is this supposed to be

Thank you (((((((((((((((((jan)))))))))))))))))))

I know that with myself alone, there's alot of hard times giving everything that is needed. When a group of those with "many" come together, it stands to reason to me that much might be needed and need to be available.

Thanks again,

KD

Also my thoughts for suggestions aren't just for those living with DID, or even a dx'ed dissociative disorder. It's for everyone who seeks, or likes to see refuge here for their needs due to relation.

Love,

KD

OK I get it..I just needed it to be shorter my attention span from stress is.....sad at best.....Thanks Kimmy

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kimmydawn said:
((((((((((((((sleeps))))))))))))))))) I so understand! That's why I made my statement about being off-base.

Nope, I'm not talking about a separate place at all. I'm talking about a thread where everyone can discuss what they like here and how it can all be had with no worries (or as few as possible).

KD

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((((((((((((((((((((sleeps)))))))))))))))))))))) Whew! Can I relate!

Thanks for letting me know that you understand.

KD

I am glad it posted I had site issues and am sooooo stressed

Kimmy,

I think you are way off base.

What is so different about DD that requires a post to explain who is posting and what they need back? Im thinking here of other forums. Do we ask the people in SI to state who they are, how they feel and the type of people they wish to respond? Do we ask the people in depression to state who they are, how they feel and the type of people they wish to respond? Do was ask this of anyone in any forum. Do we ask that when you post in Kudos is should only be done when we feel loving and giving? Do we ask that when we post in general we only talk of light hearted subjects?

Why would DD be asked to put these things in a post when no other forum requires this. It feels prescriptive and exclusive.

I post in DD a lot, its my main place and Ive posted for some time. I have never felt this to be an issue for anyone except one person. Should a whole forum change their way of posting to meet the needs of one person?

I feel it is unreasonable to ask this and I cannot guarantee the people inside me would be able to manage with such a weigh.

Sometimes when I post I have no need, except that of expression, should I say that i only want to express myself, how can i then determine who and how a post should be answered.

What if I post and have one need but my others have a different need? How should I tackle this? Should i say "im upset about X, I only want to hear from people who a) have the same diagnosis,b) those who share my opinion. However Allison (who is a baby in me ) would like to hear from a) anyone wither they agree or not b) those who do not have the diagnosis etc. I could go on and on cos i have 6 people. I could also say that no one should post if they are going to mention anything about medication as Snodders (a 13 years old in me) does not like drugs!

Why should I post in such a fashion in DD when noone else anywhere else on this whole forum is required to do so.

Additionally, do I own a post? Have i the right to say who should answer and how they should respond?

I would be really interested to know what people think. Who excactly does have a problem? It seems to me that noone has a problem in DD except one person. Is it not possible that the person could post in such a way that expresses what they want, rather than forcing me to post in a way, asking for specific replies from specific people when that is not what I want.

If someone were to post and specifically state who they wish to reply, i would honour that, but why should i post in such a fashion when i really do beleive that anyone who wishes to answer should be allowed to do.

Im really interested in whose needs are not met. I dont see that there is an issue in DD. People post from all different perspectives and people respond from all different perspectives. That happens in all the forums here, why should DD be any different.

I thought the purpose of DD was to allow expresion on all aspects of DD from any perspective. But there are some over arching principles on this site, eg SI goes in SI, thats why we have it, Drugs goes in Drugs cos thats why we have it. If these are not to be used why do we have them. If it is not important to post in the correct place why does Admin continually move posts to more appropriate places?

We all have a responsibility to post in a responsible manner. But I do not see how this responsibility extends into what you are suggesting here. And if its being offered as a way to post on DD, why is it not being suggested as a way to post in other forums.

DD has a huge variety of posts, some for littles and some for adults, what is the issue with that?

You say you want to give all aspects of us what we need when we need it? Is this not what we do already?

As an adult I can come here and say " i want to be alone and dont want others inside me"

And at the same time i can say " im a baby and I want to play with my dolls but Audrey wont let me"

I get replies on both topics, from those with and those without DD and Im happy to get them.

