I went back to work today after having a week off. It was nice to be back. Some people told me that they missed me. There were some people out today. And it seemed like I saw some new faces. What's really weird about being at work is that just before noon, I get some kind of terror in my mind. It happens every day. Funny thing is that one time a friend of mine told me about "noontime" terror. I wonder if there is such a thing as that?

I did the laundry after work. It went smoothly. But with dinner I felt nauseous after eating. I feel better now, though. Tonight I had a "pre made" beef stroganoff. Funny that a few days ago, I got a hamburger and didn't feel so well after that. I wonder if I'm getting some kind of allergy to beef all of a sudden?

Fortunately, I'm feeling better than I did over the weekend and first thing yesterday morning. I think there's something about the weekends that puts me in a glum mood. It's like I feel like I should be enjoying myself and doing all these fun things. Or maybe I'm just not on a high enough dose of lamictal yet. Whatever was going on, it was very unpleasant and scary and caused me to call my ECT pdoc again to request a treatment ASAP.

Yesterday was a good day after I went walk/jogging. I kept busy and felt optimistic. Today I feel optimistic too. Hope it lasts. I still think I should increase the frequency of my ECT treatments because it's just not normal to feel so depressed.

[Chummy]

I don't have the energy to do anything. And I'm feeling a bit nervous for therapy tomorrow. Don't know why.

[magical loser]

i got new anti depressents today, dont feel any different yet, the last ones made me feel weird straight away. i doubt they will do much but i have to try...

i forgot to ask about going to counsellor because i havent decided if that would be useful yet. i have to go back in 2 weeks so ill have to decide before then and ask

i did walk all the way there and back so that was good...

[kray_bray_may]

i dont feel well guys

[herethennow]

-------------- tw --------------

don't want to be here anymore

can i just lie to pdoc that i'm doing fine and he doesn't need to worry about anything

so frustrated that I JUST KEEP FUNCTIONING and i cant seem to press the breaks even though im so tired of everything and anything.

I'm thinking I'm doing ok, I had one real bad day last week. Pain isn't bad, I have some cleaning to do, started this morning, and then went for a walk and now I'm feeling it, but the more I do the better I feel unless I overdo it.
Son was upset about a pair of pants this morning and I kind of got upset about it, we've had this war before. I paid for good warm pants. He has tactile issues, so the pocket or any zippers or tags drive him nuts, any extra noise and he can't concentrate etc, but I'm losing patience about the clothing. Everything has to be perfectly comfortable and he is a big boy so finding clothes that he likes is difficult, and I don't want him wearing the same things... I know, it shouldn't matter but it does to me. Otherwise was a good morning, got my computer going again, was missing it and I was addicted to this place, now I'm able to keep off of here. Really appreciate this forum, and I see some of you struggling so much, here's some hope and hugs to you guys.

[Turtlesoup]

Woke up a lot last night-started buspar so it might have been that. I feel good today though usually I feel like crap if I don't get some sleep. Went out early with my husband to his first post-op PT appointment then we went for a great walk down by the bay where there are walking trails through some marshland & did some bird watching which was awesome. Beautiful day here again have the windows & door open-hugs to all here hope everyone is able to have something positive happen today.

[Nammu]

Ever told yourself, I'm ok, im ok. But you're just trying to fool yourself into believing everything is ok. Seems like every other day is down, at least the irritation is better. Seeing the Pdoc on Thursday, kind of afraid he'll increase meds but I'm stuck in a rut...so maybe it's best? I've not had anything but positive side effects to the meds but it seems that effectivness is running out and I'm afraid an increase will cause negitive side effects.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by herethennow

so frustrated that I JUST KEEP FUNCTIONING and i cant seem to press the breaks even though im so tired of everything and anything.

Sounds like we're feeling pretty much the same, I wish I could give up and curl into a little ball and be forgotten.

Telling myself I'm ok isn't working too well

[angelene]

Feeling joyless and inarticulate...

[seeminglyreal]

My mother says so much that I'm useless that I'm starting to think that maybe I actually am. I can't do anything right, I always seem to be in the way, never helping, just a burden.

I wish I had a strong enough mindset not to let these things affect me. But it's hard when I seem to be made of self hatred.

I need to work on being independent and relying less on others. I can only count on myself.

[waterknob1234]

It was crazy busy at work today. However, there was less meanness and complaining.
That made it a better day. I am beginning to think I am getting too old for this. My shoulder has been hurting for several days and the pain radiates to my chest. I have a doctor appt. Thursday.

[Espresso]

I haven't been this depressed in a long time. Or this incredibly hopeless. I don't know how to continue this life.

[LindaLu]

I'm not sure if I'm more disappointed in others or in myself.

In a bad mood today. I had ECT this morning so, as usual, my sleep was really poor last night. Only got about 5 hours of sleep.

Feel really frustrated that I cant' find a job. I'm a hard worker and would do a good job if someone would just give me a chance.

I'm sure tomorrow will be better after a good night's sleep. Just have to trudge through the day I guess.

[seeminglyreal]

Really, really, really stressful day at work. I'm working a 10 hour shift, my back is killing me and I'm so moody. I ended up being rude to a customer and I feel like **** because of it, especially because she left before I could say I was sorry.

I just need this day to be over.

[color14u]

I have physical therapy today. It was really painful on Monday. At least it gave me something else to think about. I am starting to think I need to see a therapist because my medication is not working. It's been 4 months since the new medicine was prescribed. The Dr has increased the dosage three times now. I'm scared and not sure what to do.

[tigerlily84]

Originally Posted by angelene

Feeling joyless and inarticulate...

I think you articulated that quite well.

I hear you. Wishing you a better day.

My head hurts from crying. I wish I wasn't always in pain. I don't get a break.

[Nammu]

I've been taking extra Lamicatal and latuda some days not sure if is helped or not but I'll have to face the Pdoc tomorrow and confess. These last weeks I was so irritable and impulsive I was scared of my shifts in mood. I felt alternatively like either throwing out all the meds or taking them all, that's better this week but still I'm glad I see the Pdoc tomorrow. I'm aware im in a mixed mood but so tired of the whole MI I wish there was a magical cure, no matter how painful, that was a one time deal and then over with.

[TheOriginalMe]

I am so tired today, I ache from exhaustion yet I haven't done anything overly strenuous. Just the normal daily routine of commute, work, commute. I know I'm projecting some of my low mood into physical aches, it doesn't help knowing that, the pain whether physical or emotional is just as bad.

[dandylin]

Husband had triple bypass last week, came home Monday and I had to call 911 for him last night, as he had a mini-stroke. So stressed and weepy

[waterknob1234]

Another stressful day at work. My left shoulder keeps hurting so I am going to the doctor tomorrow, maybe get a shot for it? My ant-inflammatory medicine is not helping this. I want to find another job but by the time I get home after an 11 hour day I am too tired to do any job searching. I am not sure what kind of job to seek. I want to find something that is simple as I feel so emotionally and mentally battered from the prolonged stress on this job.

We get nasty memos from the office manager. She treats us like we are bad, ignorant five year olds.