Feeling horrible. Too sad and anxious and panicky to concentrate on anything. My meeting at the unit is tomorrow and I am having consecutive panic attacks about it. Then i have my discharge meeting there on Wednesday. I just want it to be over, I just want to be discharged. I'm so thankful I'm seeing my T tuesday.

I have a cold. Am very depressed.

[chattygirl29]

Feeling pretty sluggish which is not unusual for me when daylight savings time hits. It seems to take several days or so for my body to adjust. But I do look forward to more LIGHT and longer days!

This weekend was a bit of a roller coaster ride for me emotionally. I am starting to get some help (started therapy last week, opened up about my breakdown to my best friend) and in my heart, I know this is the start to my way out of this cycle of depression/anxiety. Had a pretty good cry last night and woke up still feeling off, but I just had a conversation with my boss and now I have a plan in place to get back on track with my freelance assignments this week for work. I do feel hopeful albeit scared too. I'm also seeking other work and have been applying for various jobs outside the home; its important for me to get back to some type of routine with work (plus, I need benefits/health insurance) and I need more structure in my life and to be around people during the day.

Ideally, I will be able to find something to do alongside of my freelance job. I have an interview for a teacher's aide position at a preschool on Tuesday. I think it could be a good fit for me and lord knows I need to be around some positive energy! But I also know if this job doesn't work out, its because something better is waiting for me.

So in spite of myself lately, I am feeling a little stronger. I have a long road ahead of me, but I feel hopeful and am really trying to push myself along. I think in order for me to truly overcome my issues I have to commit to the process in a way I've never done in the past. I firmly believe the reason I got into this cycle of depression and anxiety is related to the fact I've not effectively dealt with lifelong negative self beliefs. I make some progress from time to time, but I never have done the really hard work necessary to value myself, and learn to better deal with the setbacks that inevitably come along.

[color14u]

I am not 100 percent sure what I am feeling... it's almost light headed and foggy, but my heart feels threads or almost flighty. I can't work at my computer for more than 15 minutes without feeling it. I am also very discouraged with my job. I am only suppose to work 15 hours a week. They gave me a project that is due by Friday... I'm working now trying to get it done and I still don't think I can do it. It's almost like they are either pushing me to a breakdown or purposely setting me up to fail... either way it's not that warm fuzzy welcome back feeling that I need. I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack and I have no idea what to do or how to get help. Already tried telling my boss...that was like talking to a brick wall...all he did was restate his unrealistic short term goals for me.

Oh well back to it and hugs to everyone. Keep plodding along!

[Chummy]

I don't know why my brother hates me. He has hated me for years. I know why I hate him, because of his bullying. But what have I done to him that got him started bullying me. Even now we're adults, he still doesn't like me. He acts kind or polite to everyone, but me. And I have tried to have a ''brother-sister-relationship''. But he Always says no. I'm not trying anymore. I'm still haunted be some of the things he has said or done to me. I'm talkng about it in therapy and my T wants do do EMDR for it. I hope it helps me, because it rally causes problems for me. My brother's bullying has contributed to me anxiety, depression and low-self esteem.

[Rose76]

Today is my s.o.'s birthday. So I've tried to make this be a nice weekend for him, especially since his health is not good. I invited him to my place and I've had special treats for him, and I've been waiting on him and preparing his favorite things to eat. I gave up watching my Sunday TV programs, so he can view what he likes on TV. Initially, on Friday, I cleaned his apartment and did his laundry and did his grocery shopping, and ran other errands for him. I took care of his mail and made his appointments, as he is not up to doing that on his own.

A little while ago, he told me that he notices that I'm not as attractive as when I was younger.

I've told myself that, since it is his birthday, I don't think I should say, "You know what, Sweetheart, you've just earned the a**hole-of-the-day award."

I excuse so much on the basis of his health being poor. Don't even sick people have a responsibility to be a little bit nice to their caregivers? I've told myself, "Do NOT let this get you depressed!"

God save us from the tyranny of the weak. They can get away with so much because we are inhibited from abandoning them.

Another dull day for the weekend. Went to church this morning. The service was pretty good. Following the service they served cake. But I didn't feel like having any. For some strange reason, I don't feel like having sugary cake just before lunch. Also I felt overwhelmed by the crowd. So I left very early. Much to my surprise, they had it held inside on a very nice day outside, which I thought they would have it outdoors. My only friend, who attends there, was disappointed that I didn't stay around. We got lost in the crowd.

