Thoughts about ending my life

I don´t feel I have anything to life for anymore and please don´t talk about turning to God, nature, getting a pet or something like that. I´ve written many posts in the psychotherapy forum and a lot of what´s there is also the reason I don´t want to live anymore.

I have no friends, I´ve never been in a relationship and I´m unemployed. I will never be happy with "a little improvement" in life, I will never be happy working like in the local store or at a gas station.

I have no support, I have no close relationship to my parents and even if I spend time with them when I go see them, I still feel lonely.

As I´m depressed I´m past searching for friends and I don´t have the strength to meet up with new people.

I don´t get the care I need and I don´t have money to pay for a therapist.

I spend all my time alone, I have noone to turn to and there are no support groups or anything. I long for a close relationship, a real friend, someone who knows me.

I absolutely despise people who are supposed to be helpers, like people within public health care who just tell me obvious things, they never treat me with warmth and care. And all those T:s I went to for evaluation, how they just asked me a lot of questions, I never felt seen.

So, I have nothing to live for and the only thing there is is having thoughts about ending it all.

sarahsweden,
please don't end your life like this !!!!!! don't do it !!!!you will regret it for the rest of your life you decide to end it .call the Suicide Prevention Hotline . they talked me out of killing myself last year . I know I have them too but I don't act upon them . like what my therapist tells me they are only thoughts . please don't end your life like this . I had a classmate in the eighth grade who attempted suicide twice. on the second attempt she successfully did it . please contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline.







Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 90mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia

Hello SarahSweden: I would simply like to offer you warm thoughts that somehow you might find the strength deep within to heal.

Hi Sarah,
I wonder how old you are and how long you have been feeling like this for

Hi Sarah,

You have fresh air, food, shelter, you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell. You have arms, legs, lungs, a body that can move and feel. Compared to that, who cares about jobs?

If I feel bad, I seek out purely sensory experiences and live in the present moment. Your senses are on your side. They are trying to heal you.

I don't know, but you might like this video on the subject of the thread:



- vital

Hi, no advice or judgment from me, just empathy. I understand all too well the life without payoff.

Please hold on.
Life may not be what you want to it be, but you're alive and surviving. Every day is an achievement.

Things can get better.

Don't let life defeat you. You're important and deserving of a good, happy life. Please be strong

You are important, valuable and lovable

Please live

You sound quite a bit like me. I guess people would say I'm "close" to my parents but it's a distant kind of close; they've always been pretty emotionally unavailable and I cannot talk to them about anything serious. I spend every weekend with them but I still feel very lonely. I have no friends and have never been in a relationship, either. And I had to quit the only real job I've ever had because the anxiety and depression became overwhelming. I can't even get government help with unemployment or insurance because I quit; I knew I should have done something to make them fire me instead!

I've got severe social anxiety so I've been isolated for a long time; I'm terrified of meeting people face-to-face so I'm pretty much resigned to being friendless. And I don't get the care I need either; I tried therapy and medication for about a year but it just didn't work for me. And it costs too much to continue. I also spend all my time alone, with no support groups other than forums like this one. And nobody knows me, either... Even my own parents don't truly know me. Anonymous people on the internet know me better than any real people I've ever known! I also long for someone who REALLY knows me and accepts me even with the abundance of flaws. And I hold out the hope that it's possible.

All that said, I think we have a little support here, however anonymous it may be. Sure it's not as helpful as therapy, but at least it's free! And at least we're not just talking to you so we can take your money; that was kind of how therapy felt to me, too.

If you'd like to chat, I'd be happy to listen. IMO the friendless should stick together! I can't guarantee I'll give good advice or even tell you what you want to hear but... I think an "ear" to listen can really help. And I'll certainly never talk about turning to God -- I'm a convinced atheist and have had really bad experiences with religion, and hate it when people tell me I need to find God or Jesus. Nah, they're the ones who put me in this mess according to your worldview; I'm good without them, thanks.

I have thoughts about ending it all, too. I really do get it. Often I feel like a useless person and a waste of space. But in the end I always manage to talk myself out of it, and I hope you can too. I don't believe there's anything at all after death, only oblivion, so it feels like such a waste to end my one and only life prematurely. Yeah there's going to be plenty of pain and your life won't turn around miraculously; but the thing about suicide is that it takes away all the good along with the bad. You'll never have a good day again, never feel pleasure again, never find those fleeting moments of happiness. You'll never exist again... That does it for me. **** dying; I'm going to live while I've got the chance.

I sincerely hope you find your own way through this.

Hi Sarah,

I get what you're saying.

I went a number of times to see people who were supposed to help me, instead they made me feel as if I was nothing but another name on their list, that it didn't matter what my problem was... It felt as if I wasn't an individual person with individual problems, but just another piece of something that they needed to fit into a slot and solder something on it, just to get the job done.

I could tell you more but, I know I have the bad habit of talking (and writing) too much, and pitching in when I probably should just be quiet.

I think that the only thing I can offer you is a hug.

Well, I could try telling you a joke too, but my jokes are pretty bad.

So... yeah, forget the joke. Have another hug!

