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#76
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It's weird how I can't let my guard down. Everytime someone starts a conservation with me or invites me somewhere I think that they're after something and I start to get paranoid trying to figure out what they're after.
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![]() Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#77
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Woke up this morning and did not have feelings of dread this time. But the feelings of dread came later on today. I kept myself busy but it didn't seem to help. I kept myself busy throughout the whole day. I worked out and it went OK. I felt like I had a slight panic attack after the workout. But I had a pretty nice dinner and it helped.
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![]() Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#78
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got the "depression early start" and woke up at 5am. 5 hours sleep
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![]() Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#79
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I'm not sleeping well, and I don't feel depressed but cry alot and feel guilty, and have problems eating again.
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![]() Bark, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#80
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Yesterday was such a relatively good day but this morning I feel so uninterested in life. I'm kind of on the tired side too, although I had a solid night's sleep. I have a lack of things to do - - no, that's not true. There's a lot of different stuff I could do I guess. I just don't feel drawn to do anything. So I end up staying on the computer or reading and feeling sorry for myself because I have "nothing" to do!
Although the ECT has improved my depression a lot, it clearly lingers a bit, is the bottom line. I really hope that changes one day . . . |
![]() Bark, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#81
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I showered! Still a bit anxious about it, but it's done.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous100185, Anonymous37914, hope2010, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, Angelique67, Clara22, hope2010, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#82
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TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW
well, i've started to have some hallucinations, hearing voices, massive self harm urges, can only move slowly, cant talk, cant sleep, trouble eating. going completely crazy this time and trapped in my head. sadly i think it is only a matter of time before my pdoc admits me into a ward or unit. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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#83
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I hate walking by the mirror in my bedroom and accidentally catching a glimpse of myself and being disgusted at the sight of me. I hate what I look like. Why did I have to be born with this face, these eyes, those lips, that body. Why me is what I'm trying to say, I guess. I could've been born as any one of the millions of beautiful, smart, and talented girls in this world. I don't want to look like a supermodel, I just want to look half-decent. Even when I fix myself up I look frumpy and the kind of girl no guy would ever acknowledge or talk to. So I never fix myself up. I never go out. Why bother, when it's always going to end up the same way? Me looking like me, and getting ignored? Why did I have to be made like this? I know what people are going to say: "Nah, you're beautiful," or "Well, surely you can't be that bad." Well, let me tell you something, the only person to ever call me beautiful - to my face, not some stranger on the internet - is my mom. And she's, well...my mom. And you know what they say about the face "only a mother could love"...I guess that's what I have.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous100185, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#84
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Quote:
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![]() hope2010, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, Bark, Clara22
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#85
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I never come close to keeping up with what I need to do. You are not alone.
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![]() Bark, hope2010, TheOriginalMe
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![]() angelene, Clara22, hope2010, Rose76
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#86
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Quote:
You asked for it. ![]() EW EW EW EW EW Now THAT is a face only a mother could love. |
![]() angelene, Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#87
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Not at all, you aren't ugly! You do look depressed though. That will always effect how you feel about yourself. My opinion stands, there's no such thing as an ugly young person.
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![]() Anonymous37914
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![]() angelene, Bark, Clara22, hope2010
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#88
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You are not ugly. I mean that, that's what I think.
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![]() Anonymous37914
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![]() angelene, Angelique67, Bark, Clara22, hope2010
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#89
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bout as good as it gets for 3:37am. Gotta love them irregular sleeping patterns.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, hope2010, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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![]() Clara22
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#90
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EW EW EW EW EW
Now THAT is a face only a mother could love.[/QUOTE] hey! your not ugly at all!!! ![]() ![]() Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk |
![]() angelene, Angelique67, Bark, Clara22, hope2010
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#91
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ShyPoetGirl, you have very pretty hair and eyes. You do look depressed. take care of yourself. you are not ugly at all, I promise you.
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![]() angelene, Angelique67, Bark, Clara22, hope2010
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#92
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In fact, you have very good features. This is from somebody that used to do make-up for quinceañeras
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
![]() angelene, Angelique67, Bark, hope2010
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#93
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You guys...
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![]() angelene, Anonymous100165, Bark, hope2010, SeekerOfLife
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![]() Angelique67, Clara22, hope2010
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#94
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I feel just awful.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#95
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Today was a totally free day for me, much like Christmas Day was. I had done all of my errands and domestic things yesterday. I didn't have any plans for today. I decided to call my friend up. He didn't have anything to do either. So we just had coffee and lunch together. It was nothing much and definitely not expensive. It was nice being with him for a little bit.
At the end of our time together we talked about depression. I felt like I had to explain what it's about. He has general knowledge of what depression is about. But he does not understand what it feels like to go through it. As I was leaving him he said, "I'm so sorry that you are troubled and unhappy with life". I was baffled when he said that. I feel depressed, but I don't feel totally unhappy with life (if that makes any sense). I guess he was right at what he said, but I didn't particularly liked hearing that. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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![]() Bark
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#96
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I reached dull disillusionment today, it is almost down there with apathy, just less consuming. Winter has arrived, cold frosts and a few flurries of snow, I'm still finding the cold intensely painful, as though it is much colder than it really is.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, hope2010, Turtlesoup
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#97
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Sigh-this is such a hard time of the year. I am thankful that today I'm not feeling depressed-sometimes mine comes from out of nowhere & at others it just kinda sneaks up on me. ShyPoetGirl I hate looking in the mirror too...a lot. When others tell me I look nice or whatever I never believe them-but I get that's my depression making me feel all crappy so sometimes I dress up & get in front of the mirror & sort of taunt my depression-I say goofy stuff like "you suck depression" & "Bite my #&!-it's really dumb but for me a lot of times it makes me laugh cause I think that "normal" people don't get to have fun flipping off their depression in the mirror which usually leads to me feeling at least a little better. Please take care & enjoy your new laptop
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__________________
"This is just a moment in time. Step aside and let it happen."-Inara from Firefly ![]() Bipolar Disorder Depression Generalized Anxiety Disorder OCD PTSD Insomnia Chronic Pain Prozac 30mg daily Buspar 10mg three times daily Propranolol 10mg three times daily Currently titrating up Lamictal daily Ambien 5mg prn Trazodone 50mg prn |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, dandylin
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![]() angelene, Bark, hope2010
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#98
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Helpless against this wave
__________________
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, Turtlesoup
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#99
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After I got home from being with my friend today, he called me to apologize about what he said at the end of my visit (I have that on my previous post). It was really nice of him.
Did not do much after I got home. Just took a one hour bike ride and nothing else after that. I didn't hear much from anyone else. I guess that this is the night I want to get through. |
![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Turtlesoup
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![]() Bark
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#100
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Admittedly *****y without good reason. It wasn't a bad day at work. I'm not in a lot of physical pain. I am physically sick (I think it's either a cold or bronchitis.) but not feeling well usually makes me more docile. And tired. Very tired.
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![]() angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Turtlesoup
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Closed Thread |
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