to make the decision to put my 16 year cat "Fluff" to sleep. There are days when I feel it was yesterday.

Those "people" who do tell you, and some will "it was just a Dog" or "your dog was old, it lived long enough", they will never, ever understand the love of a pet.

My husband said to me the day I had to make the decision "well, she was 16 years old, she was really old." I know he was trying to tell me that she had a good life and it was her time to go." maybe if he had said it in those words I wouldn't have shot him a dirty look, made that scream of disgust, (you know the kind you usually hear from teenage girls) and locked him out the house.

All I can say, and I'm sure I won't be the last. It DOES get easier to go thru the day without seeing their little happy faces, wagging tails, barks or purrs. I still to this day cry when I see my pictures of Fluff. Just remember that you are not alone. Even if your spouse or significant other or family members try to minimize your grief tell them to shut up.

My oldest cat will be 14 this year and in January was diagnosed with a heart disease. Most of the literature I read said even with medication he may only live 3 more years. I was blown away. I can't imagin my life without him. On my darkest days of depression, he is there for me, following me from room to room, sitting by me purring, never leaving my side. Who ever said "animals don't feel" they have never been close to one.

I don't know if my ramblings are even cohearent today. I just hope some of my words can bring an ounce of comfort in the fact that you are not alone.

Yes hun....it is very normal to not think of them as dead. They are our family and when we lose a loved one, that denial is there.

I can still remember my Mom boiling Piper's egg that she gave him every morning, carefully taking the shell off it and mixing just a little butter in it. The vet had mentioned one time to give him an egg each morning to help keep his coat shiny. We did this every morning for a week after he died.....it was so hard to think of him not being here . He lived til he was almost 18. German shepherds are such beautiful dogs and Dexter and Piper are playing in heaven .

Keep talking about him here.....we are here to listen and help you through your grief.


Heather

>> I just don't want to believe he is dead. Is this normal?

Silver Queen that is COMPLETELY normal and actually expected. It is one of the 5 well-recognized stages of grief that accomplanies any loss:

<ul>[*]Denial[*]Anger[*]Bargaining[*]Depression[*]Acceptance</il>

More information about the 5 stages of grief:

http://www.idexter.com

Oh I am so sad because of this. My service dog is now 12 1/2 and aging. He has fat tumors also, that have wrapped around his muscles and organs... I often cry over him and he's still here.

One of our members here just lost her cat ... so we are all grieving for her too...

You might go through those phases the others listed in a different order, and once you think you are done with one, you might go through it again later. Let yourself grieve.. and, if you are able GO GET ANOTHER DOGGIE! IMHO the only thing that really helps a grieving pet owner is another pet to love. Good wishes.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

He sounds like a great dog. I can tell that you really miss him a lot, and they are part of us and part of our families, so it does really hurt when we have to say goodbye. But I'm happy that he had so much love from you and such a good life. For a large dog, he had a long life. Smaller dogs tend to live a little bit longer. I hope that you do get another dog soon. While no dog could ever replace him, loving another pet helps to fill the void that is left when one is gone.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

I agree, getting another pet helps the grieving process. After Fluff was gone I got another cat, it was about 6 months after she passed.

Hera, was a free kitten, some guy standing outside the store with a box, and I knew not to look in but when I saw here gray face it was all over.

The more she grew the more here manerism mimiced Fluffs. Sleeping on my head at night, riding around on my shoulders, even the look in her eyes seemed the same. I felt that Fluff was reborn.

Thanks everyone for your kind replies, they have been helping me.

And Dave thanks for the link to the website re: stages of grief.

Somebody said it was normal to not believe my dog is dead. But is it normal to not feel upset about it too? I mean I think about the things we have done together and I start to cry a bit, but I don't feel truly unhappy about it, so although I can feel sad about him, I don't feel that sad, I thought I would be far more upset than I am. I feel gloomy all day now, the usual depression feeling that I had finally got over, but I don't feel it because of Dexter, even though I know he is gone and I can't do anything about it. I just don't feel upset about him in general unless I think of a particularly touching thing we did when he was younger. Is this normal, to not feel much sadness?

I think you accidently directed your reply to darkeyes, it should be to Silver, I am sure that is who you mean.
It happens sometimes if you do not click the post you are replying to.
But on her behalf I thank you for your kind words

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

I think that is normal, especially if you are in the denial phase. I have had experiences like that with deaths in the family, initially not very upset but then started to cry at the funeral or even at some point later in time.

Like sky said... the stages of grief are not "ordered". different people experience them in different orders and each stage may be very quick or may last a while. Sometimes people go through one stage then onto another and then double-back and experience an earlier stage again. This really all lasts as long as it has to, for your personal grieving process, until you ultimately reach the acceptance stage.

