[angelene]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

I don't know, I just...I hate myself so much right now. I can't do anything as well as I would like to. I'm not even a perfectionist, and yet I still can't meet my own expectations...I don't think I'm setting the bar to high. Suppose I've always been less competent than the average. Been aware of that fact ever since I was little...I always felt inferior, then comparing my progress to others has only proven my feeling to be fact. Everyone, and I mean everyone is better than me, in every area. I know people will wanna argue with me about this, but I know.

I know you know, but I'm gonna argue with you anyway!

[TheOriginalMe]

^ I agree with Angelene, I do hope that you find something to value in yourself ShyPoet Girl We like having you around here, just for being you and no other reason.

[waterknob1234]

ShyPoet Girl, from what I know of you thru your posts, you are a beautiful, strong, wonderful person.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am so fed up that the only consistent emotion that I have is anger. Sure I have anxiety, depression, sadness, hopelessness, etc, etc, etc, but they come and go, flowing like the tides. Anger is there, all the time, underlying everything. I am such a mean, moody, angry person, I want peace, I want never to be cross again.

[waterknob1234]

I have had a quiet Sunday. I was going to wash sheets today and forgot to. I am having problems with my memory. I still have a little of what I call "post holiday blues." Tomorrow we start a new system at work. Nobody likes it including me. It is going to be confusing. Basically, they want us to do more work with less resources. I am not looking forward to this but I will commit it to God.

[Turtlesoup]

I've had a nice day so far even made the bed (gasp!) & this afternoon I've been reading & listening to some Vivaldi I got from the library. I have veggie broth to wrangle into containers for the freezer after it cools then I want to play some games with my husband-yesterday he thoroughly trounced me at Sorry so I'm gonna try to redeem myself via UNO. Big hugs to all here & even though you don't want to hear it shypoetgirl you do matter & you do have value-I too have been in some horrible dark places in my life & it can get better-please take care & let us know how you are doing

[dandylin]

How do you learn to take care of someone else, when you haven't figured out how to do it for yourself?

[herethennow]

feeling more lethargic and tired all the time than i was in the hospital. getting frustrated over exams. going to go to school tomorrow to ask the staff on whether i could get special consideration, since my doc gave me a month's leave.

at this rate, i'm scared i will go down and down again..... *sigh*

[herethennow]

Originally Posted by dandylin

How do you learn to take care of someone else, when you haven't figured out how to do it for yourself?

dandylin, do take care of yourself first. i have taken care of others before while not properly taking care of myself... and then i just put myself on an endless spiral of depression. remember to take some time off for yourself, yup?

Today was a easy going day, but there was a stressful moment that I will get to a little bit later on. But it was a good day though.

Went to church and then spent half the afternoon with my friend. The weather was not favorable today, so no bike ride. It was just as well. At one time my friend had me fool with a weird looking heater dial in my bedroom. I had never bothered with it. So I fooled with it. Later on, it got very hot and I didn't know what to do. I decided to take the dial apart (that was hard to do) and felt like it didn't help. But a next door neighbor of mine had the very same problem in his unit. He showed me how to turn off the switches. That solved the problem. I DIDN'T HAVE TO CALL AN ELECTRICIAN FOR AN EMERGENCY!

Feeling only my mild depression today. Mainly am just not looking forward to the day because I have nothing planned besides grocery store, AA meeting, maybe a load of laundry. Time passes so slowly. I got a book from the library but just can't seem to get into it.

Hopefully will hear soon from the museum that I passed the background check and can start there. Saturday (Humane Society orientation) is not too far off either.

[winter4me]

ok so far...

So we got a huge ice storm. All the schools are closed. My dad almost didn't make it in to work today. I'm glad I don't have to get out and go anywhere, but at the same time the storm has made me feel even more trapped inside...which is odd, because I haven't gone out at all this winter anyway. But now, I feel hopeless. Guess it was a good thing I chose to wait on getting help for myself, 'cause otherwise I would be in a dilemma. Well, I kinda knew this would happen eventually. But still it depresses me. Why does my whole life have to be put on hold until spring?

[herethennow]

and the depression feeds itself.....

i dont unds why the docs in the hosp are not okay with my si.. when it's an act of saving myself.

[angelene]

Had a brief conversation via the Internet with a friend this morning and that made my day better.

[Nammu]

Can't seem to stay awake. A bit worried about driving to an appointment.

