[Rose76]

Next week I see a psychologist. Finally, referrals are yielding some actual appointments to see psych professionals. I don't know how much good will come of this. Just getting out of bed is so hard. Cloudy today. Bright sunshine seems to help me. I should make a schedule of what to accomplish today. Otherwise, I waste so much time doing nothing. Now and then it's fine to do nothing, but not everyday.

[hiddenaway]

I'm going to need my brain to stop giving me weird, semi-sexual dreams about a friend who I never see anymore. Like, yeah, I'm lowkey attracted to her, but she's straight and I'm probably not her type.

[Rose76]

Awake all last night. I need to push myself to get going.

[Violetta75]

It almost seems like depression is something that will never completely leave me. Maybe it's my own fault. Today I feel hate towards myself for my mistakes and faults. I don't know how to change, all I know is I need to keep going. There are things I can be happy about. I need to focus on the future and stop looking at the past. Right now my bed is cluttered but at least I got the floor clean. Now I'm getting off of the net and just doing what I can to make this day better. I was so bad at one time in my life. My dad just basically said, like this, one step at a time. I miss him. They both did their best. I have a life, I shouldn't waste time.

I've been out a few days because my laptop broke down. It was at a repair shop. Nice to have it back. I really missed my laptop. I went through depression and anxiety wondering what was wrong.

I woke up this morning feeling tired and depressed. I practically feel depressed every morning when I get up anyways, but the I would feel better after breakfast. This morning I felt tired because I was stressed for the last couple of days.

[emily1890]

just preparing for another weekend alone. with no plans. filling up on ****

I've all ready started too. 9:10 on saturday morning and I'm eating a loadd of crackers

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip: I would feel better after breakfast. This morning I felt tired because I was stressed for the last couple of days.

I feel better after I eat breakfast too. My sugar is pre diabetic and even though I do the right things, my body won’t cooperate though I’ve had some improvement. Fasting is torture for me as a result and I have to do it for my next test she wants done in 3 months.

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[Rose76]

Not a good day. Still in my night gown. No motivation.

[emily1890]

bad day

no ****ing surprise what so ever

Feeling out of sorts and weird. I don't know what it is. Perhaps it could be because spring is approaching. Spring is the worst time of year for me. I miss the cooler weather and shorter days. I know a lot of others don't feel that way, but I do. Also spring is the time of season when, over the years, bad things have happened. So I guess it's the way it looks and feels reminds me of it. It's not a nice feeling, even when things in the present are OK.

I'm still having to adjust to the new time change.

[Rose76]

I saw a therapist today. It was my 3rd time meeting with her. She's nice. I don't find these sessions to be helpful. But I guess I have to give the process time. When I sit down with this person, my main thought is that I can't wait to leave.

So I'm still in the grip of depression. Yesterday I was sad. At least my appointment today got me out of the house.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

snip:I miss the cooler weather and shorter days. I know a lot of others don't feel that way, but I do.

I'm still having to adjust to the new time change.

It takes me at least a week to get used to Daylight Saving Time so I’m about there. Going back in the fall just takes about 2 days, as my body seems to “sigh in relief”. It’s a pointless ritual that’s proven bad for our internal clocks. But we keep doing it. Accidents and injuries increase a few days after we go ahead an hour.

I also hate how people keep saying the long days are great. I have nowhere to go nor anyone to go with so it doesn’t matter to me. I was okay with it getting dark about 6, 5 is too early. 6 is dinner time and time to hunker down. For a while I will wake up to dark mornings which is depressing to me. I prefer the light in the mornings not evenings. I prefer that hour of sleep to the extra daylight in the evening.

Spring causes my allergies to flare up and this season is supposedly going to be worse than usual. I have really baggy eyes that could be caused by them. They make me look older and tired, like $hit or like being ill. But they persist.

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[Rose76]

Another day. Still depressed.

[Violetta75]

I'm sore. I caught myself jolting in bed the other night. Otherwise not horrible, I'm enjoying the house to myself for a while I hope. Still didn't get the clutter off the bed. Washing machine broke down so I have to still wring out the clothes then drag them to a laundromat. It's snowing again.

I'm still feeling depressed. I was feeling a little bit better this afternoon. And then I got a notice by mail from my health insurance company saying the my monthly premium will go up by $23 starting this May. Also in May, my internet service will go up. So that got me down. I heard that inflation is under control or going down. Yea, right!

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by will19

I'm still feeling depressed. I was feeling a little bit better this afternoon. And then I got a notice by mail from my health insurance company saying the my monthly premium will go up by $23 starting this May. Also in May, my internet service will go up. So that got me down. I heard that inflation is under control or going down. Yea, right!

Are you sure we don’t share DNA?

