[tmctexas]

I have pretty much pushed away any one that wants to love me or that does love me. I feel so alone and depressed but the only reason I am alone is because I don't want people neer me.
Sometimes I think I am afraid of hurting people because I am incapable of being loved. Does that make any sense??
Nothing really brings this depression on I just wake up one morning and I feel ugly, worthless, like a horrible mother . The world even looks dark. I can't get up to go to work. Why? What is causing this?

depression is causing this. are you on any meds? do you see a psychiatrist? or a therapist? you need to find some IRL help asap.........good luck and keep us updated. xoxxo pat

[Christina86]

Welcome to PC ((((((((tmctexas)))))))))



I'm not a medical doctor, but it sounds like depression. Have you talked to your doctor about how you feel? I understand the "pushing away" of people who try to get to close, and I understand your reasons for wishing to do so as well - they're like my own.

Take care of yourself, and keep posting. We'll try to help if we can.

[tmctexas]

I have been on meds in the past for a couple of years. I also went through a year of counseling before I got off of them.
I felt at that point I dealt with all of this but the past year I have been on a self destuctive path. I left the relationship I had been in for 6 years with a man that loved me and treated me like a princess. My reasoning I'm just not happy.
Now I live on my own with my 3 boys and guess what i'm still not happy.
Something is missing and it feels like something in my soul. Like i am not capable of being whole.

[ouch]

I spent a year practically not seeing anyone! I had just moved to a new city and isolated myself to such an extent that I started to believe that I didn't even KNOW how to socialize anymore. Now that I'm on meds, I am starting to realize that it was depression that made me push everyone away. I am just starting to enjoy being around pple again.... Maybe you need to go back on meds?

[LILITH]

Hello there are many days i wake just like you do... it is hard to find strength to make just one step... Depression is what this is... I agree with Pat, you need some relief..... let us know how you are doing.
The answer to your question is yes you should be loved.....

Fear of not being unlovable I think plays a part. If we are not unlovable then maybe people will ocme into our lives, but then I have to give of myself also, what If I can't give? what if I don't want to give? I only want to be wrapped up in my own fantasy of aloneness where I cannot fail. Depression is my armour. Its not fear of failure its fear of success that holds me back at times. We'll all just people.

[Soidhonia]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central.
Depression can make you feel as if you are missing somethine in your life at times sometimes for LONG period of time. what is usually missing is the want and need to feel like a more normal and stable person. Depression can be helped greatly at this time by medication and therapeutic support so the VOID in your life is lessened that you feel the majority of the time. Professional help is what has helped many to persevere in life including myself. I am very thatnkful that I am able to thrive with depression with the right medication and therapeutic help. I hope that you seek the professional help you need soon so you can feel better and more accomodating and hopeful in your life. PM anytime chat is open for you to talk as well feel free to come and chat anytime. Take care Soidhonia

[therealme]

hi tmctexas,
i too had pushed everyone that loved me way, my family and friends. that was 2 years ago, i have now managed to get my family back but my friends have all gone, they couldnt handle my depression, and after reading your post im uder the impression you are depressed. (im not a doctor so this is just my opinion)
i also understand when you write how you wake up feeling ugly & worthless, i understand because i feel the same most of the time, i put the situation my family and myself are in at the moment , is down to me.
please keep us posted about seeing a dr.
take care
dec xox

[WinterRose]

Yes, you deserved to be loved, especially by yourself. I've pushed people away too - afraid of what I'd do to them (not physically, but I don't know - psychicly poison them or their regard for me?) - I still hide when I'm depressed. Talk to your doctor about how you feel and what's going on. They'll be able to help. And we're here at PC to support you as we can too.

[Soidhonia]

Hello TMC.
I just wanted to leave a Hello for you today. I hope things get better for you soon. Take care Soidhonia.

How are you feeling today?

[selfy]

i agree with you, i feel the same, except the mother bit, im not a mum...... xoxoxox of course you deserve to be loved.