Really, though, for all the psychobabble (even though I think in this case it is recognizable and helpful) I think really the whole point of this is simple: everyone grieves differently and you should NEVER feel as if you are grieving "improperly." Some people never cry, some are emotional and sensitive for a very long period. It has absolutely no bearing on your love for the your pup but only about the feelings that you personally need to feel to grieve. Remember the classic instruction: feelings are neither good nor bad, they just are.

It is really obvious that you loved and missed him. That is part of your expression of grief. Don't spend another second worrying that you are not noticably upset. I wouldn't be surprized if you didn't become rather emotinional about this at some point in the near future, but if it doesn't express itself that way it is nothing to worry about. Your body will do what it needs to do. Grief is supposed to get you through the loss, not be a "show" for others either.

Take care silver_queen. All you have to do is be open and accepting of any feelings that do or do not come your way through this process. Continuing to talk about it here will hopefully help as well.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

I am so sorry about losing your dog. I am single, dating a girl for a few months, but for the most part single and my dog is my best friend. I talk to him more than most people. He is 5 1/2 and I know is only has about that much more to live and just thinking about it disturbs me. If only we could let them know how much they mean to us. I lost my Great Dane a year and a half ago. She died in her sleep. A year before that I lost a Boxer, he had cancer on his spine and had to be put down. Most people dont realize how much our pets mean to us. They are so therapeutic its amazing. They listen to us cry, know something is wrong and try to comfort us. Again I am so sorry.

Mike

I forgot to mention originally... remember the Mary Tyler Moore episode with the funeral of Chuckles the Clown? That was a classically funny episode but it was also a very good and truthful example of the way different people can grieve in completely different ways.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

??? I have never heard of Mary Tyler Moore or Chuckles the Clown...is it an old series? I am 19 so if it is, I won't have watched it.

But what I am worried about, is this: you have all said that I should not worry too much about my lack of emotion, but what if it means I didn't love my dog as much as I thought I did? Maybe I'm not upset because I didn't love him all that much after all? I mean, now, I don't feel any kind of great loving feeling towards him. My aunt got his ashes back today in a beautiful casket. She started crying; I didn't. I just thought that it was Dexter's ashes that were in there, and that was that: I didn't feel much emotion, more pity for my aunt because she cries so readily about Dexter. Surely this lack of feeling is not due to grief? I don't feel all that upset about him being gone, even though I know he is gone and nothing can be done about it.

RIP Dexter...

<font color=red>The best dog ever!!!</font color=red>

No, it doesn't mean that you didn't love him or that anything is wrong with you. The grief process is different not only for each of us, but also each time we must work through it. I have lots of animals and since animals don't live as long as people that means a lot of goodbyes too. I never know how losing one is going to affect me. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't, and sometimes it surprises me which one I do or don't cry over. It depends on where I am emotionally at the time, besides the feelings I had for that animal. Maybe getting worked up and upset wouldn't do you any good right now. There is nothing wrong with that.

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

Sorry, yes it is old, classic american televison show from the 70's, ran from 1970 to 1977 and in syndication here for eternity.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

>> you have all said that I should not worry too much about my lack of emotion, but what if it means I didn't love my dog as much as I thought I did?

I don't think you can second guess love that way. You loved him when he was alive, nothing that you feel or don't feel now alters the way you felt or the way you feel now. " but what if it means..." In this sense, feelings don't "mean" anything, they just are. And in this case I would just reiterate that not only should you not worry about drawing conclusions from your current feelings, but the conclusions that you do seem to be drawing are likely not accurate. Sometimes we just don't display or feel strong emotions as a result of grief. That is just your current reaction to this loss... it doesn't have to have anything to do with how much you loved Dexter.

>> I should not worry too much about my lack of emotion

Actually I think you should not worry at all about it. Just accept whatever comes.

It also just occured to me that the feelings you are having, questioning your love of Dexter, maybe these confusing feelings are your emotional reaction to this loss.

Another of the stages of grief is anger:

<blockquote><font size=1>In reply to:</font><hr>

We can blame others for our loss. We can become easily agitated having emotional outbursts. We can even become angry with ourselves. Care must be taken here not to turn this anger inwards. Release of this anger is a far better way to cope with grief in my experience.

<hr></blockquote>

You may simply be feeling some guilt and anger and expressing it as not "feeling" properly rather than as anger directly over the loss.

Again, I think this is normal, and I am sure that it is OK. Just take it as it comes. I also hope it is helping just to express yourself here on this board. Expressing these thoughts rather than keeping them bottled help can certainly help you cope.

Good luck silver queen. Keep posting here as long as necessary.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

... thinking those feelings are part of denial.....

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>