Same things happened to me, except they are taking things away. STUPID federal government is going to stop funding the ACP which I and millions of others participate in to make it “affordable”. They want everyone to go online for everything yet will make it harder for people not rolling in dough. Also my landline service may go away. The phone company filed an application with the utilities commission. It may not get approved but if it does no more landline. It is way more durable and reliable than my cell phone. No need to worry about the battery draining so fast or not enough bars. I get poor reception in my apartment. By contrast, my landline ALWAYS works and has a strong clear connection.

I feel I’m being gaslit by the media. Things are supposed to be so rosy such as a “strong” economy. Well I’m 62 and the kind of “jobs” out there are too physically taxing for me. My rent also went up again after a long break due to Covid. So working could help if they didn’t require being on my feet and having volatile hours. And don’t get me started on AI and how it’s doing things people used to do!

I’m glad I decided to follow your posts on this thread. We have similar experiences and if not for this site I’d think I was losing my mind.

I snort when they say things are good. Not for me, not for years and years. If they were really good then EVERYONE should benefit and therefore not find increases in price on things to be a hardship.



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[jmariah001]

My depression is back after being stable for 2 months. Just in time for Spring to. Usually, this time of year my depression leaves. Not this year. I have been listening to Citizen Soldier a lot. Which is probably not good. The lead singer sings about suicide. It can be triggering. But a lot of rock music is sad. I also have been journaling to. I saw my therapist yesterday. Hopefully my depression will lift soon.

[3rd rock]

So this private psychiatrist who I was told was willing to fill out these forms for me turned out not to be willing to do so. I don't know why it's so hard to find a medical practitioner who will fill out two pages of forms for me. Everything just seems so pointlessly difficult and it's frustrating and it makes me just break down into tears for no ****ing reason. I need help and I can't get it because no one will just do some basic ****ing paperwork for me to get the time off work to go and get help. I feel like I'm going to die here and no one wants to help me. I still have my nursing practitioner to ask, and I have an appointment with her on Tuesday. If she can't help me then I'm just totally left to die of this disease that's killing me. I'm crying right now because I feel so lost and helpless from this whole situation.

I apologize for swearing...

[Rose76]

I met the psychologist yesterday. I hope seeing him helps me. I got nothing done today.

[Violetta75]

I'm feeling down tonight. I slept a bit better last night with an extra antidepressant. I was tapering down but with things in my life not working out so great, I'm taking the dose prescribed. I was doing ok with one, I'm disappointed in myself for taking 2 again tonight, but I'd like some good sleep. I was avoiding the news, and it was better but there's so much going on I might look again tonight. I have to get myself back into a routine of getting up earlier. And force myself to go for a walk even though it's cold out, there's no excuse.

[Buffy01]

through journal entries I have uncovered a lot of hidden anger’s from past abuse growing up which is why I am depressed

[Rose76]

Sunday and Monday were good days. I see a therapist today. I feel more hopeful about getting my act together.

[AvidReader]

I'm feeling particularly down today. Money troubles have gotten me so, so stressed for the past 12 months or so.

I've been working at home for 28 years, and my workload has thankfully increased lately, so I should be happy, right? But I got hit with another huge tax bill (last year, too), which was my fault because I used too much of the federal tax credit and had to pay it back. I accept that the mistake was on my end, and I immediately reapplied on healthcare.gov to adjust this, and I was offered one plan, for more than $600/month. I took a cautious $100/month tax credit, but yikes! $500+/month? I'm too afraid to go without health insurance, though.

I feel like my life is devoted to earning money just to survive. There's virtually nothing left for fun, except for two streaming services. It seems like life should be better than this.

Sorry; I'm just feeling very down today and needed to vent.

[Violetta75]

I was in a beotchy mood all day. Even was a bit angry at my doc appt. That didnt help anything. I at least remembered I need a blood test. He said my weight gain is likely from stopping the ozempic. I was getting so nauseous from that crap I threw up and french fries from 3 days earlier came up. Made me realize just how long food sat in my stomach, I was grossed out so I stopped. I tried once more injecting it and felt sick and nauseous. He didn't tell me what to do, use it or don't, but he's like that. Usually even tells me to decide how much meds to take for diabetes. So whatever, got no where except very angry at the darn scale, I walked more than I had in months and I gained wieght.

[hiddenaway]

Somebody told me on good authority that a) Drew was seen with a hot blond girl yesterday, and b) that he left social media for good (which means I have no reason to stay on Threads or Bluesky anymore).

To say I'm heartbroken would be putting my feelings mildly, and I think I know what Tom Petty meant when him said, 'Don't do me like that.'

I - I'm going to go cry to Tom's songs now, but I needed to post this first.