confessions of little turtle

Thanks little turtle for the suggestion in my other thread

I wish I could ...

i have a confession today....i don't like this about me...
for about 6 months when i was an intern i was thinking that i would be--------
RICH and FAMOUS...that did not happen...in fact i went down to the very
bottom of DEPRESSION...and FEAR...

little turtle

Thank you for this honest confession, I know you've said I'm your "leader" - if I had as much wisdom as you I would be .......

I can't compare peoples pain, I don't have a medical degree but I do believe you are a STRONG SURVIVOR

I too believe that you are a strong survivor little turtle.

desiree thank you...how about weak survivor...I really am a passive dependent kind of person who is getting by in this awful tough life...
I just want a survivor medal...and I was very very lucky..

dear fuzzy--its not wisdom...I just have learned a little about myself...
and I also learned that this depression thing is really so awful...
no one can possibly know until you have had it...

I am a weak survivor

because of my depression problems......I wasn't a very good husband or father...
I don't feel guilty about it now...it was just something that was and is...
I was thinking about how to survive in this very difficult world...I didn't pay attention
to what others were doing....I was in too much trouble myself...I feel sorry for my wife and kids...

It's hard (impossible?) to always pay full attention to what others were doing when in so much pain, distress, Depression...

major confession------I am interested in PREVENTION and some RECOVERY....
what am I talking about....

prevention and recovery work is mostly up to me...
it has taken me 86 years to find this out...
I always thought that my psych drugs and therapists would do the job...
I was mistaken...it has been up to me...and it still is up to me....
I do not have a depressive problem that I can do nothing about...
I need to continue working on not going downhill...
my BEHAVIOR one way or the other will probably make a difference..

if I stop moving around/stop eating healthy/drink more booze and more sugar
I will probably start going downhill again...to that hellhole breakdown...

I love quick fixes but I have found they don't last....benzos really worked but it didn't fix my
major problems...I just kicked my problems down the road..but I am still here...
please don't anybody kill yourselves over all the s$$t we have to put up with...I am still here for a little while...

((((((((( little turtle )))))))))

I know what you mean. I experienced depression as the daughter of, and personally. It is love that I feel for you all. People don't often "get it", and when we are sick we can't make them. It is no one's fault.
I was aware enough to really attempt to educate my daughter but she still tried to "make me happy". It broke my heart because as a girl I tried to do the same and of course failed. ❤️

I started a thread that was supposed to be about "growth" and "recovery" or at least feeling better..

It turned into a conversation about "medication"

I have Major Depression and am looking for "tools" OTHER than "medication" as I cannot take this

Let's try this.
Everyone, what tools have you used other than medication to help you live a better quality of life?

I am very glad that you started this thread. I would love to learn about more tools in dealing with this dark hole of a world.
I am not sure how it will benefit me but I started a mind strengthening program. It encourages daily meditation, exercise and careful diet.
I have not explored the tools, yet but I sure will share once I dive more into it.

right now I feel awful about the way psychiatry has been damaging so many people...
I was a part of it....I went along...I tried to fight it...I fought some but not enough...
so maybe now I can continue telling the truth about mental suffering...

we really don't know very much...but we are suffering...

I am still angry....I was told by the guys that were supposed to know-----------give more drugs...don't talk so much...you can help more patients....

but now I know ....I didn't really know what was causing the depressions...
and I still don't know what caused my 3 breakdowns...

I may have relieved some of the symptoms...but I didn't know the cause
this really bugs me...

Hi little turtle

I know, I'm angry too

Keep speaking your truth, I'm grateful for your light to guide us in this... mess

(((((((((( little turtle ))))))))))

when I was 19 yo....my girlfriend said...I never want to see you again...I broke down right there...I didn't talk for a couple of weeks...I cant believe what happened...no medicines in the world would fix that problem and that breakdown...

at age 86 yo I have found life to be extremely hard...awful at times...sometimes good..
but I am still here and I don't want to die....I am on 5 mg of celexa...I used to take a lot more medicine...and being a psychiatrist was very very hard...some of my favorite people killed themselves....don't do it..get help....talk about your awful problems...you will find some people that understand and will be with you...be careful

we need to speak up about what is REALLY going on with our lives...
when we are hurt by something... or are different... please talk with someone who you can trust...but beware of untrustworthy people who will take your butt down fast...
do not punish yourself....you DID NOT CHOOSE to be sick...

little turtle, do you have a therapist you can process this stuff with? I'd imagine re-evaluating the profession you devoted so much of your career to would be intense. I work in the mental health field myself and i have found some truly terrible psychiatrists out there but also some absolutely wonderful ones. I think that meds are way overprescribed for many people who just have situational depression or low coping skills. I also know that some people do need meds. I'm personally struggling with managing my own mental health issues and being there for my clients. It's not an easy field to work in. I hope you have some supports. It seems like the community on here appreciates your insights and advice.

thanks zbmom....you are right...I really need to process a whole lot of things before I die...you sound like a nice person...I wish you well...

I don’t trust therapists. They took my butt down and were not trustworthy
I hope others have better luck. Most therapists are not abusive.


((((((((( little turtle ))))))))))

You are invaluable here...