[H-H-H-H]

I miss that person so much.

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

So we got a huge ice storm. All the schools are closed. My dad almost didn't make it in to work today. I'm glad I don't have to get out and go anywhere, but at the same time the storm has made me feel even more trapped inside...which is odd, because I haven't gone out at all this winter anyway. But now, I feel hopeless. Guess it was a good thing I chose to wait on getting help for myself, 'cause otherwise I would be in a dilemma. Well, I kinda knew this would happen eventually. But still it depresses me. Why does my whole life have to be put on hold until spring?

Now afternoon. My mood is dropping with the temperature. I think this is the worst I've ever felt, emotionally. The good times and smiles of the past feel eons away. Ahead of me - just a long and lonely, downward-sloping road. Cried earlier, seemingly out of the blue, though only for about five minutes. Wow, I see a lot of decent metaphors here. I guess I'm always my most poetic when deeply depressed. But I can't even write a good poem today; I tried. I feel plain useless.

[JustTvTroping]

So far so good, I think.

[Bark]

Been doing okay. Still have stressors and more on the way, but I'm managing. So glad I don't have any incomplete courses to worry about. I have space to breathe and read and look at whatever I want without worrying about schoolwork.

Been sleeping late these days, and it's taking me a while to fall asleep. Going to sleep a bit earlier tonight and hope that helps with my slight insomnia. I've also stopped a medication that guaranteed I'd fall asleep. For several nights I kept waking up repeatedly. Slight insomnia is nothing compared to it.

I'm on one psychotropic med! It's been a while. I've always been prescribed combos (including my first prescription where I only took one). Been doing okay so far. Hopefully it lasts. Academic stress will be a real test.

Hoping the best for everyone. Free hugs!

[Shriveled Muse]

I was okay for the past 3 weeks. I had never felt freer or lighter. I felt like the iron shackles weighing down my heart had been released. Until today. It's back. The weight. The one thing I'm glad about though is that it's coming back in increments rather than a heavy fine with all the interest attached.

So it's back to reality. I knew that those 3 weeks were too good to be true. Oh look at the coincidence (not). I have only started studying again and it's coming back. The knawing feeling in my gut that has nothing to do with hunger. The headaches and the never-ending fatigue. I'm grateful that I had one last taste of happiness though. It was the best winter break in my life.

[Turtlesoup]

Feel very positive, mood is still even, productive day. Very thankful things are going smoothly-working on being very mindful.

[Rose76]

Here at my s/o's since last night. Feeling okay, but have to push myself to do things

[TheOriginalMe]

I am still not having any luck with online shopping

The boots I ordered to replace the first pair are still too small. I chose a style that I have had before believing they should fit, but when I compared the new with the old, the new ones are a narrower fitting. I hate it when retailers change their sizing without telling you. So now I have to send back the replacement boots, there are no suitable styles left in the size I need, so I have spent £20 on delivery charges and have no boots. I suppose it is better than buying the boots anyway and not wearing them because they are too small. I have to try and think that this way I have saved £120 rather than lost £20, as a strategy it sucks.

I posted my sweater back to the retailer on Friday, today when I got in from work the parcel had been sent back to my home, how stupid can the post office be? On the front was a label saying to ......... on the back was one saying from....... On the otherhand I'm impressed that delivery was the next working day on second class postage, that's pretty rare these days. So back to the post office and another 20 minute queue. I do hope the replacement sweater will be in stock when the retailer gets my returned parcel.

Finally I wanted to buy some boots for my dog, I know, boots for a dog!!!! Her paws are soft and get cut easily. I had some for my last dog, I know which brand I want but they cost £70!!!!!!! That's nearly as much as human boots, still dogs have four feet and the savings in vetinerary bills will be worth it.

As for me and my mood, pretty low. Something has got me down and all I want to do is cry and run away.

[waterknob1234]

I can't figure out why I stay so exhausted and tired. I had a decent day at work today. It was not as difficult as usual. The office manager has put in place a new system whereby the "supervisor" nurses are forced to help out on the floor. The "supervisor" nurses hate it. They are upset and talking about looking for another job.

The office manager went to the nurses station to observe us work. Again, the upper level nurses hated it. I don't care. If you watch me all you will see me do is work. The office manager would get bored watching me work. Of course if they are not happy with me they can always get somebody else. I am too tired to care.