Daily Check In, ups and downs #18

I am definitely unraveling now. It's all coming apart, I don't know how far this is going to go. I left work early today because I just couldn't deal with anything anymore. And when I get home sobbing to my boyfriend, it finally happened. When he was holding me, he ran his hand over my bare shoulder and and asked what happened. The last thing I ever wanted was for him to even see any of those. And yet, all I can think of is waiting for him to leave for work tomorrow do I can do more. I am the most pathetic ever.

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Forget it. I give up. Nothing is helping, I feel worse than I have in a long time, and I just want to quit.

Thank you. I'm just worried because I seem to be man repellent, though I've been told I have a pretty face. Men have never complimented me or paid me attention/shown interest, so I can only assume the worst. My biggest fear is that even when I am a decent weight I'll have loose skin and thus still look like a grotesque monster. I would never be able to afford any kind of correctional surgeries, so whatever I get, I'm stuck with it... for life.

I guess I could ask him to stop bringing it up, but... not really a way to do that without making myself feel like a *****. Like I said, he doesn't mean it the way my mind takes it to mean. He seems to like talking about it in a sort of bragging manner like he's proud. It's my mind that twists it into an insult. I can sort of just grin and bear it. He doesn't visit really often anyway.

I don't think I've seen anyone in the 200 - 300 pound range who needed excess skin removed. Skin is pretty elastic when you're young, as well as weight distribution (it's not sagging down as much from the center of gravity). You are not, nor will ever be, a grotesque monster!

As for your grandpa, he has been around all your life. I think the smiling is just happiness at seeing you. We old people get very lonely too.

I'm feeling miserable. Anxious. Lonely. I don't know how I can go on like this.

Feeling more depression lately, but not that bad. I was doing better. The temps. outside is getting warmer. So, because of the warmer weather and holiday weekend coming, the summer ilks have retuned.

i'm not doing too badly today.

i am a little excited because a band i like (skillet) have a new album out, and i had absolutely no idea. it was a bit of a surprise this morning getting an email from amazon this morning- amazon suggests you order the new skillet album... so i will

I just can't today. Everything is overwhelming. Why does everything major have to start happening all at one damn time? Everything. All of it. I can't handle the little bits of **** I'm doing right now, and I don't know how to handle anything more. I don't know what to do. I'm just stuck and nothing is helping and I have no one to talk to and no one cares anyway.

I love skillet enjoy the album when you get it!

Hi,
For life, you do not know. i am a working class disabled person from the Thirld World and yet I got an opportunity when I was 36. And I am not pretty at all. I got first a volunteer job in the US, then a plain job and I was there more than a decade. While I was in the US because of my job I could travel around the world. That's something. Nobody could predict that, but it happened. Of course, I searched for different opportunities and got lucky somehow. Now, I am not doing well, but, again, even with all the problems and low possibilities my life changed for good. It was not for ever, but when I was 36 I was stuck and then I got an opportunity. Sorry I know you did not ask for my opinion and I apologize for my words here but I understand your concerns however I think that we cannot say that you will be stuck with whatever (skin, whatever) forever

Do you have a pdoc? Any chance of seeing them sooner?

I have an appointment with the pdoc in a week. Next appointment with T is on the 20th. I called yesterday and there's no chance of getting in sooner.

Just hang in there, PsychNitrous. It's a long wait when you need them, i guess. But otherwise weeks pass quickly.

A three-day weekend will be coming up. I have mixed feelings about it. At work today and tomorrow, I'm sure, there's not going to be too much going on. A slow, draggy day today. Nothing much planned on the weekend, except for my usual Saturday stuff. And I might spend a little time at my friends house on Monday. I'm not crazy about going to his house.

((( I don't know, may be TMI for some.)))

Why does my depression get so much worse around/during my period? It's hard to believe mere hormones can make me feel this bad.

Feel like crap. I just got up and nearly left the house in my pj's. Not even sure what stopped me. I want to escape.

Ugh, just had to chime in to agree. It's a diagnosis in the DSM now - premenstrual dysphoric disorder. It's supposed to be well-treated by both antidepressants and some types of birth control pills, but I haven't found anything that helps me yet.

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Ugh, I've probably got it too, then. Not on any anti-d's or birth control right now either...

Also noticed around that time I get terrible headaches!

I've been told that zoloft is marketed to treat both regular depression and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I had terrible luck with it though.

I took Zoloft around five years ago and it made me very ill.

I took it for about 4 days a couple months ago. I got 16-18 hours of sleep each day :/

Well, the three day weekend is here. I have very mixed feelings about the weekend. I don't have much lined up for the three days. Plus, at where I live, there may be parties going on at which I'll never be invited to. All those things going around me make me feel like crap. I should be very happy that this should be a holiday that practically honors me because I'm a working man.

I went to the pool area and some people came in to ruin it for me. As they say, if you get out, then good things can come to you, and your problems could be solved. In this case for me, it's more like trouble that finds me. I don't know why in my right mind do I hesitate to want to sell my place and move out. I keep on sticking it out and it just gets worse. It's not only bad as far as the social aspect goes, but the financial aspect also is bad.

At work today, it was much busier than I thought. I thought that it was going to be a real, slow, and easy day today. Not so! Lots of stuff going on. Weird how it was so slow all week and then today it got very busy with people being gone.

I have nowhere to turn. Everything is dark and hopeless. I'm scared of what I might do. I can't live like this.

They are burning plaster or something again and I'm so weak in my copd lungs. They aren't doing this to harass me, they're doing this to kill me and my head is dizzier and my lungs feel so weak.