The thought of having to list who I want to reply, and how i want them to reply seems like a heavy burden that Im not really prepared to take on board.

Also, how do we know someone actaully has a DX? Shoud we submit a medical certificate to prove that we have the DX? How can we really know. And how your DD affects you and how it affects me can be very different. Should I ask only for those with the same DX as me and who suffer in the same way as me?

It feels cumbersome, exclusive and extreemly difficult. By the time i had worked my way through explaining the perspective I was posting from, and who I wished to reply to me I would be exhausted.

I want to post on any issue related to DD, from any stand point and Im willing to have anyone reply to me that thinks they have something to say. Wither they are DD or not, and wither they agree or not. It feels wrong to me to exclude people and this is what i would be doing if I was to adhere to all this.

Who excalty has a problem and how will they tackle it? Should a whole forum change to suit one person?

Im really interested to know how you are going to proceed with this KImmy cos it feels crucial to how this whole place operates, not just DD.

And for what its worth, my littles feel pressurised to be quiet and say nothing as it seems like what they have to say is worthless, or at the very least a side issue.

When for me, they really are the issue.

Audrey

from what you've written here you appear to feel adequately comfortable airing your views. that's great that this forum allows you to feel comfortable enough to share what you think regarding current matters.

some folks here do not share that level of comfort.

both viewpoints are welcome here. when people are involved in something they care about folks can get worked up about such things. sometimes folks take things written very personally when they were not written about that person at all. such is the nature of dealing with unstable brain chemistry and all other mental cognition features.

folks will go on doing what they think is best for them. all we can hope for is consideration and respect. both of which can go a long way in helping people bridge those large differences that will never change.

how people feel in response to any post here is entirely their responsibility. how they go about getting support for those feelings is their responsibility as well. nobody here is capable of making anyone else feel anything.

so if any of our posts are taken personally then we suggest the reader consider just what strikes them so and why they would think it was written about them.

glad this thread continues as there is much to be discussed and many more to chime in.

Hello, my favorite Audrey:

I can't speak for KD, but I think she was reacting to the original concern that "inexperienced" (for lack of better word) members were responding to posts in DID, and that some members are asking for consideration and caution when they (the "inexperienced") reply to posts in this particular forum.

I don't think she intended to be prescriptive and exclusive to the DID forum... I think she was offering it as an option for those members who WANT to limit the responses that they get.

That's how I interpreted it, anyway.

"nobody here is capable of making anyone else feel anything"

Correct

zh,

Im sorry that you do not feel comfortable in how you post. That makes me feel sad and i hope there is something you can do to make that better for you.

Maybe you could consider doing some of the things that Kimmy has suggested and ask specifically for the type of support you want and who you want it from. Maybe that would improve your comfort and I know I would respect what you ask for in a post.

You talk of readers taking things personally. I am part of a community here which i love and i feel attached to what im a part of. It feels both human and important for me to respond on how I feel.

How I feel is important as is how you feel, thats what im trying to say here. I dont want to restrict you in how you post and equally I dont want to be restricted in how I post.

This place really is big enough for all of us and encompassing enough to allow us to post in different ways that meet all our needs.

Audrey

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
"nobody here is capable of making anyone else feel anything"

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This is true, but we ARE capable of apologizing when we know we have hurt other's feelings. I agree with most of what _zh has said, but just a reminder that apologizing or at least "checking in" with the hurt person is a humane and considerate option.

It hopefully goes without saying that by "apologizing", I mean for inadvertently hurting feelings, not for what was originally said.

yes LMo, I am with you on that

LMo,

I would like to know what inexperienced means. Is it the lenght of time a person has had the DX? Or maybe the amount of work they have done in T? Who determines what is and isnt experienced? What about other forums? I think I have limited knowledge of SI but I go there sometimes and post, should I be excluded from there as I have little or no expreience?

Is it not up to the person who posted the thread to take what they need and leave the rest?

If we go down the line of demarking who should respond, where does this stop? Will it just be in DD or should we apply this to all of PC?

