Another dull day, but I was pretty busy early this morning. I was very happy with the shopping I did. After that I went to the bank for just a simple transaction. Other than those two things, not much. No bike riding today because of rain. I'm feeling rather sleepy today. I guess the rainy days can make me feel that way.

[3rd rock]

I wanted to get an appointment to try and get the paperwork done to justify medical leave this week, but my medical provider was not available. Instead, I had to get in to see her next week, which will necessitate booking the day off from work. It's not optimal, but it's better than nothing I suppose.

[Violetta75]

I've had a pretty good day. A bit emotional but it's ok. I'm decreasing the antidepressants, I need to. I might not sleep as well but it's probably worth it. Instead I keep going until I'm exhausted.

[hiddenaway]

I'm so tired I could cry...but I don't want to seem weak either.

[Rose76]

I had miserable anxiety last evening. Bad anxiety for me is unusual. But, when I get it, it's way worse than depression. I'm okay this morning, but I'm scared of that anxiety coming back.

[Rose76]

My furnace refused to come on all morning. The weather is mild, so my apartment has been between 64°F and 68°F, which is tolerable. The trouble is that I'm rather depressed, which makes getting out of bed hard. It's so much harder to get up, when my apartment is chilly. So I stayed reading in bed all day.

Yesterday, I told my landlady that my furnace is getting quirky. I think I'll have to call her tomorrow to say the problem is more serious. She's good about getting things fixed. But I just wish this wasn't happening right now

By staying late in bed, I never got out of the house today. That makes depression worse. I'm not doing well mentally. I think about telling my primary doctor that I need help. But I don't know what anyone can do to help me. Plus, I dread being referred to the psych department of my healthcare system. I've been to them in the past. That place is awful. To even walk into their building requires getting my purse examined and me wanded by security. It is nothing like going to a private psychiatrist or an independent therapist, which I used to be able to afford. I'm starting to wish I could die.

I did the laundry early this morning. It started off good but it got ruined at the end by a fellow neighbor. Hurray for neighbors at where I live!

My friend had two doctor appointments this morning at the same medical office complex. I texted him this morning and sent him an email later on. After my bike ride late this afternoon, I got a message from his wife saying that he passed out at one of his appointments and was taken to hospital. She says he's OK and will probably come home tomorrow. No specific details as to what happened. That was a disappointment for me.

I haven't heard anything from my sister in quite a while. What happened to my friend this morning reminded me of what happened with her last December. The last time I spoke with her, she didn't sounded like she's well. I'd like to call but I have a fear of rejection. I get that all of the time when I call her either when times good times or bad. I guess my family has just disintegrated. It's gotten to the point now that I don't care anymore, but it's still sad. There's not much I can do to make it better; and I've tried.

[Rose76]

Still depressed. Furnace won't come on today. I see my doctor tomorrow. He better come up with a plan to get me some help. I'm not going to be brushed off. I better stay calm and just advocate effectively for myself.

I felt extremely down yesterday. When I cleaned my place, I got a sore lower back. It's happened before. After cleaning I felt bad as there were no contacts from anyone either by phone or email. I watched a movie last night that was good, but I felt like I couldn't get into it because I felt so down.

Early this morning around 4:30 AM I got mad when I woke up and it sounded like someone in the next unit was taking a shower; and the noise of running water through the pipe(s) was loud, which woke me up. That happens at times. I can't fault the person taking a shower, but it made a lot of noise for me. I got so mad that it made me want to leave my place. I've been feeling that way for a while, but more so now.

In the morning I made my spaghetti sauce. I felt tired and depressed while doing it. I've felt better in the past making my sauce. Just not as much today. But as today progressed, I felt better. I've been in contact with my friend and he's fully recovered after passing out at the doctor's office last Thursday. He came by my place briefly to give me some candles; and that was very nice of him.

[Buffy01]

I’ve been feeling really bad because I had unintentionally upset my next door grouphug: neighbors and older brother who really hurt my feelings

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Deilla

I'm hurting deeply. I'm ruminating and I'm very stressed.

I’m I do the same thing myself

[Rose76]

Doctor wasn't much help today. I feel like I am going downhill.

[Rose76]

This is the worst I've been in over 3 years. Feel so miserable.

[hiddenaway]

I haven't been sleeping well. Couldn't tell you why; just that I'm tired beyond belief and coffee is only doing so much.

