[tz90]

Woke up to neighbor drilling holes and hammering the wall. But I eventually fell back to sleep for another few hours until dusk. Just another day wasted. Currently feeling apathetic.

More and more I feel like nothing I do even matters. In a world that sees me as a lazy burden, why would I think otherwise? My faults; I'm overweight, ugly, unemployed, a high school dropout. I'm 18 and living with my parents, I don't even have a driver's license (and why should I, if I don't even have a car?). I don't have any specific talents that I can use to my advantage. Really, the only thing I do decently is write poetry, and even now that's up in the air (due to recent writer's block). Besides, we all know that poetry's not a career. I still would have to get a 'real' job. I feel like I have nothing to offer that is of any use. I feel like I shouldn't be here, I don't have a place, and that makes me depressed...

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Really, the only thing I do decently is write poetry, and even now that's up in the air (due to recent writer's block). Besides, we all know that poetry's not a career. I still would have to get a 'real' job.

Sorry to hear about the writer's block. Aside from poetry, you write really well when you post here. There are lots of careers that depend on good written communication. I am an analyst, mainly working with data and statistics, but most of what makes me a good analyst is being able to write about my findings. So instead of writing yourself off, try writing your way into a career instead. Look out for any community or volunteer opportunities to use your wider writing skills, maybe doing something of that nature would shift the writer's block.

BTW, I sometimes get terrible writer's block at work, it is such a horrible feeling having a head full of words, a blank page and a gaping chasm between them. Caffeine and carbohydrates, my main vices, don't seem to help much either.

[Turtlesoup]

So my Depakote dose at bedtime increased last night & it took me while to fall asleep but I did sleep pretty well & miracle of all I have felt really good & rested today-had to be careful not to overdo but I still feel good (like pretty "normal" good)-it's been a while. My heart goes out to those who are struggling today

[avlady]

i hope all of you get your problems solved

[TheOriginalMe]

There is a terrible storm here tonight, already my neighbour's fence has blown down. This has happened before and last time I got the fence repaired, the panels I had replaced are still in one piece and holding up well. I know my neighbour will prevaricate and not get the repairs done, or if she does get them done, she will get a dodgy workman who won't do a good job. I can't afford to get the repairs done this time and anyway it is her fence, why should I pay?

I had an email at work, it was inviting me to a long service ceremony, I couldn't figure out whose ceremony it would be or why I was being invited to someone else's ceremony. It took me three hours to realise, it is MY ceremony and MY personal invitation. I get a clock and a pin for 25 years of public service. It is a shame that I won't make 26 years as I expect to be given notice in April.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Feeling very frazzled and tired. Spent all morning, first trying myself, then on the phone with Apple support, to update my iphone to current software. It finally updated but now I have to give password for our network and my husband and I don't know what it is. So . . . apparently if I go to a McDonald's or Starbuck's I can use their network. What a bunch of crap.

At least we're not going to my husband's holiday party tonight so I don't have to worry about sprucing myself up.

Just having a frazzled day.

Just wanted to give you an idea from my store of experience with terrible memory. My memory problems aren't from ECT but it's horrible all the same.

Anywho I have all my passwords and codes on individuals index cards, one card for Google, one for iPad/Apple another for each website including psych central. They are pretty long random mixes of letters numbers and characters and absolutely impossible for me to remember. I put them together in a bundle and on the top and bottom are index card flash cards I made for Latin in the hopes that if anyone ever breaks in they will not look further at the bundle. If I'm going to need one with me I take the one I need with me then return it to the pile when I get home, that way if I lose it there only the one to change.

[Nammu]

Hello everyone. I'm not home yet but will be flying out tomorrow if the weather cooperates. I've been in a hotel the last two days curtesy of the airline. ( another whole posting) I'm trying to catch up on hundreds of posts and im all over the site.

Over all it's been a good six weeks. I'm so much more stable this year than I was last year and it really helps when dealing with family stuff.

to you all.

[waterknob1234]

Really hard, tiring, exhausting day. I still have work to do and I just can't do anymore. I am tired. The job is awful. Everything that can go wrong seems to be going wrong. I have so much garbage to do this weekend there will be no time for my tired body to rest. Where does it end. I am tired of living.

[TigerLight]

Today is a really rough night. Having a lot of adjustment issues with current family situation. I feel like I need someone to talk to before I lost my mind.

[Artchic528]

After running out of my Abilify and Effexor a couple of days ago...I've been an emotional mess....I went out tonight and got my refills....but....what's done is done...and now I'm so lonely...so bored...and my thoughts keep going to dark places.....I try and keep on top of them...but it's exhausting work...and despite several hours' sleep this afternoon, I'm dead tired....

No appetite either...only a couple fried chicken drumsticks have passed my lips since last night....and several cans of diet coke....I'm fine though...I feel just fine. I'm losing weight...25 lbs in the last two months...so I must be doing something right...

Oh, and my resolution for a more positive outlook for this year? It's barely been 10 days and already I've blown it....well, back to the drawing board I guess.

Well, it looks like once I pass my background check (which I'm not worried about), I'll be ready to roll for two 3-hour shifts per week at the Museum! Finally, I will get to feel like I'm making a contribution to something! I'm thinking of trying to get a shift at the Humane Society too, but my husband thinks I should acclimate to the museum first and play the Humane Society by ear. All I know is I'm tired of being bored at home so am leaning toward going for the Humane Society right away too.