What if an inexperienced person has something to offer? Should they not reply as they do not have the required experience?

What is so different about DD that we consider "experience" as a requirement for posting?

If a poster wants to say who they want to reply that is fine. It feels to me like this has always been an option open to anyone who wishes to use it. I see posts all over PC that say things like "women only to reply" "for people who use X drug" etc. This has always been an option for people to use. I know form where i am, if i saw a post in DD that said only those with the DX who have had 5 years experience should reply then fine, I would decide wither i fitted the criteria or not. But Im not so sure this is what is being discussed. If it is then why becasue that option has always been available.

Some people may chose to post in that way and that will always be OK, but for me............................ i will take my chances and listen to what everyone has to say and decide myself what feels relevant.

Audrey

(I said I couldn't think of a better word! ...and it wasn't my complaint in the first place. The best person to answer your questions would be the person who has an issue with who does/doesn't respond to posts here, not me!)

LMo,

I was trying to answer what you had written about experience. I was participating in a thread and considering what you had said about experience.

In a sense its an example of what ive been saying all along. I want to hear what you have to say, and what others have to say. And you took the time to post to me and I really appreciate that. What you feel is important and becasue it is important i took the time to reply back.

If you post to explain something that someone else said, is it not ok for me to post what i feel on that?

Its just that this issue seems pretty fundamental in terms of how we all relate all across PC and what you feel is, im my opinion, extreemly important. Thats why I answered you.

Audrey

Audrey,

I think that you saw much more into my post than I meant. I'm sure it was because I wasn't clear enough.

I in no way meant to suggest that all, or anyone, should adhere to some kind of posting rules. I was responding to the situation in which one (or more) of us might feel the need to "announce" the content of a post. When I spoke of agreed upon, I meant internally.

I, in no way, said that it's something that everyone needs to do or should do. I'm saying that it seems that some might feel the need so that they can have peace of mind in knowing another might not be upset.

I also said that I may be way off base as well, because this is actually confusing to me. I accept the fact that I am way off base as to what's going on here, and will leave it at that.

I encouraged a thread to discuss this out.

Nothing more...nothing less.

I know... I just was trying to paraphrase what I thought I understood the others to be saying. Unfortunately, I think I made it more complicated !

And hey - I feel the same way YOU do regarding this issue. I just feel bad that some members here feel unsafe or cautious, and wanted to toss out some suggestions for how they can try to avoid unwanted responses.

Kimmy,

Im glad you have responded.

In a way Im as confused as you. I dont know what is going on. If the issue is that people want to post and note in the post what they want and that there is a content that might upset people, well hasnt this always been the case?

What is this all about? Is there actually anyone who is saying other wise?

Im really interested to know what the concern is that people have?

It sort of reads that the concern is around who replies, what level of experience they have, wither they are an adult or a child, wither adults can post as well as children.Wither people with/without DD should post or not. Wither children have too much room. It has been suggested that the safe room is moved, that the sad room is moved.

Its these issues that I have a problem with as it excludes people and how they wish to participate and that makes me feel sad for everyone.

As for the safe room etc, there appears to be an awful lot of people who use those threads judging by the replies they each have. I feel sorry that what they write and how they use these places seems to be less important ( in that it has been suggested they are moved) than those who wish to post on "adult " topics.

I really think we can all live here in whatever guise we chose.

Audrey

hmm. this is an interesting thread. it's amazing what i miss when i'm gone for a few days.

first, Fuzzy, yes that is exactly what this place is supposed to be...the whole site not just this forum. and yeah it's full of people and it is in human nature to not always understand or get along. the goal of this site is for us to honestly try to get along and understand one another and to work out issues when we can't seem to get along. (((((((((((fuzzy))))))))))))

what I, personally, am seeing from this thread is some miscommunication. so i sort of want to try and sort this all out the way i see it...and figure out if i'm on the right track or not.

basically, i think that _zh feels like there are some times on here where the safety of some members of this particular forum (struggling w/ DID) is threatened by those who are not struggling with these particular disorders. that is completely understandable because the very existence of DID says that somewhere in the history of the person there are lots of reasons to feel unsafe.

