[AnomalousCarrotCake]

People suck. And they feel entitled. And my needs are not getting met. Repeatedly.

I'm on the verge of crying because I live with people who, while some help me meet my basic needs -- others are directly impeding my own ability to fulfill them.

I'm tired of one of my housemates spraying perfumed something or other in the house in common areas when I'm asthmatic and can't breathe. She's setting off asthma attacks. She's been asked not to do this before. She doesn't care.

I just want to breathe. It's really simple. You'd think someone could accommodate my simple need to breathe.

They say if you can't change the people you're with, change the people you're with. I can't, she lives here.

They say if you can't change the situation, change how you react to it. I can't, asthma IS how I react in this situation. My body does it, and I have no control over it. Avoidance of triggers is how one manages it, and having those close to you avoid triggering you is how one manages it.

The asthma is only one thing. There are others.

Suffice it to say, I am feeling like other people do not care about me and my needs. It's not the first time.

(And let's not even get into how much they care about what I want. That will start taking us down a whole different path I am not ready to get on just yet. Even just needs feel like a battle now -- let's start there.)

[TheOriginalMe]

I don't know if I have some sort of infection or not, but I have had cramps and chills all day, I'm tired and nauseaous too. I had to work, albeit at home so I could wrap up in a blanket, I really needed a day in bed. I had to go out for two and a half hours in the middle of the day, which meant I didn't get finished until 6pm.

On top of that my mood is lousy, really low. I'm staring at the abyss waiting for it to swallow me.

[Ad Intra]

Doing bad today. Having suicidal thoughts. It was triggered by watching a TED talk about weight.

[waterknob1234]

There is so much I want to get done but after a 13 hour workday I am too exhausted to do much of anything. It was not my intention to work 13 hours today. I want to find another job but it's hard to job hunt when you work 13 hours a day Monday thru Friday. At least nobody treated me like trash at work today. This is something I have had to deal with all week. My left shoulder is really sore and hurting. I suppose the rainy weather we have had is making the arthritis worse.

The last 2 to 3 days the traffic in town has been horrific. Then I remembered that lots of people are coming to town to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Where I live there are parties and social events all week with a huge parade on St. Pat's Day. Then I thought of humorous fond memories I have of St. Patrick's Days past and it made me smile. I have to work on St. Patrick's Day which is okay because I think I would be too tired to go to the parade anyway.

[color14u]

Treading water today. I got some work done but not enough to crawl out from under the avalanche. I'm getting a little discouraged with my physical therapist. I think she's about ready to give up on the whole walking thing. Don't want to go there, but I fear it's coming soon. I sometimes wonder why they saved me. Oh well enough blubbering. Everyone have a safe and peaceful evening.

[Rose76]

I'm managing to stay pretty free of depression. But I'm not staying free of laziness. I really have to expect a bit more of myself, now that I'm not down emotionally.

Good, i think. I'm seeing one of my best friends today.

[boomerango]

it is the second day of a new combination therapy. duloxetine and bupropion XL. Because of interaction, the duloxetine dose is cut in half, and I think I am feeling that. I don't feel better. I don't have more energy. yet. I know I need to be patient about this. I have just been on the edge of surviving for so long. bobbing up and down in the black hole. Always exhausted. I have to try this. My life is living without me.

Not sure what to do today. If I weren't depressed, there'd be tons of stuff I WANTED to do. Now I have to force myself to do anything. Went for a run/walk with one of my dogs early this morning, then took both dogs for a walk with my husband later. Hair appointment at noon. Other than that, I have no clue.

I haven't been on Facebook in a very long time... months, actually. So I logged on this morning and was messaged by my friend from school, who I haven't spoken to in forever... hardly at all since I dropped out, which was a year ago now. But anyway, we went through the whole usual "How are you" "I've missed you" thing friends do when they haven't spoken to each other in a very long time. Then I went on to ask her how her life has been. She said she got a new boyfriend, and we talked about that for a little bit. Then another chat box popped up. It was her boyfriend, saying "Hi, nice to meet you". So I was talking to both of them at the same time. Keep in mind, I'm not very good at social interaction, even online. So I was going back and forth between the two of them and it was kinda stressing me out. I didn't say this. But I ended up having to say bye to both of them a little sooner than I was hoping. When I was signing off, another message popped up from the boyfriend saying "We should all 3 hang out sometime". I typed back saying "That would be cool". But now I'm shriveling up inside. I am not ready to be social again!

