[SeptemberMorn]

One of the things I told my MD about when I saw him on Tuesday was about the depression. I'd known for a while that the 20 mg of Celexa wasn't cutting it. He upped it to 30 mg. It's not working yet! Ok, so it's only been two days...

Hubby has calmed down since I told him he could leave anytime he wanted to but he's distant and disturbs me with his loud TV, loud radio and not much help at all. If I manage to get him to do something for me, he half-asses it. There's no inclination on my part to say any more to him about it.

Tuesday, when we came home from the doctor, one of the neighbors across the street walked over and told us that the Ugly Neighbor's dog had gotten his neck wound around one of the blind cords and she'd called the cops. Animal Control came over but she wouldn't stick her hand through the window to pull the dog out. I guess there's a legal proceedure to follow. Animal Control called the cops. They came over and talked to me because I was blatantly sitting on my front deck to see it all play out. I told the cops that the Ugly Neighbor's place had been spookily quiet for about a week, but that I had heard $hitForBrains talk on Monday morning. Soon the Fire Dept. showed up and so did an ambulance because despite people calling for "him" and knocking on doors and windows, there was no answer. The Fire Dept. opened the door, took the dog out, who was dead by this time, and searched the house. No Ugly Neighbor!

Practically the whole neighborhood was out front waiting to see what happened. When the Fire Capt. came out and announced that there wasn't anyone inside, there was a groan rise up from the crowd. We were all hoping to see the Ugly Neighbor getting dragged out in a body bag. That's how UGLY he is!

Yesterday, I heard his woman saying "I hold you completely responsible" but that was all. This morning I heard someone hosing off a wall and no one does that but "him." I asked hubby to take an innocent stroll out front to see if it was "him." It was! The idiot talks to Jerry and Jerry answers back in a FRIENDLY MANNER! What the heck is wrong with him?? We just filed a Restraining Order on him but obviously "he" hasn't been served yet.

Anyway... just knowing that "he" is still alive and still living across the street from me has me depressed, not to mention that hubby's presence hasn't been good. In so many ways, I can't wait for him to resume his vacation to Canada.

Then I found a piece of paper with the old email address of a gal that used to be our friend. I think I mentioned her before. When we were friends, she respected the fact that Jerry and I were married, but I had the distinct impression that she has/had round heels. Jerry tried to get in touch with her before he left, and he's tried it again... despite the fact that he knows how I feel about it. Before he left I told him that I was in no way going to help him find that gal! GGGRRRRRR Now ask me why I care. I couldn't tell you!

Like I said in a thread in Relationships... WHAT'S THE USE?!?! (No, I'm not suicidal, just FED UP!)

C'mon Celexa!!

[shakes]

(((((Sis Tomi)))))
God people like that drive me insane!!! What a horrible person to let that happen to his dog!! Your anger is completely justified. I think that if someone like that lived in my neighborhood he would have had my fist in his face long ago!!
Hang in there lady

Jessica

[Wants2Fly]

Your husband has so many passive-aggressive behaviors (I hate that term, but what else can we call it?) I recognize well the poorly done work strategy. "I did it for you, didn't I? Why are you so fussy? Nothing ever pleases you." Suddenly, I am the ***** and he is the Saint.

Make no mistake about it -- the fact that you are disturbed about this woman is exactly WHY he is pursuing the friendship (or more).

I'm sorry you are going through this, SeptemberMorn. ((((((You))))))

[wisewoman]

Hey Sweetie, I can't help it but i'm going into my social worker role. Bummer huh? I realize that you are disabled and that there are many things you can't do independently and it sucks to rely on others. Have you ever thought about housing for the elderly/disabled that is accessible and where a lot of your needs could be met more easily? I don't know your area at all but I know that I hate needing anything from ANYONE. Maybe there is appropriate housing there where you can have your dignity and independence back. Good luck.

[SeptemberMorn]

Did I mention that this neighbor has been harassing me by calling the cops, fire dept. and animal control on me every time I sneeze? I've wanted to put my fist in his face and Nether Regions, too, for a long time. However, I'm going to let the courts take care of him. Next time he bothers me in any way, he'll be going to jail because I'll have a restraining order on him. What fun to watch the cops take him away! LOL Maybe after a few calls, they'll have him commited. LOL

[SeptemberMorn]

YIKES!!! Wait a minute! I'm not quite ready for that yet! LOL I could get someone to come in about once a week to help me do the heavy stuff, like making my bed. I just can't seem to handle that. Maybe buying sheets that fit deep mattresses would help, too!

