:( I have a Bad Attitude :(

I did it AGAIN, here on PC. I copped an attitude with someone where there was no reason to. I thought I was being insulted and I got all defensive and nasty.
Why do I do this? Why can't I stop? I hate it when I act this way.
Some say it's because I was a spoiled brat as a child, NO, I wasn't spoiled. It was more like-don't have the time or patience to discipline her-just "yeah, yeah, yeah" her and make her go away.
How do I undo this way of reacting. It's really bugging the crap out of me. I know that I can be a nice person if I can get rid of this awful defense mechanism that kicks in automatically and it pops out of me before I can stop it. Does anyone know how to change one's attitude?
Please help! Or there's no hope for me and I may as well just live as a hermit for the rest of my life with my dogs. My poor dogs have to put up with me!!!! Poor puppies.

((((((((Jax))))))))))))

I do the attitude thing a lot. Mostly with people IRL, apparently it's now a "game" to my friends to see if they get a reaction out of me.

You will not be a hermit because I won't allow it since I like seeing you here. Your dogs aren't suffering, they love you unconditionally. Have you read my siggie lately?

The other person - did you find out if they were insulting you or not? Sometimes we just react, some people are more emotional thinkers (I am!). Next time someone says something or does something and you would normally react negatively - think seriously about whether or not they actually mean to hurt you, or think about how much you'll have bad feelings after you do it. Always try to think through things before reacting, although it isn't foolproof by any means and it takes practice.

Actually, now that I think of it - my suggestion sucks, but oh well. I'm sorry for not making much sense.

NOOO, it doesn't! It's very good advice. I did think to myself "I should wait before answering that post, I'm upset right now" but I didn't! Grrrr. Okay, next time,I'll try harder to listen. No, I WILL listen. I can do this. I stopped smoking and I stopped the road rage- for the most part. (I still mumble to myself when I think someone's an idiot.)
I can do this.

((((((((Canders)))))))))
I love your sig because it is soooo true. Both my puppies are lying at my feet as I write this. I am so unworthy!

((((((((((Jax)))))))))))))

I believe you can do it. Stopping smoking is hard, quitting road rage is hard (I consider you cured, I think everyone mumbles under their breath about idiots on the road).

Boloney, you are not unworthy.

Be good to YOU.

Thanks Canders, you're soooo nice to me.
More hugs!!! (((((((Canders))))))))

Jax, this sounds so much like me Even down to some saying I was "spoiled" as a child..... more like ignored..... and the easiest way out, at the time, was taken, to make me quiet, compliant, scared, and "not there"......

If you find any answers please share them with me. All I have really found so far is to halt, think, check and double check before I post anything. Sigh. And to think if the past is... maybe just maybe............ influencing my present reaction. If it is, do and say NOTHING

I think your puppies are very lucky

(((((((((((( Jax )))))))))))))

((((((((Fuzzybear)))))))) Thank you.
Yes, to stop and think about it sounds easy enough but when those emotions are surging through your veins-it's a real challenge. But we can do it! I will let you know if I find anything else that helps.

without attitude you have no personality, you and Fuzzyhoneybear just need to lose the "Bad" out of it

No solutions, just hugs.



You will find a way to prevail over this. It may take a bit of time.

drop the 'tude and get 'game...........

I totally understand where you are coming from Jax.

I have a nasty reactionary streak in me too. And I am a bit of a spoiled princess, I know this.

I do toot at crappy drivers ... hehe.

But yea the advice from canders is all good

(((((((Nothemama,Wants2Fly,Fay and Drunksunflower)))))))))) Thank you,
I'm working on it.
Today, I did good. I really wanted to let a nasty rip over something that bugged me about the next door neighbor but I held it in and I thought nice thoughts and I got over it. No nasties!!! Now, if I can learn to do that everytime. I'll keep trying.
Thanks again.

(((((((((((((((( Jax ))))))))))))))))

(((((((((Jax))))))))))))

I am known as the "emotionally acting" queen! (actually that's mostly in the past now). I always acted first and thought later. My perception of what people said to me was horrendous at times. At work, I was dubbed "The Business Office B****". Not a name I was proud of I can tell you that.