Also, I have been thinking today that I may want to leave that church. I have been going there for three years, but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere with it. I never felt truly satisfied with it. Though for many years I have been searching for a great church and never found one. So I hate the idea of getting out of a place that's comfortable, but at the same time, I hate staying with something that's not paying off well for me.

After church I did the laundry. That kept me busy for a while.

[TheOriginalMe]

I didn't feel as good today as for the last two days. I don't know what was different, I'm more tired today, whether the tiredness is responsible for the lower mood or the lower mood triggered the tiredness I don't know. I've been depressed for so long now I can't really imagine being happy again.

[mulan]

I have not been feeling well these days.
Last week was exhausting, and there are these big fears I have that don't let me move on.
I am a little bit sad, I guess.

I have to choose a thesis to develop very soon. The dead line to choose a line of work is getting close. But what other people don't understand is that it frightens me. Asking a graduate teacher to give me some guidance. And when I am not sure about anything and when I don't like anything this task become so hard. I have to take the first step very soon, but I also need help to do so, I need someone to validate my options and tell me that is what I really should do.

[onionknight]

Is depression when reducing Lamictal common? I think that's what I'm experiencing now. It is getting somewhat better, but I might go back to a higher dose. It wasn't the preferred treatment, but right now I just want some stability before I mess with medication again.

[Turtlesoup]

Great day-got my morning chores done pretty quick after breakfast. Watched a couple of really good movies with my husband-feel really good. Happy, mellow & positive. Hugs to all here

I don't know why I'm feeling a little lower today but I am. In fact, I'm going to crawl back into bed with my husband soon - - not because I'm tired but because I just don't want to start the day.

Writing this part a bit later to say my mood is so much better after jogging. Now if it will just last a while!

[JohnCrow]

Should be up, job searching, other tasks...still in bed. So tired. And I just slept a solid 7

[magical loser]

i just NEED to get up earlier!!! at least im getting up in the MORNING now (as in before 12 noon) but its still not early enough... i need to be getting up at 7-8

[dandylin]

See so many things I should be doing and interested in, but can't make myself do them

[Smileonmyface]

unmotivated and anxious today. need to make an appointment for colonoscopy and procrastinating again. want to get outside with my kids. should get outside with my kids.

[JustTvTroping]

I got myself out of that academic dismissal appeal situation. I lost my scholarship, but at least I can still keep going. 2 out of 3 years of college down: I don't feel like quitting.

Feeling depressed, lonely, isolated, anxious. I hate my life.

[JohnCrow]

Originally Posted by JohnCrow

Should be up, job searching, other tasks...still in bed. So tired. And I just slept a solid 7

Got *** in gear at noon

I cannot shake the fantasy that someone is going to come along and kick my *** and shake me out of this

Damn Smallville theme keeps playing in my head

[mulan]

I feel so light headed today. I slept to much during the weekend, I hope that's the reason I feel like this today.
I'm tired of avoiding things because I can't feel comfortable doing them. I am tired of restraining myself and not doing what I realy want, but I would feel so bad about that, that probably I would spent the rest of the day in bad ruminating about them and feeling ashamed over and over.

About the things that make me feel unconfortable: tomorrow a classmate of mine who had a stroke a few months ago is coming to class again. I don't think I am a mean person, but I don't feel like the other people, and don't get worried or sad like everyone else, I just feel distanct. And dispite being friend with this guy my feelings of emptyness don't allow me to have a proper reaction. I don't know how to act around him, he is still not the same person he was, and probably he never will, but I don't know what to say, how to look normal, how to help, how to be truely worried. And it makes me feel realy bad about myself, it makes me feel very anxious unconfortable and embarased. I don't know how I will feel from now on. We will see tomorrow. I just hope I can react to him normaly without feeling intimidated.

[TheOriginalMe]

Really tired, I need an early night.

[artichack]

Sore.....plowing snow....shoveling snow....now cold weather...pissed.....spring time in Alaska usually sucks......venting............can't wait for summer.........green......any colors other than white and gray!!!!!

[Turtlesoup]

I feel good again today which is nice-my pain issues are waaaay better which helps a lot too. It was really nice here today-watered my plants & may do some repotting tomorrow-our new stove is coming tomorrow so looking forward to doing some serious baking. Hugs to everyone here

[Angelique67]

Depression not as bad, my vaping unit works and I'm vaping! Woohoo!

[fruitbat22]

Feeling generally ill for the last week or so. Not getting as much sleep as usual and daylight savings is making it even more difficult. Nightmares every night. I'm starting to get so paranoid I'm scared of everything.

Today was just bad because I felt like crap all day.