The bending, picking up and walking from one room to the next to put things away is also really had for me, but the Dr ordered some X-rays and bone density tests so that maybe I can qualify for a power chair. We'll see.

[shakes]

Sis Tomi,
I'll come help you out!! I am good at picking stuff up and I could help feed the birdies!!

Jessica

[SeptemberMorn]

Yuppers! I know about his passive/aggresive nature and everything is covert. I've been after him to Communicate, but he acts as if he forgets. When that happens I tell him I'm not a mind reader but he just ignores me.

I had never thought that he continues to do things that he knows bother me simply because he knows it bothers me. It's easy to believe with his search for this woman, though. Now I'm wondering if he insists on turning his radio up in his bedroom because he knows it interferes with my TV. Every Night I have to tell him to "turn it down!" Gosh dang it! The more things change, the more they stay the same! I'm not feeling too hopeful right now for his final return from Canada.

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{{{{Tomi}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry. If we weren't so far away from each other, I'd love to help you out. It would be great to have a friend.

As for the dog, that neighbor of yours deserves punishment for his treatment of that animal. I hope he is foolish enough to violate your restraining order............if he does, go get him!

xoxox

[Wants2Fly]

I'm no psychologist, but I believe that part of the passive-aggressive behavior thing is that the person doing the behaviors may not realize on a conscious level that's what's going on. They honestly believe that "it's all your/our fault" for nagging, not being satisfied with anything they do, being paranoid/possessive. Not a lot of great reflection/personal insight on their part on how they feed into the relationship dynamic.

So sorry about the mean neighbor. It's a wonder the police, etc., respond to his phone calls at all.

[Fuzzybear]

I am sorry you are going through this Tomi

((((((((((((((((((((Bearhugs!!))))))))))))))))))))

xoxox
Fuzzy

[wisewoman]

Well, You are the one who is always telling me how old you are. No, seriously, you have to depend on others for grocery shopping and all sorts of stuff. I was just thinking that if you were in an environment where you could do these things independently you would feel better. Not so much everyday struggles so you could enjoy the things you enjoy.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

That's what's on the down side of relationships online. We want to reach out and help each other but so many times, the other person is on the opposite coast!

I appreciate your thoughts, though. I know you are sincere.

[PlanningtoLive]

I love ya, Tomi. You've been there for me so many times..........how I wish I could return the favor.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

[SeptemberMorn]

I know you would, Sweety! What kind of vehicle do you have? A pickup or van maybe? LOL I've got my scooter that helps me a whole lot. The only thing is, it's heavy and difficult to get into a regular car. If I had a car of my own, I'd have a lift put on it, but... Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'll get me a car. The perfect vehicle would be a Toyota RAV4. They are so cute and the scooter would fit in the back. Only thing is, the dang lift costs almost as much as a new break-down scooter!

ARRRGH!

[SeptemberMorn]

Oh, I know Jerry doesn't realize what he's doing most of the time. When we were going to therapy, the T told him about his passive/agressive, covert behavior. I don't know how he processed that in his mind, but he sure didn't try to do anything about it. In so many ways, he's still 13 emotionally. Because he won't face it, he stays stuck in his ways.

This week has been hell because he stopped taking his Celexa when he left for Canada. He claims he can't tell the difference between being on it or not. BULL!! He's angry all the time and seems to be avoiding me most of the time. Allienating? Who knows... We had a disagreement with our youngest son yesterday and he actually broke down and cried. I was just as angry and disappointed but I got over it. Not him! He's sent him a couple of emails that he has "unsent" and revised then sent again. He keeps obsessing about it. He threatens to not ever speak to our son again but doesn't understand that it's over the top.

He goes back to Canada on Monday. One way or the other, I'm going to have a talk with him and if he wants to come back "home" after his trip, he'll have to get back on his Celexa BEFORE he gets here! I won't live with him like this! I made it just fine for seven years while we were separated. I can sure do it again!

[SeptemberMorn]

Thanks, Hun! Bearhugs always make me feel so much better!

[SeptemberMorn]

I know what you're saying, but I also know that if I bite the bullet, I can take better care of myself... like buying a car. It's anxiety that keeps me from getting one, though, because it would be such a hassle. I have a ticket I need to pay before I can renew my drivers license, then there's insurance to pay and THEN the cost of a car and the installation of the lift for my scooter. It's not only a hassle, it's going to COST!! That would leave me completely broke without a penny left to finish much needed refurbishing this tin can I live in.

