A fairly busy day today and it seemed like a good one emotionally for me. I worked out today despite the temperature being close to 100 degrees. To my amazement, at a night like this, no one was in the pool area. So nice to have had to myself!

[Rose76]

After going grocery shopping and tidying up the house and making peace with my bf, I'm feeling considerably better. That's all well and good for now, but I'm so afraid to go to sleep tonight. I keep waking up in the morning feeling disinterested in everything and too tired to do anything. It can take hours and hours to crawl up out of this trough I find myself in every morning. Even when I felt pretty good the night before, as I do now. I fear losing all this ground I've gained overnight.

That's pretty much how my night and morning contrast too, Rose. Here's hoping tomorrow morning is kind to both of us. And anyone else who dreads the morning.

[Patagonia]

I hope everyone here can find one thing to smile about today. Try! I know it's not easy

[nikon]

I'm having a blank kind of day, and week. i just don't feel like doing anything and don't feel like being aware - like i just want to zone out and check out. this is sometimes why i crave chaos, i think, because reality is boring. shouldn't tempt fate.

saw my psychologist and basically only talked about one thing, because i have a short session. i feel stupid trying to say things because many things i'd like to say amount to "i feel weird". i'm nervous either that he'll think i'm being stupid or that i'm actually crazy.

[regretful]

Very tired today; I heard yesterday something about despair getting, first a foothold, then a foot in the door, then it's all the way in your life. I'm fairly certain that mine has a good foothold - it is with positive thoughts and support from friends, family, and this community that the foot of despair won't fully enter my door...As always, I'm hopeful that all of us suffering will find at least a moment's peace today.

[Sunflower123]

Feeling irritable and blah today. Uncomfortable in my own skin if that makes sense. I usually have to sleep days like this off. Hope I’m not going into my SAD phase already.

Sending hugs to all those that are struggling.

[Rose76]

I'm out of bed and eating breakfast. It's a start.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Warm thoughts to everyone. We got through another day.

My life has gone into meltdown somewhat over the past few days.

The meds made me leaden. That led to my unpleasant boss being worse than ever. I lost it at work yesterday, told her what I thought of her and now everything is out in the open.

Feeling dangerously, sharply unhappy.

[mulan]

I can't sleep. My social interactions and my not taking the initiative behavior are haunting me.

[Rose76]

Well, I got over wanting to make my "final exit" from this vale of tears. So depression is considerably alleviated. But I've got a ways to go before I can say I'm doing well. I'm getting over an episode of feeling absolutely awful. This is progress. Now I've got to plan further recovery. I've got to think through what that entails. I wish depressives had something like AA. We do have PC.

In spite of the old saying, people still shoot the messenger. Some how, I ended up being the one at my company that has to inform our contributing artists that we need changes made to their work. No matter how nice I am about it (and folks, I'm nice to a fault), there's always the people who take offense, and end up hating my guts for delivering constructive criticism. I can hardly blame them, because I don't handle criticism of my work very well either, but it takes its toll, week after week after week.

EDIT: I should add that I'm being dramatic. They probably don't hate my guts, but the impatience and frustration they feel is palpable.

[regretful]

Oh my...it must really be depression again - today I was told by my wife to "get on some medication"...the perception of others - maybe they see what I'm unwilling to acknowledge. It's a difficult time for me. Been here and through this before - it's only depression, and though it feels like it, this is not the end of the world...I'm hopeful for all of us here that a moment's peace enters our day today.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by regretful

Oh my...it must really be depression again - today I was told by my wife to "get on some medication"...the perception of others - maybe they see what I'm unwilling to acknowledge. It's a difficult time for me. Been here and through this before - it's only depression, and though it feels like it, this is not the end of the world...I'm hopeful for all of us here that a moment's peace enters our day today.

I'm really sorry your depression is bad. Do meds help? I hope you find something.
This post triggered me a hair bec my SO's go to comment when I was really bad was....maybe it's time for a med change....& that always made me feel worse.
I hope the people around you are sincere & you get the help you need.
Peace

Tired. Also tired of myself.

[nikon]

sending thoughts to those who posted above, and to those who didn't also feeling down.

my day has been ok; i am struggling with eating disorder thoughts a little. I still need to meditate. last night I emailed my therapist to say things that I've been struggling to say in sessions for a long time, and it was a relief to get things off my chest but I still always feel like I shouldn't say things and I should keep things to myself and I'm bad for speaking about things.

[regretful]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I'm really sorry your depression is bad. Do meds help? I hope you find something.
This post triggered me a hair bec my SO's go to comment when I was really bad was....maybe it's time for a med change....& that always made me feel worse.
I hope the people around you are sincere & you get the help you need.
Peace

Thanks...meds and me don't get along too well. I'm a side-effects magnet. I do have good people around. Considering a return to a psychologist as that helped me once before. I appreciate the kind words and support.

Originally Posted by nikon

last night I emailed my therapist to say things that I've been struggling to say in sessions for a long time, and it was a relief to get things off my chest but I still always feel like I shouldn't say things and I should keep things to myself and I'm bad for speaking about things.

Isn't it amazing how even when we pay someone to listen to our problems, we still feel like we shouldn't be talking? Or like we should be censoring ourselves in front of them?

[nikon]

Originally Posted by Bjørnen

Isn't it amazing how even when we pay someone to listen to our problems, we still feel like we shouldn't be talking? Or like we should be censoring ourselves in front of them?

yes! in this session with my therapist he repeatedly said this is a safe space where I can share anything - it's infuriating that my head screams at me to shut up all the time.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Best wishes, all. A badly-needed sick day off for me has helped a lot.

[PsychNitrous]

Sad again today. I think the seasonal change is getting to me. I wish I was alone in this life, so I wouldn't hurt anyone by trying to leave. It's a very strong urge right now.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

Sad again today. I think the seasonal change is getting to me. I wish I was alone in this life, so I wouldn't hurt anyone by trying to leave. It's a very strong urge right now.

Are you safe?

[Rose76]

I feel defensive. But I need not be. I don't need to react to everything.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Are you safe?

I am, thanks for asking. I'll be fine for the rest of today, at least. Half an hour left at work, then I'm doing things at home tonight that will be distracting.

[Purple,Violet,Blue]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I feel defensive. But I need not be. I don't need to react to everything.

How's things going with you, Rose?