[flours]

hi, I know I have already written a lot about my problems ans I am sorry if anyone is sick of it.
I am struggling right now to imagine a future that is worth living. sometimes I feel like everything will be just fine. but most of the time it's more like nothing is ever going to be better than right now. from now everything will just get worse and all the things that are already bothering me and I have not found a solution by now will never go away.
I have tried so many things and I am seriously desperate and losing hope. and it's not that I am not ready to make changes. this is what everybody always suggests. but I don't know how anymore. I tried everything.
I feel like there can be no happiness for me like for other people. I will always have to be alone and without any recognition whatsoever and all slight indications of something to improve are just in my head and will show to be pure imagination. I thought that several times "now everything is going to be better". but it always turns out I am wrong and sliding right back into the same old situation I have always been in. why am I always so wrong? why is there even hope coming up? it just bothers me when I realize I was wrong. it would be easier to be hopeless all the time.
I don't know what else to do...
I really don't want to go on like this.

[silver tree]

I wish I had some comforting words for you. I can only say that I know just how you feel as I pretty much feel the same way too.

I am afraid that I don't know your story but I understand the feeling that things are over and I am just treading water now, everyday the same with no release

I am sure that is not helping you much though x

[regretful]

Safety in numbers...I'm feeling the same way, yet I won't give up...I can't. I've been told that nothing, not even depression, lasts forever. I believe that. I've been through this once before, and came out on the other side okay. I'm of the belief that it will happen again.

[silver tree]

Originally Posted by regretful

Safety in numbers...I'm feeling the same way, yet I won't give up...I can't. I've been told that nothing, not even depression, lasts forever. I believe that. I've been through this once before, and came out on the other side okay. I'm of the belief that it will happen again.

I am glad that you are optimistic

I hope that works out for you x

[Alone & confused]

I've been beating my head against that same wall too! But I'm gonna keep beating against it until my head falls off or the wall breaks down! All may truly be lost for me, but the only way it can TRULY BEAT ME is if I give up the fight!! If Hope is all you have left, don't let the world rob you of that too! You may have tried many ways, but you haven't failed many times.....you just found many ways that didn't work. Don't give up. You're not alone!
Sending you strength & encouragement!

[Agentfyre]

Sometimes when I feel like this, I have to remind myself that I can't trust my feelings. They lie to me all the time. My feelings tell me that everything is hopeless and that life can't go on.

Yet, when I do my best to ignore my feelings and press on, I find that they lied to me, that life still goes on. And sometimes I even feel much better than if I had listened to them.

Instead of listening to what I feel, I remind myself of what I learn from my support. That even if I can't feel hope, that doesn't mean it's not there. And I try to remember that people care about me, even though I feel alone I know there's people that care about me because they show me that they care.

So, I encourage you not to trust your emotions. Listen to the people here who tell you they care by doing what they can to show it like responding. You're not alone.

[flours]

Originally Posted by Alone & confused

but the only way it can TRULY BEAT ME is if I give up the fight!!

great!!
that works

[odysseyofnoises]

I know this feeling all too well. I'm almost definitely certain, after all this time, that nothing is ever going to change for me, really. I can't really offer much advice, but maybe it will make you feel better knowing you're not alone, I suppose.

[waterknob1234]

Hi flours. I have been in this place many times. Feeling like there is no hope of things getting better. But I believe it has to get better. The dark hole of depression will lift one day. In the meantime, so many of us understand how you feel. You are a wonderful and good person. Sending loving hugs your way.

[Idiot17]

Originally Posted by flours

I am struggling right now to imagine a future that is worth living. sometimes I feel like everything will be just fine. but most of the time it's more like nothing is ever going to be better than right now. from now everything will just get worse and all the things that are already bothering me and I have not found a solution by now will never go away.
I feel like there can be no happiness for me like for other people. I will always have to be alone and without any recognition whatsoever and all slight indications of something to improve are just in my head and will show to be pure imagination.

I can relate, only thing I can say though is hang in there.
(((((Flours)))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( Flours ))))))))

(I can relate :-( )

[regretful]

Originally Posted by silver tree

I am glad that you are optimistic

I hope that works out for you x

I'm in the "fake it till you make it" mode. I do feel like the walls are closing in on me, but if I type optimism, then I must be thinking optimism, so it holds the depression at bay, even if it is just for a minute.