Don't know how it is anywhere else, but here in CA, I could get someone to come in and help me with some of the housework and even go grocery shopping for me, but I'm just not ready for that. Maybe it's stubborness, maybe it's pride, I don't know. It's worth a try, though, to keep myself afloat until I just can't do what I'm able to do now.

Weird, though. Maybe it's because I don't really want to be alone but I keep thinking "What the hell is he here for, then??" He knows I depend on him for some things. Not sure, but I think he knows that if he's not around, I could find someone else to do what he does. If I hire someone to do those things, then what's to keep him here? He'd damn well better not expect to have this person do things for HIM! He's completely capable of taking care of himself!

Did any of that make any sense? I'm not sure it makes sense to me. It's kinda like I'm saying "He's here to take care of me. If he won't, then he can move along!" That sounds a bit twisted to me... I don't know!! Since he's been back, he's bought an RV and a sports car. Without me he would have bought pieces of junk. Talking like a Dutch Uncle, I convinced him to get what he got that is in pretty good condition. I do his laundry, I cook his meals and do what housework I can. What does HE do?? I have to turn into a shrew to get him to do what I can't and then he doesn't remember from one time to the next the things I CAN'T do! ... or so it seems. Is he doing it on purpose?? Is he THAT forgetful??

AH, HELL!!! (C'mon, Celexa! Dr increased mine last Tuesday.)

[SeptemberMorn]

You being my friend is enough {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary Alice}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love you, too!

[Wants2Fly]

You changed your little picture, didn't you?I like it. Liked the blue one, too. Sorry things have you so frustrated. ((((((September Morn)))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

Yeah... had to change it 'cause I lost the blue one. wwaaaaaaa!

[wisewoman]

Maybe it's just me but if I were dependent on an untrusted person for basic stuff it would make me feel more vulnerable. I would figure out quick how not to need him. As for the vehicle thing? Here there are papers for people with disabilities listing equipment etc for sale or free. There are lots of already installed lifts in vans, mini vans too. Just a thought. Hmm, my friend has a Van for sale but you'd have to travel a bit to come and get it.

[SeptemberMorn]

Well, Lady... you've tapped into one of my bigger issues that I haven't dealt with. There must be a name for it, but if I was to put it down, I'd have to look at the report my T wrote up for SS Disability. Not sure I want to delve into that right now because it would hurt.

There was a time that I was fiercely independent but sometime in the last seven years I've lost that independence and have become a dependent person. Maybe my independence vanished when I dealt with my anger issues. I'm not sure. There's no doubt in my mind that I can take care of myself although I wouldn't enjoy it... or so I think right now. There's also a good chance that I'm still looking for the proper nurturing that I missed when I was growing up or it could be that I'm still looking for that someone who will live up to what my mother "said" was nurturing. She sure didn't live up to it although she provided for me well enough and was very affectionate... yet there was something that she paid lip service to that wasn't there and never has been for me from anyone. At least, not in 3D. How much of that expectation is realistic and how much of it isn't, I don't have a handle on right now. Some of it I know is the expectation of what real love is, or what I THINK real love is. Some of it is the need that all humans have of someone that is significant in our lives and someone we know that we can trust and/or fall back on when we need to. But as I sit here typing this out, I can feel this little girl inside of me having a temper tantrum because no one is taking care of her. It's a fact that no one knows how or can take better care of that injured child than the rational adult... so what's stopping me?

You're damn right I feel vulnerable... so do I like that feeling? What is my pay-off? Good or bad, healthy or unhealthy, there's something in it for me! But what is it?? Is it the affirmation that I'm not lovable or worthy of anyone's love? Or is it my inner child stubbornly holding on to expectations that she knows won't come to pass? I don't know. I can't see the forest for the trees right now.

[wisewoman]

I don't know either. But my dear lady, I do have friends who would and do drop everything to be there for me when I really need it. When my back was so bad after 9 days I called a friend who came and got me out of bed and dressed and to the hospital. One night I was barfing and she came and sat with me. When my son had cancer my friends came to bring dinner etc. I still want to be cared for the way I wasn't as a child. Never cherished or nurtured. But I know that can't happen so I am trying to have healthy adult relationships. These friends i am also there for. I have drawn back from one friend because her needs are constant and overwhelming and I give more then I get. I wish for you peace with this. The pain of neglect and torture is still there for me as well.

[Wants2Fly]

I envy (not in a mean-spirited way) you so much, Wisewoman, having friends who stand by you and whom you stand by. Wonderful, wonderful.