safety is a key issue for all of us here...we have to do what keeps us safe. if that means that a poster is only comfortable with responses from certain types of posters, then by all means, qualify your post by including those limitations. that is a valid way to get the help you need the way you need it and there is nothing wrong with posting that way.

on the other hand, if you do not feel threatened by others who are maybe not as familiar with DID or you want to open your post up to anyone who cares to respond, as Audrey wants to, then that is okay too. it is equally valid.

there are some of us here in DD that are still struggling with our dx... that may mean that the children inside us are not something we want to acknowledge. that is okay. we are all at different places in our healing and i know that some of us just aren't comfortable enough with what's going on inside our own minds and bodies to be able to deal with certain things. thus it may be necessary for those members to post and ask for only adults to respond.

that request is IN NO WAY a rebuke or insult to the littles who post here. the littles are all equally cherished. but there are some bigs who just don't feel very comfortable with that...maybe because they haven't been able to accept their own littles. that is something they have to work out inside themselves with themselves. that does NOT mean that littles aren't welcomed here. they ARE.

sometimes littles just want to play with other littles and bigs who like to play around. i think the littles here have had enough not fun in their lives to make their desire for a bit of fun completely reasonable and understandable. their posts and threads are welcome here whether they want to cry and hide or they want to play and have fun. they have those rights same as bigs.

the reason the posting on this forum has be rather different from the posting on other forums is because not only is our membership here widely varied...the membership inside each member is widely varied. what bothers one big may not upset another and may terrify a little...all in the same body. there can be widely different responses to the same thing...all within the same person. that can create all sorts of tensions and problems if we are not careful.

that is why we have to be extra kind and considerate in our posting here. for bigs who want to only talk to bigs for WHATEVER reason...just post that as a request at the top of your post. for littles who want to have fun or be taken care of and protected, then post that because it's okay too. for people who want sympathy from others who share the same dx and may be better able to understand...post that as a request too. remember all the trigger warnings if the post is upsetting.

we need to have extra respect for one another here. if a post upsets you take a step back and read it a day or two later...figure out exactly what parts bother you and try to work out the reasons why. and i know we can't always do that...but it's worth at least the attempt.

the people in this forum have had lives that have not been safe in many many ways...that is why that it is paramount for this forum to be ultra respectful and kind and SAFE.

if safety for you means only bigs or only littles or only other multiples or whatever..... just make sure you let everyone know so that you can have your safety needs met and so that you can get the support you need.

we have to take care of ourselves while we reach out to others. that can be hard to do. just remember that our goal is to be supportive. we all try to get support in different ways just as we all give it in different ways. let's respect our differences and try to search out similarities not disagreements.

i am very glad to be a part of this community. i would much rather have someone include a request about what they need to be safe that excludes me than accidently hurt someone or frighten them. i know that many of us feel the same way.

let's allow each other to be what we all need to be. let the bigs be big or little as they require...and let the littles be little or grown up as they require. let's just be kind and respectful of each other's safety and needs.

(((((((((((all of you))))))))))))


shadow

Shaddow,

I have been stumbling about trying to say exactly what you have.

I feel relieved and happy to read what you have posted.

Long live common sense. Lets celebrate our differences and work with each other.



all the girls, and I really mean all of us

How beautiful and meaningful. Here. Here.

KD

Just throwing out a couple of thoughts...take them or leave them.
Why can't there be a board just for Littles postings moderated and have safe adults who help the littles out?? This be a very safe place password access only and the only adults are the "host" and those approved to work with the littles
What would be required for those of us whose insiders like to post, to have separate accounts set up for them so they can have their own? They then can post and not be mistaken for their (for lack of a better term) "host".

Just a couple of thoughts
w_i

(((((shadow)))))), (((((atg6))))),

great posts by both of you

everybody leave over matter of definition.

we think it's worth trying to fix this forum

it was a happy forum when we came here, now everyone's fighting

what the hell is going wrong here ?