[tigerlily84]

I've been fighting depression for the last few weeks or so. Last night was bad, but tolerable. And today I feel okay. I have my appointment with my pdoc tomorrow, so we'll see what she says. During our last appointment she thought that maybe the dosage for my meds needed to be increased,and I said that I would see how I felt when my next appointment rolled around. Well it's now, and I'm not really sure if I can say that things are better. I wasn't on board with a med increase before, but I will listen tomorrow.

I think I might ask for a day off though. I have been working over 50 hrs a week for the last 3 weeks. I think I deserve it, even if I just lay in bed all day.

[Bark]

I'd been doing okay, actually. Kept thinking of posting an update.

Depression's back. Skipped class and I'm curled up under the covers. Don't feel like getting up at all. Can't stand myself. I distracted myself last night with friends, but the second you're alone... it's all just an act.

Maybe at some point I'll brush my teeth, eat, and take my meds. Maybe attend my next class. Maybe.

Today is a horrible day. My computer is f**** up again. My husband is really ticked off. I hate it when he gets like that. We can't afford the $200+ to get the virus(es) removed - - I just had it done a few weeks ago. I need my computer to continue to apply to jobs. Just not a good day.

[Dante744]

The past few days have been pretty dull and straight forward on Friday I went to my appointment to see my therapist after 3 months of not seeing him so that made a feel happy. I'm still sad that I haven't found my motivation for school yet but I guess it's baby steps.

[Bark]

I should probably take my meds. At least the important one. And eat. I ate a little half an hour ago. I've already burned off all the energy from it by walking. Feeling woozy. I guess I prefer it to feeling depressed.
If I don't take it, I probably won't leave the spot on the floor I'm sitting on any time soon. Don't know if I can even stand up.

Eh, might as well take it.

[mulan]

The problem about feeling anxious is that you can resect yourself. From the moment you start feeling anxious the only path available is to feel more anxious, unless you stop doing what makes you feel like this.

Even if I recognize I have no reason to be anxious while talking to someone else, when I feel like this I can't have a proper conversation and give answears I don't feel embarassed about, so I become more and more self aware and every single word I say trying to look normal is an extremely hard task.

[JohnCrow]

Up at 730, still took a while to wake up fully

Phone rang and, steeling myself, I answered it (I may have forgotten to mention, phones ringing cause me terror). I may have another temp job

So that will keep my brain from bothering me for a bit

Otherwise, meh

[dandylin]

bogged down in black hole. Woke up, got hubs and kids off to school and work, went back to bed until 11:30, got up started the dishwasher, put a load of clothes in the washer; back in bed until I pick everyone up

[color14u]

Had my annual review today...went as well as e expected for not being there for 6 month. It exhausted me and now my son and husband experience t me to go to some banquet. I will have to deal with people, they probably won't have any food I can eat, I won't be able to get my own food (buffet style)... I hate this... I just want to cry. They think they are helping me by making me get out of the house... all I am feeling us anxiety... help me

[TheOriginalMe]

I managed to concentrate at work fairly well but wasn't getting the answers I needed. I like the atmosphere in the office, it is very calm but quite social. So what could have been a hard day was not bad at all. I do hope I will be allowed to stay there after 1st April.

[tigerlily84]

I'm pretty annoyed with my pdoc. She leaves for the day at 4:30, which is when my work day ends. So I specifically made an appointment in the middle of the day, so I could go on my lunch break in order to avoid using my PTO. Well she never showed up! I waited like a fool for half an hour, until I finally asked the receptionist what was going on. And that's when she said she was on her way!

I would try to overlook this normally but this isn't the first time she has been unprofessional. I think it's time to look for a new pdoc but I don't feel like meeting someone new... ugh. I didn't even get to eat..

[Rose76]

Pretty draggy today brooding over my s.o. talking stupid to me. Now he calls me up saying he's sick and sounding all pathetic. Like I should stop being mad because I should feel sorry for him. Well I guess I'll get as much crappy treatment as I put up with. So I guess I won't go running over to his place.

Mood is so-so today but have had a terrible headache for about 5 days now (I have a history of migraine). I have pain meds left from my last migraine, thank God, but those will be one soon and I can't get in to see the doc until Friday a.m.

good because i got discharged from inpatient today after 10 weeks! am so relieved. i want to stay feeling like this so i might go running or something.

[Bark]

I'm getting admitted for a night. Can't say I'm looking forward to it. But I am feeling really agitated and I've barely eaten. I did have the choice to be discharged from the ER, though.

Shut up, stupid brain, shut up. They said how I was doing better, how I've improved. But I don't deserve any of their help.

Stoooop.... Leave me alone....

Doing ok. No worse.

[Turtlesoup]

Feel really good today-had some freaky dreams but they are not ramping me up-I'm just like well that was weird & go back to sleep. Have been working really hard to break out of old patterns & use all the tips my tdoc has recommended & looking back over the last year I can see that I really have made amazing progress. I did not realize how poorly I was doing. I'm working really hard on my catastrophic thinking so that when I have bad days I don't obsess & add more negativity to fuel the fire. I'm also learning to let myself have emotions & sit with them instead of hiding from them or suppressing them-that's tough for me but baby steps. Positive thoughts to all here as we make our way through this journey

I guess I'm not doing so well atm. Spring is coming. All winter I've been telling myself that things will get better in spring. Well, now it's coming up on the crucial time. And I'm scared... I'm scared that I will be proven wrong, just as I have been time and time again. What if I'm wrong, and nothing gets better? All my hope is riding on the chance that this spring will bring with it something good for once. Well, what if it doesn't?... I don't think I could continue...

I just want to feel something besides this constant depression, trepidation and worry. Even numbness would be welcome, for a little while. Sometimes I wish I could just unzip my skin from the inside and climb out of this body, because it smothers me.

[JustTvTroping]

I just realized that my fear wasn't about growing up, but the real world itself. I keep an economics textbook in my room just in case, but I keep getting this feeling that I'm not ready.

[TheOriginalMe]

Got triggered today, not quite sure whether it was someone at work who has a really strident voice and who was having loud phone conversations or whether it was a throwaway remark on one of the threads here. The reality is that the world is full of triggers and I can't hide away from everything that will hurt me. Oh, but how I wish I could retreat.

[color14u]

I have got to stop being so defensive and angry. It takes hardly anything to set me off. I go from anxiety to yank your heart out in seconds. I know it's happening, but I can't / won't stop it. Just another potentially lethal thing to stress about...

[Nammu]

Eh.
....

[seeminglyreal]

everything feels so !!!!!
i'm feeling too much, sensing too much
my brain is going a million miles per hour and i'm so overwhelmed!!! what is this

[Bark]

The unit therapist said she was proud of me. How I've shown improvement. I find it so hard to accept.

Planning to leave today.

[JohnCrow]

Tense, pensive, living is expensive
Life? can't make no sense of

Sorry... rap came out spontaneously

And just think, I am alone in my head with me...
Every night I crawl in a loveless bed with me

Dammit...

(Hopefully a laugh results from this)