[chocolate rose]

I can relate to the hopelessness. I too have days when I think things are going to be better then pow something happens to knock my feet out from under me. today is one of these days.(thank goodness this day will be over in a few hours and I can start over with a new day tomorrow) then I get on here and start reading and realize that I am not alone in this. knowing I'm not alone really helps. I know I can get on this site and talk to others who are there too. I went through this once before, although not as long as this time, so I do know it can get better. and I didn't have a group like this to help me either. I know I have made it worse by shutting people out and that's why I joined this group. I want to start communicating with other humans instead of hiding at home with my dog. since I am severely depressed too I'm not sure what to say other than to encourage you to keep going and to keep reading. it will get better. it did for me before and I'm counting on that it will again. they are very friendly and supportive here. the work to get there is worth it. that I know from the past. we can all do it together. I am sending you encouragement hope and support: hug:

[silver tree]

Originally Posted by regretful

I'm in the "fake it till you make it" mode. I do feel like the walls are closing in on me, but if I type optimism, then I must be thinking optimism, so it holds the depression at bay, even if it is just for a minute.

It is good that you find that helps you. I do talk in optimistic language and of a future etc. but mostly that is about other's lives or too seem 'normal' and together to the people around me. It is always there though and I get a sinking feeling after I have.

It is not me coming to terms with not wanting this any more. It is trying to get the people around me to come to terms with it and talk in that way, and ultimately, give their blessing I suppose. Loving and not wanting to hurt people makes me very trapped and torn really

I am glad you still have some fight in you and I admire that

[silver tree]

Flours. I am sorry to hijack your thread with my misery. I hope you are feeling better in yourself ?

Some sunshine for you

[lilypup]

I am coming off a devastating two year depression. It was the worst I have ever had. But now I am up and around and in a fragile recovery. There is hope...never give up!

[Creative1onder]

Originally Posted by regretful

Safety in numbers...I'm feeling the same way, yet I won't give up...I can't. I've been told that nothing, not even depression, lasts forever. I believe that. I've been through this once before, and came out on the other side okay. I'm of the belief that it will happen again.

Yeah I've heard people say that it will pass..just gotta hold on etc, dont give up but some people have battled with depression for years. Robin williams did struggle with his illness throughout his life. So you can't hope it will go away over time without anything changing. Some people have reocurring issues from the past too. People who experience depression often feel isolated, alone, but they aren't in fact or they don't have to stay feeling that way..

[flours]

the whole summer I've mostly been hiding in my dark appartment with curtains closed. today it is warm again, probably last time for this summer and I decided to go out wear something nice and have ice cream in a little place I always wanted to go.
I dressed up, my friend came and we left. then a woman from my house steps out the door and starts explaining to me that there is a hole in my tights and my shoes are too big for me. that really pissed me off. I went back in and put on the same old shirt and the same old pants I've been wearing every day and some comfortable shoes. we went to the place and I wasn't exactly in a good mood anymore. and I apologized to my friend who knows I have depression. I tried to talk to her and bought her ice cream and we ate it and suddenly she got up and said it's useless to talk to me and left. she said I can call her when I am doing better.
went back home. will not try to do anything like that anymore.

[flours]

told my mum on the phone what happened. I was crying. she said too it was useless talking with me and just hung up.

[Idiot17]

(((((Flours))))) hang in.

[flours]

this is really difficult. in my moments of deepest depression I didn't care about myself. and the only reason to keep going was when someone asked me to do something. because their request was more important than me. so now I don't know how to deal with that. if they simply stop contact. suddenly. I don't know what I am supposed to do. now nobody is making any request except from staying away from them. well, I can do that.

[flours]

being mad at a depressed person for being depressed seems a pretty much perverted idea. don't know how to respond to all that rejection.

[Jolisse]

Hang in there Flours, I'm feeling the same way! Just when I'm feeling better, I get hit over the head with anxiety and depression. I wish I knew what triggers these episodes, but I can't figure it out. You're not alone, if that's any comfort.

[flours]

this was a really unpleasant incident. I don't know if I described it the right way to understand what happened. did I mention the friend threw the ice cream I bought her in the trash? she really said she doesn't want to be around me anymore. we had some plans together and she cancelled all.

[Creative1onder]

[QUOTE=flours;3979225]the whole summer I've mostly been hiding in my dark appartment with curtains closed. today it is warm again, probably last time for this summer and I decided to go out wear something nice and have ice cream in a little place I always wanted to go.
I dressed up, my friend came and we left. then a woman from my house steps out the door and starts explaining to me that there is a hole in my tights and my shoes are too big for me. that really pissed me off. I went back in and put on the same old shirt and the same old pants I've been wearing every day and some comfortable shoes. we went to the place and I wasn't exactly in a good mood anymore. and I apologized to my friend who knows I have depression. I tried to talk to her and bought her ice cream and we ate it and suddenly she got up and said it's useless to talk to me and left. she said I can call her when I am doing better.
went back home. will not try to do anything like that anymore.[/QUOTE

She prob said that its useless talking about it cos she doesn't know how to help, what to do, she doesn't get it. Its hard to talk and feel supported by others when depression is quite severe.