In very frustrating news, I forgot my passcode to my newly updated cell phone and am now locked out. I fear I will have to spend hours today on the phone with Apple support or watching a progress bar move to remedy the situation. I will definitely take Sidestepper's advice and write my new passcode down once I get it!

So glad to see you are doing better, newgal! I'd love to help at the humane society but there is none close enough.
I'm looking at a long weekend, with nothing to do. Snow is piling up, no friends to reach for doing anything because they are all busy with their own lives.
I'm depressed. Said I wasn't. But last night, I was thinking, where is happiness? Where is my smile? I almost never smile unless I'm laughing about my own stupidity, or some one else is laughing at me. That isn't normal. I feel like I'm trying so hard but I will never figure myself out. I have everything remembered that needs remembering, except how to take care of myself. My sons need their mother, and yet I keep putting off my own health. I'm diabetic and my blood sugars are low in the morning. The doc hasn't changed my medication for it, but tells me to adjust it myself according to my needs. I don't know how to really get that balance. I get hungry for sweets, and I can not live without quetiapine because I don't sleep without it, but it is, contributing to eating late at night. Otherwise my appetite is gone. I hate depression, have had that, and anxiety all my life with few times in between where I haven't had it. Dad seems okay, I have to stop worrying about things that are eventually going to happen.

[gayleggg]

I've been feeling depressed at times for the last couple of weeks, but it seems to have been worse the last couple of days. It's over a week until my pdoc appointment, but I may call on Monday and see if they have something sooner.

[avlady]

i am also very very depressed, can hardly hold my head up. snow and more snow, driving bans, we need to get some food the roads are closed. i feel like i could die, even naturally, im bored to death. cant seem to get this boulder off my neck and head. i feel like throwing up and crying!!!!!!!!!!!

[Fuzzybear]

[Angelique67]

I'm still having terrible trouble getting out of bed. Today I lay there since 6 am and only got up because I had to pee again. And then they turned the noise on downstairs.

[Nammu]

Unbelievable! My flight was canceled again! Windshield advisory here, Chicago snowed in and austin under ice. This am, at 6 I arrived at the airport to find my flight canceled, stood in line almost an hour before getting a new flight arranged for this afternoon. There were a lot of people flying out of the country so it took them much longer to rearrange all the connections. It was funny, when I got to the desk the same guy who rearranged my flight Thursday was again my to go guy. This whole thing is so hilarious. it should be in a movie.

On an aside, what is it about me that makes people want to talk at me? Reading lips and listening is hard work for me, please not so early in the morning. the couple in front of me were talking to me and the guy behind me wanted so badly to practice his English out, but Oy! It's going to be a very long day.

On knees, hands exclaiming in the air, please, please Mother Nature, let me get home today!

Terrible terrible headache. I'm cold. Feeling low and having sui thoughts but not going to act on them. It happens often, so I know I won't do anything. I just try to distract myself as much as I can until it blows over. It would help, however, if I had more things to distract myself with. I know the internet is good for that, but when in this state of mind I just seem to look up methods. Not good. Besides internet, all I really have is TV, and that's only when something good is on (which is hardly, as I don't like half of what's on TV today).

Cute kitten videos on YouTube?

i've been feeling restless today.

nothing i've done, or tried to do seemed appropriate

though i didn't resort to staying in bed.. i did some reading and listened to some music

[Rose76]

I unraveled before Christmas and still haven't got back to baseline, but I'm working on it . . . slowly.

Originally Posted by ShyPoetGirl

Terrible terrible headache. I'm cold. Feeling low and having sui thoughts but not going to act on them. It happens often, so I know I won't do anything. I just try to distract myself as much as I can until it blows over. It would help, however, if I had more things to distract myself with. I know the internet is good for that, but when in this state of mind I just seem to look up methods. Not good. Besides internet, all I really have is TV, and that's only when something good is on (which is hardly, as I don't like half of what's on TV today).

Cute kitten videos on YouTube?

Do you like to read? I now there's not a whole lot on t.v. I spend a lot (too much) time on the internet. When I was super depressed just a few months ago, I used to watch Headline News for hours on the couch in the afternoons. Sometimes I'll still turn it on now. Other than that, there are a lot of stupid shows on.

Originally Posted by newgal2

Do you like to read? I now there's not a whole lot on t.v. I spend a lot (too much) time on the internet. When I was super depressed just a few months ago, I used to watch Headline News for hours on the couch in the afternoons. Sometimes I'll still turn it on now. Other than that, there are a lot of stupid shows on.

I love to read, I could read all day and not do anything else. Problem is, the book I'm reading is -this- close to being finished and I can't get to the library to check out anything else.

It's funny, back in the summer when I didn't have cable I couldn't wait to have it because I thought "Now I'll be able to watch all kinds of good stuff". Nope. TV still sucks most of the time, it's all stupid reality shows. Occasionally I'll find something good, but not often. :/

I like to watch YouTube videos, then I can just search for whatever I want to watch.

[Angelique67]

I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Even here. I feel ignored and unseen. Maybe I deserve it, I don't know. Have I been rude?

[Turtlesoup]

Feeling good again today-so thankful for that. Planning on playing some games today with my husband & I have a book to finish this weekend so I can get started on my book club book. Right now I'm attempting to balance my laptop & a big grumpy cat at the same time-for those that are struggling big hugs shypoetgirl you might want to check with your library about ebooks available-I download a lot of my reading material that way so I don't have to go out to the library-also if you enjoy classics there are several public domain sites where you can download for free as well-hope things get better for you soon.