[emily1890]

I had a hard time yesterday. I've finally convinced myself (and I think some others) that my memory is definitely failing. I was in tears yesterday when I got a question on a quiz that I knew for years, and I just didn't know it.. it wasn't even the fact I was under pressure, my mind was blank about it

abuse memories are strong lately,, and self image issues.. well worst they've ever been for ages, I also have no idea about the future- but then I've never had any idea about the future

I feel like I'm in funk now. Today is March 1st and, some time ago, I was planning "in my head" to tell my apartment manager that I want to leave by April and relocate somewhere else. I figured that I would need at least one month's notice ahead of time before I'd leave. Well, it hasn't happened, so it looks like I'm going to be where I am now for a good while. It's not terrible at where I am but I just didn't have anywhere else lined up for where I want to go. I guess I'll probably never will. I feel like I'm living in "the moment of harsh reality".

This morning I went grocery shopping like I always do on Friday mornings. I got some "sticker shock" as the total was much more than I thought it would be. When I got home, I realized that I bought some items I may not need after all and these items are a bit high. Also, I purchased an item twice when I needed one. So I'll return some of the items and get some money back.

I'm not feeling the greatest emotionally now. I'm seeking within me for answers as to what I should do.

[Buffy01]

I’ve been feeling really bad and down lately

[Rose76]

I'm not doing good. I'm starting to hate myself.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm not doing good. I'm starting to hate myself.

Oh, thats not good, huh.

Wednesday i went to bed with the thought that i was going to be really nice to myself, treat myself really lovingly. Because who ever has? I was going to take a shower so i could turn in my rent and my lease renewal. I only got that done today instead, but thats okay.

There is a daily planner guy who asks, whats the next right thing for you to do? I think im gonna ask, whats the next most loving thing to do for myself. Like maybe spray on some perfume before i do a chore, or just put on some cuticle cream.

[hiddenaway]

I really hope the weekend goes quickly. I need more Drew.

[Rose76]

I feel a little better. Finally, they fixed my heat problem by installing a new thermostat. So, now, having a cold apartment won't be my excuse to stay late in bed.

[hiddenaway]

Still waiting for the weekend to end. Pluto only helps so much.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip:

Early this morning around 4:30 AM I got mad when I woke up and it sounded like someone in the next unit was taking a shower; and the noise of running water through the pipe(s) was loud, which woke me up. That happens at times. I can't fault the person taking a shower, but it made a lot of noise for me. I got so mad that it made me want to leave my place. I've been feeling that way for a while, but more so now.

Meow! This won’t come as a surprise to you, but I could’ve written this. I get cigarette smoke from people like you do and also plumbing noise. This apartment building seems to have walls made out of cardboard. I have the same problem hearing my upstairs neighbor taking a shower in the middle of the night. The guy above me is a night owl and has this weird habit of turning on the water full blast for about three seconds. It’s so LOUD! Then turning it off for about 30 seconds. He repeats this pattern 3 to 4 times before he finally runs the shower normally. It’s annoying. It sometimes wakes me up and it will last about 15 minutes. This is the only routine this guy has. Everything else is random times, leaving and coming home at different times. And he has overnight guests a lot too. Plus, he’s very heavy footed, so I hear every step. I don’t think he has any rugs so I hear everything. He also slams the sliding doors open and closed.

This makes me hate where I live, too. But unless I can live in a soundproof building, which I could never afford, I’m always going to hear somebody’s crap. I don’t know where I can go either. I’m very sound sensitive and have good hearing which is a curse in this building. It seems to be made to amplify sound. And they started putting in laminate flooring instead of carpet, even if someone is below them. Efff, the landlord doesn’t have to live with it.

The guy next to me sleeps late, and I hear him snoring. His bedroom is next to my kitchen, but since I’m an early bird, I’m considerate enough not to run the dishwasher, garbage disposal, or bang pots and pans around that might wake him up. I wait until about 9 at the earliest. Sadly, most people don’t seem to give a crap about others.

They also raised the rent again after not doing so because of Covid. That says a lot about our system that millions of people had to die to temporarily halt rent increases.

I remember this is where you mostly post so I might follow this thread just to see how you’re doing, day-to-day.

———
Posted directly on site using iPhone

[hiddenaway]

It's Sunday which means I made it cause tomorrow is Monday.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel like my seasonal depression doesn't exist anymore because of this warm weather we have been having. I've brought out my light box once this season. Not that I haven't been depressed about other stuff though but it seems to be me just not trying hard enough kind of stuff.