Bye for now

im sorry to hear that, sounds nigh on exactly like me - i have no friends either, no relationship or anyone to talk to.

i tried to end my life too, i took an overdose of insulin and went to sleep hoping i would just die quietly, but it never works out like we plan!
had a hypoglycaemic seizure instead, ended up in a coma and dislocated my shoulder + tore my tricep tendon due to the seizure.

what helped me was finding my passion and purpose, EVERYONE has a purpose and the most important thing you'll do is finding yours.
i got into bodybuilding and after seeing my body change i realised i had more control over my life than i thought.

finding employment helps massively too, start off small like part-time and work up from there - it's what i did and eventually ended up in full time employment which at least gives us a reason to get up in the morning.

but your passion will be the biggest reason.
i still haven't been able to make friends or meet anyone but my passion to keep growing my physique keeps me going.

please give it a chance, think about something that has always interested you and made you feel alive inside.
like a childhood dream, when you find it dedicate your time to it and put your mind into it.
when yourself grow in that interest it really is a great feeling.

also if you can please try to take solace that you're not alone in this, myself and others have been through similar and if it were possible i would definitely be you friend in real life as would others here i'm sure.

This is me too. I have no friends, never had a relationship, I've never been close to anyone. I'm unemployed and I know I won't ever be happy if I would need to work in a local store or something (nothing wrong with that, but it wouldn't make me happy).
I do have therapy and my current T is a good T, but before her I had many not so good T's, some even made me worse.
I don't have the energy for anything, I don't have motivation or hope.
All I want is to be dead. I often think about ending it . But I'm afraid to do it.

I can't offer you advice or anything. I can't even help myself. The only thing I can do is to continue going to therapy.
Maybe if you can afford to go to therepy again, you could give it another try? I know there are many bad T's, but there are also good T's who can help you. Only they are really hard to find. Or maybe a self-help book can help you a bit?

SarahSweden: I can relate to some of what you say. I am also in quite hopeless place. Nothing much to live for. It is a f*cked up world, but not entirely.

Don't give up. There are people out there that you can connect with. For some of us, it takes a massive effort to overcome the despair.

Also do you have access to good holistic medical care? Maybe there are some physiological things affecting your brain.

Thanks for sharing. May I ask you how old you are? Nothing that important perhaps but still. That sounds harsh not getting any help because you choose to quit, it sounds a bit like a punishment.

Do you still believe in therapy or does that feel like a closed door? I ask because there has to be T:s who specialise in social anxiety and who could help you more efficienly than the T:s you met earlier on.

I agree with you on suicide by principal but it´s still very hard living like this, it´s no life and the thought I always get back to is that I waste and I´ve wasted a lot of time and I don´t know what to do about it.

I hope things turn to the better for you as well, I´ll add you to my friends list if you like.

I'm almost 31... so yeah. I think therapy could work, but I'd need to find a therapist that I really jive with -- I've seen 4 so far but none worked out. Most of them were nice enough but didn't really click, you know? I tried CBT but I think I've lived with negative thought patterns for so long that my mind is really resistant to change or something. I just can't make myself believe it, no matter how much I tell myself positive things.

But therapy is so expensive! Without a job I couldn't continue spending $120 or so every week. The problem is I'm having a really hard time finding a job because I especially hate feeling judged, and interviews are the WORST. Besides I don't have much job experience and with all my obvious flaws... I don't think I stand much of a chance in today's competitive job market.

I know what you mean about waste. I feel like I've wasted much of my life just being useless. I feel like it's a waste for my parents to keep supporting me. But I do what I can for them like running errands, cooking and cleaning and they say they're thankful. I've gotten pretty decent at cooking these past two years. It doesn't feel like enough, though. But then I was brought up in an environment where I felt I could never be good enough.

Thanks for sharing. May I ask how old you are? To me it´s more "normal" to never have had a partner when you´re in your 20s but not in my age, I´m 30+. I feel it´s very unnormal but at the same time it has to do with my childhood, being left out, not having that many friends and things just went by.

It´s not just "go out on a date" because this issue is something I would have to deal with within therapy but I don´t have a T.

What does your T say about your suicide thoughts? It´s at least a bit better to have someone to talk to than having nobody.

Thanks for sharing. Yes, I understand what you mean about not click with a T. Was it something specific that didn´t feel right?

For me it has to do with me missing my former T and that I had to choose T:s with a lower fee and I never got any trust in them because they weren´t that educated. A lot of other things affected the process as well.

Did you ever try psychodynamic therapy? Me personally would never choose CBT but that´s of course a personal choice, I don´t mean it´s something wrong with it. But I prefer getting insights and getting a close and healing relationship with a T before getting "homework" and exercises as are more frequent within CBT.

Well in my case religion is a big sticking point. I grew up in a strict fundamentalist religion where I was never good enough, and I think it really damaged my mental health. I just... never liked church, but couldn't escape from it because my whole family were (and still are) diehard believers. I think it caused a lot of trauma that is still unresolved.

But most (maybe all?) of the therapists I've been to have been part of that same religion. A problem I've personally encountered with religious people is that they simply can't understand how their beloved religion could actually do great harm in a person's life -- it's just not in their purview. So I was unable to really talk about my problems, because they simply don't "get it." I know now that if I ever do see a therapist again, they need to be secular and preferably specialize in dealing with people going through faith transitions or religious trauma.

You sound A LOT LIKE ME right now. All I can say is that I hope things get better for you somehow. I hope That you find the strength to hold on.

I bet there are people near you that would like to be your friend . Since you are female your support by other females is wide open . I have always noticed girls come running to support other girls in time of need , Guys are expected to go it alone , Put yourself out there and I'm sure you can find a circle to fit into for coffee , tea or hot chocolate to help each other from the worlds pressures . Everyone needs someone to lean on . Take care and lean against someone who needs help talking too.

You are loved.