[JohnCrow]

Finally spoke to doctor about my depression

Maybe I can get treatment

But still feeling down - no job, no love life, no prospects for either

So hard to job search when everything you do feels pointless

Logically I know otherwise but the part of my brain that controls emotions is dragging the logical under like a drowning victim climbing over their rescuer

Also, a headache. Low grade, persistent but hella annoying

[tigersassy]

Spouse resents me. Wants strictly platonic relationship since I never want physical intimacy. This had crushed everything in on my head. I don't feel like I'm here. Feel spacey. Probably shouldn't drive until I ground but leave work in 10 mins must leave. Can't think.

[LindaLu]

Am accepting the ways that I've not done all I could or should, and hoping to recover lost ground when depression lifts.

[Nammu]

It's taking me a long time to recover from Tuesday nights insomnia. Missing sleep used to invigorate me, now it's like being drugged. The day after I do sleep is a long hangover. I wake with a headache and feeling like I got put though a ringer.

[hopeless2015]

Feeling OK today, the fog seems to have cleared from starting meds, work is super busy. Taking things one day at a time

[TheOriginalMe]

Really tired today. The lights fused this morning, I couldn't fix it as I didn't have any fuse wire. I was glad it was still daylight when I got home from work as I could fix things then. It is now light from 7am to about 5:30pm, that is a really big deal as the winter days are so short.

[color14u]

I worked for almost two hours today. I was wiped out and I still didn't make the full 2. I'm suppose to go for 3 starting Monday. I have got to figure out how to make this work. No income or benefits if I'm not up to full speed in 60 days. Getting really nervous. I wish I could believe my husband would step up and do something... that would require promises of food and several sticks of dynamite... but I digress...

Hope everyone has a decent nights rest and a hope filled tomorrow...

[artichack]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

Feeling a little sad, trying to remember good things more than bad.

I really love your caption.....little sad is alright..............find that good something....know you can........sending you some good thoughts and hugs....

Just feeling so useless and purposeless without a job. I really wish that job I interviewed for on Monday would have come through, but alas, it didn't so I have to accept that and just move on.

Today I have horseback riding at 2 and an AA meeting at noon but that still gives me 5 hours before I have to leave. I can't think of anything constructive to do.

[waterknob1234]

I can't seem to shake the flu. I still have congested sinuses, chest congestion, coughing. Work is very hard. My blood pressure is up. We will be short handed after today as one of the girls is leaving. The junior manager and I got in an argument yesterday morning, but she left me alone the rest of the day. She would not speak to me after that and I just did not care. I was too busy to care. I just don't care anymore.

[einsam]

Even when I go out of my way to count the beautiful things, they're overwhelmed by the sheer ugliness of human beings as a species.

[eggplantlife]

Been feeling good few days after major depression. I feel like maybe i may be on high side as i am very motivated to be well.
I don't have much work for a while. I used to be worried about it but now i am not as i really want to cure myself...and then figure out how yo get better job and situation.
I didn't really sleep well as i was trying to listen to audiobook.
This year was really difficult but been real good as i feel much better.
Thank you for everyone's help!!!!! For getting me through!!!!

[magical loser]

an up today... i managed to get up at 8 this morning!!! (i usually can never get up before 11-12 and sometimes its a lot worse. i did still miss the bus because i took too long to do my stupid hair but i just got the next one. went shopping and bought a few things i've been needing for a while (clothes) so that was also good

now that i have managed to get up early im going to try staying in this pattern. im going to go to bed a bit earlier and see if im tired enough to fall asleep (most of the time even if its quiet i still cant fall asleep until about 1am). im really really hoping i can make this work...

apart from missing the bus and having to wait for the next 1 ive felt good today...

[aprillynn197]

Want things to get better but seems impossible right now. Can't get past this fog in head. Feel so crappy every day and sick of it sick of myself just want to give up

I'm still a little depressed. However, been taking care of myself more today, though it feels awkward. I'm drinking water instead of soda all the time. The soda's been messing with my stomach and making me feel ill and I'm too much addicted to it anyway. Also showered, which I do every day, but then I brushed my hair well and parted it the way I like, plus brushed my teeth and scrubbed the dry skin off my face. It doesn't sound like much, but I don't do these things often enough. I still feel ugly. But it's better, knowing I'm doing what I should, instead of letting this illness kick me down again and again, like I have been doing.

Baby steps.

[TheOriginalMe]

Feeling run down today and low in mood. Everyone keeps telling me I look a lot better, that is because I have lost more than 40lbs, not because my mood is any better. I could be faking normal better I suppose, but inside my head things are still ugly and I don't think that is likely to change.

[Nammu]

Got a full nights sleep and woke early had lots of time to get ready for the SCC today. Did yoga but still in pain. By the time I got home I was swearing up a blue storm over the smallest things, heavy grocery bags(they always seem to put all the heavy things in one bag instead of spreading them out amount the other stuff) taking out the garbage and forgetting they stuff in the refrigerator, every other little thing...and then everytime I tried to come here I had to sign in again and again..........then I relized I hadn't eaten all day.

Feeling much more level now. Had yogurt, cashews and now some hot chocolate soy milk, a couple of Tylenol .....even came here without having to repeatedly sign in yeah, eating certainly helped. one of those little things I gotta watch out for.
Get enough sleep, eat regularly and remember to breath!

[Turtlesoup]

Feel better today-I was soooo depressed yesterday-have been denying the depression cause it just seems not possible with all that I do to counteract it & all the meds how can it freakin come back-grrrrrrr. Intense but positive session with my tdoc-going to work on a plan to really take some time off for me like for real-he wants me to take a consecutive week-wow 7 days off to just spend me time-eeeeek-I have to keep whacking my depression cause it keeps yelling in my ear I'm not worthy of taking time for myself & I don't deserve it & all that crap-stupid #%$@^%!!! depression. So it feels good to have a better day & get some sunshine & enjoy a nice slow walk & watch the water & the birds & some little fish in the tidepools. Whew this is so much sometimes but I know it will pass-take care all & big hugs

[color14u]

It's all a state of mind. I'm not really depressed and I don't need help to beat this. It's a cosmic joke and I'm really fine... one more glass of wine and I'll actually believe it.

[color14u]

Good night and good bye all. I appreciate the hugs and support...

Please live and love and never forget you are loved and you do count.

[Bark]

Originally Posted by color14u

Good night and good bye all. I appreciate the hugs and support...

Please live and love and never forget you are loved and you do count.

Why good bye?

Another day of just existing. Nothing too exciting going on, although I think my husband and I may go to a movie later and out to dinner - - our usual "date."

I applied to a bunch of jobs online yesterday and have one more resume to send out today. Something has got to give eventually.

I think I have picked up a slight cold too so that kinda sucks. I haven't been sick in a while though so I guess I'm due.

Should I let someone back in my life who is toxic? IDK. The person is like family to me but I have reached my limit in certain respects with them. I prefer not to put up with garbage anymore. On the other hand I don't want to push them out completely (or do I?). Maybe there is a compromise?

Originally Posted by color14u

Good night and good bye all. I appreciate the hugs and support...

Please live and love and never forget you are loved and you do count.

Are you okay? I hope you're not saying 'goodbye' for good...

[regretful]

Still here...it's turned into a weekly check-in, mainly because I don't have unfettered access to a PC that is not monitored...Depression is still a constant companion, but for now it's lurking in the background more than the foreground. I do hope that all of you can find some comfort today - I really mean it. I'm still here, and you've all been a tremendous help to me. Thanks.