Originally Posted by Rose76

I feel terrible. I don't think this misery is going away any time soon. I'm afraid I will stay like this. I can feel awful despair spreading over me. I want someone to help me.

I know you need help with people that can see you in real life, but I'm here to listen if you ever need to p.m. me or something, I can try at least

I'm ok right now.

[Rose76]

I took too much Seroquel and got woozy. I'll know not to do that tomorrow.

[3rd rock]

I'm trying to use the gifts God has given me, but nothing is working. It makes me wonder why God would give me these gifts in the first place if not to use them. He may not have given me the gifts I think He has, or maybe I'm not using them as He intended. But I'm doing everything I know how to do.

@3rd rock

I'm sure your doing the best you can and God knows that. I hope you find some comfort tonight and sleep well.

[Rose76]

I'm a little better than yesterday.

pain wise, not so well. today feels like one of those days where everything has seen better days

you know: back, basically gone. left side, basically gone. balance, basically gone. in terms of pain, my prospects are not good

emotionally I feel like I'm stuck on ground hog day. I just wish something would happen (anything), that doesn't involve me feeling bad, someone else shrugging me off, or severe anxiety/ things going missing.

at least I can say that I have been worse

today I have done some self-care and watched tv, and I can think of plenty of days where I don't even bother with the self-care

[Rose76]

If I make an effort, I can make today better than yesterday.

Yesterday was very busy for me. One nice thing that happened was a woman, who lives at my place, and I had a nice chat at the laundry area. She was even generous to put my clothes in for full drying. Other than that, I had a headache and felt dizzy at times. I was watching a movie last night and felt a bit light-headed.

Today was easier for doing stuff and felt better. I made spaghetti sauce; a batch for a month. My sister and I talked and it went OK. She still thinks that my brother will call me sometime. It would be nice if he did. The thing that ticks me a bit is being told someone will do something nice for me and then they don't do it. That's been very typical of my family.

I'm looking forward to taking my meds, grabbing something to eat and shutting my mind down as much as possible tonight.

[3rd rock]

I'm trying to give away all my ebooks for free in a bid to spur increased interest. I've gotten a few downloads so far. I hope it works out. Like in all things, I'm deeply pessimistic. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

[Rose76]

I didn't do amymore sorting and organizing in my apt. I felt tired and sore. It's nice to have TV again. Feels less lonely here.

[Rose76]

Here I am waking up at 3:28 a.m.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Here I am waking up at 3:28 a.m.

I been waking up early to

[Buffy01]

I just want to stop feeling down because of the name calling.

[Yzen]

Not sure where to find motivation and energy lately. It would help me right now.

[Rose76]

Still depressed.

outlook again, isn't good

honestly emotionally I have had a **** day, and physically, I hurt so much I am surprised that I can still feel my body.

things are not going anywhere for me. at least anywhere positive

First thing this morning a woman made an upsetting comment to me. I was making coffee for myself and then she said, "coffee can cause cortisol levels to rise and create belly fat". This woman is always corrective with people. She comes on like a health expert and yet she doesn't look good. Her body is built like a refrigerator. Why is it that people who don't look good are such experts on health, that they have to tell everyone else what they are doing is wrong?

Other than that, it was very slow at work. I worked out after work. That's about it.

I can't seem to sleep. So i got up to read here. Finding it hard to bite my tongue at this moment. ahem

Ups were I got along better with my son today, downs, he needs to relax too much and I don't know if he gets the seriousness of our situation. Hoping the doctor will make a home phone call this week as he didn't follow up with getting my son a psychiatrist yet.
I wish I could sleep but I'm not going to take more meds than my limit. I'm hungry too for some real food. Been living cheap on mr. noodles and crap, but it's food and I'm grateful for even that, annnd, I think all people can't be judged by a few comments.. we have no clue how one thing might set someone off, and change the course of their lives. Life is tough enough isn't it? The only thing I know we can control is how we react.. and right now I'm so tired I can't stop reacting, but I will. I needed to eat something and I pray for sleep tonight and to forget the world. Hardly any sleep now for the second night. But I'm not pity partying, what good does that do?

[Rose76]

Went to Walmart for some groceries. While shopping, I was crying behind my mask, realizing I'll be cooking just for me, and I'll be eating alone. I miss making dinner for two and feeling so glad when my s.o. would enjoy what I made. I'm kind of scared of this new life where I will be alone so much. It feels lonely.

Looking for a very part time job is exhausting. I can't work too many hours in my condition and everything I look at is above and beyond what I can do. I'm feeling like letting go and resting and now I just got notice of an inspection very shortly where I'm at. I'm so sick of life handing me crap at a time I can't deal with it. I guess I'll straighten things out tonight I'll stay up drink coffee and make it as clean as possible. THe idea of strangers seeing my own personal things makes me ill.

[3rd rock]

I don't think anyone's downloading my books, not even for free. I bet I couldn't even pay people to read my books. Oh well.

[Breaking Dawn]

It's hard to say where I am right now. Part of me, at least, is feeling confused. Another part of me might be experiencing a growth period. I wish I felt safe enough to say more than that. I realize I'm somewhat closed up. I'm trying to have more faith & trust in others. I think that might be one of my major problems. And these kinds of thoughts seem to be part of this apparent growth period I'm experiencing.