Daily check in thread:Ups and Downs #29

Buffy01 · May 09, 2021, 06:57 PM

I been feeling really depressed again today.

Ceara1010 · May 10, 2021, 02:54 PM

Feeling depressed. I also have some sort of delusional disorder and struggling with dealing with reality is understandably effecting my mood. But I have lots of skills to combat all this so I'm not just passively suffering.

Deilla · May 10, 2021, 03:19 PM

I had a difficult morning but I got to talk to my med provider. We increased my PRN. That seems to be helping. I'm trying to have a good afternoon. I may have to take a nap though.

hvert · May 11, 2021, 07:58 AM

I'm disappointed because someone I like just left a group. It's making me think about whether or not I want to leave as well.

Deilla · May 11, 2021, 08:49 AM

I'm very tired today. I have chores I have to work on. I do a little and then take a break. I'm not sure why I'm so tired. My mood is okay. I'm just a little upset that doing stuff today is so difficult.

Ceara1010 · May 11, 2021, 10:30 AM

Pleased that I did not wake up depressed this morning. Yesterday was really rough--depressed, anxious, delusional intrusions. But I'm in better shape this morning.

Breaking Dawn · May 11, 2021, 10:14 PM

I didn't accomplish anything today, but I'm ok.

May 11, 2021, 11:37 PM

It's been fairly busy at work lately, but I'm keeping myself busy with a lot of personal stuff. There's still not much to do with work, but the personal stuff have kept me very busy.

I'm getting mixed messages at work about the future. A couple of people are telling me that I will stay on while the more important higher ups are telling me that they don't know what's going to happen. Lately I've been working on getting "my ducks in a row" in case something should fall. I feel like I've accomplished that now.

Deilla · May 12, 2021, 02:02 AM

I feel pretty good today. I've been working on my music. I am collaborating with a couple of people from Fiverr on music projects. I can't wait to see how they turn out.

Rose76 · May 12, 2021, 05:48 PM

I'm not making any progress. Just doing nothing day after day. I need help. There just isn't much that I'm tuned into.

Talking with therapists never did me any good, so I won't pursue that. My sisters are very encouraging, but I'm way far from them.

I got my vaccine shots, so, after tomorrow, I will feel free to go anywhere I want (that's open.) I'm planning to hire someone to help me with some home organizing I need to do. That might actually get me unstuck from where I'm at. I hope.

All I want to do is eat every few hours. Last year, when I was depressed, I lost over 10 pounds. That was nice. Now, nothing good is coming out of my being down.

May 12, 2021, 10:57 PM

There's still no news about what's going to happen at work. As I mentioned in my last post, there are those who are telling me that I and some others will stay on. I asked one guy where he got that information. He told me who told him. So I sent an email to that higher up who told that guy and others that we will be staying on. I sent the email early in the morning and by the end of the day, didn't hear anything from him. So I don't know.

Other that that it was just a typical slow day at work and nothing else going on that's exciting.

Deilla · May 13, 2021, 02:12 AM

I'm a lot stressed today. I didn't sleep well. I have chores to deal with today and I have an appointment tomorrow.

May 15, 2021, 05:36 PM

Today was an extremely busy day for me. Certainly a lot more busier than at work. I did some extra laundry today. I spent a lot of money grocery shopping as there were a lot of "staple/essential" items I needed that I don't buy very often. It seemed like I needed all of those items at once; and I buy them once every three to four months.

Feeling a bit down today, but I always do after the domestic stuff is done. I'll probably feel at least a little bit better if I don't have to go back to work anymore. I'm hoping that a Saturday like that will come along soon for me. That Saturday should be delightful even if nothing of any excitement happens.

TishaBuv · May 15, 2021, 05:49 PM

The morning started off really well, but quickly went off course. I have a big time intimacy and control issue. I want to work it out, but can’t seem to, plus it takes two. But, I don’t react as deeply any more (though still an awful reaction). The day improved with some cleaning and nice time with my son. A chat with my sister. Laughs remembering some silly family incidents. Reading a book my husband bought about being the partner of someone with BPD and didn’t read. I found his bookmark on page 30. I’m not quite sure what to make of that. IDK if he’s coming home, but I’d like to get along and figure this out for the better together. I keep wanting, but keep failing. So— up,down,up today

Mountaindewed · May 15, 2021, 07:20 PM

I have my Saturday night blues but they are nowhere near as intense as they usually are including last Saturday. Basically I’m just very tired right now. I knew my move would really help things. I was down earlier about how I was treated last Christmas. But now I know I’ll have the support this Christmas that I didn’t have last year. I’ll probably have a crazy amount actually. It’s weird though to be thinking about Christmas and I should probably just focus on the right now. But honestly it was a bit traumatizing last year.

I can’t deal with my weight blankets tonight (which is actually not a bad thing if I don’t need them) so I’m just under my tortilla one about to crash for the night. But my depression is very mild compared to what it usually is on Saturday nights.

Rose76 · May 16, 2021, 08:05 AM

Yesterday was a quite decent day. I'm improving.

TishaBuv · May 16, 2021, 09:55 AM

I’m up. Getting along with h and determined to keep it that way (a challenging goal). Even my A-hole family didn’t bring me down.

May 16, 2021, 02:06 PM

This day is halfway over now. So far, it's been going along pretty good. Had a nice talk with my sister this morning. Also I made a batch of spaghetti sauce like I always do every four weeks. Nothing much else to report about. I'm questioning a bike ride for today because it's very cloudy and had been raining earlier.

Mountaindewed · May 16, 2021, 02:44 PM

I don’t feel depressed right now but I’m not in a routine and I haven’t been in one for a long time. I’m wearing the same exact clothes from yesterday. I just take a shower whenever I feel like it, and I get up in the morning and go to bed whenever I feel like it. I don’t feel down but I’m hoping next week to have some structure to my days.

Rose76 · May 16, 2021, 08:27 PM

Mountaindewed - I hear you. That's exactly the state of mind I've spent a lot of time in.

Yesterday, I broke out of a lengthy spell of being in a deep rut. I didn't feel despondent, but was neglecting everything I need to pay attention to. I got stuff done yesterday, which made me feel very hopeful that I can pull myself together.

So far today, I've just relaxed. I'll get something done this eve. I'm getting back on track. What a relief!

jrae · May 17, 2021, 02:41 AM

been a very tough day. had a bunch of physical pain, that didn't go away. which has me wondering how the *h* this is going to go if this continues. which is only beating up on an already broken me. so tired of it all and feeling there's nothing left in me.........

Deilla · May 17, 2021, 09:02 AM

I had a hard time sleeping. My new meds make it difficult. I have an appointment this morning. I feel calm about it. I just want to come home and sleep.