[Turtlesoup]

Slept well last night, really beautiful day here going for a hike later. Will start reading my book club book today & plan on making a pear pie for Pi day I'm so thankful to be out from under my depression slump-working really hard at maintaining mindfulness & not ruminating or catastrophisizing (spelling???) why are all psych words so long? I'm also going to work on the meditation assignment my tdoc gave me for my nightmares-he wants me to work through them & rescript them to where I am the one in control. Hugs to all here & lots of positive energy to anyone struggling-I was in a really bad space recently & coming here really helped-remember things can get better-we are all very brave special people & we deserve good things too. Take care all.

[Nammu]

I'm doing much better today after my tramatic Thursday morning. Friday I had emailed my case worker to let her know what happened in case they needed to do anything. Instead of emailing back she popped up at the door. That was a nice surprise, but I need to help file a police report. Late last night i realized I completely forgot my Thursday afternoon check in with the Pnurse. Had a good nights sleep and am doing much better. It helps that my base mood is stable.

[copingwithlife]

Feeling very low after having been ignored for the almost the entire week by my boyfriend. He's messaged me a handful of times with one word responses and the like two times he called he was in a rush and hung up on me both times. I asked to see him tonight since it's Saturday but he's ignoring me again. He works on a boat and is leaving Wednesday to cross the Pacific for most of the year. I have a feeling he is going to dump me, for the second time on Tuesday and then leave. He never wants to discuss any issues. He lets them build up, criticizes me, says he frustrated, and then when I list what I'm frustrated at, he gets mad, I feel bad, and then he dumped me. This entire week has been like that. I've been crying all day. And to make matters worse bingeing on junk food. I feel terrible.

[Fuzzybear]

[waterknob1234]

I am proud of myself in that I have started working towards a goal, getting a job in a local museum. I put together a resume, now I am working on a portfolio. In my daddy's old scrapbook there are historical photos of different places in town, some dating back 50 to 100 years. I want to put together a portfolio of these photos to take with me when I go to historical museums for job hunting. I hope people like these pictures and I hope I am successful in obtaining a museum job.

Now I also have to finish my tax return and do my son's tax return.

The usual Saturday for me. Except that I had to replace a brake light this morning. Very hot outside, especially for this time of year. My friend wanted me to come over, but I passed on it. He was going to a lunch at noon. I thought that he would come and see me after the lunch because it's fairly close to where I live. I suggested that. But the lunch let out late.

Nothing lined up for tonight for me. It's been that way for a good long time for me now. I've grown to expect that. And I'm having a problem with the phone bill, as they said that they never my payment; and I looked up to see that the check I wrote had been processed!

[TheOriginalMe]

Kept the tears at bay today by keeping busy, but now I am exhausted and I've still loads of chores that need doing. I can feel an emotional coldness creeping over me, maybe I'm shutting down again and putting distance between me and life.

[artichack]

My depression has been kept in check for most of the winter....occasional panic attack...but life is good...except I caught a nasty cold from my girlfriend...up all night coughing...how I detest spring colds! Sure would be nice if they could come up with a cure for both the common cold and depression...

I'm writing this very early in the morning to say I feel like my depression has worsened over the past couple of days. I just feel sad and unmotivated. I'm so envious of people who don't experience depression . . .

Alright, it being mothers day.

[dandylin]

Yesterday was good. Went to Rocky Mountain National Park w/husband and it felt so good to be outside. Saw a mountain lion.

I have knee issues, I have since I was a teenager. I am spending most of my time upstairs now as the idea of the stairs is overwhelming.

[Bark]

Went home for the weekend. Now I'm trying to recover from the stress.

It was nice in some ways, downright horrible in others. Looks like stuff that I purposefully put in my drawers got moved around during the move. For instance, two decks of cards that had never been played with. I come to find them getting worn on the edges. Which stresses me out. Finding things cracked and broken. Crumpled and wrinkled. Stresses me out just thinking about it. And my sibling driving me crazy as usual. And the same old story with my parents. And the house is a mess and needs to be tidied and cleaned. Which I should have done.... I did do some weeding and pruning, though.

I've been out of hospital a few days and I can't help but think that's the only place I can get close to relaxing.

Feeling agitated, bit depressed. Tired, but I don't want to sleep. But I don't want to move either. I want a break.

I'm okay today, I guess. A little frustrated. I haven't written any poetry in a long time, so I thought I'd get back to it earlier. But it seems I just can't make it work. I'm out of ideas. I can't form metaphors. I have no new material. I guess this is what happens when I go too long without writing. I feel worthless.

Tired, trying not to worry..

[hope2010]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I'm writing this very early in the morning to say I feel like my depression has worsened over the past couple of days. I just feel sad and unmotivated. I'm so envious of people who don't experience depression . . .

I feel just like you, that is why I Quote you newgal2.
Thanks for sharing, I hope tomorrow will be a better day.