[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I just don't get much done. I can't seem to motivate myself.

+1. Everything seems like an insurmountable task...

[will19]

Today was a pretty weird day. This morning at 6:45 I went to the laundry room at where I live and the washers were all taken. In the six months that I had picked that time to do the laundry, it has never happened. Well, the wait wasn't too long. But after I was finished, someone else was doing the laundry and then another guy was going to do his but he had to turn back because it was full. On Thursdays the laundry room had always been inactive. Not so today.

I took a long bike ride today. After 15 minutes there were police activity in an area I was going through. At a stop I just happened to be next to a news van and the driver told me that someone had barricaded himself in and threatened the police with a knife. I continued on my ride, but an hour later, I had returned to that spot where the police were and found out that more had happened. It turned out that the man who threatened the officer with a knife injured the officer and the officer shot him.

When I got home and up to now, nothing much has happened for me.

[Breaking Dawn]

Like just about everyone else, hanging in there.

[Rose76]

I'm doing much better, since yesterday. I slept well.

[will19]

An OK day today as I was fairly busy. Lately I have been thinking about getting a part time job, so I ended up buying a new shirt in case if I get an interview. It's only because I need the money, but I'm not thrilled about going to work. I would like to work on Saturdays and Sundays because those two days are what I consider my "lock down" days. With those two days I don't do much; and I don't feel like doing errands because of the crowds. This is to supplement my Social Security, which would help.

On the other hand, I feel like my life now is aimless and not having direction. So I don't know. We'll see.

[zapatoes]

Just want to sleep better since sometimes fall asleep on the couch and usually don’t sleep that well. I’m glad spring will soon be here since getting outside helps my mood and outlook to improve.

[Sunflower123]

I’m getting ready to meet my daughter halfway between where she lives and my home. We’ll meet at the Cracker Barrel for breakfast and to visit. I’m looking forward to seeing her.

I’m still in pain over the break up but I guess that is normal and will just take time. One great thing that came out of it was that my sister and I are talking and planning on doing things together. She’s been a big support. Even though I hurt, I’d do it again. I truly loved the guy. It just wasn’t meant to be.

I hope everyone has a peaceful Sunday.

[will19]

A mixed day today with its ups and downs. The ups seemed stronger than the downs, so that's good. First the downs: I did some job searching and got one offer but it didn't feel right to me. Like I said earlier, I'm not crazy about going back to work, though I feel that my retirement is getting a bit old. And I filled up my car this morning and couldn't believe the price of gas! I had never seen it that high before. The good: I got my tax refunds in my bank early this morning. It came much sooner than I thought. And I finally got my W-2 in the mail today but it's irrelevant now since I got my taxes already taken care of.

Also my brother called me yesterday and we had a pretty good talk. He and I were never that close.

I'm still feeling puzzled as to what should I do for the near future. I have all kinds of options but its making my head spin.

[Sunflower123]

I don’t feel pain anymore. Just a lingering sense of sadness. Although I initiated the break up, I reached out recently to my ex to see if we could be friends. There’s probably zero chance of that. He has changed his cell phone number and email address as have I. I reached out in 2 places that he would see and if I get no response I’ll move on. We had been best friends for a year before we got involved. I miss that friendship most of all. Life is tough sometimes but I am a strong woman and a survivor. I’ll be okay.

I hope activities planned for each day this week to help me move along and therapy twice a week for now until I can get to a place of peace and happiness.

Hugs to all

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

@Buffy01 - I hope you feel better soon. (((safe hugs)))

:sadhug:

I been trying to stay busy and validate my feeling for everything that has happen.

[will19]

An OK day but kind of off. There's construction going on the next street over from me and they are making a lot of noise. For some reason, the construction job was done all of last year and now they are doing it again at the same spot. Strange!

Later this morning I went to a place to apply for a job. I had an invitation by email yesterday to go there today. So when I got there, the receptionist told me that someone will speak to me. It was an "open door" event at that time, so about four people were ahead of me. After a while, I noticed that a couple of others were called in to interview, and they had arrived after me. I figured that it should have been first come first serve. Someone called me, and then when I greeted that person, he said something about a problem getting a room so that he could talk to me. He told me to go back to the waiting area and he'd be with me in five minutes. Well, I waited over 35 minutes and there was no sign that I was going to get called. I told the receptionist that I was leaving and she didn't offer any help. It seemed like that guy, who called me, instantly didn't like me. So that got me down.

I felt better when the day progressed. That job didn't seem meaningful to me anyways.

[regretful]

The loneliness of depression is what gets me the most...even when I'm around people I feel it. I sincerely wish all of you well in your struggle against this invisible monster

[Yours_Truly]

I feel hesitant to jump in to respond to people here, or even give a hug or thanks. I feel like I'm intruding, trespassing.

I'm so happy to be back though, I can't explain it. I noticed earlier today that I was even a bit hyper/happy feeling which made me take note of how long it's been since I've genuinely felt that feeling with complete abandon and without effort.
I've just felt so desperately alone, so abnormal, the outcast with the low self esteem, depression and worsening anxiety.

It's just good to be here, be back, even if I'm still hesitant to engage.

[Yours_Truly]

I feel guilty for not contributing more back four years ago when I first discovered and joined the forum. I didn't know that would occur and then I kept thinking it would get better and easier. Maybe it was, but it was a lot slower going than I thought it would be.

I also feel guilty for leaving for 4 years. Not for having to leave, but for it lasting as long as it did and not returning sooner, or even checking in. I know it wasn't intentional on my part, I didn't plan on not coming back for so long. I had to readjust to the move and the living arrangement. But 4 years! I really don't know where the time went. Just a big ole waste of wallowing in my suffering. Not completely really, but enough.

[T4bbyCat]

Originally Posted by Yours_Truly

I feel guilty for not contributing more back four years ago when I first discovered and joined the forum. I didn't know that would occur and then I kept thinking it would get better and easier. Maybe it was, but it was a lot slower going than I thought it would be.

Same here... I came back after years away on another forum. Things got "better," except not really. In some sense, it's good to see members "graduate" and not need the support anymore, but it's also good to see people remaining and stepping up to be there for others.

[Yzen]

I wonder what will help me. Self-care? Working on relationships? Finding a better job? I feel like improvement is needed in all areas to help my depression.

[Breaking Dawn]

I have things I need to do today. So far I'm putting other things ahead of them. I feel sad off & on, inbetween my deliberate distractions.

feeling crap as always

I hate feeling like this, and like I've discussed in another thread, this (feeling low) is my normal baseline mood.

[Mountaindewed]

My anxiety is good. I'm coping well. My nausea is finally under control by changing my diet. I'm losing weight. Thats all good. But I feel like I'm missing my identity and I feel like a part of me is missing. And I don't feel like myself. I know thats technically true that a part of me is gone. My mom says we shouldn't jump the gun and call my endocronolgist. She wants me to wait a bit. It really hasn't been that long. But when I look in the mirror its almost like I don't recognize myself.

[Pinny]

I feel annoyingly tired despite sleeping 19 hours of the last 24hrs.
I feel cranky, clammy and sweaty and so tired.
I wish I was physically ill to explain my symptoms, this is so s**t