Then, a person came along at work who was younger and full of attitude (some warrented, some not). He was my new boss. We clicked in many ways, and in many ways he knew how to make me responsible for my actions/reactions. He laid it on the line with me, told me that I had options....learn how to change my attitude or find another job. But at the same time, he gave me the tools I needed to learn how to change my attitude. He had patience and understanding but could also be tough too.

Here are a few things I learned from him -

1. Just because I'm having a bad day doesn't mean I need to project that on others.

2. Active listening, not just hearing what others are saying and thinking before reacting.

3. Realizing that others may have something going on in their lives that make them act the way they do. I am not the center of the universe.

4. Smile! Think of one good thing a day and hold onto it. Soon, not only does your face smile, your insides smile too. A smile can also bring others into it's fold and help them feel good.

5. Remember that there is always more than one good way of doing something. Everyone has their own ideas and should be allowed to try what they think is best. That's how we learn what works and what doesn't work. It's also how we learn creativity.

6. When I perceive something being said as a slam to me, and my emotions bubble up and I want to lash out and protect myself, I stop for a minute, think about what they said, and repeat it back to the individual who said it. 9 times out of 10 I have taken what they said out of context in some way, and they will explain themselves, and I find out how I took it, was not how it was meant.

I don't know if any of this pertains to you, but I thought I would share it just in case. Remember that the way you act now was a learned lesson and you can unlearn it. You can also learn to react in other more favorable ways. It won't happen overnight.....it takes time, patience and work, but it's very do-able!

Good luck Jax, the fact that you recognize your issue is awesome and shows you are ready to change your ways!

Hugssssss
J

Hi Sabau2-that helps out a lot. I've copied and pasted it to my notebook. Thank you for taking the time to share that with me. (((((((((Sabau)))))))))))
((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))), ((((((((Fay))))))))))))
Your support means a lot to me. Thank you, I really appreciate it.

You are most welcome ((((((((((((Jax)))))))))))))

I was happy to share.....and I hope the ideas help you too

Hugsssssssss
J

I didn't want to start a whole new post about this but I really messed up again today. GRRRRR! I wish I could get myself under control. I KNOW I can do this. GRRRRRR I'm so frustrated with myself.
I told off my landlord and the plumber today. Why can't I just be a sea of calm? Why can't I just laugh~~hahahahaha~ why do I have to be such an undisciplined person who has to put my nasty little digs in? I knew better-I KNEW!!!! GRRR I am so mad at myself right now. I'm tired of having to keep apologizing. GRR, GRRRR, GRRRR!!!! New landlord-totally screwed that up. GRRRR!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!
I can't say GRRRRR enough!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to try meditating. I have got to do something because I am out of control.
The plumber was nice about it when I apologized but he said he thought I was crazy. I wanted to tell him "YES! YES! You were right!!!!" But I didn't I just giggled a little and told him that I was upset about the toilet not flushing correctly for a whole week.
Grrrr. My landlord isn't writing me back. She's pissed. I don't blame her. I get on my nerves too. GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!
Okay, I'm going to go breathe.

Hahaha. Well, I have you beat. I left my end-of-year review for the Associate Dean with all kinds of little digs related to my not being offered the full-time position. This is a man who (a) can give me a good reference and (b) had indicated that he would like to see me hired when future openings arise.

Fortunately, I came to my sense during the commute home and contacted a friend in the mailroom to REMOVE THE &%* ENVELOPE and return it to my box.

Sometimes people need to be yelled at though, and plumbers and landlords fall into that category pretty routinely. See my response to January in General today.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Jax)))))))))))))))))))))

You are good egg and don't you forget it.

((((((((((((((( Jax )))))))))))))

You're grrrrreat in my book!!

xo Fuzzy

yep in my book too

(((((((((Wants2Fly)))))))))) , ((((((((((Fuzzybear))))))))))) , (((((((((((((nothemama8)))))))))))
Thank you, you made me smile.
My landlady did write back to me and said that it was no problem. My stupid toilet still isn't flushing but I didn't spaz today-at least not at anyBODY, just the toilet. I took a plunger to it and really got my frustrations over it out. Got water all over the place but I felt a lot better-although, it's still not flushing properly.
Thanks again.